Unsent messages to BEN
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: November 13, 2020, 1:27 am UTC
I wish you the best even though you probably don't even think about me anymore. I wish you didn't make me feel like it was all one sided. Why are you afraid to show you care?
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: November 11, 2020, 9:37 pm UTC
fuck you. fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you i gave you everything and you just cheated and hit me and i put up with it for a year fuck you fuck you fuck you
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: November 11, 2020, 4:59 pm UTC
i love you more than you'll ever be able to know. thanks for dealing with my crazy. you're my everything. thank you
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: November 11, 2020, 5:01 am UTC
thank you for making me so happy and taking me away from my reality of a broken home. thank you for being there for me when i was crying. thank you for always coming to my house cause i couldn't leave mine. thank you for leaving me on valentine's day for ur homies. thank you for punching a hole in a wall cause ur friend bullied me. thank you for still being friends w him. thank you for leaving me cause you weren't committed after our 6 months. thanks so much for wasting my time.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: November 10, 2020, 10:30 pm UTC
You're the biggest misogynistic fuck I've ever met in my life. I hope another woman doesn't put up with it like I did.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: November 9, 2020, 12:28 am UTC
All I wanted was to make you happy and I just wasn't enough. I hope you find yourself. don't compress it. I love you still :)
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: November 8, 2020, 8:15 am UTC
maybe in another life time i’ll call you mine and tell you i love you with everything i have in me :(
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: November 7, 2020, 1:50 am UTC
I still have insecurities of what you did to me and i’m not sure to be able to be in a relationship anymore
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: November 6, 2020, 9:30 pm UTC
i used to hate the colour purple but i made it my favourite because of you. i listened to the music you listen to hoping one day we could listen to it together. but it’s always almost with us.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: November 5, 2020, 4:20 am UTC
Today would have been our 4 year anniversary. I hadn't cried about it until right now. I don't even know if you remembered.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: November 4, 2020, 6:39 pm UTC
u were once my EVERYTHING. im glad you actually give me affection now but I cant say I feel the same way about u. u changed.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: November 3, 2020, 9:55 pm UTC
Even tho I said I hate you. I actually never did. And... You are still in my mind as a good friend.
M
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: November 2, 2020, 6:11 am UTC
We're running out of time. I know we'll regret it if we don't say how we feel. You and I are more than just friends
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 31, 2020, 8:32 pm UTC
Fuck, I thought it was love with us, I really did. But since I met him and realise you never really gave a shit
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 31, 2020, 8:31 pm UTC
Fuck, I thought it was love with us, I really did. But since I met him and realise you never really gave a shit
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 28, 2020, 1:28 pm UTC
i don't think you know how much you actually mean to me. i can't wait to hold you, so you know that someday
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 28, 2020, 1:20 pm UTC
i didn't know how to tell you tonight that your love for me is one of the few things that's keeping me happy rn
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 28, 2020, 1:14 pm UTC
you sent me paragraphs telling me you loved every insecurity i've ever had. what did i do to deserve you?
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 28, 2020, 11:37 am UTC
You were kind of a dick and I kept making excuses for you. Now you’re just a dick and I like leaving you on read.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 28, 2020, 2:03 am UTC
when we hugged and i felt you shaking, i realized i had to be strong for you. but i can't sometimes. i'm so sorry
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 27, 2020, 8:03 pm UTC
My first love, my first heart break. My world is so broken without you. Only when I see you in my dreams am I happy.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 27, 2020, 11:57 am UTC
Hey Ben.
I hope you're doing well.
I just want to thank you. I'll never forget you and the things we did. I still love you.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 25, 2020, 4:41 am UTC
I should have told you that I love you when I still had you. I still do love you and always will, but you won’t ever know. I miss you so much, please come back to me, I just want to look into your beautiful blue eyes again.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 24, 2020, 10:49 pm UTC
I’m sorry i wasn’t the one you wanted. Years later and i still miss you everyday and look through our old photos
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 24, 2020, 10:44 pm UTC
I’m sorry i wasn’t the one you wanted. Years later and i still miss you everyday and look through our old photos
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 23, 2020, 3:53 pm UTC
We're different. I don't know how but we are, but for some reason we're different enough to fit together. So here's day six of me looking for excuses and telling myself that I'm stupid.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 22, 2020, 11:45 pm UTC
You’re the only person I’ve ever truly loved and what you did to me hurt me but doesn’t change the fact that I still love you
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 22, 2020, 6:55 pm UTC
you hurt me more than you’ll ever know and it’s not even your fault. you can’t help your feelings but i wish we could go back.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 22, 2020, 6:50 pm UTC
You hurt me more than you'll ever know and its not even your own fault. I'm sorry i wasted your time, i wish we could go back
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 22, 2020, 5:13 pm UTC
why’d you have to sugar coat everything? you hurt me enough during the relationship let alone after you set unrealistic expectations after it
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 21, 2020, 3:32 pm UTC
Hey. So you were in my dream last night but don't get too flattered everyone I know makes their way into my dreams eventually but I mean you gave me a promise ring so I mean.....Anyway. I need to say something....
WHY THE HELL DID YOU FEEL THE NEED TO TELL ME THAT YOU CARED ABOUT ME AND THEN TO PICK ME UP IN THE MIDDLE OF HALLWAY IN FRONT OF A BUNCH OF PEOPLE LIKE WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU. WERE YOU LIKE YEAH I CARE ABOUT HER SO I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING THAT IS GONNA BE REALLY CUTE BUT THAT REALLY ONLY WORKS IN MOVIES BECAUSE SHOCKER THOSE PEOPLE ACTAULLY END UP TOGETHER. You and I really don't mix, you told me that we'd be together forever. Welp look at us now. And we weren't even together then. Look I know you'll never see this but if you do. Can you tell me how you feel about me because that would be GREAT. So anyway we're both doing online school and I swear it's gotten to the point where I have to take a picture of your name and send it to Angie(since you like calling her that). Ughhh see what I mean by hopeless romantic. You definitely rubbed off on me. I wish I could do the same. I wish I could go back and tell that I didn't have a problem with you smoking weed because it's not my life, I wish I had told you that it was okay to talk to me because I will listen. I wish I had just said that it's not good for you but you know that. I can say this. Don't change for anyone not even me and don't quit for anyone not even Madi, it's your life and it's only gonna work if you decide to do it. I would've understood either way. So here's day four of me telling you that I regret how it ended.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 21, 2020, 5:54 am UTC
I relied far too much on you for my own sanity and I allowed you to have too much power over my self concept. Now I will never let anyone treat me with less respect than I deserve and I will know my worth moving forward.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 20, 2020, 11:30 am UTC
there’s so many things i want to say to you but even if i was confident enough to try, i wouldn’t know what to say. you’re all i think about all the time and i wish you would open your eyes and realise. i want you to understand. i want to not have to say anything and for you to just know exactly how i feel about you and everything. man, i’d give everything up for you.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 20, 2020, 11:29 am UTC
there’s so many things i want to say to you but even if i was confident enough to try, i wouldn’t know what to say. you’re all i think about all the time and i wish you would open your eyes and realise. i want you to understand. i want to not have to say anything and for you to just know exactly how i feel about you and everything. man, i’d give everything up for you.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 20, 2020, 8:10 am UTC
i miss u. i wish u didn’t leave me i really wanted to work things out. u will always be my beautiful boy. i miss ur froggie kisses. i love u
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 19, 2020, 4:25 pm UTC
Hey...again...
I guess writing down your feelings really helps. So here's me reminiscing about the good times which was literally everyday with you. You have a way of washing away all my doubts. I know we are different. I have goals, you don't, at least I don't think you do. I hide my feelings, but I guess in a way you do too. Your optimistic, I'm pessimistic. I don't know if its all in my head but we just don't fit together on paper. It's really like those rom coms where the two that should not be together end up together. Just like you and me. Despite all the stuff my friends said about us. I always had a gut feeling. I mean we're both pretty messed up so I think that's why we fit together. I don't what we are or were but I do know that there was something. So here's me writing to you all the things I should have said all those days ago. Ugh hopeless romantic much. I guess we do have something in common. I know you'll never understand why I never let you in. I don't understand either. I guess I don't really know either. I'm just someone with a lot of walls up. Like A LOT. Maybe I like it like that, everyone assumes that since I'm happy I have a great life. I like it like that. I got so used to lying. Then you came along and I wanted to just be myself like I would be with my closest friends. But then my brain knew that I had to keep you away. I couldn't let you in. So I put up a lot walls. No matter how much I wanted to give in, I just couldn't. You are too important to me and I knew that if I let you in and lost you I couldn't handle it. I just don't understand it. I want to be with you but I'm scared. Whenever we got close I pushed you away. At the time it felt like you pushed away first. Now I know that that's not true. So here's me letting you in and telling you everything I wished I had back then. Here's day two of me telling you that I need you.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 19, 2020, 12:41 pm UTC
Ever since you left my world has become a lot colder, and much lonelier. I miss you more every day bud, love you.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 19, 2020, 12:41 pm UTC
Ever since you left my world has become a lot colder, and much lonelier. I miss you more every day bud, love you.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 19, 2020, 2:56 am UTC
You will always be my first and as much as I want them to, my feelings for you will not leave. I still hope one day we can find our way back to each other.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 18, 2020, 10:07 pm UTC
I have never felt that way about anyone else before. You changed my life for the worse and for the better. Now I can't love or trust anyone the same anymore.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 18, 2020, 5:16 pm UTC
Hey...How are you? I know that you aren't thinking of me and I know that you'll never see this but I can't stop thinking about you. I know I acted like I didn't care but the truth is I cared Ben, I cared a lot. Every little thing about you, like the way you said my name(i know it's cheesy) and the way you looked at me. I noticed but I know that you never did. I cared a lot more than I let on. Now that I care I'll never stop caring, that's my problem. I know you stopped a long time ago but I'll never stop. I just need you to know that. I don't care if its tomorrow or ten years from now. I'll always care and I'll always be there for you. To you I may just be a girl that you proposed to like three times freshmen year because you were young and dumb but to me you are the one.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 16, 2020, 5:26 pm UTC
One day you will see why I couldn’t stay with you for longer than I did, ur a mess and I still loved you. It’s for the best
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 16, 2020, 5:24 pm UTC
One day you will see why I couldn’t stay with you for longer than I did, ur a mess and I still loved you. It’s for the best
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 16, 2020, 1:03 pm UTC
What in the world did I do to deserve this pain in my heart. Guess it's true, I'm never getting over you.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 16, 2020, 4:23 am UTC
you probably don't think of me anymore, but a part of me still hopes we'll reconnect in the future. i know we won't work together, but i miss you as a friend. you could always make me laugh. i just want one more conversation with you.
ps. i still listen to that pink floyd song
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 16, 2020, 4:20 am UTC
you probably don't think of me anymore, but a part of me still hopes we'll reconnect in the future. i know we won't work together, but i miss you as a friend. you could always make me laugh. i just want one more conversation with you.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 14, 2020, 7:16 pm UTC
They day you broke my heart was the hardest, but i'm happy you did because if not, I wouldn't have found my one.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 13, 2020, 5:15 pm UTC
I have no words. I have no words for how you made me feel. I've gone through a million scenarios where I said so much shit to you. I hate how much I care about you. I hate how much I want you. I hate how it bothers me that you smoke weed. I hate it all. Yet through all that hate, I just have one thing to say to you. I love you...
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 13, 2020, 10:45 am UTC
You made me feel something I had never felt before. I know they say every love feels different but I liked the one with you the best. I wish I had communicated with you and told you what was on my mind before everything came crashing down. I still love you and would try again in a heartbeat. I got so lucky with you. It hurts that we don’t speak anymore but I will reconnect with you one day. I miss the memories and the way you made me feel; the way your lips felt on mine or the way I fit perfectly in your embrace when we laid in your bed. You taught me what true love felt like and I am scared I will never have that again. You are intelligent, caring and just mind blowing. You were my breath of fresh air and the reason why I fell asleep with a smile on my face everyday. I hope you still have the letter I write you for your birthday and remember what we had and how much we loved each other. Or get reminded of me when you see the NYC snow globe or Luke Skywalker bobble head figure sitting on your desk, because I get reminded of you everytime I look Sully or Nemo. I wish you nothing but happiness and success. You are the best thing that ever happened to me.
From: ABC
To: Ben
Date: October 12, 2020, 5:20 pm UTC
I don’t really know what love is or how it feels. But you make me feel and act some type of way that makes me wonder if it is.
