Unsent messages to BEN

it’s been hard without you. knowing you are with someone and i’m all alone. i’m doing okay and getting through it all but god i didn’t know how much i could miss someone i’ve never even met.

we broke up a while ago. then we told each other we were still in love with each other. you said you want to be with me, but youre dating someone else. you say you dont see it working out with her, and you want to be with me, but you arent showing that. just saying it. please choose. this is tearing me apart. dont make me your backup. either be with me or tell me its not going to happen. my heart literally hurts.

i really do believe we could have been happy together if things were different, i love everything about you from the smile to the back of your head that i fell in love with in history. i wish i had more time to show you or knew how to. maybe in another life. i hope you are happy and i am going to miss you.

fuck you fuck you fuck you. youve ruined my trust with everyone. you bellittled me and used my own trauma against me. i used to cry right next to u when u fell asleep after fucking me and u never even noticed. fuck you fuck you fuck you

UGH YOU FUCKING WHORE I HATE YOU DIE IN A HOLE LITTLE BITCH ASS HOE WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE LEADING ME ON LIKE THAT TF YOUR NEW GIRL OWNS A FUCKING SCOOTER ACCOUNT WHAT TBE FUCK

not really sure if u meant it when you said u loved me, but i promise you, i meant it every single time.

When you sit there and look into my eyes on ft and took me to see the Xmas lights that one day, dam I fell even more in love with you

i just wanna see you again, tell you all the things i couldn’t say before and kiss you under the moon

i've been doing some thinking about what happened. i don't think i'll ever be able to forget what happened no matter how much i try. i wish i could. it has taken me a long time to come to terms about what happened because i regret it. sometimes i wonder what my life would be life if we never met. i told you too much about me and unfortunately i can't take that back. it was a mistake. i'm not going to lie, i still think of you as a shitty person. the things you've said are so fucked up i can't even begin to describe the amount of anger it gives me to even think about it. regardless, i forgive you. but i'm not going to forget what you did and i'm never going to let you back into my life. you can forgive someone without letting them back into your life to allow them to hurt you again. i wish you the best in life but i never want to speak to you again. it's funny, this past year i was hoping at some point you would reach out to maybe talk about what happened so we're on better terms. but you never did and honestly i don't even care anymore.

i just need to know how you feel
it kills me everyday talking to you knowing what we once were
and it kills me to think it doesn't kill you

without you i slowly slip into my old habits. you made me happy, better. but i am the only one to blame

i wish you nothing but light and love - i know you won't find that with me, but i don't mind. thank you for making me realise that love is self-less, patient and kind. you are a sweetheart and you deserve the world.

if only you loved me like you did back then. you was everything to me even though you didn’t do much, for me, especially for us. i’m sorry that i wasn’t worth your time anymore. i still value you so much. just one day i hope to fall into your arms and tell you how much i want you. this feeling doesn’t seem like it’ll leave me. i’m sorry that i made that choice of ending what we had. it’s all my fault. i want you to know that i’m always thinking about you even it doesn’t seem like it.

hey ben-
you don't know me, but I wish you did. I cant get you out of my head, I'm in love with you. I just wish you wouldn't look right through me..

i’m sorry for letting us get to this point. i think about you so often. i don’t want to let you go. i love you

i’m sorry for letting us get to this point. i think about you so often. i don’t want to let you go. i love you

sometimes i feel like my own bed is suffocating me. i feel trapped inside my own body. 7 years is too long

i know we're still together and i don't think you have any intention of leaving but please don't. i love you.

hey ben, it’s melissa, this makes me look a bit pathetic but i miss you and hope you’re doing alright, stay safe and remember that i will never forget you.

you broke me. wasted my time. led me on and yet i still can’t seem to let you go and i still tolerate this shit

I love you. I forever will. I know it seems like i moved on but i never will. Forever and always ben.

im sorry for what i did to you. im sorry that i had to say goodbye when you needed me the most. it all became to much.
i lost myself whilst trying to find you. i wish i could have done more. im sorry and i hope you forgive me.

You never paid enough attention to me, so I held on tighter. Little did I know, my tight grip was what left me hanging.

You suck, kinda. u put on this nice guy persona but in all honesty, ur not that nice and u suck. why was i ever w u? stupid

I miss your hands, the way you held my bare waist with them. I miss sleeping next to you, your deep, loud breaths never seemed to cease.

I love you,

S

If you just got yourself better we could’ve been forever. I grew up too fast because of you. Why want I enough to be better for?

I wish you knew how much I cared about you. I would've gone the whole mile for you, but I doubted everything. We never really spoke to each other, but for some reason we said I love you. I think it was love, or else I wouldn't bother with an idiot like you.

That one was about you, I didn't know you could search on here, so thats how you found it. Im not pretty, Im always 2nd best. I don't have the confidence. Im never good, don't say I am. I will never be ready to date or open up feelings towards anyone. I hate how my dog died and you didn't take it serious. Ben where were you when I moved? My childhood home. That broke me. It still breaks me. I write countless poems in my notes about what the fuck happened in those past 2 weeks. I was so sad grade 8. Grade 9 was happy and so was 10. NOW. IM NOT OK AND YOU NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT. You can call me the bad guy all you want. You feel the same way just like how Will feels towards Avery? Ive been thinking about that. I hate myself even more of it. This is such a mean message, I like doing this here tho. I'll write so many about you just not under Ben. Please forget me Im a lost cause. I also liked how my colour was yellow I love Coldplay. You will forget about me someday, we will both leave high school and live different lives. I'll miss you in some ways.

you made me feel so bright and warm that it took me until you were no longer there to realize just how much you broke me

Why did it feel not ready when I was with you? I think I still am not ready to face reality. You made me and still make me feel green, not because you make me sick, but its because you remind me of my first chance I took and didn't work out and Im so sorry ben.

we always come back to each other. and im so glad because my life is better with you in it and i cant imagine life without you

i know you just want me for my body but you make me feel something even and i haven't felt anything in so long

I still like u. I probably love u I guess, but ur also the only person I don't wanna loose in this world and u make me feel like I matter. but I just kinda thought that we would end up together just like the movies, and I still hope so, but who knows? i don't even know why u do this to me, it's like u have some sorta spell on me or something because I always come back to you.

we've been besties since 6th grade, but I love u even tho we probable won't ever happen, but I always thought it'd be you and me ya dig?

i dont love you, but you made me feel something after not feeling anything for so long, its sad because you dont even feel the same way.

I really really liked you, ever since I was little I've always dreamed of being able to hug and kiss your beautiful face. Why did we stop hanging out?? i know there's a age gape but one day i really really hope we can work out and be together even get married. I love you benny boy I really really do and I hope I really dear god hope you love me as much back.

You are the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I’m sorry I wasn’t ready. I hope I am soon.

You’re really hurting me but I am so in love with you that I do not care please don’t leave me. please.

Hey...I know you don’t love me but I just want you to know that I have to think about you every night before I go to sleep ur always running to my mind and I hate it when you talk with other girls or tagg them in your posts... i cant say how much I love you even if you don’t

You texted me at 3 am and I was always there I text you when I needed you most and you were no where to be found.

i cant fucking stand you. you knew it would end like this and you still lead me on for months thinking it was gonna be worth it. it never is.

hey also ich kontte dich damals vielleicht nicht verstehen aber mitlerweile bin ich echt okay mit deiner entscheidung, ich fands aber scheiße dass du mir was vorgemacht hast nur um nudes zu kriegen das find ich echt ehrenlos von dir und ich hoffe dass ich mich niewieder in dich verliebe

i love you. but your in love with my best friend. and it breaks my heart everyday to see you choosing her over me. everytime.

i so wish i could’ve been enough for you. maybe if i was just worth more, you wouldn’t have moved on in a week. i’m sorry..

i'm kind of sad u aren't all i thought u wld be . anyway probs a good thing smth never happened back in the day

when you hold me it makes me feel whole. i hope you don’t stop loving me. i’m sorry for all the pain and hurt i’ve caused. i’m sorry i can’t say sorry. i love you ben

this isn’t fair. you can’t keep me on a leash. are we together or not? because i love you and i don’t know what to do.

You've been the only person I can see in my future and I don't want it that way because I know damn well you don't feel the same.

I had so much hope for us. the effort I went into to keep us stable made us fall apart quicker than ever.

hope you find your happiness, through yourself or another girl. it doesn’t matter. i just want you to be happy and feel loved. something i gave you temporarily. right thing, right people, wrong time. fuq you