Unsent Messages

Hey...again...
I guess writing down your feelings really helps. So here's me reminiscing about the good times which was literally everyday with you. You have a way of washing away all my doubts. I know we are different. I have goals, you don't, at least I don't think you do. I hide my feelings, but I guess in a way you do too. Your optimistic, I'm pessimistic. I don't know if its all in my head but we just don't fit together on paper. It's really like those rom coms where the two that should not be together end up together. Just like you and me. Despite all the stuff my friends said about us. I always had a gut feeling. I mean we're both pretty messed up so I think that's why we fit together. I don't what we are or were but I do know that there was something. So here's me writing to you all the things I should have said all those days ago. Ugh hopeless romantic much. I guess we do have something in common. I know you'll never understand why I never let you in. I don't understand either. I guess I don't really know either. I'm just someone with a lot of walls up. Like A LOT. Maybe I like it like that, everyone assumes that since I'm happy I have a great life. I like it like that. I got so used to lying. Then you came along and I wanted to just be myself like I would be with my closest friends. But then my brain knew that I had to keep you away. I couldn't let you in. So I put up a lot walls. No matter how much I wanted to give in, I just couldn't. You are too important to me and I knew that if I let you in and lost you I couldn't handle it. I just don't understand it. I want to be with you but I'm scared. Whenever we got close I pushed you away. At the time it felt like you pushed away first. Now I know that that's not true. So here's me letting you in and telling you everything I wished I had back then. Here's day two of me telling you that I need you.