Unsent messages to NICK

you might not be my first love but I need you to know I’m proud of you for being one of the best people I’ve ever met. I appreciate everything you do for me I wish I could repay you one day

You absolutely broke my heart for the wrong reasons but i learned so much and im going to be so much more careful about who will have the chance to break my heart

there was no need to be embarrassed when i didn't want to go to the movies with you but go off. please do not swallow girls' faces when you make out with them; I hear too many complaints. you were actually really nice when i saw you on the range that once time though so i guess i forgive you.

i wish u knew how much i still think of you. and how much i wish u were here. i still hope to love you again one day. another year without you and the holiday season doesn’t feel the same without you. i miss everything about u

I’m sorry I kept hurting you bc I was hurt myself. You’ll always be important to me but we both have to move on.

I miss our ft calls every morning & night. i miss ur smile when you would go into kiss me. i miss watching movies with you but becoming distracted by each other. i miss hearing about your day with your friends. i miss the old you nick, i don't miss the new you. i don't miss you. i just miss how you were back then

We tried and it didn't work out well, but I still think we just didn't put down enough effort. I can't stand overcoming you one more time.

i miss u and i cant get u out my head. there’s a part of me that wants u to come back but idk. i’m sorry i was harsh on you sometimes. i’m sorry i got mad at u in fights. i’m sorry for hurting you and making you confused about a lot. it’s me. don’t overthink who this is you know who this is nick. nose kiss.

I can’t sleep because i’m so broken, you have hurt me so much and you didn’t even have the decency to apologise, did i not mean anything to you

I will always love you. after everything horrible that you have done to me, i still love you and it drives me crazy. in my eyes, you will never do any wrong.

I hope you still think about me. I’m not gonna lie, I think about you all the time. You are the under current of my days.

You were the first boy to ever catch my eye, and that lasted 8 years. now we're both moved on and i wish you nothing but the best.

I wanted us to work I really did. I wanted you to want me, to fight for me. But you didn’t. I know there are reasons why we shouldn’t be together and I know I pointed out those reasons but if you would’ve fought I would’ve stayed.

You took me to a whole other level I never knew was possible. Your the only person I have ever felt comfortable enough to open up to. You don't even know how much you mean to me.

i hope you never regret us. i hope we grow together, just like we said we would. i wish i could explain how much u mean to me.

I had feelings for you since the beginning of time, and I watched us go from best friends to stangers in a second and it hurt

You know, I could never say this in person, but thank you for dealing with all the shit I have put you through the past few years. I kinda put you through the ringer because I was struggling with finding my own identity and didn't know what I wanted. You were so understanding and your friendship means so much to me. Here's to relationships that mean so much more when they are platonic.

i miss you. i remember our movie date back in february, i wonder if you think about it as often as i do, it's stupid that i'm writing this since we agreed to be friends. it's hard, i'm sorry lol idk i'm sorry

Oh, Nick. I'm still trying to get over you. We've never met, but we did talk online for a bit. During those few weeks, I felt something between us. We fell asleep on ft and basically acted as if we were dating. Then She came into the picture. Before I knew it, She took my spot and I was kicked to the curb. I knew that it could never work between us, but I liked pretending like there was someone who actually cared about me. We still talk on occasion, but it's always about her since I'm now basically your marriage counselor. Sometimes I don't mind it since I want the best for you, but I can't help thinking that I wish it was me. I want someone to love me the way that you love her. I want someone to talk about me the way you talk about her. I want someone to treat me the way you treat her. Everyone keeps telling me that my time will come, but I'm sick and tired of waiting. I know that I was happier when I was with you. Regardless of what happened, I wish you the best Nicky

I know we made a deal to end it when I had to leave, but it still feels like I lost. I love you. Do you?

not that it matters, but i miss you and would do anything to have you back in my life :( i’m sorry for the dumb shit i’ve said and done to you.

so i was good enough for you to talk to me like i was your girlfriend but never good enough to be your actual girlfriend. it hurts so much.

its hard for me to catch feelings the way i did for u. but its harder to stick around when all u do is push to see how much ill take

i’m sorry i couldn’t help you, i needed to help myself first. i would give anything to hold your hand and tell you everything is going to be alright again

i think i still love you and to the point where it hurts. but rn there's too much baggage. i wanna give you love but just not in this life.

i never actually liked you as a boy friend and im sorry and we cant even be friends this is your fav color

Thank you for being my first love, I wish we still kept in contact because you were one of the sole reasons I kept going to school.

how can i stop missing you? our time together wasn't long but all i can think is what if i was better, what would we be ? would you still be hooked on you ex or would i finally be good enough? i miss talking everyday and i miss your silly giggle. god please let this man come back to me

im so in love with u and all u do is fuck with my feelings and u seem like u care about me and do things with me and then pretend im not there the next second. what the fuck.

Why couldn't you just actually love me and not lie and not talk to other girls. You were my real first love. But my most toxic relationship.

i’m sorry for everything i’ve said and what i didn’t say. you never deserved anything i put you through and i’m so sorry. you were there for me when no one else was and i wasn’t ever there. you deserve better.

i think i accidentally talked you into cheating. It was a good kiss. You should've told me about ur gf

I miss you even though i know I shouldn’t, I know what you did is wrong but I still would like you here

i'm in love with you but this distance thing is killing me.

I want you to tell me how you feel and not be closed off because you think it'll annoy me :( x

goodbye doodle.
you were my first love, but we said our goodbyes already. i hope you find what you're looking for, because it wasn't me anymore,

I love you. You don’t even know me, but I think about you every day and night. I hate that I need you so much but you have helped me through so much and you’ll never know, I never thought anything was perfect but oh god your eyes.

when we were together, u made me feel safe, like nothing could hurt me. i wonder what i did for that to change.

I still love you. I always will. Even if you don't want me the way I want you. There will always be a piece of my heart that belongs to you. I don't know how to forget you.

you're not who i thought you were or who i wanted you to be, and it sucks. But hey i guess its my fault for thinking you were better.

i felt it back then, cant you tell i still do, i know i held on for too long but somehow that never felt wrong

i keep ur love notes in a drawer, i know u dont feel that way anymore, but it helps knowing you really used to

what we had wasn't even that special yet im still caught on u. i know you have moved on and it sucks. i hope youre happy tho

I was obsessed with you. We never got even close to dating but thank you for making me the person I am today.

although I don't like the person you've become I still wish nothing but happiness for you. I pray god watches over you and keeps you safe.

We were supposed to do so many things together but I just didn´t matter to you like she mattered to you. I hope you are happy and ily forever :)

This might sound weird but i truly love you with all my heart. Thank you so much for being here with me and dealing with my random shit. I love the way you talk to me and the little things you say to make me smile, the little laughs and moments we share. I love you.

Thank you for everything. I will be forever grateful for everything you have done for me. I wish we would have kept in contact in college-- I think we both needed to grow and find ourselves in a way. I really like who I am becoming. I don't know if you knew how much I liked you, admired you. I loved having you in my life as a friend regardless. Lately I have been dreaming about you... I wonder if it means something. I wish you nothing but the absolute best. You deserve the world.

I’m R. I felt a connection between us and I liked talking to you so damn much. But you left without explanation. And I often wander why and if there was something wrong I did.

i miss you so much. but you were always going to be more than a friend for me and i was always just going to be a friend to you.

i cant believe it’s been almost two years. and to think i haven’t taken action on my feelings until now