Unsent messages to ALEX

i try to find you in every person, miss your touch, your smile, your voice, the way you made me feel when you held me i left safe lol my problems left i left whole but you left me my heart shattered summer turned to fall and i’m here waiting for you to fall in love with me again

I wait everyday to see if you’ll text me. Everyday i’m disappointed. I’m not sure if i liked you or the attention.

you’re the only person i believed in. thinking about you makes my heart hurt in a pain i’ve never felt. i thought you were going to be the one that wouldn’t leave me. i still can’t look at a sunset without thinking of you

I use to not eat anything for days trying to be perfect. But with you I didn't care what I ate. God I'm so hungry.

i wish i knew what we were. i wish you could just tell me everything. the truth. i know you never lied to me but it would be nice to know everything. i want to be sure. i want to know what we are. what are we anyway? did you use me? i don't know. you promised me you wouldn't ghost me. hurt me. you only hurt me a little. but the ghosting hurts a lot. i wish i had the courage to tell you how i feel. instead i hide my real feelings and pretend to be happy at all times. but you know sometimes i'll open up to you because i trust you that much. i never open up to anybody.. except for you. you lead me on first. now i can't let go. you knew about my attachment issues. you knew. and you still did this. do you even love me, alex? i don't know. i'll never know for sure. as much as you tell me i don't know if i can believe you or not. but i wish the best for you. i just want you to be happy, whether it's with or without me. i want nothing but happiness for you. that is all.

i love you so much i miss you, you were my everything and im so sorry for everything i did, i regret it, i really do.

you took the little girl inside of me and killed her. i miss who i was before you, with your selfish hands. why was no not enough for u to stop

You were my favorite person. Whenever I was with you, i felt like i was floating. You made my day better with your smile. I don’t know why you left. But, I was never good enough for you from the start. I miss you a lot. I am in love with you. I don’t think I will ever love someone as much i loved you. Please come back

I hope you understand that us meeting was the most traumatizing thing we could've done for the both of us.

you were never good to me but i loved you all the same. i wish i would’ve left you before you left me.

Siempre quedará la duda de qué hubiese pasado si viviéramos en la misma ciudad. Aunque te haya superado sigo pensando que seguiríamos juntos. :)

I love you, I always will. You are the one I wanted to be with forever. Maybe we'll meet again someday.

We went from talking every night till 3am and now look at us. I should of slept. It still hurts and I miss you

U see... The problem is that I'm not good enough because you are so perfect. It's like ruining a white canvas with some ugly ass drawing and then nobody wants the it anymore.

I sometimes wonder why you chose her? Was I not good enough? What did she have that I didn't? I tried my hardest to make you like me the way I liked you but somehow she won, like she always has. She always gets the boys. For once I thought I actually thought I had something with someone without her Interfering but I mean she was the bestfriend that had everything. She had the body that I wanted. She had the attention from boys that i wanted. She had it all.

You weren't a first love but it still hurt every atom in my body losing you. I love you and i hope you come back...

You were once my first bestfriend and partner, I loved you so much but we were young and my anxiety got in the way of everything. It hurts to say that you are now a stranger to me, but I'm glad we ended it all on good terms, or so I think. I havent spoken to you for years, but I truly hope you're safe and happy.

I was scared and I messed it up, and now you hate me. It's been years and I still think about you. They say you never forget your first love, I just wish you knew you were mine.

lol anyways i just wanted say thanks for sitting next to me in sixth grade. its been a while since then. i miss talking to you and seeing ur face get red when the teacher calls on you. i miss math class last year. we were both clearly awkward around eachother, everyone could tell. even though i hate math it was my favorite class. i loved teasing you when u got the answer wrong, and seeing u yell a sneaky come back at me. i miss asking for the homework answers and seeing that u haven't done the homework either. we would sit in class and laugh at each other. when we got called on, each of us not knowing the answers. im glad i sat next to you. it made me fall in love with you all over again. after we stopped talking the first time i thought how i felt was completely gone. that math class proved me oh so wrong. ur laugh, your heart, the way you carried yourself- im jealous. your the most perfect person in my eyes. today u called me pretty, which no one ever does. i know u meant it in a friendly way, even though i wish u didnt. i just wanna give u a hug, bury my head in your chest and feel at home. but you've moved on from me. you used to like me- and i turned u down. that is one of my biggest regrets. i wish i could turn back time. i love you, and i will always be here for you. i love you alex

Well I like you but I don’t know if you like me I stare at you in class sometimes and I see you look at me but I like you so.

u make me believe in my future. because of u, u make be believe i will have a good life. and for that i owe you my life

you don’t know it, but after that night, i felt like there was a piece of me missing. although we never dated, it did hurt. those two words that you said did hurt me when you rejected me. you probably knew that it did hurt me n i want to text you. i want to love you till the very end, but i can’t, right? we’re not even dating, so why do i feel like this? why am i hurting this bad? it’s better if we stay as friends, although things may not go back to the way it was before.

I’m glad I met you bc you are the boy version of me. we met at work and you have always been there for me and I’m happy about that but I always wished we were more. thanks for all the funny and stupid nicknames. love you.

thankyou for being there, although the only time you text me is when you're horny, thank you for listening anyways.

i'm really glad you're doing well now, i know you haven't thought about me in months. i think about you almost every day.

When you left me it broke me in pieces. You where my first love. You took a piece of me when you left. I hope she makes you happy and you never leave her.

wow alex you are something else i remember so much like when you told me you took xans and acid and this was before you took more shit but i knew you were lonely but i couldn't do anything because i ment nothing to you yes we talked a lot and i was best friends with your sister but stuff happens i just feel so alone i sound pathetic but it's true and i did what i did so the pain would go away all the shit that i did. all the crying nights turned into drinking and other shit i'd rather not share but i loved you so much but you made me hate myself so much more than i already did and it was unexplainable the pain i went through those 7 months. i saw you with so many girls but now you're manic and can't fidn yourself and i wish i could help you but i can't find myself either i lost myself 3 months ago and its all a blur. i'm sorry the pain you went through those 2 weeks but you can't be making everything public you'll realize you fucked up. but i'm here if you ever need to vent to me. i remember the night i fell out of love i did your eyeliner that day but i also was texting phoenix he means so much to me too because he knows what i go through and you don't know anything about me. i love him so much and i know you don't care because you don't like me and i don't understand why you hated that i barely talked like im sorry that im scared i dont live up to peoples expectations goodbye

I'm sorry. I do deeply miss you even though it's been a year since we were together. I hope you're much happier now. I love you :(

Hey Alex, I never thought I would be writing this but oh well- anyways, I love you so much and please come back I miss you :(

Fuck you. did i ask you if you could finger me? no you fucking didnt and you did it anyway after me saying no so many fucking times and then you fucking make me grab your dick without asking if i wanted to?! you're a messed up piece of actual shit

alex i will always love you. i know you never felt the same about me, but i cant seem to fall out of love with you.

almost a year since i was last on here to write to you. except now im finally able to let go of you. i dont want to hold on anymore. i dont think of you anymore i havent in months but then i read an old note that reminded me i need to fully let go and now i can be happy without you always in the back of my mind. goodbye, i do not love you anymore

i still think about you randomly all the time for no reason, we only talk talked for a little bit, but the fact i don’t know why we stopped talking still stings

I miss our friendship, I understand why you cut everyone off but I really hope you were serious when you said that we’d be friends again one day. I miss how we’d joke around and talk every day, I’m sorry I became such an ass after I dated him, I’ve changed now, I promise. I’d welcome you back with open arms if you decide to come back.

Why? You were my brother now all you are is the reason I’m scared to intimidate with anyone. I was 6.

I thought we truly had something. I also thought you cared. I guess I was wrong about a lot of things.

hey lol. i doubt you’ll see this and i’m too scared to actually admit this to myself and to you in person but i think i’m in love with you.

Realmente, te deseo lo mejor. Todavía te extraño, pero confío en que si se tiene que dar, se va a dar. Espero que estés bien :(

you know how I always asked why God put you back in my life I think it’s cause he knew I needed good memories with you and I think at the end of the day I needed you more than you needed me but you’re happy now and I will always love you but I gotta remember cowgirls don’t cry

fuck you for using me like that. fuck you. i should’ve known. time for me to date ur best friend. xoxo

You knew me when I was bad, you helped me, I loved you. What happened to us? and our promises?
Well that doesn't matter, I'll always love you....

I didn't know I could hurt so much until you chose her over me, then made me put your pieces back together after she broke you

I wish I could go back to the moment I met you, but even if I did I don’t think I could stop myself from letting you in

no eres mi primer amor,pero si la unica que me apoyo,eso te convierte en una persona marvillosa,te amo

Eres mucho más que un crush para mi, te considero algo muy importante para mí debes saber que te quiero mucho, espero lo sepas.

hi. you don’t know this but i love you so much. i miss you more than anyone i have. please text me okay?

I’ve been thinking about you I miss you but I can’t tell you I wish I knew the truth I wish you were still around I’ve been missing school and it makes me feel sick because I feel like I’m becoming you and I don’t want that. Anyways I hope you’re happy and doing well it stupid but I think I’m still waiting for you to come back..

I still love you. Part of me always will. I just can't be your only source of happiness anymore. I promise, I'll always wait.

You made so many promises and saw none of them through. You manipulated me into loving you, knowing that you were just going to hurt me anyways.

When you left, you took a part of me. Please take care of it like you used too. Ps, I still remember your favorite color, I hope you remember mine