Unsent messages to ALEX

why did you have to come back into my life? i was doing so fine w/o you in it . i feel like i’m back in the same spot i was a year ago.

im so sorry. i know you think i dont care. but i care so much. i wish you knew how i think about you every single day. its been 5 months. every. single. day. get some sleep :) i hope we our paths cross again one day.

i tried so hard to change but i can’t, you helped prolong my life but everything comes to an end. I Love You.

I loved you. So much. For so long. And Ive finally let you go and I’m so happy. And I hope you’re happy too.

i’m starting to realise why i dont understand myself and its all because of you, i hope you learn to love people properly

I wish I could show you that life is about suffering for a better tomorrow and that for you it would be worth it.

Honestly, I hate you. You took advantage of me when I was at my lowest, and I will never forgive you for that. I know you are hurting rn, and as awful as it sounds, im glad. Now you know what it is like to have someone use you just for fun. You are so selfish.

Alex, kind of a bummer how things turned out. I don't think we got the timing right. I'm glad we're still friends.

I need a guy like you, but also someone who has time for me and would come see me as much as I would want to see you. I feel like I'm not the person you want to be with.

everytime I miss you, I get your hoodie n smell it in hopes to get the last remaining scent out of it. I miss you too much

u made me fall for you. at first i just thought you were cute, and then you called me cute, talked about me to my friends, and asked to hangout. that’s when i fell for you. after you asked to hang out you didn’t even talk to me much. what happened? i’ve seen how many girls you snap. and how so many of them are so much prettier than me, it makes me start to think that i’m not worthy. that you could do so much better than me. i’m tryna get over you but it’s so hard. don’t even know why i fell for you in the first place, but here we are now.

one guy made me realize my worth by acting like i wasn’t worth anything. you stepped in and showed me what my real worth was and i am so thankful for you.

Alex please. I miss you. I wish you would be honest w me and not message me only when u want something. I miss your love. I miss everything about you. I love you more than anyone I’ve ever met. I wish we could talk like normal people and not when we’re fucked up. I miss our endless conversations. When you made me feel so special. Idk what happened but ur not the same person you were at the beginning of the year. You called me worse than him. Wtf you know everything I’ve been through. Why wouldn’t you be kind? I wish you would message me kind things again. I lived for you. And you fucking dropped me. I just miss u so much.

do you think i’m so fascinated by him because he remind me of you? and maybe if i understood him i could finally understand you?

You taught me to love. But you taught me that love was when the things you hate about a person become the things you love. I thought I was so wise when I thought that back then. In reality, I was so broken.

I love you. I wish so deeply I could be good enough. I wish I knew what was wrong with me. I’m sorry i’m not enough. I never am.

do you still think about me? do you still care about me? sometimes i wonder if i even want to let you go

im sorry for playing withy your feelings like that, i really am.i was just trying to figure out myself i didnt mean to hurt you in the process.

i used to doodle hearts in my notes in high school when i thought of you. there’s pages and pages of them.

i cant even really describe what i have to say to you. fuck you. but also no, not fuck you. i don’t want you anymore but why can’t i stop thinking about you. you’re not who i thought you were. i guess i just wanted the person i made you up to be, not the person you are. but i feel like i do want the real you, but you’re also never what i imagined it would be like. no one else sees what i see in you. i’m trying to move on but i can’t. why? i hardly know you. why do i feel this way about you? what’s gonna happen next?

i blocked you on everything but your number. i know you wouldn’t. but just in case. i’ll always be waiting by the phone for you.

the past 7 months might've been a lie to you but they felt so real to me. fuck you for making me feel special then leaving.

‪i wonder. if i broke your heart. or if it was so far away that i couldn’t have reached it if i tried. ‬i guess now i’ll never know.

you’ll always be the most special person to me. you know that, right? in some way you’ll always have a piece of my heart.

i’m really sorry i left like i did, nothing i said was a lie and i hope you find someone who deserves the amount of love you can give. i never did

You promised me you’d never leave, but you did only a week later. Would you have stayed if you didn’t meet her?

i can’t stop thinking, “what if things had been different?” but the only thing that needed to be different was us

You’re a twat for ghosting me. Why say you want to still be friends and then disappear? It’s fucking mean. I liked you :(

oh god #### me already OOO WEE i love ur presence and i want you around me all the TIME OOO U MAKE ME FEEL SO COMFORTABLE AND WHOLE ! MY DREAMS ABOUT YOU ARE INSANE MY FEELINGS FOR YOU just keep GROWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALEX PLEASE WELCOME ME INTO YOUR WORLD PLEASE NEVER LEAVE

I don’t hate you, I could never hate you. this last time you hurt me so easily, did you even care about me? I miss you so fucking much it makes me angry

No matter how many times I say I’m okay with you being in the army, I always cry every day when you leave me for 6 months

do you still listen to the playlist i made you? have i ruined any of your favorite songs like you did for me?

Why didn’t you fight for me? Were you just indifferent to being with me? Are you still in different or do you miss me too?

i love you so much and i wish i had told you how i felt when i still had the chance. all i will say is that i'm glad that we're still friends and i want you to be happy, but please don't be with her, she'll break you and even she doesn't realize it, so please... not her

i wish i didnt think about you this much. i hope that what you had with the rest of them was worth losing me

i’ll never forgive you for what you did to me. i could ruin your life with what you did just like you ruined mine

I am finding it so hard to cope without you, I dreamt of you last night I wish you would reach out one last time.

You knew the risk of falling in love with me, yet you convinced me I wouldn't be a bother. You promised me, but all I did was ruin you, and I'm constantly remind of this. Teach me how to go back to the way it was before. I can now say with certainty that I wish you'd never met me.

I did and do truly love you. you’re the only one on my mind but i had to let you go. Things happened that i can’t talk about and I couldn’t speak to anyone for a while, i thought and still think you would be better off without me. i’m just broken and you deserve everything but when i was going to tell you, you started bringing up some stuff so i know you definitely don’t feel the same way back and i don’t blame you. you broke my trust with something but i cant get you out of my mind.

I would do anything just to spend that time with you again, giggling at silly things. I miss you so much more then you’ll ever know. You will always have that place in my heart

I would do anything just to spend that time with you again, giggling at silly things. I miss you so much more then you’ll ever know. You will always have that place in my heart

I'm sorry for being a huge hypocrite. It's so awkward whenever we see each other and I wish I could rewind but I know this is for the best but I miss you so much.

Why did you always end up choosing her at the last minute? You could have at least been honest about what you were thinking.

Hi, I broke up with you knowing that I wont ever get over u its just that youre the perfect person but at the wrong timing. Im still not getting over you its been 3yrs now. Hoping that ur happy and doing great!

your name was on my lips when i came tonight, just like you asked. too bad we aren’t together anymore.

i didn’t miss you after months not seeing you after i broke up with you but now seeing you again made me miss you

i've never hurt or felt demons inside of me like i have since the day you left- but i still love you. 305 days later

the first times we kissed or touched, when I was on my own at night I could still feel it. I think that’s when I knew you’re re it for me.

I wish you loved me the way I do you. I get flashbacks of us all the time, every touch, every word. I hope you think about me the way I think about you.

I wish I told you how much i liked you before you moved on. We were just friends, and even if I knew you liked me too I was lowkey waiting for you to make the first move.