Unsent messages to J
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 13, 2021, 8:08 pm UTC
did my insecurities scare you away or was i just a little fling that you weren't planning on taking forward anyway?
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 13, 2021, 8:03 pm UTC
i’m not the type to just care about people the first month or even year i meet them. but when i met u u took away all the pain. But as soon as you told me you didn’t like me. my heart hurted. for months. i still miss you . of course i do, u brought the pain 1000x harder . and i just wish i didn’t ruin things between us :/
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 13, 2021, 6:55 pm UTC
why u leave me so quickly and for someone who never even loved u? you should have seen the way I looked at u :(
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 13, 2021, 5:36 pm UTC
I really thought you cared about me and I loved you so much but you didn’t feel the same I just want you so bad❤️
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 13, 2021, 5:31 pm UTC
You where the only person I felt like this about and now your gone there will always be that part of me that is just like what if but I know there’s no what if you don’t like me and made that really clear once I told you how I felt and you just sat there you know you could have said anything except nothing but that’s over with. I want to let go of you but it’s like I can’t your the one person I actually feel for you make me feel happy I feel alive with you and so much more but now that your gone that black hole in my body that you once filled is now a open space to nothing to darkness I knew you where tired of me but it’s like you didn’t even take the time to even notice the fact that I liked you you didn’t even listen to what I said I had to say things over and over again and you still probably didn’t listen I’m sorry I was so attached to you but you where the one thing that kept me here and if I let go of that what if I will be broken and I’m not ready to let go of that what if.your with someone else and I don’t want to interrupt your relationship cause you wouldn’t do that to me I just wish you the best even if you aren’t with me I’m still happy for you you deserve the world and I hope this person gives it to you I really do I hope they show you more love than I ever could I’m not gonna lie I can’t decide if I want to be happy that your with someone or petty because the girl is uglier than me anyways you know what we are being petty cause that’s not right how are you just not gonna date me but your gonna date this bitch that looks like a rat like im not that pretty but I still have fucking standers but anyways love you?
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 13, 2021, 5:02 pm UTC
u didnt love me, u loved the thought of me and the thought of having me and the thought of my body...but i still want you and i love you
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 13, 2021, 2:12 pm UTC
estaba tan enamorada de ti , lo hubiera dado absolutamente todo por ti sin embargo te fuiste y nunca me lo hiciste saber el porque . He estado escuchando todas las canciones que escuchabas , me las aprendĂ de memoria .
Te elegà a ti sobre todos , eras el único para mà pero siempre sabia que habia alguien más . Espero que nos encontremos en la misma universidad que queremos ir , que seas el gran ingeniero que quieres ser .. pero para esto tú ya estas superado por mà despues de haberte llorado noches , haberle contado a mi mamá todo , mis amigos estaban cansados de que hablara lo mal que estaba por ti ..
Te deseo lo mejor del mundo , te agradezco porque eres el primer chico del que me enamoré .. Y en cada canción de 1D me puedes encontrar o a ellos como solistas . Adiós
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 13, 2021, 6:12 am UTC
hi again. i'm having a bad night. i've been going through memories to try to get through it. I went through the jewelry I keep within reach. I found the friendship bracelet you made for me 7 years ago. I had to stop wearing it so it wouldn't fall apart, but it's still always right there. I went through a yearbook from junior year. before you started dating him. before you abandoned me. we were all over. every picture of me has a memory of you attached to it. our smiles on the trip were so big I don't even recognize myself. I'm going through my old sketchbooks now (I paused to write this). I drew you so goddamn much, I wonder if you knew. I don't think I knew back then. I just knew you were radiant and beautiful and absolutely everything and I had to get the perfection down on paper. I remember on your birthday in middle school, I was basically shouting it from the rooftops. "It's her birthday today!!!" I would tell anyone who would listen. I shouted my love for you from every rooftop I could imagine, but I didn't know. I kiiiinda figured out I had a crush on you maybe eighth grade or freshman year, but I didn't totally understand the depth of my feelings until college. I get it now. I get why I was so hurt when I wasn't your best friend in the way you were mine, why I was so willing to fight for you when our friends were just trying to defend me, why I felt so betrayed when you started going out with him and stopped hanging out with me. I miss you. I miss feeling like I had a person. I don't feel like that anymore. I remember reading the song of achilles and feeling a familiarity in achilles and patroclus to me and you. we aren't heartbreakingly tragic for anyone but me, though. I didn't tell you and I never will, and you don't feel the same and you never will. you wouldn't win a war for me but I would die for you in a heartbeat. you really did a number on me.
this is a long goddamn mess of a text message. I love you, in every way a person can love.
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 13, 2021, 5:53 am UTC
Me arrepiento de no haberte dicho lo mucho que te amaba, que los dĂas a tu lado eran más coloridos y que mis problemas desaparecĂan al estar contigo
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 13, 2021, 5:42 am UTC
Me siento tan utilizada por ti, yo te quiero demasiado, tanto que se que correrĂas si lo supieras, creĂ tus promesas, tus mensajes diciendo lo que sentĂas, pero solo te importa lo fĂsico, y yo acepto porque es lo más cercano que estarĂ© de ti y eso duele...
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 13, 2021, 5:35 am UTC
Estoy mal otra vez y no es tu culpa solo estoy mal y no se por que, quisiera que estuvieras aquà para abrazarme y decirme que todo irá bien decirme que no llore más que tú me amas
Ojalá algĂşn dĂa leas esto te amo Ă“scar
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 13, 2021, 5:24 am UTC
Te extraño mucho quisiera que estuvieras aquà por que estoy llorando por que estoy mal y no hay nadie i cant more
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 13, 2021, 4:27 am UTC
even though you ended up crushing my soul i’ll always be grateful for the way you used to make me feel so alive so unbreakable so eternal
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 12, 2021, 9:39 pm UTC
i wanna go 2 ur house and i wanna sit on ur bed as i talk and talk about stuff and 4 u 2 shut me up and kiss me. that's all i my gay self wants. ?
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 12, 2021, 4:06 pm UTC
I feel like you could be my soulmate but I'm scared you're not the person I fell in love with anymore.
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 12, 2021, 8:41 am UTC
I promised I would never leave you again but you promised you would never cheat, guess we both aren’t so great at keeping promises.
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 12, 2021, 8:03 am UTC
Hola, este mensaje solo es para decirte que en este poco tiempo que te conozco te convertiste en una persona muy importante para mi y creo que me gustas y hasta me puedo llegar a enamorar de ti y no quiero porque tengo miedo de que termine mal porque yo se que tĂş no me quieres como yo te quiero y yo se que no soy lo que tĂş quieres y lo puedo entender pero no quiero que me hables bonito, no quiero que me dediques canciones, no quiero que me ilusiones con falsas promesas solamente quiero que me seas sincero y me digas la verdad no quiero que me sigas confundiendo de esa manera porque yo si te adoro y creo que ese fue mi principal error
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 12, 2021, 7:07 am UTC
I try my hardest to support you through the ever changing spiel of boys, but all I've ever wanted is to be the one you choose.
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 12, 2021, 6:52 am UTC
I know it wasn't love, I know it was just an infatuation. I just wish you could know that I still see your name everywhere.
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 12, 2021, 3:01 am UTC
I didn't know you it was love until I lost you. There'd been others before, but they were like puddles. You were an endless sea.
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 11, 2021, 8:50 pm UTC
we weren't supposed to end like this
but I know that you are not coming back
and I think I finally can let go
I didn't know it would hurt so bad tho
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 11, 2021, 7:58 pm UTC
What happened to us? We were doing so well. Why did it stop? Is it cause you fell out of love with me? I didn't break my promise I still and will always love you.
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 11, 2021, 6:55 pm UTC
you said you couldnt be in relationship, broke up with me, then a few weeks later start liking one of my closest friends. fuck you for doing everything you promised you wouldnt.
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 11, 2021, 6:50 pm UTC
After everything we went through I don’t understand how it meant nothing to you. How was that all a lie?
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 11, 2021, 3:20 pm UTC
te extraño cada dia mas, me arrepiento mucho de no haberte cuidado cuando estabas conmigo. espero y estes muy bien. esto de olvidarte es un poco dificil.
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 11, 2021, 10:06 am UTC
You were everything but I did not know what everything was meant to truly be like. Now, you are nothing and I hope it stays that way forever.
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 11, 2021, 7:07 am UTC
Red is angry. All the hateful words you spoke still haunt me. You've apologized over and over, but it still hurts. Please make up your mind.
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 11, 2021, 6:42 am UTC
it’s been two years. two fucking years and i still think about you. i think about you nearly every single day. i think about the first conversation we had about water. it sounds stupid, but i knew after that conversation that you were the one for me. i think about the times you’d tease me and we’d laugh when we weren’t supposed to. i think about the way i felt when i looked into your eyes. i don’t think i’ll ever get that feeling again. and lastly, i still think about how i might’ve fallen in love with you. how i think i fell in love with someone so stupid, who makes dumb decisions, and believes in untrue things. even though you’d never want to see me again if you knew my secret, i still miss you. every single day. i look for you in every room. i look for your personality in every person i meet. i wish i could have you back. i want every piece of you. and i’d give you every piece of me, even if it meant changing myself to do so. i still have dreams about you. if you were to come back to me, though it would be a miracle, i believe you would save me. you are the one for me, although i am not the one for you. i don’t mind if you don’t care about me in the slightest bit anymore. i’d do anything for you. i just wish i could tell you that.
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 11, 2021, 3:09 am UTC
i don’t think i will ever get over you. i will just have to ignore the part of my heart that you still own.
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 11, 2021, 2:55 am UTC
even though we're back, i still hurt everyday from what you did. i don’t know if ill ever get over it
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 11, 2021, 2:54 am UTC
you did everything you said you wouldn't do. i knew you needed time, why did you do everything to convince me that you were ready.
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 11, 2021, 12:45 am UTC
you were telling me about the pain she caused you. and though you did the same thing to me, i didn’t say a word.
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 10, 2021, 11:56 pm UTC
I really liked u, I thought u did too, maybe it was denial or ur friends I guess I’ll never know, I just wonder y u were so rude.
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 10, 2021, 9:46 pm UTC
i feel like your drifting from me, maybe im overthinking everything but ive never had anyone like you and i dont want to lose it
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 10, 2021, 9:44 pm UTC
I know I said I couldn’t be with you long distance but now that I’ve let you go the only thing I feel is regret
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 10, 2021, 8:56 pm UTC
I loved you, and I thought you loved me back. I was wrong and knew that from the start. I set myself up for failure
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 10, 2021, 8:25 pm UTC
I smile when I think of you, and hope you are doing well. You deserve someone who really loves you, I’m sorry it could never be me. All my love.
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 10, 2021, 7:16 pm UTC
i got rid of every physical reminder of you i could’ve had. it’s the mental ones that i can’t get rid of
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 10, 2021, 5:58 pm UTC
I'm scared I only love the version of you in my head. I'm scared the one person I care for isn't good for me.
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 10, 2021, 5:58 pm UTC
you made me doubt my self and for that i can never forgive you, the worst part is that we will go back to acting as if nothing happened and you didn't say you would never hurt me but i guess that's not true, why did i believe and open up to you even after past struggles tell my life story to you for you to throw it away and find someone else. you helped me grow and become who i am which i should be thanking you for, but strength is something i found in myself also why should your excuse be i was struggling, if so please let me in I've had experience don't lock me and put me in the same situation as you
and then find another girl immediately so i stand by the quote i was better but she was easier
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 10, 2021, 5:02 pm UTC
I don’t know if you’re my J, if you are I know you’re not mine anyway but I did always look at you at school, and your stride was very cool. I’m sorry i was an idiot, forgive me?
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 10, 2021, 4:19 pm UTC
I'm so sorry you were the collateral in our relationship, that it turned out to be little more than a learning curve.
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 10, 2021, 3:31 pm UTC
i really really liked you and convinced my parents not to move so i wouldnt be far from you...then you started asking me for tips on wooing your crush when you knew i had feelings for you. glad to know i was only the second option :)
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 10, 2021, 2:03 pm UTC
I can’t watch my favourite film anymore, every minute that goes past reminds me of the way you held me that night.
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 10, 2021, 1:20 pm UTC
You were one of the purest friendship loves I felt but now I wish we could go back to being strangers. I’ll still love you forever and more so in another life
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 10, 2021, 10:30 am UTC
did I love you or the person I thought you would be? what happened to the old you. we really grew huh..
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 10, 2021, 10:01 am UTC
what i dont understand is how you can just hurt me like that and yet go on your day without an apology or anything. There is no remorse for the effects you do on me. but I stay anyway because i love you and i feel that i cant do anything without you. but you don't know that, and I'm too scared to tell you. i need you even when i say that i don't. ill let you kill me and id still would want to come back to you and i hate it. i got too attached too quickly, which also makes me hate you. but then somewhere in me i know i fucking love you
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 10, 2021, 8:18 am UTC
i don’t understand how u can just talk about wanting me and telling people about us then the next day not wanting anything at all.
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 10, 2021, 7:43 am UTC
you hurt me but didn’t realize it and that hurts more than if you did because you were supposed to be the one who knew me best.
From: ABC
To: J
Date: January 10, 2021, 5:28 am UTC
i miss you everyday and it’s been years of on and off and i can’t get over it. i literally carved u into being the male me and now i believe there’s no ones as perfect for me as u were and it just sucks that i love u so much and u don’t even love me half of what i do and it’s all. a game to u
