Unsent Messages

Part of me really misses you and would do anything to be with you again and then the other part of me is so hurt by you that I never want to see your face again. You came into my life, became my best friend, and then left me here alone. You got tired of the fighting so fast, you didn't want to fight for me. It hurts so bad because all I wanted was for you to care about me. Facetime me a little more, maybe ask how I am and you claimed you were too busy for even that. I know a lie when I see one. I wish you would've just told me that you didn't love me anymore instead of putting me through 3 weeks of unrest. Constantly checking your location and seeing you with the girl I worry about, thinking every notification was your "I want you back text", spending the hours distracting myself trying to think about anything but you. You look so happy without me. You forgot about me in a week after 7 months together. I always wonder if maybe one day you'll text me again but you never do. I think about texting you sometimes but I remember that you told me to move on and that you didn't want to be in a relationship with me. That hurt. I wish that I was someone worth it. Someone you loved so much, you would do anything to be with me but instead I was just another person from your hometown you wanted to forget. I go in and out of getting over you and I wish I could just forget about you at times.Other times I wish I could just kiss you one last time. I am doing okay without you and I know eventually I will be fine but right now I wish I had a time machine so I can go back and treasure our moments together. you make me feel so stupid and I question if you ever even loved me. Sometimes I go through our old messages where you told me how much I meant to you to make sure that our love was real but if it was and you meant those words, you would never have let me go. You used me when you were at your lowest and left me at mine. I am so angry at you and I want to hate you but I can't. I am scared for the day you come back home, I am not ready to see you. You broke my heart into a million pieces and I am working on getting myself back and seeing you again would just ruin that. Everyday I remind myself that I shouldn't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me but that doesn't make it any easier. After everything you've done to me, I still wish you the best and as much as it hurts to see you so happy without me, I am glad you are. I hope you find your someone who is worth the fight because I know now I am not her. I will see you around.