Unsent messages to ALEX

hey.. me again. things are getting harder everyday. i just want to know that youre happy. i know we had too much pain to care for each other. you hurt me. im traumatized. idk what to do anymore because i feel like i need to talk to you or be with you the pain goes away. idk. im tired of everything.

I wish we still talked. I miss you. Some nights I lay awake and I swear you are beside me. You aren't.Call me.

Me rompió en mil pedazos que me dijeras cosas tan bonitas el día que me dejaste
Nunca te voy a dejar de querer

Fue una tontería pensar que de verdad alguien me podía preferir a mí por encima de a cualquier otra persona

Si tú estabas dispuesto a esperar por mí lo que hiciera falta, yo te esperaré toda la vida si es necesario

I still don't know why we broke up.
You was scared about I can hurt you, but finally was you who broke me.

you ignore me for hours on end but reply instantly to girls and constantly tweet about them. i’m only your best friend when it suits you.

The worst part is I don't even know you, we were young, we've changed so much. I didn't really knew you then, so I don't know a thing of who you are now. You somehow saw me grow through my socials, not me, I haven't a clue of what you do now. Sometimes I think maybe you became all I hate in people. How does it even make sense to spend my days thinking about someone I don't know, knowing that there's a lot of chances we would hate each other now ? Make it make sense

Im so sorry for everything. i hurt you and thats clear, but when i was with you i began to look both ways before crossing the road. i began to take shorter showers and i didn't cry into my pillow at night. and for a second i thought i had you again, but then you left. like always. and now im all alone.
youre back now, but for how long? why does everything have to have a deadline with us? i would do anything for you dude, id let a wasp sting me and we both know they're my biggest fear. even though your mom hates me i would still put in the effort. i was gonna buy her a christmas present dude. i loved you so much and i still do and im pretty sure i wont ever stop loving you. youre gonna be the guy i tell my kids about and when someone asks what love is ill think back to you.
yet im so angry at you. you made all your friends hate me, everyone thinks so lowly of me because of you. you made it so i couldnt sleep at night and so i hurt myself again just because all you wanted was sex. it hurt me man, and youve changed now yet i still have that fear in the back of my head that you havent and its driving me crazy. i want to hate you, i try to pick up every detail so i can be angry at you. it makes it easier, it makes it so its your fault and not mine and then maybe i can stop hurting but in reality we both know that it wont just stop. its never over with us, i never want it to be over. you can hurt me a million more times. i dont care. so long as its you hurting me i dont care.
your hoodie was red. thats why this card is.
i love you dude. im sorry i wasnt good enough. i hope one day i can be the girl you want.
see you in another life burrito child :)

i miss our deep talks at 1am, your the only person i felt like i could really open up to, i remember u comforting me in the middle of one of my breakdowns, probably the most vulnerable someone ever seen me. so thank you for being there for me, it means a lot. i dont care if you dont miss me, i just wanted you to know :)

every so often pictures of you come up and i see you smiling now and you look happy. and i wonder every time if you're happy because you don't have to deal with me anymore. i know it's dumb, because i want more than anything for you to be happy, but it makes me wonder if i was the reason you weren't.

i hope every message i read on here is from you because it shows you still think about me. if i don't exist in your mind then i don't exist anywhere. if i don't cross your mind, i don't matter

Dear gordis,
Ur the love of my life and I want to be with you everyday till I die. I know right now we’re young and it’s not possible but know that I will never ever forget you and never stop loving you. I lob u

i don't see the point of being here without you. you were the person that meant the most to me and suddenly one day you were gone and you say such horrible things about me and i believe them all. why won't you come back? why don't you care? why do you let me believe i'm unworthy of being loved?

Pensaba que ya estaba costumbrada a que no me eligiesen pero que lo hicieses tú me rompió el corazón de maneras que no sabía que podían doler tanto. Aún después de todo te sigo llorando, por todo el daño que me causaste.

After all the hurt u put me through, I'm still trying to understand why u did what u did without any hate towards u.

Do you ever miss me? Do you ever think back of us? Do u ever feel that aching feeling in your heart when u do?

You left together with the things you ever said to me that made me feel special. Now I'm left alone again with nothing

what the fuck happened to you. seriously. people tell me all the time how awful you are but i still see the scared boy who used to cover the mirror for me. i miss you but i don’t even know who you are anymore. anyway it’s been 6 months and i hope you get the help you need. ily

I'm sorry I broke your heart, and I'm sorry it took this long for me to realize how much of an impact it had on you. I'm glad we're friends again, but I hope you don't fall for me. I'm still in love with someone else.

Do you remember when we sat under the stars and you told me you will love me until the world ends? well, the world is still here so why arent you?

i think i fell out of love 'cause you didnt care much about me
So i guess bye... im not interested anymore

i love u more than anything but you’re tearing me apart. im sorry i cant be here anymore. im so tired.

I loved you for six years and i think you knew it the last time we saw each other, it will probably never come out of my mouth thta i love you but i hope you are well.

Háblame de tus gatos todo el día si queres, amo ver que te emociones con las cosas que amas, quiero que seas así cuando hables de mi...

yo dude I actually really dislike you. I've known you since childhood, and you've turned into someone I don't respect. idk I hope you get a redemption arc

Dos años después te digo gracias, le diste luz a los momentos más feos de mi vida. No he conocido a nadie como vos y no creo hacerlo. Te extraño...

ill just start saying that i cried over you for literally months and recently i stopped to give a f and got over it:) ik im acting like a bitch w u but that s just bcs you dont deserve my love anymore

the fact that i had loads of boys asking me on dates and i was telling them i had a boyfriend and was loyal to you. would’ve been nice to know that i was single all that time and could have gone on an actual date with someone who wouldn’t waste my time.

everyday i think of that time we went to james house and spent the whole day laughing together. i hope you’re doing well

you had your one last chance to show you’re sorry and you blew it. you’re a coward and i wish i never met you, it would’ve saved a year of my life. you’ll know who this is.

i never loved you, i was just sad and lonely. but you don't deserve love from me, or anyone else really

You hurt me.
I thought you were legitimately there for me, and I thought that you treasured me as I did you.
I hope you understand how much you hurt me by denouncing that.

Why did you do that? You made me fall in love or you made me obsess over you, the truth is that I dream every day I wake up imagining a life that we cannot live together. I don't know whether to love you or hate you

Sabes?te amo como nunca nadie ha podido amarte y me siento rara escribiendo aqui sobre lo mucho que te amo pero necesitaba hacerlo ojala algún dia leas esto

Hurts like hell when i want to talk to you, when i need to talk to you, but you wont be the one i used to love

I cant help but think that you hate me but I am so deeply in love with you i don’t think you’ll ever feel the same way.

bro? try harder. cant u tell i wanna talk to u? do u rly need to respond with "cus" "idk"
"fine" to every single thing? what about asking how im doing? im trying to care ab u, suprise suprise. u seem nice, but if u dont wanna talk just tell me. i dont wanna waste my time.

sorry i didn’t tell you i liked you before you left. i would do anything to sit on top of the monkey bars and watch the sky with you again.

even though we're not talking, even though we might not ever talk... thank you for what you did to me. I've changed, I've never loved myself this much.

thank you for helping me grow and being my best friend these past 4 years. i miss you so much after everything we went through. i don’t want to move on to anyone else or be with anyone if its not you. words will never be able to describe the love i have for you and i never wish to lose you. i wish i had the balls to send you this instead of typing it out on here but i’m on open while you’re out partying:)i hope everything works out in the end i luv you

I hope to God you never meet another woman. I wonder what you did to your ex girlfriend to make her act like that.

Youre so fucking annoying and you really piss me off :) heres a hate message to show how much u piss me off. You never respond to my messages, you always say "be back in 2 secs" and leave for 2 hours, you didnt save my number and u tease me about my ass, screw you. Suck my fat cock....

shag?

You’ve hurt my feelings. I’ll not fall in love like this ever again, I’ve learned the lesson, thanks.

I still remember you, and all the hurt you've caused me. The years we spent together didn't mean anything cause you choose someone else in less than a second

I’m sorry for what I said. I just feel like you’re so cavalier about something that meant a lot to me. I’m never going to get you back and that’s something I can live with now.

i’m finally content with loving you a distance and celebrating your victories in silence. you’ll always have a place in my heart

je crois que tu sauras jamais a quel point tu me rendais heureuse quand tu me textais. Tu me manques. Quand on se parlait jusqu'a trois heures du matin, tu me faisait découvrir une partie de moi que je ne connaissait pas; mon côté tendre, heureux, qui aime écouter, qui est prête à découvrir toutes sortes de choses, mon côté amoureux. Chaque jour, une bataille contre moi même pour m'empêcher de te texter, de te demander si j'ai fait quelque chose pour que tu me parle plus, si j'ai fait quelque chose qui t'a déçu, si tu t'es tanné de moi. Je sais pas pourquoi malgré tout cela, je m'endors chaque soir, espérant qu'un jour tu sera a côté de moi et tu me chanteras notre chanson préférée dans mon oreille pour m'aider a dormir. Ton sourire est suffisant pour éclairer l'immense pièce sombre qui est mon esprit et mon coeur. Je sais pas ce qui m'arrive, je te connais même pas, à part que je sais que tu adores le gélato à la framboise, les hamburgers, le gatorade jaune, la musique heavy métal, le emo rap, les ribs du st-hub, les animés, lil peep et tracy, le hockey, les tattoos, les e-girls, le country, que t'es un redneck de cantley (j'aime bien). Que t'es loyal, et que parfois t'a de la misère a te controler. Je crois que je me rappelle de tout les compliments que tu m'a dit, et même si ils ne sont pas incroyablement nombreux, ils valaient tout l'argent du monde pour moi. Ugh j'aimerais te parler. Pourquoi je peux JAMAIS me détacher de toi après plus de deux ans à t'aimer sans retour? Est-ce que c'est dieux qui m'envoi un signe de ne pas abandonner? D'être patiente, de t'attendre? No fucking idea. Par contre, je sais que j'en ai encore longtemps à penser à toi chaque jour. Je t'aime à l'infini, idk why. prend soin de toi petit emo boy. je t'aime zalexipou.

Sometimes I wonder if you actually liked me back. I wonder if you were actually worth my time. I deeply have a connection with you but idk if that connection resonates with you too. You have hurt me with your words without me even knowing, and have hurt many others. I still cant seem to get over your wavy brown hair, and icy blue eyes. Its almost like you have been sculpted by the gods. You are perfect in so many ways but im still not good enough. You always have something to say about other people, and those words hurt. You dont deserve my love but you get it anyway. You are the only one who i have felt such a strong connection too. We are so similar yet so different. If we ever got together i would never ever do anything to hurt you. You are the one who controls what happens. i wish i was yours alex younger...

hey man, whats up. i know you have always been that stupid basic, racist, sexist white boy. i realised you made me feel like shit about myself and how i wasnt good enough to be a first choice and guess what it still follows me to this day. im not mad but i may have been obsessed with you a little. was it even love or was i obsessed? in any case the memory of you asking her out is still in my head. hope youre doing mediocre.