Unsent messages to JOSH

we said we were soulmates. remember how we use to joke and say "soulmate things".. today you said we werent meant to be. you have no idea how much that hurt me.

we talked tonight. i am listening to our song still.. i do every night. i love you... please say you love me back.

I wish I could've told you how I felt before it was too late. Nothing is the same these days. I long for you.

i keep searching for a connection like we had, but i don't think i'll ever find one like it. i hope you're happy though.

you dummy, i care so much about you and there is nothing more that i want more than for you to be happy

Part of me really misses you and would do anything to be with you again and then the other part of me is so hurt by you that I never want to see your face again. You came into my life, became my best friend, and then left me here alone. You got tired of the fighting so fast, you didn't want to fight for me. It hurts so bad because all I wanted was for you to care about me. Facetime me a little more, maybe ask how I am and you claimed you were too busy for even that. I know a lie when I see one. I wish you would've just told me that you didn't love me anymore instead of putting me through 3 weeks of unrest. Constantly checking your location and seeing you with the girl I worry about, thinking every notification was your "I want you back text", spending the hours distracting myself trying to think about anything but you. You look so happy without me. You forgot about me in a week after 7 months together. I always wonder if maybe one day you'll text me again but you never do. I think about texting you sometimes but I remember that you told me to move on and that you didn't want to be in a relationship with me. That hurt. I wish that I was someone worth it. Someone you loved so much, you would do anything to be with me but instead I was just another person from your hometown you wanted to forget. I go in and out of getting over you and I wish I could just forget about you at times.Other times I wish I could just kiss you one last time. I am doing okay without you and I know eventually I will be fine but right now I wish I had a time machine so I can go back and treasure our moments together. you make me feel so stupid and I question if you ever even loved me. Sometimes I go through our old messages where you told me how much I meant to you to make sure that our love was real but if it was and you meant those words, you would never have let me go. You used me when you were at your lowest and left me at mine. I am so angry at you and I want to hate you but I can't. I am scared for the day you come back home, I am not ready to see you. You broke my heart into a million pieces and I am working on getting myself back and seeing you again would just ruin that. Everyday I remind myself that I shouldn't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me but that doesn't make it any easier. After everything you've done to me, I still wish you the best and as much as it hurts to see you so happy without me, I am glad you are. I hope you find your someone who is worth the fight because I know now I am not her. I will see you around.

I'm sure na di mo naman toh makikita, I just wanted to say I'm slowly letting go... di mo na kailangan mag-alala na may nagkakagusto sayo.

i haven't written in a bit. its been a week or more since we stopped talking. its getting easier. my heart does not ache for you so much. i don't think of you all the time. but anytime a certain song plays or someone says ur name my heart drops. but i hope your doing well. I think ive finally excepted that your gone, and that you get to move on. your not mine anymore and its okay. ill still always be here. im just waiting for a text that isnt going to happen.. my sister talks about you alot. she misses playing with you. anyway i guess thats all. bye.

i like to think that everyone that comes into your life is there for a reason. your reason was to show me how much better i deserve.

I’m so glad you came into my life. When I wake up next to you I don’t feel the pain I felt for so many years.

sorry i didnt love you back, but you didnt have to treat me so poorly because of it... we were still friends

i don't know how to tell you, but ever since they came into my life i've wanted less to do with you and more to do with the two of them. i always suspected i was less in love and more just settling, and my suspicion has been confirmed. i'm sorry if i end up hurting you.

i know you text so many girls cause i keep finding out more and more but for some fucking reason i still think we could be something again even though you only used me

i dont know if your reading any of these. But if your reading this and your thinking "is this for me?" just know it is. im sorry i write so much its just the only way i feel like i still can talk to you. even if you dont reply...i miss you and ill wait for you. text me when your ready. a guy actually asked me on a date yesterday.. i was actually meant to go today but i couldnt. hes not you. im trying to let go but i guess i think you will come back, i dont know if thats true or not.. i love you. im done writing on here.. so goodbye.

we never saw each other in person but the month(ish) of us talking was nice. you kinda led me on though, so i feel like i should stop looking at our old texts.

I still can't stop thinking about you and it's been 4 years. We had a small thing, but I was the happiest when I was with you. I was so stupid to go back to my ex at the time. I still like you Josh...

it hurts when I know you can’t love me like I love you, we were soulmates. Maybe we will meet in another lifetime.

I forgive you and I'm finally happy again. I hope you are too. I'll never forget you. Try to be your true self - I still loved you after finding out, so others will also

Do you think we could give it another go? i miss you. i miss your touch, and your voice, and they way we snapped till late night.

I still feel the same way, since our English Lit lessons. I'm sorry, I really am. - (jokey low key josh..)

do you think about when we were younger and would sit in the garden staring at the stars and talking about how we hoped our lives would go? i wish you were still in mine. i'll always meet you at the corner if you ever need me.

You seem really sweet and nice, I wish I wasn’t so shy and could gain the courage to talk to you more

I still think about you even tho it has been many years. Too may what ifs or what could of been pass through my head daily.

i remember one time you asked what my biggest fear was and i told you it was being alone. But it was actually losing you.

i hope you never hurt someone the way you hurt me. i hope you remember one day the way you assaulted me

hey it’s me. you would be so proud of me right now if you weren’t acting like you didn’t care about me. i did it for you

I mean it with all my heart when I say you’re my soulmate. We were made for each other. I’ve never been this happy with someone. Thank you for making me a better person. I owe you my life. I love you.

You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I want to spend my life with you, I’m scared that you don’t.

i finally think i’m over your shit, i thought it would be more painful to say goodbye but it wasn’t, whether that’s because i blocked it all out and stopped thinking about you or because i never really cared i’m unsure of. i actually feel sorry for you, a shitty school with shitty people, i pity you. i pity you. i never told you i pitied you cause you would’ve felt so angry, but i did, and i still do, just know that. you won’t see this ever, i know you won’t, but writing this just feels great. i realised anytime we’re not talking i seem to get better and as soon as i’m reminded of you or talk to you again i fall back into a pit. i’m better, i wish you could be honest and say the same but you can’t cause you’re not. i don’t think i ever loved you, i just loved what i had convinced myself you were, in truth you’re just a horrible person. do what you want, i’m not here anymore :)

i think im finally over you and then once in a while my heart drops when i hear your name and i know im still holding on

you broke my heart, but thank you for being my first love, i hope ill always be in your life one way or another, i love you

i don’t think you’ll ever understand how much you validated my entire existence; or equally how much you made it miserable.

i really loved u and u still broke me and it was nothing to u did i ever mean anything to u god u were so perfect u could do no wrong yet u still broke me, i’ve moved on tho i never thought i could but i’ve moved on. so fuck u!

We spoke for 6 months everyday and you promised to meet me... then one day you stopped texting me altogether... why?

i’m sorry for not being the person u really want. i’m sorry i’m not the girl u met that night and i’m sorry i left, if i could change time i would and i’d make everything abt me different

I'm so sorry... It was all my fault we didn't work out and its something I still struggle to come to terms with...

I still think about you, all the time. It's been 2 years but I still love you as much as I do when we were together. I hope you're happier. I love you, forever and always

I’m so sorry, I care about you more than anyone even though you don’t believe me. I love you. I hope we try again one day.

We were falling for each other like the autumn leaves. Then you ran back to your cheating ass hoe you just moved out with, and I’m here reminiscing you & the love I’ve grown for you. I miss you. Come back

hi bebe.i know you’ll never read this so i guess i’ll just type everything out.i miss you,a lot.but i don’t miss the way you treated me sometimes.i deserved better and you knew that.i want things to go back to how they were,so bad.but it isn’t that simple.you won’t let your feelings in and that hurts but i’d never want someone to force me to expose my raw hurt emotions,so it isn’t fair of me to ask you to do that.i wanna go back,go back to when you first said i loved you and how happy that made me.i couldn’t stop smiling,you made me smile a lot..and cry too.i have to remember those parts too.but they don’t phase me because i’ve already forgiven you for all of that.i just want my bebe back but i don’t think that’s possible anymore.i keep wishing and hoping but i think i’m running out of it.i never want to stop but i know my heart will have to eventually if you never want me back. your eyes,God your eyes get me all the time.the gateway to the soul they say.i know your soul and heart,even the scarier parts.but i believe in your heart and who you want to be.i hold onto that version instead of the version you’ve showed me for the past month.i don’t know if we will ever be together again but i know a part of me will always be able to come back to you in a heartbeat.thats the thing,you know my heart too and everything about me.you know i don’t give up but lately it feels like i need to give up because i’m not getting any signs of hope.i feel like i’ve seen small glimpses but i fr can’t tell if they were real or not.i miss your hand in mine, not like how they are now,but when my hands were only meant for yours and yours were only meant for mine.im sorry my love wasn’t enough for you and you felt like you had to go find it in other girls.that hurt a lot.but you said they meant nothing to you and i believe you bc you’re broken inside and you were trying to find a connection with a girl and you’d rather show and give love then truly and actually receive it because that’s when you get hurt.so if by some crazy reason you happen to read this,then i ask one thing of you.if you miss me too and wanna think abt the possibility abt being vulnerable again and exploring what you actually feel for me,then ask me to go star gazing.you know how i love the stars and always chase them.so tell me you wanna chase them with me.

If i could go back i dont know if i would make it so i never met you. If i never met you i would not be in so much pain. But then again you taught me that i could be loved and thats something special.

we spoke last night, you said it would get easier to not think of you. i wonder if you feel as strongly for me as i do to you because if you did you would know that, thats not true.

why does your girlfriend hate me so much. i miss you and i really wish we could've made it last. im sorry :(

i’ve tried so hard to let u go. tried to talk to new guys. but they’re not u. why put in effort when it’s not u n won’t be the same as u. u were the first person i could be myself around. u brought happiness into my life. and i always feared if one day we would grow apart. sadly we did. and i miss everything. i’m not the same person without u. u were the first boy that i cried on their shoulder. if i could turn back time and actually tell u how i felt i would’ve instead of being scared to commit to a relationship just cuz u were my best friend. u meant everything to me and u still do. ik if we become close friends again those feelings will never go away. i love u and i hate that i still do. i love u josh. i miss u loser.

If it wasn’t for me crying during I don’t think you would of stopped after I told you no so many times

Why was nothing I ever did enough. You never trusted me. Turns out you were with my friend the entire time. Screw you dude, but I loved you and will always have love for you. Forever.

i still love you. i hope you know that even though we were toxic i don’t regret meeting you and i don’t at all regret loving you. i wish you would text me.. just say you love me one more time. i wish we could have been more. i still listen to our song. i hope you move on still and find someone new and be happy. i just wish you could of been happy with me.

thank you for treating me well and helping me become comfortable with myself. i’m sorry it got so toxic.

I trusted you with my darkest secrets and toughest time in my life. I helped you through ur battles too. I was always there for you. why did you use me for my body and dump me. I still wonder why I wasn't enough.

I’m so sorry that I can’t love you. You are the perfect human being and I just wish I could make myself fall in love with you, but I can’t. Not to mention I’m not as good as you think I am, you would regret choosing me in a matter of weeks. This is for the better