Unsent messages to ALEX

i've probably sent you hundreds of these, but the site crashes every time i search your name. i guess you'll never know.

I’ve been thinking, if we got back together it’d be forever unless you ended things. I’d marry you and I’d have your children. I would love you and grow with you and never leave you. You’d have my heart and my forever. I hope you can forgive me and trust me after I broke up with you and broke your heart. The breakup allowed me to grow in the way I needed to. Now I feel like we’d be stronger than ever if we got back together. I was selfish and stupid. Please give me another chance. Please just have coffee with me and see me again. I miss you.

Hey, I miss you. I miss our conversations, our hangouts, our thoughts together but what I miss the most is your golden heart. I know you're going through a lot and I hope you feel better. You would never hurt me and I would never hurt you. I simply want you to be happy even if that means pushing me out of your life to solve your problems, I get it. Just know I'll be here for you and that I truly love and adore you... :)

It makes me sad but I'm gonna do this cord cutting ritual and I hope it works. I need to get over it.

Hey I really do like you, but I'll never know if you'll like me back. I'm probably not your type anyway :(

Why do you act like you truly care about me one day and then the next you act like I don't exist? Do you actually love me or are you just doing this because you think I'm "easy"? Anyways as much as it hurts, I still love you no matter what.

i really wish i could say i love u even though i didnt get 2 say it i really do, take care maybe in another world were together.

I had some thoughts at work the other day. You made me feel really safe whenever you'd say that I was the best partner you've had and that you weren't going to let me go. I really wanted to meet your family. Not the ones that you hate but the ones that you care about. Like your niece, cousin, and grandma. Those are the only ones I know about. Also, I do remember their names I just didn't think it was a good idea to say them here. But I wanted to meet them. I wanted them to look at us and to know me and be able to think, "They're together? Alex is going to be ok." I know that sounds like I'm full of myself and puts you down as someone who needs saving but that's not what I intend. I wanted them to see how much I care about you and how I didn't want to ever leave you. How you could never push me away. Idk, I miss you. I love you. Please come home PoohBear.

The night we stayed up all night when i wanted to die was the closest i’ve ever felt to someone. you were the one i wanted to spend all my time with when we grow old

I love you more than ive ever loved anything or anyone and it scares me. a lot. and i act distant because i know that you are gonna leave me so i try to not get attached. and being distant fucked everything up and it made me realize how miserable i am without you

I knew you lied about everything. To think you loved me was the biggest mistake of my life. I hope every time you see her, you remember she’s the reason you lost me forever.

When you came into my life I smiled more then I did in years, but ever since you left I cry whenever I see your name

Chiar dacă nu am fost foarte mult timp impreuna vreau sa știi ca ai însemnat si însemni enorm pentru mine, sper ca intr o zi sa știi ce ai de făcut și poate atunci o sa ne întâlnim și îmi vei spune ca vrei sa reluam tot ce am avut de la capăt. Îmi e dor de tine, îmi e dor de tot ce simteam când eram cu tine chiar dacă viata a ales ca tu sa alegi alt drum. Vreau sa ți spun ca nu știam cum sa mi aleg cuvintele de fata cu tine, dar învățasem sa te iubesc mai mult decât ma iubisem pe mine. Ai fost și esti primul la care ma gandesc când pun capul pe perna și încerc sa adorm. Te iubesc, alex rămas bun

How could u steal my first real feelings for someone, you just manipulated me. Ur bloody 21 I’m bloody so young

you deserve more. but so do i. there’s no way this would work. i love you. i hate you. love you. for always.

You hurt me and it hurt more that you couldn't see how it affected me. It wasn't complicated. I wish you would admit you just didn't want to be seen with me.

you left me when i needed you. you broke me more then anything. but i still miss you so much bubs... come back please. i love you so much and i can’t do life without you

every time i said “i just want you to be happy even if its not with me” i was lying till you got with her. im glad your happy alex:)

thanks for being real. i really do appreciate it. the sticky notes were true and i’m glad you understood and were gentle.

I miss you. Please come back to me, we can fix this, it’s not too late. Nothing about you could ever be too much for me and I will always love you and never leave you Pooh bear.

Has estado ahi cuando nadie estaba y de verdad q necesito q me abraces muy fuerte pero se q tanto a ti como a mi nos da vergüenza.
Te amo

idk why i liked you we never even spoke i think i just liked the idea of you, i’m over you now thankfully, i was so set on the idea that u liked me back but ig not, i don’t get it tho u block me then unblock me and hide me from viewing your stories then unhide me. somethings just aren’t meant to be, hope you’re doing good tho.

you most likely will never see this but i miss you when we were younger we were always together and ever since you moved away i have been thinking of you i still think of you and want you back in my life especially at a time like this,how are you doing? how is your brother? what school do you go to? i only ask because when i was young you were my only friend and me and you had the best talks you were my best friend i knew i could turn to you for anything i needed in life and you would always and i mean always be there for me you were my guardian angel and know that we have not seen each other or talked in 4 years i just need to know if you are okay or want to reconnect because i do miss you and just want to know if you are okay i just miss my friend and want you back in my life

knowing that we had something special but u just never knew how to love me back. that hurts. i wish things went differently

it hurts to see that you will always be happier with her during the times you guys were together more than the times we would go on walks and talk to eachother.
s

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
i will never forgive you for what you did to her. you ruined her. i hope someone beats the shit out of you you piece of shit.

i really did like you for two years. and i still do and you know it. sometimes i just wished i wasn’t just there when you were bored. i miss you so much it’s physically hurts. i wanna hug you again and talk to you about life and other stupid shit. you make me so happy. but you’re also the main reason for my pain. i always refused to tell you about what’s bothering me the most and i’m gonna tell you here. if you see this cool if not, also cool. if you, do text me. sometimes i don’t know whether or not if i hate you or i love you. i miss those walks so much. i think about it all the time. your hands in my back pockets, kissing me, holding my hand, putting me on your lap etc etc. we never even dated but i cry about you and i think about you as if we were a thing. i love you alex. and i wish you loved me like that too.
s

i wonder if you ever look at these. and if you do text me or whatever. i’ve loved you for two years and i don’t think i could ever go back to someone else for a long time. you’re everything i could’ve ask for. i miss the little walks we would go on and how you would mess with my hair a little and have your arm around me. i wish you would stop ignoring me, you don’t realize how much it hurts seeing you do that. i hope you don’t see this.
s

I know you will never see this, but i wish i could go back in time and spend all those memories with you even the bad.

I miss you so much. I would drop everything in a second if you texted me that you wanted to be with me. You were the most important person in my life for a very long time. It hurts that you didn't feel the same. I miss how we used to be.

how you'd kiss me when i was in the middle of saying something, there's not a day i don't miss those rude interruptions

you taught me what love is. now i am lost trying to find a part of me that you didn't touch, a part of my room that you haven't been in, a part of my heart that doesn't still beat only for you

I really want to be there for you. So fucking bad. I want to be the one to tell you that everything is going to be ok and everyone knows that you're trying your best. I hate that I got close to you. Because I see you tweet something about if you told "her" everything, she'd be disappointed. I think I know who you're talking about. Alex, she really cares about you. She knows that you're capable of a lot but she also knows about your family life and about you. If you told her everything she'd know that you're trying your hardest with your circumstances. I mean look at it from the outside. You're in your first year of college with a heavy workload and you work constantly. Also, it's college during COVID, it's going to be hard already. It's the first semester, during winter with holidays that are largely family-oriented, and that understandably brings up feelings for you. And as for the drinking and smoking, you're coping the best you can. You'll get better at it. I know you will. Lean on your friends for emotional support, lean on your boyfriend. I think this is how I'll love you from a distance. If you tweet something and I want to offer my support, I'll do this. And I know you know this is directed towards you. And I know you know who I am. You're going to be okay PoohBear.

you are the first person i ever loved. you made me realize i was gay. i will always love you no matter how hard i try to stop.

This was going to be our wedding color. This was my favorite color. You said you loved it. Now I hate it.

I haven't slept more than a few hours for days. But last night, all it took was keeping you on facetime, and I slept like a fucking baby. I love you so much. And yeah, it would be easier if I was just straight and if I could just date you. I know that your life last year might not have sucked as much. But I think what we have is pretty great. I love you. I love you so much, and I'm fucking lucky that you love me too.

i know absolutely nothing about you & you make me feel worthless but i’m jealous of whoever currently has your attention

i find myself just staring at the last words you said to me more often than i'd like to admit. i miss you

i want to die so much it physically hurts and everyone i reach out to ignores me. it seems like you were right about me

Hey alex, look ive always loved u ever since we were little, but I know you don't like me back. I can never tell you without breaking hearts. Good luck with her! love u forever bb

If you see this, it's me. please text me. we both know i'm too stubborn to text you first. i miss having my friend

I was ready to finally give you a chance but you ditched me for her and that hurt. and now you aren't there for me when I really need you. I miss you. I wish I got a chance to tell you sooner

i know we're soulmates, and i know we'll meet i every lifetime. i love you, and i can't wait to meet again. thank you for saving my soul and my heart.
you mean the world to me.

i miss you. you were probably the first person i felt something for. we were only like 14? i didn’t even realise i liked girls and i was scared. you’re so cute and still make me feel warm inside and our friendship was great. it’s the only thing i really miss about that school. its been years but you’ll always have a special place in my heart

we were so long ago im not really sure if you were my first love or if I was just in love with the idea of you. however I do know that I loved the way I felt when you laughed, or when you smiled at me. come back to me, please.

I miss what we had. You brought me so much joy and light but I know you have to go. I do love you. Please take care.

i don't see the point anymore, you made me feel worthless and unlovable and like i'm a burden to everyone. you made me wish i was dead and i can't see anything but grey anymore because of you. how could you do something so horrific to someone and not even feel a shred of guilt

My friends and I flip your house off every time we drive by. I hope you’re lonely and heartbroken with him :)

you were my best friend and i was your best friend, until you let those girls take control over our frendship because they were jealous of how close we were. now that i look back i really miss you and the friendship we had, i even caught feelings at some point, something that i think you already know. i just wish we would talk again

I just wish things were different and you didn´t cheat on me with my best friend while I was in the same f.cking place