Unsent messages to JOSH

Thank you for teaching me that the true love I always dream about will never come to me if I don’t learn to see the beauty within myself and accept all the ugly too. I hope she makes you happy.

you left insta, before the day i was gonna unblock you. till this day, i have a quest for myself, i guess. i will find you, at least... i really do still love you after everything. and please, forgive me. im truly sorry and i hope one day, i can see you again or talk to you.

You broke my heart so many times and the thing that hurts the most is that you never loved me as much as I loved you.

josh. i honestly thought i loved you. my first love. i was so wrong. we were perfect, too perfect. i still wonder what was the first event that sent us crumbling down. other girls? u lost interest? whatever it was, i wish i knew. you were a dream to me, and i to you. i opened ur last message three days ago. i cant say i miss you, this was a long time coming but i miss the idea of you . im glad we tried but im even more glad that you are out of my life. ur toxic

you left my life so unexpectedly it was unfair. i hate you so much but i still find myself longing for you. i don’t know how i’m supposed to move on.

you're one of the reasons that i'm doing okay rn. you are one of the best people ive ever met and im so scared every day that you're going to leave. i hope you stay because i want you in my life. i want to do so many things w you. you inspire me and i love you so much.

brown eyes were always just brown until i got to stare into yours. i could get lost in them and that’s what hurts the most. the way you touched me and the way you hugged me and held me tight is that the reason why you can’t look me in my eyes when you trying to ignore me or is it because i’m no longer what you want that day.

i think of the way you held me so tight and how u touched me and how somedays you can’t even look at me and it crushes me. i think you can’t look at me because you know u would let me in if you did.

i’m sorry for how i treated you after we broke up, it wasn’t right of me to act that way and i’m embarrassed that i let my emotions get the better of me. i just wanted to let you know i never meant the harsh things i said. once again i am truly sorry for being so toxic at the end. thank you for all the nice memories you gave me and especially for the lessons i learned along the way. our story was a short one but it was nice while it lasted. i wish you nothing but the best. just know the stars shine for you. still to neptune’s moons and back.

also you are the perfect mix between comfort, passion and risk. silence feels comforting with you, please never leave.

i can feel myself moving on from my ex. i'm scared but i think i'm falling in love with you. your brown eyes are the safest thing in the world, i would do anything to feel the warmth they bring me right now.

I don't know if you hear the thoughts the way I do. I don't know if I make it all up in my head or if there truly is something between us. I wish you would tell me what you know. I don't know if I love you, or you love me, or if this is something bigger than that.

sometimes i think about us and wonder how two people could be so in love and not be meant for each other.

i know how i wasn’t the best looking person in the world, but the fact you were always nice to me.... i will remember that forever(:

when we weren't talking, i tried to look for you in everyone else. thing is, they were never you. thats why im so glad you texted me. tysm and ily even if i show it a lil less than before. ill get used to it blEgh. :)

i’m slowly falling in love with you . you’re all i want , i’ll always be here for you even if you leave me . i know what to we can’t have each other right now but it’ll get better soon baby. i promise .

I still wonder what it would have been like to slow dance with you...and now I can’t stop thinking about it

You hurt me mentally and I hate you for that. But I’m still deeply in love with you. That’s why I’m still with you.

i’ve finally let you go, i no longer search for you name on my story and i no longer think about the what if’s. thank you for showing me what i truly deserve

it hurts so much knowing that you probably think of me as no more than a friend or even just an acquaintance. i know it’s so likely that you’ll never feel the same and the odds of us are most definitely not in my favour but i’ll always be there for you no matter what, you’re everything to me, i think you’re the definition of perfection. it hurts seeing you and losing focus on everything around me because of your beautiful eyes that change from the colour of a forest in summer to a galaxy like
blue in the sun. eventhough you may not see the same you as i do, i assure you that what you may see as imperfections are what make you so charming. i know you feel the need to hide your true feelings around others sometimes and i wish that i could just give you a hug and tell
you that everything will be okay and that you can always vent to me but i cant. if things were different i hope that i would stand even the slightest chance with you than i do now, you’ll probably find a love of your own soon and it probably won’t be me and i won’t deny it, it’ll hurt bad but all would ever want is to see you happy. you are unlike no other that i have ever met, i love that you have such a passion for history and writing, i would love to learn more about both. i admire you so very much and you are my inspiration to pursue my love of writing which i would have never taken further if it wasn’t for you. i have read some of your writing online and although i may be slightly biased, i genuinely do think you have so much potential and that you’re such a talented writer, you could write about the most dull subjects and i would be immersed in the words for hours on end. i am so thankful to have you in my life, even if you will never feel the same, even if you never notice me in the same way of which i notice you and even if you forget me. you mean so much to me and i know i have recently expressed some of those feelings but words on a plain little card cannot even begin to illustrate my admiration for you. this has gone father than i ever anticipated and i myself cannot even begin to fathom how this has happened but it has, i have begun to pick up on the slightest little things such as the way you always walk with perfect posture, the way you always tilt your head slightly when you grin and the way your eyes twinkle when we make eye contact. i think i’m in love with you but i’m not sure that you can or will ever know.

I still dont know how to feel. I fucking despise you for not keeping the promise. I kept mine for much longer. you were the only thing keeping me sane and you're gone. but I also know it was entirely my fault. I was despicable. I want you to know im getting help. I'm so sorry my darling.

i don’t know where i went wrong but loving you was the best feeling in the world and i’d do anything to have you back in my arms

It’s been 11 years and you’re still one of my best friends. Thanks for being there for me buddy. I love you

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop loving you. I just wish you would look at me the way I look at you. I’ll wait for you.

Yoshi, if you ever find this website you'll know who I am. I wish you chose me, I thought that this time you would. I thought it was good timing. You chose her, again. She's bad for you, we both know this, so why? I hope we get a little infinity together because I don't think i'll ever stop loving you, yes love. All those feelings came back. And I can't lose you, so I won't tell you, i'll keep it locked away, like I do with everything. I think you stopped caring. You never ask how I am or if i've ate anymore, you promised this wouldn't happen. You swore you weren't like the rest of them, why'd you lie? I can't deal with another one sided friendship, I have too many of those, I thought that this time you were the one who would care just as much as I care, what happened?

you were my first love and ive compared every guy i met to you since we split. i regret nothing. i’ll miss sharing headphones with you, jamming out on calls, and waking up to your corny ass good morning messages. we have so many unfulfilled promises we never completed, and maybe someday we can get back to them. for now, im happy i have you back as a friend dum-dum, i really missed you.

I’m finally better. I’m leaving ch for good soon so I doubt we’ll ever meet again, But I’m okay now. I’m sorry I put so much stress on you. I probably hurt you in so many ways. I apologize, it was very selfish of me. I will admit I was super attached but I should have known better. Thanks for the memories. Have a good life. -LJ

“You have to experience the lows to appreciate the highs”

I never realized how toxic you were until you broke up with me. Im embarrassed by the thought that I was your girlfriend.

I will always love you josh and I think that’s what’s gonna hurt me in the end . The way I can’t see myself with anyone but you kills me . It’s like I can’t get away . I know you’re bad for me but I still can’t seem to let go . I’ve been wanting to talk to you about everything and how I truly feel . I just don’t feel like I have the courage . I don’t want to argue anymore but it kills me the way you still hold on to people who hurt you . You have to let go . Even if I am one of those people .

i’m sorry for telling u i like u. i just needed to get it done before new years. i’ll move on now, i just needed you to know.

i honestly really miss u and u cared about me so much more than anyone does n no one compares, i dont want anyone else. but u got bored of me so fast. idk what i did wrong. i guess ur just a player, but i was actually invested in u and our relationship. i wish you'd feel what i felt. i really really liked u.

Thank you for all the facetime calls till 7am. Thank you for the many times you have given me your hoodies. Thank you for the deep talks at 3am. But thank you for being my first love. I still remember the time when i would always wish upon a star that fate would put me and you together. Its cringey but, I loved you for a very long time. The amounts of tears that i shredded, the amount of times I got frustrated, frustrated that I loved you for so many years. I wanted to get over you cus I know that you wouldn't feel the same, but for some reason, my eyes would glance across the room, looking for you. My heart pulsing like crazy whenever you speak to me... and when you look into my eyes, butterflies would start to erupt. I loved you. I really did. But you started to get dry with me, you started to drift apart from me. It confused me, it hurted me. Even though you did this, I still waited. I waited for that reply, i waited for that call... but it never came. Love is weird. Love can build you, love can break you. But love teaches you things along the way. You. My first love, taught me that I shouldn't wait for things that would never happen.

You made me cry. You made me laugh. You made me frustrated. But most of all, you made me realise that I was deeply in love with you. But you didn't love me back. What were those facetime calls till 7am for? What were giving me your hoodies for?What were those deep talks at 3am for? It made me angry that I still loved you even after you started to distance yourself from me. It hurt. It still hurts. But I hope that your happy

You were the first one to ever break my heart. I dont think you realise how much you did and still mean to me.

you were the first person i loved, but you wont be the last. thank you for teaching me what love isnt.

it’s you it always has been and you knew that but yet you still play with my emotions even though we’re over you still some how manage to hurt me i just wish i was strong enough to let you go but i don’t know if i’ll ever be but i hope one day i could...i love you and i want you back it’s been forever and i swear you’re on my mind everyday but i’m smart enough for right now to try and let you go

im sorry for hurting you. i was trapped. i wish i could give you closure. i hope your life is okay and im glad you’re figuring yourself out. i wish i could talk to you again. i love you

for christmas can you please tell me what we are? im tired of acting like your friend if you're not going to be mine back. it would be fitting if you saw this, all we've had is our indirectness anyway

I saw a falling star the other night. And I didn’t wish to have a lot of money or something. I wished for you coming back.

i know it was my fault but even before that you never tried and now when i see you my heart breaks just a little each time.

im falling for you hard, really hard. i wish you could see yourself how i see you, you’re a piece of art. i.. i love you. a lot.

You have really broken me since you left me.
Wondering why I wasn’t worth trying for.
Please come back, I’m not doing very well

You have really broken me because you left me.
But I still love you and I really want you to come back.
Please come back, I’m not doing very well

hey, this is weird but i want to tell you that i’m not over you. ik i moved on but i still think about you everyday.

i know things have always been complicated between us but i hope you know i’ll always love and care about you no matter what. you deserve better than what i can give you right now.

Its funny. I was the one to end it but now and then I just want you name to pop up on my phone, like the rush of happiness I would get. I'm sorry I put you through that, I just was stuck in a dark place and I didn't want to drag you through it with me. You're the sweetest person, I know and I didn't want to put you through it. It hurt when you said you didn't want to talk to me anymore, but hey I deserved it. I wish I could say, I love you one more time.

You keep hurting me really badly, and I'm hurting you too and I'm sorry that I am but I had no intention to hurt you however you had so much intention to hurt me. Even though you said you loved me. And that really hurt because we both kept coming back but now I think that was the last time it will happen. You might text me to apologize or you might text me to make empty threats. Honestly, I just hope I get an apology but I just want to forget everything and not talk to you again, even though you made me happy, but at the same time I was hurting, I think we both were :( .

I convinced myself for so long that I was in love with you and it broke me, and you had no idea at all.

Not a day goes by where I don’t think of you...I wish we both could undo all the pain we have caused each other

i wish you were mine. i wonder if you ever had feelings for me. i wonder what could've been at that one party.