Unsent Messages

My little chili pepper, it has been too long without you. My little sister has been asking where you are. She doesn’t quite understand that she won’t see you ever again. She’s 8 and never had a father figure in her life until you came along. She thought of you as the man that would watch her grow up into a beautiful young woman. She doesn’t actually think that exactly, of course. But I saw in her eyes when she looked at you. Her eyes sparkled when she looked up at you. I haven’t seen that glimmer in a while. I miss it. She is my little baby. I know you loved her. I miss you so much every day. This has been the worst year of my life. I hope you and my mum are having fun. I know how close you guys were before she… you know… People say when you lose someone the pain never really goes away, it just gets easier to deal with. Well, it has been 4 months and nothing has changed. I still can’t find a sewing needle to close the hole in my heart that went with you. You don’t know how bad I want to just end it and join you. But we’ll have to wait to meet again. Belly needs someone. I will never forgive myself if she ends up with my ‘father’. I will never forgive myself for telling you to go to that party. I love you, Nick. I will see you one day. Until then, keep my mother company.