I think I’m done. You’ll always be the first boy I ever loved. Thank you for everything you taught me, good or bad.


Goodbye...

Why did you have to end it? I don’t believe that nothing happened. What did I do? I thought we were perfect. We could have easily made distance work and you know it.. but you left and took my heart with you.

I would say I'm sorry, but you didn't care when we broke up, so why should I apologize if I didn't hurt you?

fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you duck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you

if i’m over you why do i still have dreams about you every night? why do i get flashbacks to the mall and your basement?

why?? why’d you have to break all of your promises? why’d you have to mess it up twice? all i did was love you and didn’t get it back. i hope u realize that u messed up someday

there's so many things i want to say to you. i have so many questions about how you've been- what kind of person you've become. it's been a year and a bit since we broke up, and i'm sorry that i obsessed over it for so long. i now realize it was for the best, and i am much happier and stable without you as an active part of my life. the controlling, manipulative toxicity was something i didn't see before, and i hurt the both of us by not leaving. i'm so much happier now. i have different friends, a different life, and i'm now a different me. i'm no longer the girl at our school that can't forget you no matter how hard i try. quarantine really helped me think about everything and find myself, and i'm not gonna lie, the person you dated wasn't right. i was very influenced by the people around me. you included. the toxicity flew past my head because i thought i was happy with you, and all my friends thought i was too. therefore i thought that i had to be happy. i'm sorry that i wasn't enough, that i wasn't able to keep a stable relationship with you and i wish that we could have ended on better terms. however, that's all in the past and i am very happy where i am now. you helped me learn who i was and how to respect myself. not to stoop so low to the point where i need to compromise my own beliefs for the person i'm involved with. do i miss being friends with you like we used to be? kind of, but seeing as you're toxic and racist, no. however, thank you. you being in my past taught me many things that i couldn't have learnt otherwise. you're a crucial part of who i am and who i've become, and i'm extremely grateful for my experience with you. thank you.

we have both moved on but it's difficult for me to see you with someone who doesn't seem to care at all.

If you asked me how many times you've crossed my mind I would say once because you never really left. You will always be alive in my heart.

do you ever think about me? I think you do; you definitely do.... right? cause I only ever think of you.

I was never able to form a stable relationship after you... some days I think you invented the art of ghosting

So do I go?

Meant it when I said I’ll never reach out again, why should I? I’m not fucking telepathic bro

it's been months now. I just wonder if you still think of me, or if anything still reminds you of me. make her as happy as you made me.

i have so much to say and i don't even know where to start. is she making you happy? no really. is she? i just want what's best for you now. i used to think about how pretty our babies would be, especially if they had your eyes, i used to only be able to fall asleep to the sounf of your voice, and now i don't even remember it, or your laught, but hopefully it's bringing her as much joy as it brought me, usually accompanied by your stupid jokes that i would give the world to get to experience one more time. maybe it trult was right person but wrong time. maybe we were just meant to be in another life. i hope there are still little things that remind you of me, maybe, but i doubt it now. maybe you'll come back to me and it'll pick up like nothing happened, maybe. i should've told you i was in love with you when i had the chance, i didn't want to scare you away, now i just regret never putting my full self out there for you to see. how is your mom and how are your dogs? the only three girls you would ever call prettier than me. how're classes? i know graduation during covid sucked, so hopefully freshman year classes are better. me and your friend dom still talk sometimes, but never about you, not anymore. go talk to him brendan, he misses you. i miss you too, i love you, and i hate that i never got to say that when i had you.

its weird. i'm in a new apartment you've never been in, in a new job, my life is brand new completely wiped of you. i thought i'd be okay, you'd be so distant it wouldn't matter to me anymore, the slate would be clean. but fuck, man, i still miss you sometimes. maybe it was the comfort we had together, the ease. maybe we were meant to be something after all. maybe we weren't. i don't know. i think i want to talk to you again but i don't know anymore

you were my first love, even though it ended as me watching you from afar. from 1st grade through 8th, you made me a fool for your attention, but i learned and grew from it in the end. I can't believe were in highschool now.

How could you turn your feelings off for me so easily and replace me with someone else? Did you ever love me at all?

did you ever have growth? like the flowers you gave me then, did you ever blossom into a better person?

I still check if you added or followed me back, or even texted me. But you haven’t reached out since and I get the sense you’re doing fine.

you are the boy I met at 15 who I didn't even date, but still gives me butterflies when I hear your name, I will always love you

i love you so much. i've loved you since the moment we met! your perfect hair, your gorgeous eyes. you have a perfect sense of humor. you are so cute like oh my GOD. i could stay and talk to you for hours. i really do wish we talked more often, when we do, you're so precious and weird. i know you like the other girl, and thats ok, but ill always love you, ive loved you for the 7 years ive known you. you're the closest friend i have, but ill never admit these things to you. i did a while back, everything was so good! nothing bad happened, but i wish we could go back to those days :). i love you sm, my favorite JB

Hey, I know we never were anything. But when I first met you, you lit up my world after days of darkness. I felt like it was mutual, but when you slowly left it hurt. But nothing will hurt more than you fake being there for me after I was there for you.

i don't think i'll truly ever get over you. you showed me what it's like to love and be loved. i love you, pup.

I wished for a really long time that you never got bored of me. But then I realised that i'm way too good for you and you never deserved me anyway.

Sorry I ghosted you, I couldn't face you knowing I faked it the majority of our relationship. you were there and I was lonely.

Im so sorry. I never said it but I love you. Always think about seeing you in a coffee shop in 5 years. you're the one.

i did love u at one point. i should have kissed u on the train ride back to our car. i don’t know why i didn’t. but i don’t miss us. my only regret is not kissing u then.

Sometimes I worry we won't work out, and you'll leave me for your stupid best friend. But I know that if she is nothing compared to me. You need me as much as I need you. I hate you as much as I love you. No matter what, I always come running back to you. You are my love, but I fear we will destroy each other.

Sometimes I worry we won't work out, and you'll leave me for your stupid best friend. But I know that if she is nothing compared to me. You need me as much as I need you. I hate you as much as I love you. No matter what, I always come running back to you. You are my love, but I fear we will destroy each other.

could've been a year, but im glad it wasnt. maybe it was for the best for both of us to move on. i know you lied/cheated, and i forgive you. i sometimes wish it wouldve worked though, but u didnt truly love me. still wish u the best, and hope u find the one :)

Deep down I miss you and what we used to have. Even after everything you put me through I'll always care and be here for you.

missing you is weird this time around because you're actually gone and I don't know if you're coming back

we talked today on the phone for the first time in years. it felt so familiar. I wish it wasn’t so easy to fall back into that.

fuck you why am i on your hit list? im better off w out you!... is what i want to feel but there is smth abt you

i knew we were long distance and you probably forgot about my existence but seeing a message from you that wasn’t just an answer to mine would’ve been nice every once in a while, i mean literally the next thing i hear from you is that you’re dating someone else, what the hell man? we had something i thought, but i guess i was just naive because you were the first person to like me back, i just wish we could’ve become something more even if we were long distance

you broke me. i need to let you go. thank you for stealing my mints during mcas in science, and going to the movies with me ava and matt, and just making me happy, even if it didn’t last long. you'll always have a place in my heart, and i don’t think i’ll ever fully stop loving you. i hope you’re doing better, and ur living a great life without me since i’m a “loser that nobody likes” and “nobody will ever love.” cant wait for u to get whats coming to u? peace asshole (oh and btw, i’m talking to ur best friend now!!?)

even after ending on bad terms, even after you told your friends you cheated on me, i still wish you the best and love you. i hope you accomplish everything you want and find someone that blocks any other girl from your mind. i hope she treats you good :) thank u for the memories, cant believe it’s been a year.

I don’t know wether we were meant to be or not. you chose her and i will always be last and i know that. the love i have for you isn’t going anywhere

There’s sm i miss abt u. From ur warm hugs and soft kisses. Letting me mess up your hair during class. Our movie dates. A part of me will always love you from the bottom of my heart and I wish we were on good terms. I will always cherish our memories together and I never regretted being with you. I love you bub.

i miss you and i hope you’re doing amazing, you deserve no less than that. i’ll always care about you

hey B, i’m still gonna see you every day since ur in my class but ig this is me saying goodbye to what could’ve been, what had happened and my heartbroken feelings. you have a girlfriend now and ur literally a lovesick puppy bc of her. and i’m happy for you, i truly am. tho i wish it were me but it would’ve never happen anyways. i’ve had feelings for you for 3 years now but they’re slowly dying away, little by little and i hope i’ll feel happiness like you do with her. although we’ve never dated, and you probably didn’t even like me nearly as much as i liked you, you’ve affected me sooo much. you led me on and it hurts. it truly hurts, but i guess i was bound to meet and eventually fall for someone like you at some point in my life. i don’t regret what i felt for you tho. i wouldn’t take it back. it was truly fun while it lasted even though this was always one-sided. she was ur first girlfriend and i’ve always had a distaste for her, mainly bc she was ur first kiss, and she was the perfect blond, blue eyes, perfect body girl. you had 4 other gfs after her before eventually going back to her. i knew it...and it seems that you’re actually lasting...which is nice. it’s weird, i’ve had crushes in the past, but none as intense as you. i was quite obsessed with you i’m very embarrassed. well to be fair, you are very attractive and it doesn’t help that every other boy in our school looks like shit so inevitably you stand out. anyways i hope by me writing this, it will give me hope, hope that when i look at you, that i consider you as another annoying boy and nothing more and that everything that makes you appear in my head will be gone. gone forever.

hey B, i’m still gonna see you every day since ur in my class but ig this is me saying goodbye to what could’ve been, what had happened and my heartbroken feelings. you have a girlfriend now and ur literally a lovesick puppy bc of her. and i’m happy for you, i truly am. tho i wish it were me but it would’ve never happen anyways. i’ve had feelings for you for 3 years now but they’re slowly dying away, little by little and i hope i’ll feel happiness like you do with her. although we’ve never dated, and you probably didn’t even like me nearly as much as i liked you, you’ve affected me sooo much. you led me on and it hurts. it truly hurts, but i guess i was bound to meet and eventually fall for someone like you at some point in my life. i don’t regret what i felt for you tho. i wouldn’t take it back. it was truly fun while it lasted even though this was always one-sided. she was ur first girlfriend and i’ve always had a distaste for her, mainly bc she was ur first kiss, and she was the perfect blond, blue eyes, perfect body girl. you had 4 other gfs after her before eventually going back to her. i knew it...and it seems that you’re actually lasting...which is nice. it’s weird, i’ve had crushes in the past, but none as intense as you. i was quite obsessed with you i’m very embarrassed. well to be fair, you are very attractive and it doesn’t help that every other boy in our school looks like shit so inevitably you stand out. anyways i hope by me writing this, it will give me hope, hope that when i look at you, that i consider you as another annoying boy and nothing more and that everything that makes you appear in my head will be gone. gone forever.

How do you look at yourself in the mirror everyday. I trusted you with my life. And you lied every single day to me. It was all a game to you. You are truly heartless.

You will always be my first choice and my first love. I hope you grow enough and I heal enough to be together one day, and my gut tells me we will. I always said we can and will defeat the odds and I don't believe blindly in much, you know that, but I do in us. You're my person, please come back to me when we can properly be together.

We could’ve been so great together. I loved you so much. But giving you infinite chances only hurt me more.

as much as i hate you and what you did to me, i care for you. i always will. don’t treat the next girl the way you did me.

I always look back on our young love and it was such a happy time. I remember running around and playing pretend at summer camp, goofing off at school, and being genuinely best friends. I remember being at the lake house and you catching a fish and it flopped around on the little boat. You were my first love and honestly one of the sweetest guys I've ever met. I'm sorry for any pain I might've caused you when I broke up with you. I know we were really young and relationships aren't very serious that young, but I felt so awful. I hope you look back and feel the same happiness I do. I know that in the future when I have kids, I'll tell them about my first real crush and how it reminds me of something out of a cute movie.

I wish you would’ve known what I meant by “whatever happens happens”. It meant that when we fell in love again we’d just let it happen. We did fall in love again and I knew you did but you didn’t know I did. I wish I would’ve told you and you could still be mine to hold and love but it’s okay:) whatever happens happens hey

hey it’s me , i know you're gone, you have been for a while but just remember i’ll always love you kid and i will always be here for you , even if your not here for me. i hate that you text me occasionally it breaks me all over again. but that’s the power you have over me. i’ll always text back. love b

i wish you knew how much you meant to me and how much i loved you, but you still wouldn't choose me in the end.