Unsent messages to ALEX

I'm so afraid to lay my ink in your sketchbook; there is so much more than just words and ink... lord it's heavy.

After being there for you after every girl that broke your heart, I still was never the girl you wanted.

You told me i felt like home to u. It break my heart the second you said it cause I knew it wasn't true.

i don’t know if you know my feelings for you. having felt that way about you for years....it pains me to think i’ll never be with you

I never even kissed you but our love was the best one of my life. Thankful for you always, even from the pews of your wedding.

Sometimes i think about you, and where we would’ve been now and i break down uncontrollably. I love you.

I'm so sorry im such a bad friend. You deserve someone who can be there for you always, you deserve someone who can invest their energy and time on you, you need someone who can understand you, you deserve to be loved by someone as much as you love them. I'm sorry i can't be better, i'm sorry i can't be better at cheering you up or calming you down or making you feel loved and worthy. I'm just really exhausted. I don't want you to hate me, and i don't want to leave you alone so i won't, but i don't know how to be there for you, i want to be alone myself but i don't want to leave you alone. And its not ur fault! Please don't feel like any of this is your fault cus i've felt like this way before we even met, i really don't deserve any friends because i can't give them or you the best of me. I'm so sorry, please please stay alive please promise me you will. I'm sorry for being such a bad friend.

She doesn't pull back under your touch, she stays still as you admire her, she allows you to see her in her most honest state.
I can't tell if I'm jealous of her, or jealous of you finding someone who will accept your love like that.
No matter what, I'm happy for you

All I want to do is hold you in my arms again, I need your touch, I miss my boo more then any one else in this world, and wherever you are in this world, there is always still a piece of you in my heart, I hope one day I lay with you again, just so I can hear your sleepy voice again, just so I can get a little rash from your beard after we kiss again, I miss your good morning texts, the ones you’d send before your flights, I know you didn’t love me, but I hope one day, I can hear those 3 special words utter from you to me. I love you so much, and I miss you like crazy, I hope you are looking after yourself my love xxxx

You were too nice to tell me the real reason you left. I’ll forever be confused on why i lost my soulmate.

You were the person I loved and trusted the most. I told you things I’ve never told anyone else. I was sure I was going to marry you, so why did you have to lie to me? Why did you hurt me? Why did you make me feel so insecure and gaslighted me? I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust anyone ever again thanks to you.

I still have so many unsaid things to say to you, but i know at the end of the day you’ll never understand the way i feel about you.

I know youll only see me as your friend but I really like you and Im afraid Ill ruin the friendship we have

i miss u sm. i wish u knew how much i need u rn. im so alone n you’re the only person who would understand :(

you cheated on me, twice. and yet I still have remember exactly what it feels like to hug you and having your hand on my face. i miss just being around you in general.
i still have the bear you gave me for Valentines' day.

I still think about how we would be if we were still together. I wonder how in love or unhappy we'd be. I miss you so much.

I was cross faded at Natalies last night and I stared at the ceiling wishing you liked me like you used to

I met you when my heart was broken and shattered. I never thought I would be able to have feelings for another. Yet I fell for you... you never ceased to make me laugh and smile even though I was at my worst. I don’t know what we are. Or if we are anything. I’ve fallen for you, and I don’t know if you will ever feel the same. But I do know that I felt the most alive with you in a long time.

I wish I’d die then you’d regret not talking to me when you had the chance. But ig you don’t even care enough to.

your birthday is today, how could I forget..
will I ever be able to stop messaging you through these texts that you’ll never see?