Unsent messages to BEN

you deserve my love, thank you. you're my first love and i think maybe once we get older and grow as individuals you could be my last

Is it true you don’t remember? I don’t think I even cried the first time, but it’s not like you didn’t notice.
Did you do it to the other girls?

yk i would go back to u at anytime or any moment, what we had was special n u fucked it up n lost me so fuck u bitch

it hurts to know that if we end you’ll be the one walking away completely fine and i’ll lose myself trying to pick myself up

im over you, but i still wish i could get closure. i didnt deserve the way you ended things. hope you have fun with your best friend.

how could you ever treat me like that? and why did i stay? now i’m glad i did but it’s hard letting it go

i felt so compared. it effects my current relationship now because it made me more insecure. i love who i'm with and i'm happy because if we would have continued then him and i wouldn't be together. what's sad is that every day i still think about you.

And you're probably with that blonde girl
She's so much older than me
She's everything I'm insecure about

I was never the girl for you. I know you'll meet someone better who will give you the love you deserve.

do you not realise i like you? the others say it’s kinda obvious... whenever i look and see a message from you i smile but when i don’t, my day is ruined :) but i can’t message you first because i worry you’ll find me annoying and if i do i end up deleting it lol pls realise how much i like you. i don’t look at you from across the class for no reason.

maybe youll see this one day idk i dont even know if it was really you who wrote about me when i found my name on here, but it sure as hell sounded like it was. im sorry.

you brought me the happiness I had been searching for, for years and years and for that I am eternally grateful

you were the first person i’ve ever loved. i still love you every single day. you’ll forever have a place in my heart, no matter what we went through. you hurt me more than anyone else ever has. but you’ve made me the happiest i’ve ever been. so thank you. and i’ll never forget you.

My heart hurts at whether I gave you too much or too little for you to walk away. I hope this isn’t the end of our chapter. J x

i wish you were more kind to people you can be really mean and a fucking snob. also your really boring and treat the people in the group, that i actually care about, like shit.

i am scared. i'm scared of giving my heart to you. i'm scared of what may happen. i have no idea how to tell you this but i really am so fucking scared.

i really think i was in love you for a while. you had to ruin it all by falling in love with everyone but me and i had to sit and watch. i’m sorry i could never be anything more than a friend for you.

I wonder if any of it was real, or if it was just puppy love. I wonder if we’d still be together if we’d tried.

Todos los días espero un mensaje de ti. Todos los días pienso que volverás. Sé el mal que me haría, pero aún así te estoy esperando

i loved you, but it took you leaving my life for me to realize that. there’s not a day that goes by where i don’t miss you. i know you’re with someone else now, but i still think of you. it’s probably better off this way, we can’t hurt each other anymore. i know i don’t need you, but that doesn’t change the fact that i still want you. maybe we weren’t meant to be in this lifetime, but i hope we’re happy together in another dimension.

i hope one day we can look at the ceiling and talk about nothing again. nothing turned out to be everything.

I know I never showed it and we never "dated", but I cared so much about you and I don't even think you cared. Hopefully you'll make someone as happy as you made me.

maybe one day we will find eachother again and it will actually work how we wanted it to ...
maybe i’m too busy being yours to fall for somebody new ...
i miss you
i miss talking to you
i hope everything is okay x

i love your ears. i love your smile. i love your dogs. i love your laugh. i love your freckles. i love you.

It hurts to know after everything you did to me, you’ll still always have a piece of me I can’t get back.

thanks for leaving me your shit sweaty t-shirt after you slept with me, then kissed me goodbye and never spoke to me again. I'm so much hotter than you idk who you think you are.

I needed you but you didn’t need me. So why did you keep me around? Why did you put me through more pain?

Don't mistake my civility and kindness as me wanting you back. I should have left you earlier than I did.

We shouldʻve let each other grow. I wish I knew better and could let go earlier. Iʻm sorry for ruining your life. I just wish you couldʻve been civil about the breakup. I wish the best for the both of us, in our own separate lives.

I am sorry. I wish you could know that our breakup had more to do with me and my mental state, it truly wasn't you. I hope I didn't ruin how you love so genuinely. I still think about how you were the first person to truly love me and I can never thank you enough for that. I am so sorry for hurting you but I think if we look past the pain we both know we aren't right for each other. We had a whirlwind romance that taught us so much. I'm sorry I realized it wasn't working first. I could have done better, I still hurt thinking I ever made you cry. I'm sorry you had to tell your friends and mom after saying I was the one. I hope you find a girl who can give you what I can't .

I don’t know that you’re my “first love” but you’re the first person I felt that kind of love for. It hurt to see you loose yourself. I just want you to be safe and genuinely happy. Forever and always love you

i don’t know why i can’t get over you. i miss you so much and i wish you wanted me back. i didn’t know at the time just how deeply i felt for you. no matter how much i want to hate you and the feeling to go away i can’t let go. i think about you constantly. ur an asshole but somehow i still want to be with you and have feelings for you. i guess this is goodbye, i’m sorry.

whenever you touch me, i feel all the emotions from the past X years flash through me. if only you’d touch me more.

You have no idea how much you mean to me. You make me feel complete. I love you more than words can say.

i still compare every new guy to you even though it's been 6 months. i think about you way more than i should. it's red because that's the color your room was every night on call.

you’re my soulmate. i may not be yours, but no matter what happened between us, you’ll always have a piece of my heart.

its selfish of me to say this but i wish you didn’t like multiple people at the same time. i wish i didnt have a crush on you. but you’re my favorite person. i cant leave you because i’ll only end up hurting myself.

You used to ask, all the time if I was interested— I was but I was so scared you’d hurt me, you were scary

i wish i could look you in the eyes and tell you everything i’ve ever thought. all the nights you made me cry and you had no idea. all the stupid fights we got in. all the days i cried in our schools bathroom because of you. it makes me want to throw up. and worse then that. i still love you.

I miss you, and I hate the fact that I miss you because I’m so much better than you. Yet you still have a new girl.

your desires
clash with mine
our hands
intertwine
if only you hadn’t left me
only then,
all the wrongs
all the reds
that i wish you hadn’t said
would still remind me of flowers

Hey pixel, if you’re reading this it’s definitely for you because you can tell cause I wrote pixel, I could never tell you this myself that I like you but I don’t know if you feel the same way, I don’t know how to feel at all, I hope if you ever come on this website you’ll see this and assume it’s me but I know that’ll never happen but I want to play more Minecraft and watch anime with you more than ever! I don’t know if you’re actually gay but if you are I support you:) but I want you to know that I appreciate talking to you and especially when you say goodnight in your own way, live a happy life please

I love you frr. It’s not always easy loving you... you’ve made a lot of mistakes but I can’t help but love you. Chose red cuz it’s ur fav color too lol :)

the love came on so fast. and it was scary. but you saved my life so I kept you, tricking myself the love was real? it wasn't. and you scare me. the way you put me down hurts me so much. you were manipulative. upset when you didn't get your own way. now I'm glad it ended

it’s so strange to know that i will love you forever. and to know that you will always love me a little bit less, a little bit off. you’ll always matter so much more to me than anyone else has.

you could always make me laugh or smile in one of the darkest times of my life. i always looked forward to seeing you in the halls or in class and i still think about you. i think we were meant for each other and time pulled us apart. i miss you.

you constantly made me feel bad but i still had those feelings for you. strange isnt it? hope life is better for you without me.

I was “crazy” in the end because I was willing to risk my sanity for our relationship. I still think about u these yrs later.

I hope youre sorry, because i know i am. I dont think we were in love we were just 2 people needing something, but thats no excuse for what we did to eachother.
Honestly i no longer think of you, Im happy and in love i dont need to, but when i sort through my memories its inevitable for you to show up.
I think youre happy too, and thats great.
Cya

I love you frr. It’s not always easy loving you.. you’ve made a lot of mistakes but I still can’t help but love you.