I am sorry. I wish you could know that our breakup had more to do with me and my mental state, it truly wasn't you. I hope I didn't ruin how you love so genuinely. I still think about how you were the first person to truly love me and I can never thank you enough for that. I am so sorry for hurting you but I think if we look past the pain we both know we aren't right for each other. We had a whirlwind romance that taught us so much. I'm sorry I realized it wasn't working first. I could have done better, I still hurt thinking I ever made you cry. I'm sorry you had to tell your friends and mom after saying I was the one. I hope you find a girl who can give you what I can't .

I truly love you but I resent you for me sacrificing my formative years. I feel guilty bc you don’t understand.

I miss you baby, I’m still upset you broke me and you don’t even see it but I will Forever love you and hope u love me

I care for you so much, more than you will ever know. I wish I could tell you how i feel ab you but you dont care. But if you think about it, there is a reason i do all of your homework and write all your essays. i love you.

u were the reason I started wearing my seatbelt but when u blocked me I kinda started to like the beeping again

I’ve always been so ready to support you, but I’m terrified of voicing my fears about us because you can’t handle them...you immediately try jumping ship and I keep trying to pull you back. Maybe it is time I let you free...

It would have been worse to say it out loud, but it would have been better to keep it all hidden. Miss you.

i always feel as if your embarrassed you got with me. am i that repulsive? why do i hold you so highly.

sorry for not meeting what u wanted me to be in you life but thank you for everything you have given me..i love you

Hey...I know it's been a while. If you're seeing this right now, it probably means that we are together. If not, you'll probably never see this but I still have to say this. It's been eight months. I've waited, so you can't say that I haven't. Even though I love you and I always will. I need to love myself too. Thanks to Angela I learned that. So I'm moving on. I'm getting over you because I need to STOP. You ARE my right person at the worst time possible. I'll miss you and everything that happened between us. I'll remember every single moment that I spent with you. But for now...I need to stop loving you. But who knows? We've been through so much. If we're meant to be, we will be together, if not, I hope that you find someone that makes you happy. I love you and goodbye.

i had a dream about you last night and it’s the only thing that’s been on my mind all day i haven’t seen you in over a year yet you’re still on my mind when i know i’m over you why

We shouldʻve let each other grow. I wish I knew better and could let go earlier. Iʻm sorry for ruining your life. I just wish you couldʻve been civil about the breakup. I wish the best for the both of us, in our own separate lives.

UGH YOU FUCKING WHORE I HATE YOU DIE IN A HOLE LITTLE BITCH ASS HOE WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE LEADING ME ON LIKE THAT TF YOUR NEW GIRL OWNS A FUCKING SCOOTER ACCOUNT WHAT TBE FUCK

i cant fucking stand you. you knew it would end like this and you still lead me on for months thinking it was gonna be worth it. it never is.

Don't mistake my civility and kindness as me wanting you back. I should have left you earlier than I did.

fuck you fuck you fuck you. youve ruined my trust with everyone. you bellittled me and used my own trauma against me. i used to cry right next to u when u fell asleep after fucking me and u never even noticed. fuck you fuck you fuck you

I'm sorry for what I did. I still constantly wish we could go back to what we had. we were literally soulmates. I'll love you forever x

This colour reminds me of the sky that night we watch the stars and you kissed me for the first time. I miss you.

Hey ben. I just want you to keep in mind that i am not writing this to make you feel bad i just need to get my feelings across and this is the best way i can think of doing it. So, it all began the first day of seventh grade. I walked into homeroom and your blazing bright blue eyes immediately caught my eye. Over a short period of time i caught feelings, and i caught them hard. You were always on my mind. You actually still are. We will talk about that later though. So during seventh grade we actually became good friends and we had a special bond. I asked you out multiple times, like the stupid 7th grader i was. And you rejected me everytime. We still stayed relatively friends though. We never let the circumstances affect our friendship. I remember you would always tease me and i acted like i hated it , but i loved it. Even though i was so young, i started thinking i loved you. I loved talking to you and you always put a smile on my face. You still do. But sadly the summer before 8th grade, we lost contact. I didn't talk to you very much those couple of months. I was starting to lose feelings. I started talking to one of your best friends. Its funny, i remember one day you guys were at the pool, and he snapped me a pic of you. My heart immediately dropped to my gut. The feelings were back. I remember taking the LONGEST time trying to take a cute picture to send back, just incase he showed you. Even though i liked you i still also liked your friend. Once 8th grade started and i started dating your friend, we saw a lot of each other. During lunch i would always talk to your friend and you were always with him. Those conversations were the highlights of my day. We became friends again. I liked it. But soon me and your friend broke up. I stopped talking to you during lunch. And our friendship kind of got cut off again. We still talked whenever our friends started talking, but neither of us started a conversation ourselves. I was always too scared. Scared to do or say something that you wouldn't like. That's how much i cared about you. Over the course of 8th grade i distracted myself with crushes. None of them had as big of a place in my heart as you did. Before i knew it, it was the new year. I thought of it as a fresh start. And it was, except for the fact that i still had feelings for you. You were always in the back of my head. We got back from break and i started seeing you on a daily basis at school. One day at lunch i went up to katyusha, in the lunch line, and she was talking to you. I hear her ask you "Who do you like?" I could feel my cheeks get hot. "is it Greta?" she asked you. You replied with no. My stomach got a weird feeling, but at this point i was used to the rejection. You didn't like me before, so why would you now? Although it didn't really bother me, it stuck with me the rest of the day. It was all i could think about. Later that night, i got a snap from you. I remember thinking "omg what if he likes me" I laughed at that thought. I of course replied immediately. About an hour later katyusha texts me saying "omg you will never guess what ben just told me! He likes you!" I can't explain the happiness that rushed through my body. I got up around my room and started squealing and jumping up and down. Later that night you told me yourself that you liked me. The next week was the best week of my life. I was so excited to go to school for the sole reason that i got to see you. That whole week i couldn't stop smiling. The boy i had liked for a year finally liked me back. Why wouldn't i be happy? I was so happy even people around me were noticing a change in my presence. All day i looked forward to our late night talks. You were so nice to me. And as funny as ever. I really started to love life at that point. Sadly after only a week of this honeymoon period, things took a turn for the worse. You ghosted me. You stopped replying to me, stopped talking to me. At this time you were going through some sad things. At first i thought that was all it was, so i gave you your space. After a couple days, I knew something was wrong. One afternoon at school, i was sitting in the chorus room waiting to start music priority. I was really stressed over what was happening with you. I am an overthinker. You know that about me. We actually know a lot about each other, but that is for another day. Anyways, i saw katyusha and so i waved her over. As soon as i saw her face, i knew what happened. Without her even telling me I knew you didn't feel the same anymore. She sat down and i asked her "He doesn't like me anymore, does he?" She looked me in the eyes and shook her head. My heart dropped as fast as my tears. I could feel everything start to unravel. Just to make things better, the teacher was beginning the class. I could feel everyone's stares, everyone's judgment. It didn't make me feel better. I was trying to cry as quiet as i could, but i was failing. My face was all puffy, and my shirt was soaking from my thick tears. I just wanted to end everything. I was starting to not be able to hide my sobs as well as i was before. Thankfully the teacher finished giving us instructions. As soon as everyone started doing their own thing, i got up and without even saying anything she told me and katyusha to go to the bathroom and take as long as i need to calm down. Man i loved that teacher. I took katyushas hand and ran to the door. The quicker i got out of that room, the quicker i could let myself fall apart. As soon as i heard that door close behind me i just fell into pieces. I started shaking and hyperventilating. Katyusha took me to the bathroom, that is where i fell apart more than i ever thought i could. She gave me hug, trying to calm me down. My breaths got shorter and shorter, and my sobs got louder and louder. After i cried as much as i humanly could, literally i don't think there was anything left in me. I was empty. I was nothing without you. I was just nothing. I got up and looked at myself in the mirror. I didn't even recognize the girl that was staring back at me. I started thinking to myself "What did i do?", "why doesn't he like me anymore?", "am i not pretty enough for him?", "am i not good enough for him?" I picked myself apart into tiny pieces trying to find out what i need to change to make you like me again. I looked at all my insecurities and saw them as flaws. I started to hate every single thing about me. My eyes, my hair, my laugh, my smile, my personality, my body. The period was almost over and katyusha had calmed me down. I was starting to catch my breath and not be as dizzy. That day i had talent show practice after school, so as soon as that bell rang, i ran to my teachers room. I was very close to her and so i filled her in on what happened. She made me come up with a list of things i was feeling. Some of the words i remember were embarrassed, stupid, and discombobulated. I don't know why but that was just the way you made me feel. I went home and layed in bed crying to sad music, as every heartbroken teenage girl does. I had swim that night, which was actually nice, for it got my mind off of everything. It got my mind off of you. After swim i got a snap from you. You apologized for everything. I said it was ok and i was fine. A part of me wishes i had yelled at you and told you how stupid i feel to think a boy like you liked a girl like me. But i didn't. I got home and cried myself to sleep. The next day at school katyusha told me that you threw up when you heard how hard you made me cry. I felt a little better knowing you still cared about me. I noticed you weren't at school that morning. For some reason that ticked me off. Why did you, the one who ended things get to stay home instead of me, who was crying for the past 24 hours. Later that day i saw you unpack your bag and my face got all hot. Not in the cute blushing way it used to. This time i was mad. I had track after school and so i ranted on the bus there. Maybe a little too loud. Sorry about that. We stopped talking, and our friendship was ended. Fast-forward a month and we are in quarantine. I was starting to catch feelings for you again...ikr shocker. I never told you. I would cry myself to sleep at night, wondering what it is that makes you not like me. I texted you, asking to talk about everything that happened and try and fix our friendship. As you probably remember we got in that really big fight. I am truly sorry for everything i said. But we blocked each other and lost ALL contact. I would stay up at night convincing myself that it was for the best. I would put a cover on for my friends. I hated not being able to talk to you. But life went on. Quarantine was a very dark path for me. I was very insecure about my body. I was exercising at least two times a day and dieting like crazy. I developed an eating disorder. I would starve myself and exercise four hours everyday. It got so bad i weighed almost under 100 pounds. No one ever found out about it though because i am always the happy friend and the happy friend never has any problems. Anyways, it was already summer and i had a fling. I don't think there was a day in the summer you didn't cross my mind at least once. Summer ended, as well as my fling, and before i knew it we were back in school. I knew we didn't have any classes together because i made my friends check. I planned on just avoiding you. On the first day after second period i ran into you in the halls. I stopped in my tracks. My eyes widened wider than i knew they could. I don't even think you saw me. I continued on with my day replaying the moment i saw you over and over in my head. I knew that i needed you back in my life. I planned on going up to you in the halls and apologizing for everything, but obviously i chickened out. Instead i added you on snap. Part of me was expecting it to not allow me to add you since you had me blocked. Surprisingly it let me add you. Even more surprising, you added me back within minutes. I texted you saying how sorry i was and you also apologized, and since then we have been snapping on and off. For a while there i didn't have any romantic feelings for you. That changed a couple days after shauna's party. We talked in person for the first time in what felt like forever. It was so easy to talk to you and you made me laugh. I had such a good time. After that i found myself sad whenever i saw you left me on read/opened. That is when i started to confuse my platonic and romantic feelings. I told you i liked you again. You took it well like you normally do. We were snapping constantly and a part of me thought there was a chance you liked me back. That part of me died a couple nights later when you made it pretty obvious you didn't feel the same way. I was sad but not surprised. A couple days later i figured out that i think i just like you in a friendship type of way. I told you this and you replied with a simple "k". You then left me on opened. I was a little upset. I started thinking and i started to think, what if you are mad i don't like you anymore. You have no idea how much i wanted to ask you. I still want to ask you. I want to find out exactly how you feel about me, because i have no idea what is going on in my mind and chest. It's like whenever we are snapping fast and having actual conversations i like you, and then whenever you leave me on opened or are being dry i am cool with just friendship. So what i think i feel right now is that i need you in my life. I don't know what role you will have but we have four years to figure that out. I am in no rush.

When i was with you i thought you were the one who would get hurt so i ran and ran in hopes that you would make the decision to leave before i break your heart. But then i left. I broke your heart. And after that i realised how i’ve fallen in love with you and i fell in love so quietly that i didn’t fucking realise until after i left. And now every night i think about you i cry about you i dream about you whilst you are probably sleeping peacefully because although i left, you were the one that got away. You’re not burdened by your actions or your mental illness or your deep fear of rejection. You gave me all the love you had and i told you i didn’t want to be with you anymore. Every time i reach out i know you show your friends and they tell you to not reply and i would do the same. But the truth is i really fucking love you and i will never forgive myself for what i have done. I love you ben. -Isabel / baby / princess / sweetie

Fuck, I thought it was love with us, I really did. But since I met him and realise you never really gave a shit

Fuck, I thought it was love with us, I really did. But since I met him and realise you never really gave a shit

I needed you but you didn’t need me. So why did you keep me around? Why did you put me through more pain?

i swear to god stop trying to text me . you have a girlfriend that you cheated on me for . not complaining , you were really just the product of lockdown loneliness and idc how mean that sounds . you chose to hurt me , and now you’re gonna have to watch me thrive without you. i love him, i will never not love him. go away ?

It’s sucky how you would see my best friend as your first choice. But not me,I’m not even close. yet you will always be my first choice

what did i do wrong? what did i do to make you not care for me or love me after everything we went through together. why was i "too much" for you. why did you tell me that you were in love with me but then go and text her. why did you date me only because she didn't want to date you. why did you use me for that long. why couldn't you have let me go easier. why me?

i watched you slowly fade away, while you got meaner, and meaner. you cared less and loved less and at the very last point you even admitted to not loving or caring for me anymore, no matter how hard you tried you said you couldnt. and you were tired of pretending so you didnt want me in your life anymore. you tossed me out as a bestfriend for some girl. after staying on the phone for hours, days, and even weeks, going through the rough and dark time together including us not wanting to be alive anymore, through you figuring yourself out somewhat, through us breaking up and me getting in a toxic relationship to try and get over you because i knew i was head over heels in love with you and there was no changing that, to you telling me that you wanted me back after our break up because you couldnt do it without me, to us drifting apart, not calling anymore because you were too busy with your new girl and school and horse riding, and to you blocking me on everything because i cared and loved for you too much, and becausd you hurt me too much and i was too good of a person and "needed to forget you". you cheated, lied, lead me on for six months almost seven, just for a three week relationship that made me hate myself more and more everysingle day and then finding out you cheated and lied about the girl you fucking promised was a family friend, then you met her on yubo, and then you guys went to school together, so, many, lies. the only time i lied was when i told you i was doing home work for school. i wasnt. i was shopping for all those birthday presents for you. i was working and doing chores to get money to come see you. after every single fucking thing i did for you, you fucking blocked me. i loved you with my whole heart. i still do and always will and i will never stop. but why did you

it was hard seeing you. you barely talked to me. what the hell did i do to deserve that? i'm the one that should be mad at you. i tried so hard to be nice to you but you gave me nothing in return. please just talk to me. we never even had a conversation about it. or at the very least, just fucking tell me what i did to make you hate me. call me or talk to me in person the next time you see me. i'm willing to listen to you if you'll listen to me.

i’m in love with you and i don’t know how to tell you because your my bestfriend. I know that if i tell you this our friendship would never be the same.

i really do believe we could have been happy together if things were different, i love everything about you from the smile to the back of your head that i fell in love with in history. i wish i had more time to show you or knew how to. maybe in another life. i hope you are happy and i am going to miss you.

We're running out of time. I know we'll regret it if we don't say how we feel. You and I are more than just friends

we broke up a while ago. then we told each other we were still in love with each other. you said you want to be with me, but youre dating someone else. you say you dont see it working out with her, and you want to be with me, but you arent showing that. just saying it. please choose. this is tearing me apart. dont make me your backup. either be with me or tell me its not going to happen. my heart literally hurts.

it’s been hard without you. knowing you are with someone and i’m all alone. i’m doing okay and getting through it all but god i didn’t know how much i could miss someone i’ve never even met.

It sucks to meet the right person at the wrong time. If our relationship doesn't work, I hope that fate will bring us together again. I love you.

i thought i loved you. i fell in love with you because you did too, and then you left. what am i supposed to do now? i miss you more than anything, i can’t stop thinking of you. everything reminds me of you and i can’t ever seem to stop crying. i wish i could get over you. please for god sakes disappear so i can start to be okay. i cant bear seeing you in school daily and see you smiling with your friends.

thanks for leaving me your shit sweaty t-shirt after you slept with me, then kissed me goodbye and never spoke to me again. I'm so much hotter than you idk who you think you are.

I miss our old relationship. I wish she didn't come visit so that you two would have never met. it was better before you knew each other. you replaced me with her like everyone else has. i know i'm always the second choice when it comes to her but I just wish i wasn't when it came to you

I tried to think who my first love was. It’s a bit naive to say my kindergarten boyfriend was my first love. But in some ways,you are. I think about you and hope life has treated you well

i love you so much. the calls we used to have made me so happy. i don’t know what happened. i want the calls till 6am back again.

please don’t forget about me. i want you to know how much i truly loved you. if you ever see this. it’s me esme.

I know I’m being confusing, when I don’t have you I want you, when I have you I don’t. I’m sorry, I don’t know what I want.

Even tho I said I hate you. I actually never did. And... You are still in my mind as a good friend.
M

im not sure what made me fall in love with you. maybe it was your smile or your dumb jokes, just know i miss you.

i miss you so much. it may have been nothing to you but seeing your name on my phone meant the world to me

I had so much fun with you back in elementary school, but I ngl had a crush on you that made me first realize I was not like the other boys in our class. Thank you for the awakening you gave even though you may have never known.

You treated me like an angel, and then in the matter of moments became the devil. i loved you with my entire soul.

It hurts to know after everything you did to me, you’ll still always have a piece of me I can’t get back.

i love your ears. i love your smile. i love your dogs. i love your laugh. i love your freckles. i love you.

you told me you were confused about me and i feel the same way. but i acted like i didn't understand what you were saying because she likes you.

maybe one day we will find eachother again and it will actually work how we wanted it to ...
maybe i’m too busy being yours to fall for somebody new ...
i miss you
i miss talking to you
i hope everything is okay x