Unsent messages to NICK

I did everything for you, I loved you, be there for you. Yet you fooled me and left me 5 years, tried calling me 2 times and just disappear. Without a reason I hope you know how badly I went through all that to forget you.

You probably don't care, but I still really love you. I'm sorry I didn't give you the attention you deserved, just know that I valued every moment we had even if there were few. You hold a very special place in my heart.

I wanted it to end too... but the was the way you said it meant to hurt me. I know its been done for a while but I didn't want to say anything to hurt your feelings while you took the chance to hurt me on the way out.

I don't know what you don't see in me. You are a bitch honestly. Why do I still like you its been a year and you still haven't noticed. What is your problem honestly. anyways much hate, someone who is a bad bitch that hopefully can get over your weak ass soon ;)

How dare you, you piece of shit. How dare you take the macaroni from my pantry. and give me my frog back you jerk.

hey we are meant for eachother js. there are so many signs. we are so alike my music buddy. i think about u SO much its crazy. i wish something could just happen already.

My little chili pepper, it has been too long without you. My little sister has been asking where you are. She doesn’t quite understand that she won’t see you ever again. She’s 8 and never had a father figure in her life until you came along. She thought of you as the man that would watch her grow up into a beautiful young woman. She doesn’t actually think that exactly, of course. But I saw in her eyes when she looked at you. Her eyes sparkled when she looked up at you. I haven’t seen that glimmer in a while. I miss it. She is my little baby. I know you loved her. I miss you so much every day. This has been the worst year of my life. I hope you and my mum are having fun. I know how close you guys were before she… you know… People say when you lose someone the pain never really goes away, it just gets easier to deal with. Well, it has been 4 months and nothing has changed. I still can’t find a sewing needle to close the hole in my heart that went with you. You don’t know how bad I want to just end it and join you. But we’ll have to wait to meet again. Belly needs someone. I will never forgive myself if she ends up with my ‘father’. I will never forgive myself for telling you to go to that party. I love you, Nick. I will see you one day. Until then, keep my mother company.

i feel like i cant stay everytime we argue i feel as if you simply change it to be about you and not accept what the topic is im sorry i cant do this anymore i want you to be happy

I FUCKING LIKED U. and u chose my bestfriend. and i was just expected get over it. u fucked me up sm. but i forgive u

I still miss you sometimes and I would like to hug you but you moved on. Its okay though I'll move on one day too.

I miss who I thought you were before I found out who you really were. But I dodged a bullet with who you became. First loves are so sweet and naive♡

I acted impulsively and didn’t know I had mental health issues. I should have never came to see you and make you think i still wanted you. I was just afraid of being alone. you didn’t deserve me begging for you back when you fell in love with another girl during our relationship and tried to hide it from me. You told your mom half of the story and she really sent me a message saying i shouldn’t slander your name when your dad did the same to her. you told me countless times you hated how hurt your
mom got. So why did you have to do it to me too? Why did you have to make me even more insecure. Why did I think you were the answer to everything.

its funny that u were my first love. i barely think of you nowadays. but i loved you for almost 10 months in 2019 lol
now you're still a good friend and ily but idk how i saw u that way ur such a dork

i think about you from time to time. i just wonder what went wrong. was it the distance? the trust issues we both have? the way your ex ruined your emotions? my own fear of love? i don’t know what it was but i miss you. i miss us texting for hours straight about everything. facetiming for 12 hours + and falling asleep together. why did you do it. why did you ghost me? why couldn’t you just talk to me about what you wanted. you knew i would never do anything to hurt you. i wanted you so badly. i wanted to make you the happiest boy in the world because you deserve it. i wanted us to be something great. but that wasn’t the case. and that’s okay. i’ll never regret my time with you. even though you crushed my feelings so bad it made me go back into paranoia. i’ll never regret a single moment that we had. the way you treated me so gentle while we where talking will be unforgettable, but the pain you caused me will be unforgettable too. you’ll never see this because i know damn you probably don’t know this website exists. but i miss you and i hope you’re doing well. just know, if you came back into my life right now... i would take you back. bye.

nick, you mean so much to me. you treated me so kind and sweet and never fail to put a smile on my face. I wish I could be with you even though it'll never happen you would be the best boyfriend ever

you’ve hurt me so many times, but every time i look at my phone, i still wish your name would show up. i miss you more than words can explain. why’d you have to leave me.

Man you have a girlfriend now and sometimes I wished that was me. I cared too much about what people thought. I would of never left if I didn’t convince myself that wasn’t what I wanted. I just wish I was seen as more then just nudes.

i love you. always will. you have the biggest soft spot in my heart. i’m glad you’re happy. just know you always felt like home when i was in your arms i felt so safe and warm. i miss you. i miss who you used to be. please, for the better, stop trying to be someone you’re not. i want my boy back. please don’t go. baby :( please come back. please bring my sweet prince back :(. please open your eyes bubba look what’s in front of you. i just want one more hug just one. i let go already. i wish it didn’t have to come to this. i wish i still felt so much affection for you. when the time’s right i hope we can find each other again when we’re both doing good. for now, goodbye. once again, i love you.

we never dated and i was so young but i miss the thrill of chasing after you when i knew you didnt care

We weren't even that close but I still love you so much and never got the chance to tell you before you left.

Every time i’m sad I think about the first time you said you loved me if only you could have seen how happy it made me.

you will always have a special place in my heart. Hope the girl youre thinking about dating treats you right!

Your my everything. Your the reason i check my phone every 30 seconds. i love you so much and i still do.

I wasn’t in love with you, I was in love with the person I made up in my head. I wish I never associated the two

i miss you. i miss laughing and joking with you in class and at games. i miss your laugh and how you made me laugh

Im always afraid to say this to you because I am afraid of how you will react to it, but i want you to know that I love you. Not as a stupid crush or flirt but as a best friend. I love your personality, the way you act, our convos on facetime, when you ACTUALLY show your face. The little things, its what makes me happy. You are my best friend and I would put you before anyone else whether you would do it for me or not. I find myself missing you and thinking about all the fun times we had when we used to hang out. I really hope things change when you start driving because thats how much I miss being around you.

What we have is love. Not romantic, just pure love. You are my best friend and the thought of ever losing you scares me so much. I just want you to know that I will always be here for you no matter what, even if we are in an annoying stupid argument. I will always love you so so much

I loved you more than you will ever know, you took my heart and virginity and it still wasn't enough ill forever love you darling

Please treat everyone with the same respect. You need to get off of your high horse before it get’s you into trouble.

my hair hasn’t stopped falling out since you left me. i wish i could tell you this— but even more so, i wish you cared.

I am so sorry, I didn't know the way I would hurt you by leaving I was so low and had no support and I was told time and time again that you weren't right for me I shouldn't have listened and I am not making excuses I just...wanted you to know you were amazing to me and I'm sorry I was to broken to show you the love you deserved

Part two: im sorry i wrote two, i just needed to say it. i hate that u still love me, but u cant b with me because ur love for me gives u hope for a future. i want u back, i want all of u i want to know all of ur fears and i want u to know mine. i wish u were here and i wish we could listen to carissa's wierd. i still wanna bake that cake for u. i could never outgrow u. everything about u has me in awe. it would be easier if u were here. stop being so hard on urself, ur always going to b more than enough for me. if the world knew u the way i knew u, theyd melt the way i do, but i dont want the world to have u, i want u all to myself and i dont care if its selfish, i know u still love me because u tell me u do, and what reason would u ever have to lie? sing my favorite songs for me again, tell me how pretty i am again, tell me how i make u happy again. i know that ur protective of me and i know that u think im a fragile angel, and maybe thats true, but i still think u need to b coddled and held and kissed and to b told just how much ur loved. i recreate the world in ur image and i ache for u. u should hear how i out pour all of my unconditional love for u to joelle. please stop hurting me for the sake of ur safety, i promise u that ur safe with me, hurting u is the one thing i could never ever bring myself to do, it hurts telling u that u hurt me. i hope u come back to me. i hope u think of me when u see our favorite colors.

dearest nick, i still love u. i know u think ive outgrown u, but i havent, u r in my thoughts every second of the day. ur voice still makes me melt. do you remember when i was drunk and i told u u were the only emotion i felt? thats still true, its always back to u. i know im going to sound naive, i know im going to sound ridiculous because u were my first relationship, but i promise u entirely: i saw the moon and everything i love about it in ur eyes, and ill love u until i am incapable of loving anything anymore. ur existence is art. im sorry that i changed so much in an effort to feel enough for u. i think that me and u, we're charlie and astrid. my whole life people have wanted me to be what they want from me. u loved me for who i was, u let me have the freedom to be myself, thank you for that. i write letters to u everyday that will never reach u. i just want u to know that i would have never left. i promise. i would have loved to live in that shitty apartment u keep talking about. i would love nothing more than to live life knowing that whatever happened, i always had u to go back to. i would go anywhere with u, because, its u. is that song about me? the one where u seemed to replace my name with coraline? i hope it is. i just want u to know that i adore everything about ur particular arrangement of atoms and stardust. i told u about how we come from stardust when we first met, and meeting u, i felt like id finally come home after searching for it for so long, and i still feel that way. ur love was my home. please let me come home. i wish ud call me that stupid pet name again, i know i hate them and i know its hard for me to show affection, but ur the only person whos affection made me safe, ur still my safe space, i miss when u called me worm u stupid dork. i am still infatuated with everything about u, the way u speak, the way u think, the way u smile, the way ur eyes look when ur sleepy, the way that u exist. my words could never explain my love for u, i would love to hold u and kiss ur freckles and tell u how much i adore u for the rest of eternity until we dissolved into a lake of splendor i still want to drink cafe au lait with u. i can wait for u to feel safe again, but ill always be here. truly, I don't mind. I'm all yours if you're all mine. (im sorry it wasnt ur favorite color, it felt more accurate to how ur love for me made me feel)

I wish I could tell you everything that has happened. I know we dating a few times and it never worked out. But I only broke up with you Bc I love you too much to date you and I thought I was not good enough for you

we just went our separate ways for high school and I never got to tell you how I felt. I think about you every day. I sort of have a crush on several people now, but I know that I don’t really feel much for them but they just remind me of you in small ways.

hey blue. i really hope you dont see this but i loved you so much. so so so much. definitely more than you loved me i think. i never said this, but the symptoms of depression started when we got together. that entire time i was trying dismiss it and navigate myself and i shouldve spoken up. it wasnt your fault. idk why it started. i wanted to give you the world and now i can barely even talk to you. i always thought we wld be end game but why why why why did you think being so close with so many girls was okay. i had my heart broken so many times before we broke up by simply watching you not set boundaries. i wanted things to be okay and i didnt want to be controlling. im messed up sometimes and i know. i want to be better for you too. i really do. all i ever wanted was ur happiness. always before my own. i truly consider you my first love. always will be. i love you still, but in other ways. if watching you live hurts me, i wldnt want it any other way. best wishes

I'm sorry I never told you I liked you but just know that I enjoyed every little second of my day texting you..even though you lived so far away

I didn’t love you the way you loved me... but I’ve always been good at convincing myself that my feelings are real.

I loved you Nick. I loved you so much. I wouldn’t ever tell you because I didn’t want friendships to be ruined. To bad someone told you for me. I wish I could talk to you. I wish I was your friend. I wish I could be what you and Jill have. It’s never going to happen. Don’t Keep playing girls and letting go to the girls that actually deserve a chance. It hurts more than you would think. If you see this text me please.


You know who it’s from. If you ever see it. Maybe.

I just wished you liked me how I liked you but you only see me as a friend. I just wish you would text me back and we could go back to how it was.

it’s been years and i’m still thinking about you. come back home. i miss you. give me a sign you miss me too

Now every photo of a black cat reminds me of you, little one. Be happy in your relationship. I’m letting you go.

I used to look for you in every person I met. And then he came along and made me feel like I was actually worth something. I'm sorry that I don't miss you anymore or the way you used to say my name when we would laugh together. You had hurt me so much but yet I still hope you're doing okay.

I thought it was fate to match with you twice, but maybe it was just a lesson I should have learned the first time

I picked black cuz this is how u made me feel. i tried holding onto you so tight but letting u go has made me feel so free. thank you for showing me what i never want to go through again

i really love you. you dont know that the reason I would wake up each morning is because I knew we would just be on the phone all day or maybe even see each other. what happened.

Its not fair that you could leave so easily.... and yet still have me with your hands around my neck.

i was wearing my blue shirt on the day of our first kiss. I haven’t touched it since. it’s been over a year.

your my bestfriend and i love you but ive also had bit of a crush on u since the 5th grade . but ever since the 5th grade youve chosen my other bestfriends over me . U tell everything we hate hanging out without eachother , we talk more then we talk to anyone else and you still chose them over me i just dont get it . you think ive given up on love or dating bc of my ex but really its bc of u and constanly having my heart shatterd .

I know we haven’t really gotten to know each other but I feel like I’ve met you in a past life. You make me feel so happy & I forget about the world around us. All I focus on is you. I think you said I love you last night but I think I imagined it. I love you as a person & I know one day we will say those three words to each other. I think about you & want to make you the happiest man ever. It scares me. I’ve never cared nor felt this much for a person. I can’t see life without you.