Unsent messages to S

you stole something from me i know i wont ever get back so look after it for me, while i move on without you :)

When we broke up, it felt like the right decison. I didnt realise i was going to lose you forever. I lost my bestfriend and it hurts like hell.

I really thought we were meant to be, I thought that you were being honest but I was wrong. You're the last person I thought of before I fell asleep, I wasted so many tears and time on you. Thank you for encouraging me to grow, thank you for teaching me to not completely trust guys. I told you I love you, I wish I never said it. Those three words shouldn't have been wasted on someone like you. I actually meant it, I know you didn't.

I know that i told i was ok with you talking about the guy that you had been hooking up with, that i didn’t care anymore and that it didn’t bother me. I lied. With every word you said something inside of me would break, I couldn’t take it facing reality was too hard for me. Why were you kissing someone else after all those years of telling me that you loved me too? Why am I the only one that seems to be still struggling?Were all the things you said to me a lie? Were you just using me all this time? Tbh I’am too scared to know the truth, because if I do idk what would happen to me. I don’t want to lose you, but even though we are still friends I am hurting in secret not wanting to burden you with my feelings. I am a fucking coward. I know that I should just come clean about still having feelings for you and crying because everything changed between us, but if I do it would just ruin the friendship that we have now. So i got used to feeling hurt, i got used to knowing that you don’t feel the same way, as long as we’re still friends i’ll be fine because i’ll still be able to hear your voice and make you laugh. Being gay sucks.

i love you but im afraid we'll never get to meet eachother in this lifetime. why are you so far away?

it was always us. until it wasn’t. you found her but kept me close and called me baby and babe. i’m watching you fall in love with someone else. and it really fucking hurts.

For a moment I thought that I wasn´t going to know anything about u, that I wasn´t going to be able to see u again, I was a little afraid, but now that you´re here again, I feel something ...
I´m happy to hear your voice again.

te extraño mucho mejor amigo, extraño hablar de cualquier cosa o incluso de disfrutar de los silencios que habían a nuestro al rededor, discúlpame, no era lo suficientemente buena para ti en ese momento, y no sabes cuanto me duele, cada vez que veo la luna pienso en ti y en los momentos juntos

I really wished you knew how much i like you, the way you’re in my head 24/7. i’ve never met a person like you before, it’s unreal.

After we broke up we didn't talk for two months. i thought i would get over u and i thought i did. until we started talking again. I was gonna say as friends in that last sentence but idk what we are tbh. one moment u called me one of the boys and minutes later ur repetitively calling me gorgeous. remember the guy i was talking to? i told u ab him the other day. I hung out with him five times and still broke things off before a relationship started. u wanna know why? because when we started talking again i realized i still love u...i told i stopped talking to him bc i was scared of a relationship bc of what u put me through. u knew u hurt me and agreed. that was part of the reason but i'll never be in a relationship with another guy until im over u. u wanna know something else? i told him all about u. and how amazing we were together. how could i be so blind and think i didn't like u anymore?

Thank you for showing me what i don’t like about men. Because off you i’ll never make the same mistake.

hi, j'ai imaginé plein d'histoires ensemble. j'ai pensé qu'on aurait pu aller à Chatelet ensemble, puis dans un boba café pour finir dans un métro semi-bondé tard le soir avec seulement toi. bien évidemment je n'ai fait aucun efforts pour aller te parler plus souvent par peur d'être chiante ou bizarre. et jade a mieux réussi que moi apparemment. j'ai peu pleure même si j'étais rouge quand tu étais à côté de moi, pour montrer que j'ai appris de mes erreurs passées. vous avez l'air plus complémentaires que ce que j'avais imaginé pour nous deux. et je suis mitigée entre vous envier ou vous admirer. je n'aime pas envier les autres par peur de porter l'œil puissant que j'ai. mais ma position est admirablement neutre ce qui n'est pas de mes habitudes. Prends ton temps avec elle et vivez votre premier et vrai amour. je me trouve cringe mais mes émotions sont sorties pour la plupart actuellement.

I miss u texting first, random snaps and sending funny things. Confused but not a problem cause ik u will be back.

i think i love you; i really do. i'm afraid u don't feel the same or u'll leave soon. i really hope we can work this out, side by side.

it's hard to get over you, you were someone who actually made me feel like i found myself again. i played the playlist we made together, it made me miss you more than i already do. my heart has a special place for you, but i know i dont have a special place in yours.

I miss the old you. I miss the memories of what we had together. Its never going to be the same again. We were too young.

hope whoever you’re with now is making you happier than i ever could. you’ll never see this but im sorry.

People say that you fall in love 3 times in your life. 1 when you are young and you don't know how to act or how it works. But my first love was the most painful thing id ever gone through, I was young and stupid and fell for everyone of your lies. Now that you're gone iv'e realised how proud I am of letting our toxic relationship go and excited to fall in Loe another 2 times because I know I won't make the same mistakes.
Love iz.

I hope we become more closer how we were and talk about random shit and goof off,, love ya still..pees

liking you was poetic, you made me want to change myself for the good. but unfortunately it didn't last long.

haha, your favorite color. i miss your messages, good nights, good morning, and mostly us talking. miss you

I realize that things aren’t going to be how they used to anymore and I have to let you go and I can’t it’s just hard for me it’s for the best though

You were the first person to have the exact same humor as me. I remember laughing while others were confused.

i remember thinking my other half was sitting right in front of me, and you looked at me and saw just another chapter

Me ilusionaste en la cena y llore dias por sentirme un juego, no sabes cuanto me heriste y de verdad creo que si se hubiera dado lo nuestro hubiera sido lindo.

Man I was really into you and you knew that to , you really fucked me up . You didn’t have to lie about what you did .

I will never forget you. 7 billion people and I still think of you every day. You're the only one. Don't you get it? How many years has it been? Four? Five? Six? I cant think straight right now but one think I will never forget. I will never forget you.

You were my first love. My body, bones, and heart ached for you. Now, because of you they break at the thought of you. You broke me. You broke me into a thousand little pieces. Then you left them shattered and alone. Everyday I pray I never have to speak to you again. I loved you and you acted as if it never happened.

i am in love with you. i told you i liked you about a month ago… to my surprise you like me back. we are now talking. i don’t know what it is about you but i just know your the one and i never want to lose you. the way your eyes are and your hair your personality is so amazing and you’ve never made me feel less of myself and i love you for that. oh btw were talking:)

Cuando dijiste que te sentías solo porque nadie te tomaba en serio, moría de ganas por decirte: “me tienes a mí, pero no te soy suficiente”.

you cause me so much pain as friend finding people to talk and let in is so hard I hate myself so much for trusting I was so stupid what a idiot why would u do something like to you don't understand how much pain you have cause me and still causing...

you are my best friend and i think you love me too. but we can't be together because i can't be out yet

I miss you but you break me every day like it’s easy. You don’t think of me like I do you? Why can’t we have what we use to have?

you’re so sweet to me but that plays around my heart a bit, you don’t know i’m writing this so i’m just going to expose my feelings to you through a letter you won’t see- okay so i like you, obviously i won’t do anything about it bc you’re with her lol, i’m happy for you tho. i hope she treats you well and you do the same! also the only reason i’m doing this is plainly bc i cannot express my crush to you in person, or ever but i do like you, your so amazing thank you, for everything. x

i miss you, i think about you all the time. i remember looking into your eyes and falling in love for the first time. it broke my heart to know it was all a lie, and you already had someone else in mind

I wish i could tell how how much I care about you I know that you are going through a ruff first break up with your first GF and rn things might seem shity but know that there are people that care about you a lot, I CARE you mean the world to me but now is not the time to tell you that you need to heal and I will let you heal. someday I hope I could tell you my real feelings about you

i miss the person i made up in my head while you were gone because it hurts more after you came back.

I don't know how to talk to you. I'm not thinking straight. talk to me and we'll get through this together

Hey! Just wanted to let you know how much I love you. My heart is full whenever I’m with you. I can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together. You’re the one... I’m done looking. Hugs and kisses, talk to you later my princess :)

I've been by your side through all your loves. When you ask me for mine, I wish I could say it's only ever been you.

you absolutely ruined me, its sad we didnt work out. you couldn't grow as a person and you blamed everything on me. i really wish i never met you, but i know i dont mean that. you were a big lesson. i have no hate towards you, i let go finally. isn't that what you wanted?

Hey,
I always find myself focusing on the good of you instead of the bad... you take my kindness as something to use against me :( but i still love you?

do you just wanna fuck me or do you care what i ate for breakfast today or what my favorite flower is or what makes me smile

you were my absolute best friend. i’m watching you turn into a person i don’t recognize and there’s nothing i want to do more then tell you how idiotic you look. you’re cocky and self centered and an awful person. i miss the real you. the genuine you. it breaks my heart. i don’t have you here with me anymore. i purposely ignore your calls because they feel like a chore. you call me only when you need something, or to talk about other girls or some superficial thing. please take a look at yourself and come back to me, i miss you and i love you.

Why didn’t you tell me when you fell out of love when I completely drained myself to fix both of our issues?

There is so much I wish I said to you before we grew apart. I hope you still love me like I love you.

I hope your doing good. I miss you. The last time I saw you was back in september. As much what you did wasn't tasteful I still can't hate you.I still love you but I know for sure you don't. I just wished you gave me chance. Just one last shot, that's all I needed to show you that I changed. I hate being in these streets. It fucking sucks. I but knew you wasn't going to give me that chance because you was with someone so I knew that wasn't going to happen. All those times i saw all I wanted to do was get on my knees and tell you that I love you and just cry. But I knew I had to be strong. I never knew I would be so hung up over you until this day. It would have been a year since we met and been together. I just want the universe to bring us, together one last time. Just one last time. That's all I need. I still love you for you. Not the sex, the gifts, not nothing. I still want you. You was and still big part of my life. You made me who I am today. I would go through hell and back just to hear your voice aging and hug you aging. Just..... I wish I knew better before all of this. Treated you better, talk you better, gave you want you needed from me. Just everything..... there so much I can say but what is there to say when your already so gone.I hate people filling in your space. I fucking hate it so much. I just wish you can you be in brain and see and understand what's going on in my mind. I just want to a text from you one last time and talk to you one last time that's all.

hi, i miss you, i really need to talk to you. so you can tell me it isn't really over. but i know that won't happen.

I wish I had actually meant it when I said 'I love you' I feel like it would've made everything easier.

You are selfish for letting me love you like that when all you were planning to do was let me go, I believed you when you told me you would never do that and I said I trusted you but I guess were both liars now huh? I can't bear to miss you so I choose to hate you to make it easier but we both know I could never hate you even through all you put me through. I actually really care so much about you it hurts, I gave you my everything that I lost myself when you left now I lay in bed with my heart completely shattered wondering how someone could do that to someone I was so good for you but you chose her the person who breaks you to nothing while I spent my time trying to fix your brokenness by tearing apart my heart and giving you the pieces you were missing now I'm left with nothing so if you try to come back again just know I have nothing to give to you, so I must find those pieces I need by loving myself. And when I do have all my pieces and you come back just know they wont fit your missing pieces because they belong to me no one else.