Unsent messages to KRISS

I miss you

You did what you promised you’d never do. But I forgive you now. Hope you’re doing well.

i wish i could tell u how i feel but i cant and its killing me im scared to lose u.

i wish you told me how you feel

te amo realmente y perdón, perdón por todo. como quisiera volver a ver esa sonrisa tan natural y bella cuando sólo me mirabas o el cariño que me dabas, no sabes cómo extraño estar así. espero podamos salir de esto, juntas y superar los momentos duros y complicados que hemos tenido que pasar. te amo mucho

I used to write these with tears on the brims of my eyes. Now I write these with headaches my mind full of memories and the past. I know it is bad to live in the past remembering someone who does remember you. I am hurt, I no longer cry.
I no longer feel these complete emptiness, its more subtle now. Partial sadness over comes me when I dream with you or I see that gelato place.
I know you found someone, and I am glad you did. But im also glad to live in my head, because in my head we are still partners in crime. In my head you still care and help me out when I need it.
Its unhealthy but what hasn't been this year.
All I know is that I have gotten over you, but not the idea of who you were.
Take care
x

I keep on writing these although I say I am down.
In reality you pop into my mind all the time, it isn't always bad.
I think about that room, we were always in that room together. I would do anything to see the led white light on my skin, and it reflecting in your eyes.I would do anything to see your shiny church shoes and soft smile. I want to stand by the closet and just look up at you and have no other care in the world other than caring for you. I don't think you knew, and know you'll probably never know. I cared for you fiercely, I felt this inner need to take care you, like if you were meant to be mine and I had to keep you safe. I want to be in that room, in our room I want to argue about the dumb things again, I want to steal a glance and watch you stealing one too. I want to have that feeling again, it was pure bliss. Now I feel coldness, and the only things that makes me feel is the memories of that room.
I miss you, I know you don't.

Come to think of it maybe it was all in my head.
My leaving probably did not hurt you as much as it did me.
I was glad you moved on but then I thought maybe to you there was nothing to move on from.
All the best, its time to let you go.
x

My happiest memories are with you.
I never thought I would lose you.
You fixed me after I thought I was unfixable.
I was wrong, now I am unfixable.
I wish I could call or text you
I miss you so much.
You will never know how much I appreciate you.
I wish you'd text me.
Please reach out, I didn't ever want to give up on us.