Unsent Messages

Im so sorry for everything. i hurt you and thats clear, but when i was with you i began to look both ways before crossing the road. i began to take shorter showers and i didn't cry into my pillow at night. and for a second i thought i had you again, but then you left. like always. and now im all alone.
youre back now, but for how long? why does everything have to have a deadline with us? i would do anything for you dude, id let a wasp sting me and we both know they're my biggest fear. even though your mom hates me i would still put in the effort. i was gonna buy her a christmas present dude. i loved you so much and i still do and im pretty sure i wont ever stop loving you. youre gonna be the guy i tell my kids about and when someone asks what love is ill think back to you.
yet im so angry at you. you made all your friends hate me, everyone thinks so lowly of me because of you. you made it so i couldnt sleep at night and so i hurt myself again just because all you wanted was sex. it hurt me man, and youve changed now yet i still have that fear in the back of my head that you havent and its driving me crazy. i want to hate you, i try to pick up every detail so i can be angry at you. it makes it easier, it makes it so its your fault and not mine and then maybe i can stop hurting but in reality we both know that it wont just stop. its never over with us, i never want it to be over. you can hurt me a million more times. i dont care. so long as its you hurting me i dont care.
your hoodie was red. thats why this card is.
i love you dude. im sorry i wasnt good enough. i hope one day i can be the girl you want.
see you in another life burrito child :)