Unsent messages to ALEX

youll never see this but. im too shy to say something so please do it first. youve said enough with your eyes. i want to here you say it :)

this is the colour i think of when i think of our future. i've never felt the same about anyone else. once i met you i cannot go back to not knowing you. i know right now we're not so sunny but those days will come

i know you have her now, and i might have someone too. but if you ever think of me, just message me...

I don't talk to you anymore because I don't know how to. I was ready to finally give you a chance and you let me down. You didn't try and reach out after that so why would I try and talk to someone who doesn't want to talk to me?

You think i'm still at a bad time in my life but you're wrong. We grew apart and both moved on, not just you. Take care of yourself

Me esforcé tanto en cumplir con tus expectativas que me fui perdiendo. Supongo que después de haberte dado todo es tiempo de dejarte ir.

why did you actually break up with me? what did i do wrong? why wasn’t i enough for you? i loved you with my whole entire heart and did everything i could to make the best of our situation. you caused me so much emotional pain for so many months after our breakup, and yet i still talk highly about you because what is there bad to say. i used to love you. i should have said it sooner.

You may have robbed me of my own body, but I'm not scared of you anymore. You don't have that power.
L

i still think about you every day and it hurts to remember how fast you moved on, i truly thought you were my everything and it's hard to go without you but i'm trying my best

Now I wait, for the day you come back, and we can pick up where we left off. But until then, i’ll see you tonight in my dreams.

don't even know where to start with you. thank you for giving me the best times of my life. even if you're far away, i love you the same as i would if you were closer. i wanna give you the world and even more than that. not good with words, we both know that, but thank you for being my number one. i love my smile because of you. i want to live my life with you. i want to be there for you. always. i love you for eternity. my love, my soulmate, my yellow.

I love you sm, idk how you put up with my mean ass and i wish that i could tell you everyday of how much i love you and how much you mean to me. i love you so fucking much, my love

you tear me into pieces and i let you, because you’re my best friend
but i don’t want us to be just friends

we talked about being friends forever...college, being each other's bridesmaids, having our kids be best friends. I don't even know what to say anymore. Thanks for ditching me I guess. I wouldn't want to live down the street from you anymore.

this was supposed to be the theme color for our wedding i imagined. why the hell did u not give a fuck when i poured my heart out to you

You was my first love. I’ll forever love you & maybe one day we’ll work out if we’re meant to be which I believe we are

i love you so much and just you dont really understand at all, i mean like i have feelings for you okay. but you see me as a friend. im starting to give up you just ignore me and talk to her now i thought finally maybe u guys like didnt talk anymore but no, and what hurts more is she knows i like you but idk man i cry over you everyday and you are starting to not talk to me, i feel like whenever you say that you love me its not true because somehow you spell it wrong every fucking time is it because you dont or what. i really dont know what to do anymore your my best friend but i wish we were more than that but if we were then i know there will be heart break to come i wouldnt know when but it would happen. i just want us to be together like forever and like not be toxic or anything. i just want you and you dont understand. it's killing me, please

I love you more than anything I know I haven't said this to you in person yet but that doesn't really matter. I'm scared of losing you, someone who makes me just feel so safe, the thing is and I'm so sorry but I don't think I’m into guys and I know this is a bit of a problem because of how long we have been dating and yeah I should break it off if I feel this way but the thought of losing you as a person makes me tear up, for fucks sake it’s already happening. I love you to the moon and back and I feel that when I come clean to you about my sexuality you’ll want nothing to do with me. I wouldn’t be able to bear it if you never wanted to talk to me again. Your my twin flame you’ve changed my life so much in little ways that make it bearable for me to keep going like when you heald me in your arms while I was sobbing, you stroked my hair held me tight and assured me that it’ll get better, it won’t but you bring so much positivity and light into my life I don’t know what I would do without you. So that’s, why it pains me knowing I’ll have to come clean eventually and you’ll probably want nothing to do with me ever again because of how long I’ve led you on for I’m worried it’ll crush you emotionally and I’m sorry in advance, I’ll tell you when the time is right what’s going on with me. I am so fucking sorry I’ve done this to you it’s selfish I know but my parents already don’t love me as it is, so I can’t risk losing another person who supposed to love me for me. I’m sorry bubs I really am but if you ever see this please know I love you I always will even if you’ll hate me after I come clean about everything. I’m so sorry Alex you mean the world to me but please understand why I didn’t tell you earlier because the thought of losing you is worse than anything else…

I’m so fucking sorry I love you bubs

i wish you weren’t so far away. we could work, y’know? i had to cut you off to not get attached because i can’t do long distance but you will always have a special place in my heart. i love you :)

I miss you more than you could ever know , I never lied about loving you i wish you could’ve seen that, i wish i didn’t end this way.

I don't believe you for a second when you say that I'm your first love. People don't treat people like that

after having my trust being broken down by other men, u knew i had trust issues and still broke me. although u were talking to many other women for a hot minute, i just hope that someday you’ll find someone that u deserve and that you will treat them well, bc i know u have it in you. i rly fell for u, alex, but i guess not all things are meant to be right? wish u the best

you might think grey is boring but it’s the color you look best in. i love the way you laugh; the way you cry; the way you cradle my cold hands in between your own. i love the way you send me videos of you talking and don’t lie to me because you know how bad it hurts. i love the way you show me off to your friends; even the way you don’t want me. i could sit here for hours and talk about the things i love about you but there is only one thing i hate. the way you don’t love me back. you can’t help it tho, i am me and you are you. please love me back alex i’m falling to fast.

Es una lucha constante entre pensar con el corazón o pensar con la mente. Únicamente deseo que contemplemos lo que sucedió pero tan solo imaginarte cerca de mí me produce un ansia de salir corriendo y llorar. Una parte de mí siempre te querrá y te esperará pero sobre todo sufrirá.

Thank you for our time together. You taught me a lot. I don’t love you or miss you anymore but I still think warmly of the memories we had. I hope you’re well.

You, quite literally, have broken me in every way. I want to wish you happiness, but I find myself unable sometimes.

You were my first love. You taught me that I was worthy of love and made me so happy when I was at my lowest. I wish everyday that I had been a better person, someone deserving of your love. Let's grow up and find our way back to each other so we can spend the rest of our lives watching the stars and sunsets together.

if you could leave the best thing that ever happened to you then I know there's hope for me out there

all i think is that its unfair that when you were the one to fuck up twice you're now the one who's in a new relationship? doesn't make sense,

je suis heureux que j’ai eu la chance d’être l’amour de votre vie une fois, et im heureux qu’elle est maintenant

alex, i will honestly never understand why you wouldn't give me a chance to love you. you kept me around for so long. i thought you weren't like everyone else, but how could you do that to me if you actually cared about me. i told you i didn't believe anyone could love me, that every relationship is going to turn bad. you told me to read some romantic novels, but why couldn't you have shown me what it feels like to be loved? you were the problem, i always apologised for getting upset, but you never apologised for making me upset. i would have done anything for you, for a year a half i lived my life for you. you consumed me. i wait all day for you to message me when you're ignoring me for hours. when my phone buzzes and i see your name my heart skips a beat, it still does. i get so excited to see what you have to say to me, but its never enthusiastic, its always a dry reply because you just don't care. i try so hard to keep the conversation going by saying something you can reply to. but i just don know how much more i can give you of myself, where did it go wrong? why did you lose your feelings for me? why do i like you so much if im not even allowed a chance with you?

i wish things could have been diff honestly. like from the start i fucked up. i honestly think we’re meant for each other i miss u. let’s hope our paths cross again and we can start over.

Thank you for showing me that I can do better, be loved and deserve love. Thank you for showing me there's more to life than waiting. You made me happy and I hope life turns the best for you.

You told me I wasn't a priority to you, but I should have been. I'm worth so much more than what you gave me.

everyone tells me we are still in love after they see us with each other because ex's don't smile at each other the way we do.

I was too much and you didn't understand. We weren't ready. I'm sorry. I will always be your safe space if you need me.

we're not dating but if we don't end up in this lifetime, I hope you know you meant everything to me

Im sorry I didn't make it time. I couldn't run fast enough. you jumped and all I could do was watch your body be carried out of the lake. if only I had run a little faster

i love you forever and more than you think i do, and i’ll always wait for you. i’m yours forever and until eternity, my love ?

i saw a post that reminded me of our friendship. its been a couple of years now, but i still think about you. kinda embarrassing, i know. i guess that goes to show how much you meant to me. i might have loved you then without realizing it, but i valued our friendship more than anything. miss you loser.

ive finally let go. its over. im done. i love you but ive learned to love myself more. you had 4 years and thats it, youve lost your chance.

It’s getting bad again I just don’t know how to tell you because I don’t want to change but I also don’t want to lose you over this

Hey... how are you doing? How are classes? I still care about you even though I feel like you forgot about me.

I miss you. Do you still think about me the way I still think about you? You've hurt me and yet I still wish we were talking.

look i’m just gonna copy and paste my notes lol, why did u leave. why did u stop texting me. why did u stop even reading my texts. why did u remove me from ur close friends. why did u stop checking up on me. why did you stop saying goodnight to me. i thought i meant something to u i thought we were friends. i rlly did i thought u cared abt me. i don’t know if i did anything but if i did i’m SO SORRY i’m sorry if i’ve EVER hurted u. please know i didn’t fucking mean to do it i love you i love you SO much. if u simply don’t wanna be friends with me then idk. i tried to be a good friend. i still do. i still send u good morning and goodnight texts every day. i still text u every single day like an idiot. knowing that u won’t reply. i wish u did. i miss every talk we had. i miss when u actually cared abt me and checked on me. i miss when u would say goodnight to me every night. i miss laughing at everything u said. i miss being someone important to u. i miss being in ur close friends. i miss when u would reply to everything i sent u. i miss when u would talk with me while being in class, it was always french class. i miss when u would tell me stuff abt ur life.
i miss when we would talk literally all the time except when i was in class. i miss when we stayed up late talking. i miss when u were the reason i was alive. i miss when u checked up on me and cared abt how i was. i miss when ur response to me being sad was a paragraph and not a “aw :(“ “eat ur mum” i miss when u actually knew abt me. i miss when i would tell u every detail abt my day. i miss waking up to ur texts. i miss everything. i miss u. i literally forgot what was like talking to u. i’m so sorry for not being enough for u. i wish i was and i promise u i tried. u even ignore my comments now and it seriously hurts so bad. it hurts so bad when i write u a fucking paragraph cause u hurt urself or u relapsed on ur ed and u just ignore it. it feels like u don’t even want me to care abt u anymore. and the worst part is that i don’t even know what i did. i thought u loved me. i feel so stupid.

You really dont and probably will never know the dent you left in my soul for you... I loved you with everything i had

fuck you for making me love you when you never loved me. you hurt me more then you know when you said you didn’t know why you got back with me, you don’t deserve me and some how i still love you.

I dream about u sometimes. that u finally message me after all this time. that ur sorry about everything. and then I wake up.

you fucked me up for life man. i loved you more than anyone else i've ever loved before. i was so young. i would've done anything for you. you lied to me. you left me for someone else. you never respected me. i hate you.

lmao you're not even real this is so dumb I'm sorry dfajdjfs it's weird that someone I made up has helped me through more than actual people I've met. thank you.