Unsent messages to BEN

i still think about you all the time. though unrealistic in nature, you were my first love and i don't think i can or ever will forget you. i wish you all the best and hope you're doing well.

I've decided to forgive you. Not because you acknowledged what you did to me. but because i deserve peace

Where do I even start? Our entire relationship was like a rom com. A roller coaster. For once, I'm glad that this happened. Looking back all the relationships I had and ended, you are one that I will never regret. You taught me so much, and every single moment with you, I felt happier. Even though I want that feeling to last for a lifetime. I also want you to be happy. I miss you and I miss us. Whatever we are. If you want me, I want you to, but if you don't, then ok, I'm really happy for you. I have all of our memories that I'll remember forever. From when I first met you to when you said that you cared about me to when we just didn't talk to when you told me you loved me to proposing to me to picking me up in the hallway to saying that you'll be with me forever to asking me out to not seeing each other for seven months. Every moment that I spent with you, I will remember. I wish I had told you how much you meant to me when I was with you. If our story is as good as any other rom com, I know we'll end up together and there will be a huge dramatic reunion or whatever. But at the end of the day, I can only hope. Hope that you miss me as much as I miss you. I know I never said this to you, even though I knew it at the time. So here it goes....I love you....I hate you because I love you so much...I don't care what my friends or what anyone else thinks...I just know that I really do...I love you

Where do I even start? Our entire relationship was like a rom com. A roller coaster. For once, I'm glad that this happened. Looking back all the relationships I had and ended, you are one that I will never regret. You taught me so much, and every single moment with you, I felt happier. Even though I want that feeling to last for a lifetime. I also want you to be happy. I miss you and I miss us. Whatever we are. If you want me, I want you to, but if you don't, then ok, I'm really happy for you. I have all of our memories that I'll remember forever. From when I first met you to when you said that you cared about me to when we just didn't talk to when you told me you loved me to proposing to me to picking me up in the hallway to saying that you'll be with me forever to asking me out to not seeing each other for seven months. Every moment that I spent with you, I will remember. I wish I had told you how much you meant to me when I was with you. If our story is as good as any other rom com, I know we'll end up together and there will be a huge dramatic reunion or whatever. But at the end of the day, I can only hope. Hope that you miss me as much as I miss you. I know I never said this to you, even though I knew it at the time. So here it goes....I love you....I hate you because I love you so much...I don't care what my friends or what anyone else thinks...I just know that I really do...I love you

i miss you more everyday,u say love isnt real then what is it that i feel for you? u still make me feel butterflies yet ur gone

You, were my first love. That I have learned. In five years time, I won’t forget your name and face, the eye contact we would share sometimes in English, the teasing, the banter, our weird conversations. Just you in general.

But you won’t remember me vividly like I do to you.

At best, I would be a foggy memory. A blur of some sort. Just someone who was a good friend that turned into a stranger.

I know that I have lost you for good, and I am truly sorry for ruining our friendship. For thinking you could like me, like I do dearly to you.

we’re only young but i feel so special with you already, your the first boy that’s ever called me beautiful. you rlly helped me that night and i just can’t get my mind off it. i wasn’t meaning to fall for you but i have.

we’re only young but i feel so special with you already, your the first boy that’s ever called me beautiful. you rlly helped me that night and i just can’t get my mind off it. i wasn’t meaning to fall for you but i have.

i hope you don't see this but if you do... hi i know i don't speak to u but heyyy :) i'm nice when i get to know people.. we can be friends i don't bite i promise

I miss you. I love you actually. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you or couldn’t help you with what you were going through. But I’m still here. Waiting...
For you

I miss you. I love you actually. I am sorry I wasn’t enough for you or I couldn’t help you with the things you were going through, but I’m still here. Waiting. For you.

I miss you. I love you actually. I am sorry I wasn’t enough for you or I couldn’t help you with the things you were going through, but I’m still here. Waiting. For you.

I wish u didn't let ur friends influence u so much. U are a good person on the inside but the people u surround yourself with make u a bad person. I don't wish I was still with you, I just wish it went another way.

We dated about a year ago for 3 months and the reason I was so cold was because I was scared and I liked you so much but all of our friends made me feel uncomfortable I do like you again but my issues about relationships make it really hard

I miss laughing over the smallest things with you. I hope you are no longer mad at me. Please forgive me.

you were the only person that truly made me happy. Every time I saw your name in my dms I smiled. Everytime we saw each other at school you made me smile. But at the same time you made me hurt. When you left it broke me, I felt the worse I ever felt. You broke me, but I still love you because you taught me what it felt like to love.

I miss you. You were light in such darkness and taught me what love and respect is. I understand why you chose her, things don't always work out. But tears still well when I think of what could have been

We were together, it was fun, I loved you, but then it ended. I’m glad we stayed best friends we are better this way

i mean it when i say i hope you know you've ruined my relationship with both my mum and my dad. the ones you banged on about how much they adored you. hate to break it to you mate but they didn't and definitely do not now. cant work out which one of us they hate more. i laugh at myself for loving u. from the bottom of my heart, fuck you x

you said you were hooked on me one night in the spring but now we barely talk and I don’t know where it went wrong

I still think I hear your voice right before I fall asleep at night and then I realize you’re not there anymore.

My feelings never left, even when you did. It’s been you since daycare. i don’t want anyone else. I in love with you.

Ben
I liked you a lot, but you decided to not feel the same way, I understand. You’re a true work of perfection. ?

I still think about you sometimes. Wish we didn’t leave off the way we did. I hope you’re doing well and that you’re happy.

You hurt me in ways I can’t explain and I’m dumb for even believing u after all those times. What happen to forever ? Just another lie ?

i was so happy with you. we weren’t dating but you were the person to give me a smile and keep me going, i want you back

i knew i deserved better when i was sitting in my own tears begging you to stop the hurt when you were the one causing it.

glad i left before you broke me. how would you feel if you found out i actually loved you? did you ever really love me?

You really hurt me, broke me into pieces. Somedays it still hurts, but we're on two different paths now. Goodbye.

I don't get you. You are just... dark. and I want to be encompassed by the dark. and i fucking hate that.

I kinda hate how much u meant to me and how much you still do. I don't miss u, but I will always remember u. You have a weird part of me.

i stood by you. i stood up for you. you were my best friend. some of my most cherished memories are with you. but i just can't ignore the cracks in our friendship anymore. i can't ignore every time you fuck up. every time you hurt me. every time you ignore me.

i just can't do it anymore, ben.

please. get out of my life.

I loved you so much. I still love you. I wish you felt the same. If I could take back that night I would.

I’d rather go blind than watch you fall for her the way you fell sleep for me at one point in our history.

I literally always forget your name but thanks for giving me my electric. Best 2 week mistake I’ve ever made

i never told you i was gay because i was scared of how'd you react. that's why i never told you how i felt either.

please don’t forget about me. i want you to know how much i truly loved you. if you ever see this. it’s me esme.

i love you so much. the calls we used to have made me so happy. i don’t know what happened. i want the calls till 6am back again.

it was hard seeing you. you barely talked to me. what the hell did i do to deserve that? i'm the one that should be mad at you. i tried so hard to be nice to you but you gave me nothing in return. please just talk to me. we never even had a conversation about it. or at the very least, just fucking tell me what i did to make you hate me. call me or talk to me in person the next time you see me. i'm willing to listen to you if you'll listen to me.

This colour reminds me of the sky that night we watch the stars and you kissed me for the first time. I miss you.

I'm sorry for what I did. I still constantly wish we could go back to what we had. we were literally soulmates. I'll love you forever x

i had a dream about you last night and it’s the only thing that’s been on my mind all day i haven’t seen you in over a year yet you’re still on my mind when i know i’m over you why

i always feel as if your embarrassed you got with me. am i that repulsive? why do i hold you so highly.

It would have been worse to say it out loud, but it would have been better to keep it all hidden. Miss you.

I’ve always been so ready to support you, but I’m terrified of voicing my fears about us because you can’t handle them...you immediately try jumping ship and I keep trying to pull you back. Maybe it is time I let you free...

I miss you baby, I’m still upset you broke me and you don’t even see it but I will Forever love you and hope u love me

If I had told you about my disorder, would you still have loved me, or would you just be afraid of me?

I’m really glad you’re always there to listen and be listened to, i hope things start going better for you soon and i’m sorry for ever upsetting you myself, you mean so much

I know we haven't talked. I know that I have moved on. But I miss when you constantly go on about how tired you are because you think it is reversible by saying it so often. I miss just having your company. I miss the friend that you were when I was in an awful place, that bluntness is what I needed to gain strength and respect for myself. So, thank you Ben.

i don’t think i’ll ever stop loving you. i can’t even listen to music without thinking of you. i miss you. i miss us.