Unsent messages to J

why did you do that to me? all i did was love you. you constantly treated me like shit, but i was blindsided because i loved you. fuck you. i deserved better.

I'm sorry for ruining what we had. I regret not putting more effort into staying together. I miss you.

I remember each and every memory from that summer with you so vividly. I remember that spark the way we would look at each other and how shy you were. I realize everyday how crazy it is that you went from being a biggest part of my life to someone I still think of occasionally and still feel the pain of missing. I feel that I go through the motions everyday if what my life would have been like if I had just told you how I felt when I had the chance. If I never had spoken to you we wouldn’t be where we are now I wouldn’t feel the pain of loving you ever. I would have been able to happily move on I wouldn’t have to feel guilty for finally loving another. Even though I know you didn’t love me I still feel the guilt as if i’m leaving you behind... Why?

I will love you until the day I die. You have a part of me forever. I will look for you in every boy I meet, wishing we could’ve made it work.

I just want you to know that I’ll never care how far you push me away because when I told you that I would stay I meant it

Was that all I was to you? A mistake? Was that all our friendship was to you? And here I am reminiscing the days when we I was still beside you. The way my worries started to melt away when I was with you. This is stupid. I'm stupid.

i don't think im in love with you anymore but I'm afraid i loved you so much when i did that it'll never go away

you keep hurting me. i dont know if you realize it but you are. you must know what youre doing when you text me for hours on end and sometimes even days, and when you asked me to hang out that one time.. ive never done something like that before, youre the only guy ive done this stuff with, but youre making it so hard. i felt like i could be myself around you and i really thought you felt the same way. i was so sure of it so many times, but then you go back to never texting me, unadding me on things.. why? i dont get it and i dont get you. you would open up to me about things and i really thought that meant something and more importantly i thought that maybe i could make things more bearable for you. but no, i cant, because you dont really care about me like i thought you did. i dont even think you really cared for me as a friend and i was just part of your little mind games. the most frustrating part is that i realize all this but the moment you reach out to me i would respond so quickly. i hate that im like that.

You dont understand how much I miss you. I want you back so badly but I cant do that to myself. You moved on so fast. You acted as if we were nothing. It hurts so much to know that you can tell me that you “love me” but not mean shit. I wish you the worst.

yeah maybe soon ill let go of our memories, ig i just made too many mistakes for our friendship to come back

I really miss you, and every night it takes every ounce of me not to text you. Half the time I cant sleep

When you said that you loved me I meant it when I said it back. You said it was just a drunk text and you didn’t mean it.

I love you ever since i met you when you use to make jokes about me and stuff we were so young and didn't really know what love was we were only 12 and i know you don't remember and most likely don't care but you in my opinion were something special i don't know why but you were just always something special to me you were nice to me and only me which made me feel good about myself but then we became toxic you lied and you cheated on me and i always went back because i always thought you were different each and every time. I somehow fell in love with you within the months you were cheating on me and breaking up with me over stuff i had no control over now it's been a year since me and you were dating and i miss you everyday i might've told you i didn't have feelings for you but i lied especially now that i have been thinking of you and having dreams of you i know it's crazy to say this but i want you back in my life because yes we were toxic but you made me feel good at times i miss you,i miss us falling asleep on the phone, you making sure i was okay,you checking up on me yes you made feel insecure at times but you also built up my confidence you might've hurt me a lot but you also made me feel good still love you and need you in my life

did you really care about me? or was it only the attention that interested you? because now that you found someone new, im nothing but a stranger.

Quiero que seas feliz. Si no puedes serlo conmigo espero que encuentres a alguien que si pueda hacerte feliz. Te quiero, nunca vas a imaginarte cuanto. Necesito que vivas una vida plena y llena de felicidad, porque verte sonreír me hará feliz a mi.

You loved me before I loved myself and for that I can’t thank you enough. But you have to stop loving me.

I genuinely did love you and I’m thankful for the times we spent together, but I will never want to repeat it.

You can shut me out of your life as many times you want and i'll still be there for you whenever you want. and that breaks my heart.

i never thought i would get attached to an asshole like you. Too many tears Ive wasted on you for nothing in return

i know we will never be together and sometimes i sit by my phone, wishing u would message me even tho it will never happen. but you are so amazing, charismatic and beautiful and i cant think of another person i want to spend the rest of my life with

I miss you talking to me but i could never admit that because it seems you like my best friend. I’m happy for you but it hurts.

ur so on and off it's annoying I can never tell how you feel about me. It's been 4 fucking years and I'm still thinking about you?!

i think about you almost everyday. it hurts me that you wanted to not talk to me anymore. that was nearly 2 years ago. you have changed so much and i don't get it. we're only 5 mins away. its 2 am. i miss you. do you ever think of me?

i want you but at this point i’m leaving it to god... bc i’m exhausted and done competing i choose me and i hope you find it in ur heart to as well.

i thought that i was dreaming when you said you loved me. now when i think of you all i feel is regret

Agradezco por el tiempo que estuvimos juntos valoro cada momento que pasamos por mas corto que haya sido pero no puedo seguir esperando que vuelvas cuando se que para ti esto termino definitivamente y realmente te quiero solo necesito un poco mas de tiempo para que mi interés por ti desaparezca

You are the only one that ever said the three magic words: "Ich liebe dich" but I couldn't love you back. Since then no one ever loved me again- it has been four years

I hope someday we can grab a cup of coffee and catch up and I can tell your sisters thank u in person. I hope it doesn't hurt as much then.

sometimes i think about us and how we used to be and honestly i would give everything to have that back, but i know we aren’t the same people as when we first met. From the bottom of my heart i hate you and i hope i never see you again.

I wish I could talk to you about the new Euphoria episode. I relate to it more than I’d like to admit. It scares me and I feel like you’re the only person that understands.

you were the only person that actually made me hurt when you left, and i still haven't forgiven you since the first time

i feel bad for making it your fault and no you weren't my first love, but like u just made me feel special. to be fair i was talking to other ppl too, idk y cared sm when u had a gf

I liked you, but you don't. It's late and you will no longer remember me, but even though I have overcome you, I will not forget you

it’s been so long but you don’t want me anymore and i’m dealing with it on my own. i’m sorry for messing it up but you never considered my feelings.

my first crush. you had the most beautiful eyes i’d ever seen, a deep comforting brown. a dancer. very talented. every time i listen to ‘way we are’ by kove the memories flood back. this colour is on the cover.

i wanna hug and kiss you so bad, like you ask me to, but im so damn scared to initiate it. sometimes i just wanna tell you to kiss me, but im too scared to do that to. everytime i hear that song, noone knows it but i think of you

jocelynn. i texted you today after you said goodnight i said "wait don't leave me yet i need you" and you didn't see it so i deleted it hoping you woulnt ever know what was going on.

if i were to be asked who my first choice of person was id say you with no hesitation, but what would you say. not me. don't lie you know ive lossed you and ive lost you at the worst time when i needed you the most you are out of reach. come back please im screaming to you come back.

When we would cuddle wrapped in each others arms.
Time would stand still as if nothing else mattered.
I miss that the most.
Sorry I forgot.

you are special. i am special. will we be special together again in six months? are you worth it to wait?

i still don't get it. why would you do that even though you said you loved me? i am confused. i don't know if i want this kind of attention that you give me when you're in the mood to answer my texts. that shit hurts man. i don't want you to feel the way you make me feel sometimes. should i wait or move on? are you worth it?

lol, i hate you. you and your stupid girlfriend used me as a 3rd wheel and made me carry your stupid relationship. i ended up loving your toxicity. thought you were hella cute too. hate you now. but do you still play basketball?

i hate how you hurt me because i know i shouldn't have let it happen. with this message I am now forgetting about you and what you did.

Just because I’m gone now doesn’t mean the love I had for you is gone. I will forever love and you and those times. I’m wishing you the very best my past lover

I was ok til a friend played your audio message. I heard your voice for the first time in months and my heart stopped.

I know we weren't meant to be.
I know I am going to find someone else who is capable of loving me for who I am
I know I deserve better.
I know you didn't make me as happy as others can (friends ofc).
I know I am worthy to be loved and you didn't give me the love I needed.
But why does just a little piece in my heart want u back?
Why can't I just let you go? Why do I keep getting memories? Why do I always think about you at night? Why couldn't we just stayed friends instead of you ignoring me while we are in the same friendgroup at school? And why when we hang out with the group you always give me some kind off hope? I don't want you anymore and I know that, but why do I still feel like I have hope? I just want to let you go and let go off the memories with you. and that's what I am going to do after I submit this message. I will move on and will love myself more than anyone. Thanks for being my first love, I now know what I don't want in the next person who I am going to love. My heart shouldn't have been broken because off you

You lost me forever and I am finally going to find myself.
Bye

you didn't have to make an excuse if you didn't like me or see me that way. I would've much rather you tell me the truth about how you felt than pulling out the distance card because that made me overthink a lot and that killed me.

Te extraño tanto pero estoy mas mejor sin ti. Y usted también. la neta es que nosotros no estamos bien juntos. Te voy a amar para siempre.

You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. It hurts so much to see you with someone else. Sorry I couldn’t love you only as a friend

If I was your everything, why did you go on autopilot? Why did you get too comfortable? I deserve crazy love- not average love. I wanted to be your entire world.