Unsent messages to NICK

It's been months since we've talked but if you showed up at my door tomorrow, I'd take you back in a heartbeat.

I dreamt of you last, dreamt of us and the way you made me feel.
I'm sorry I wasn't ready to be what you needed at the time. But let's be honest it was never going to work in the end

I wish you cared about me the way I cared about you. But then I remember you didn’t, so now I’m happy you’re happy.

you're my first love. scared of being led on considering were not dating yet. i know i mean so much to you and im a happiness in your life but i cant think of the part where you could possbily leave which sucks but when time comes yk its alright because maybe you were a lesson brought into my life. and thats the reason im not stressing about why you havent asked me out yet. thats not me saying im going to wait a year for you either. if you want me so bad you can have me now. not when you feel ready out of no where. being emotionally unavailable must be hard for you but i hope i dont make you think loving someone is hard. thats all.

honestly i think we could have been good i'm sorry i didnt give you a shot. i guess the less i try the less i fail.

you promised me so many times
you would never hurt me, the second i started believing you, you did the unthinkable.

I will never like you the way you like me. I can’t find the words to tell you that and still salvage our friendship. I think we should stop hanging out. I wish it could be different but i can’t change how i feel. You deserve a lot more than this. Please move on from me.

i’ve realized that i’ve never been ur first choice and i wanna hate u so bad, but i cant. i miss the old you.

My mom was right. I do regret it. So much. I took you for granted you don’t even deserve me after that

I LOVE YOU I never fucking said it but god dammit I love you. I’ve never felt more alive and comfortable with another human being. I don’t need you like I used to, but I want you more than ever :(: To the fucking moon and back my love

I hope this is not the end of our story.Please don't leave, I get that you're in a dark place rn, but I really want us to try again. I still want you the way that I did before.

i don’t know why i still miss you. i really shouldn’t. but i do. i think about you everyday. do you think about me? it still hurts to listen to our songs.

I miss you. I only know you from the past but from what I knew , I hope you’re doing better. I wish you the best.

idk if its the fact that you were my first love but i miss you so much you don't even know but it hurts me to remember what you did to me and i don't know what to do about it .

idk if its the fact that you were my first love but i miss you so much you don't even know but it hurts me to remember what you did to me and i don't know what to do about it .

i miss you a lot but i feel like i shouldn’t bc of what you’ve done to me but imy and it hurts me that i do.

idk if you’ll ever see this, but i miss you like hell, Nick. Why do you look at me like you’re looking to a stranger? Is this what we are now?

Even though I never told you or even dated you, you’ll always be my first love. I don’t have a crush on you anymore, but you’ll forever be my weakness. I’ll always love you.

I don't wanna say I love you, and I don't wanna hear how much you do. I'm terrified of changing my mind and being held down. The last thing I wanna do is hurt you. I'm so happy we're taking it slow.

I have feelings for you. I was gonna tell you back in October last year, but then you got a gf so we faded. I’m still not over it

You're the worst fucking person, but I still wonder whether we were made for each other despite that.

I will NEVER be sorry for expressing my emotions and for caring too much. I guess distance did matter to you after all.

i love you so much and every day my love for you grows stronger,you’ll forever be perfect in my eyes no matter how much you hurt me,thankyou for saving my life

I don’t deserve to be sad but I am sad and that makes me hate every inch of myself. I don’t deserve to feel like this cause nothing has made me feel like this except myself. Would you be mad if I left. Would u be even sad. Cause I can’t keep this act up. I can’t pretend to be happy and cheerful when I know what everyone thinks of me. I can’t pretend to be this person and change myself everyday so that maybe I’ll be happy for real for once. I can’t pretend anymore for the sake of selfishness and I can’t ignore what you’ve said to me. I can’t ignore thinking about never being enough whenever I see you. I think it would be best to disappear. I want to disappear somewhere quiet and beautiful but I don’t wanna trouble anyone. So I don’t prove you right and draw attention to myself. I don’t wanna make you sad or mad. I just want to fade and stop. But I don’t know why I feel like this. There’s no reason. I just feel tired I guess. I think I was happy once. But I think I know what would make you happy. It’s so obvious you hate me and that’s ok. I understand why. I know you’d be a bit more relieved if I left. So I will. I’ll pull a disappearing act and you won’t know why but you’ll be happy and maybe I’ll be happy too somewhere else. You win. You got your wish and I’ll just cease.

i fell in love with you again tonight after a long time but you thought my stare was because I hate you and I couldn’t correct you

I cant listen to a single song you showed me. They don't sound the same and every song is suddenly about you

I wanted you to want me the way I wanted you. But, you told me you were not ready for that commitment so now I have to sit back and wait for you to be happy with someone else, which will break me.

fuck you. i hate you so much you made me love you and than you left with out an explanation and im stuck having to just be your friend now. I can never love anyone the same a part of me will love you forever

I may be a little confused, not knowing my emotions, but I am sure of one thing. You are truly the greatest friend I've ever had.

i’m so happy that you’ll never find anyone as good as me. when you hear me on the radio, you’ll kick yourself.

after three years of cheating and lying and manipulation I found the strength to leave you. why can’t you respect me enough to let me go? you may have loved me but your selfishness is what I’ll remember you by

I look back at pictures and remember all the times we have. it's always you and i wish it wasn't. i wish i was capable of loving somebody else.

I like you so much. You make me so happy but I know we can’t be anything more than friends. I understand and it hurts

I wish I could've told you the truth and fixed things. Now I have no one to eat spaghetti out of a wok with