Unsent messages to L

is all you wanted just sex the whole time? is that really it? i just wanted to love and care for u. why did you waste months of both of our time if that’s all you wanted all along? in so many ways i will never understand. i question wether you liked me at all. i liked you. a lot.

is all you wanted just sex the whole time? is that really it? i just wanted to love and care for u. why did you waste months of both of our time if that’s all you wanted all along? in so many ways i will never understand. i question wether you liked me at all. i liked you. a lot.

i ghosted because i hated waiting for u to text me back.
i just wanted u to feel the same way about me.

you hurt me, I’m still hurt. I thought you were my freind... guess not. I tried I tried so hard to fix anything I did, but u just didn’t budge, and I hate loosing freinds, but what can I do... you’ve left me no choice. You really hurt me, leaving me on read, not joining my gc, not trying to fix a friendship and not putting any effort, I sometimes remember small little memories we’ve had and I wish I could go back. I’m sorry if I did anything wrong, I do tons of shit wrong, I don’t mean it I guess I just don’t think before I do something. So here I lay my thoughts and feelings, here it is plain and clear. I wish we still talked and not just in zoom, I wish you weren’t so damn dry every time I’d try talk to you. We were so close... what happened ? I don’t know honestly, I hope you know I really did love you, and you were the greatest freind, but it keeps hurting me, trying to text you or reach out, I’m stopping and I hope you know I am. I cannot fight for something that doesn’t wanna be fighten for... so here’s to dobby, and cadbury chocolates and comfy snuggles and saying you’ll never gw a guy and guess what... you did. I hope your life now is prefect and I hope when I see you back at school I no longer long to be freinds with you again.

I wish I knew if it was real, or not. In the beginning you only had eyes for someone else. I was the only one left. Was I just available? I can’t tell. I wish I knew

It hurt, watching the person I loved, fall in love with someone else. I still loved you from the bottom of my heart.

I still do not understand why you went behind my back to date him. You know how much I valued both our friendships, I did not peg you for the type to lose me to gain him

I still dont know you, but i miss you, wich doesnt make any sense. I dont know how you feel towards me but its okay because i will be with you soon.

I don’t know if I can keep giving my energy towards someone who can’t even acknowledge when they might have hurt someone else.

today i deleted the whole summer from my phone.
Everything, all the pics all the screenshots.It's gone.Including you.As much as i wish you weren't just a temporary friend, you really were someone i'll always remember for the rest of my life.I don't know why we fell off, why we became so distant.I can't believe im closer with people i hated back then than i am now with you.But anyways, i just wanted to say i'll always love you,in the past,present and future.And if it was meant to be,we'll find our way back to each other.It was me and you against the world, right?

i dont think ill ever forgive you for what you did to me, but thank you for introducing me to him. he loves me more than you ever could

I knew your struggles and thought I could be the one to hold you. Seeing you with someone else and being happy is somehow the best and worst feeling in the world. I hope he treats you like I would have if I had the opportunity.

My family is dying, my friends dropped me, and now I can’t help but wonder that if you stayed with me I wouldn’t have to be alone again.

I’m feeling lost in my mind..Why do you don’t send me love ? You love me but you don’t show it..i’m feeling bad because it should not be....

you said you forgot all the good moments, and it felt like u saying u forgot me, i don’t want to be the one left behind.

You don't know how much I need you. You are the only one I can talk too. I opened up to you. I hope you know how important you are for me.

you constantly make me feel like im not good enough.
the only time you made me feel worth anything is when you were horny.
And you try to tell me you didn;t use me

i miss you but everytime i try to message you again i get an anxiety making my stomache feel sick. why does it have to be thi s way

You lied to me repeatedly. You hurt me. I still forgave you.
I’m glad it is over- you can’t hurt me anymore.

Can we call it even? You hurt me and I hurt you. We spent too much time getting even.Let's make it work. I still miss u

i knew everything would fall apart after you took off the bracelet. we promised we’d keep them on forever.

I miss being happy. God I feel so weak, all I want is for you to text me and we talk, just like the old times. I miss you. I hear and see your name everywhere. It hurts me to think of what you’re doing and saying to her...I would’ve done anything to be in her position. That sounds so dumb and selfish. You tossed me aside for someone else. I guess that’s what our friendship means to you. Come back and don’t come back at all. I hate you and love you.

i know that no matter how angry i am at you it will never last. i hate having a soft spot for you, i wish i didnt.

fuck you. i have only ever waited for you and no matter how many times you did me dirty i never said a bad word about you. i spoke so fucking highly of you and for some fucked up reason i thought you would do the same. i know that what is happening is the start of you trying to come back again but i dont know if i can do this anymore. i deserve so much better. im done. im sorry.

yes you were leaving and i know you wanted me to tell you to stay but as much as i wanted to i still had to let you go.

What ended us?
Tbh I don't fully know. But maybe it's when I found out u never never cared about me. U were willing to dispose of me. Or when I realized u don't care about anything I have to say. Maybe a combination. I don't fully know. U need me out of your life anyways. And I'm starting to think that too.

i want to message u so bad right now and tell u how bad i miss u. I am upset about other things and about u and i want someone to talk to about that but i really only want to talk to you. But i need to have self respect and realise that you do not care. You don't miss me. i am crying in my room to 00's music and you are happy as hell, and ur probably messaging her.

i've had some sort of connection with you since i met you 5 years ago. We both changed and grew up a lot and I never thought we could have a friendship after 2018 but we made it work for a bit. I think it's both of our faults the dysfunctions of our relationship were uncovered, but i wish so bad you were still the person i thought you were. I know you are still willing to live under that delusion. But I can't cope changing everything just to be convenient to you when you put in no effort for me. I care about you so much. You said you weren't like everyone else and you are - in fact, you always have been, and I always knew that deep down, but i thought leaving you would be more painful than staying. This is hurting me so bad, and I know its not hurting you because you never cared about me like that, which makes it worse. As much of a dickhead as you are, in the back of my head i still want us to end up together - knowing everything you have done. In reality the perception of you in my head is much warped from who you are now, and i need to accept that. I wish I didn't have to. But i do. i should have ages ago, but i just hoped you would get better. But you didn't. i believe that if people are meant to be in each others lives we will naturally come back to each other. We always came back to each other. But it never seems to work out. I just wish you felt of me how i felt for you. I thought the world of you, for no reason because you aren't who i thought you were. I know i am not perfect, but i have given you everything i can for 2 years. I wish you could just appreciate me and want me. The sad thing is i know if you did want me i would forget about this in a heartbeat and run to you - i really shouldn't, but i would. I don't know why it is you but it is. And i am scared it always will be, even though i am nothing to you.

you’re back in my life again. i am so scared to see what’s going to happen next. let’s go for another round.

I wish we never met. Why can’t I get rid of you out of my head? I keep seeing things that remind me of you. Your name follows me everywhere. Sometimes I feel such an ache for you. I feel like you took a part of me and now I’m not whole anymore. I hope it goes well for you with her. She is nothing like me. She never will be. I’m one of a kind. And you lost out on me big time. Maybe I can’t remember, but maybe we didn’t even get on that well? My memory is so foggy. Days just form into one. An endless cycle. Why do I do these things to myself? Will you come back? Part of me wants you too, I hate myself for that. I just want to tell you what you’ve done. It’s Christmas...I’m meant to be happy. However I’m not. It’s been a week. It’s a little easier. I thought of you today. I remembered the moment I saw you for the first time. How you hugged me. I cant explain that feeling. It was like a blow to my stomach. I choked up but kept it together. I felt so lonely, missing you more than ever. God, I wish I hugged you tighter the last time I saw you. When I told you that before we stopped talking, you didn’t even care. You just stopped caring. I miss the old you. I loved you. I don’t know how I feel now. It’s hard to stay mad at you. It hurts me to think about what you’re doing with her...are you looking into her eyes the same way you looked into mine? Does she make you laugh more than I did? Do you talk better/ more easily with her? Does she keep you interested? Do you spend all night calling on the phone for hours and watching movies together? Do you text her goodmorning? Do you tell her how pretty she is? Does she kiss you like I never got the chance to do? You said I did all these things...and then you became uninterested. Why would you toy with me like this? What did I do to deserve this? And you were selfish enough to ask me why I wasn’t going to be there for you anymore? Haven’t you done enough? I cant keep going like this. I miss you so much. It hurts my heart. I think I still love you. Here’s to hoping I can move on with my life. Without you

I miss you more than you know, I still have you in my life but things are not the same. I wish you did not know how i felt because i miss my best friend. I need my best friend back, i just want everything to go back to normal idc about any feelings because i said from the start none of it would be worth it if anything changed between us or if there was a chance i would lose you. You said nothing would change but here we are :(

so i know i said im over what happened but I'm not, i just want to know why i wasn't good enough for you and i consintly fell into your trap of falling in love then you breaking my heart that i felt like a joke to you, like just another girl.

i know that we are okay and everything between us is perfect but i still worry. it’s like you said, you don’t want anything to change. but i can’t help but think that things are gonna change and i’m gonna be heartbroken and not have you in my life anymore.

I miss you with all of my heart. it's sick. you treated me like shit and every day i pray you come back. please come back. please.

you say all that shit about her yet im still second choice? when im around other people its 'oh i just feel like we're drifting' yet when im with you you fucking ignore me. fuck you, you dont know shit about me. ive been struggling for months and ive told you NOTHING because i cant fucking trust that you wont tell everyone in a ten mile radius. i cant be a constant back up option, a constant 'just in case' ive finally got people that show me what im worth and your trying to shut them down and take them away??? fuck you. fuck you to the highest fucking extent.

i’m still trying to find you in other people.
i think about you all the time, i hope you’re doing better now.

i love you so much and i know you are the love of my life and knowing that i never will hold you again kills me
im sorry for leaving you, i cant live without you, im so sorry but everything without you is just darkness and i know its my fault, i really love you, i wish i knew how much life would hurt without you in it, leaving you killed me, and it no ones but my fault, iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou goodbye

ich kann dich nicht haben aber auch niemand anderen weil ich immer an dich denken muss und nicht so fühle wie bei dir

I thought that when i found someone better i would stop think about you and how your doing but the truth is, i don’t stop. the reason is because so many things and phrases and tweets and memes remind me of you and sometimes i just want to send you them but i can’t because you’ve moved on.

it makes me so fucking mad that you dont know, surely its not that hard to realise that i fucking have feelings for you. all you do is ignore me right now i get your phones broken but delivered all day then asking for nudes at night cunt i just wish you knew how much you fucking mean to me. all i want is for you to like me back but it will never work out because your a fucking fuck boy and i cant get over you for no reason. there is so much i want to tell you but you dont care. i miss you so much and wish i could see you but you dont care.

u hurt me bad and i can forgive u ever but i think of u sometimes and i don´t feel much so its getting better :)

I want you to know that you deserve better than your ex. Maybe I could’ve gave you better but you haven’t gave me the chance to prove how much I love you. You may have your troubles and I have mine but we could help eachother. If you gave me a chance

i'm sorry. i'm sorry for everything that happened to you. i hope you don't break my heart because i have it bad bby

I didnt think you were my first love because I thought I had had love before. I was wrong. I hope we never have to let go even if we stay friends for the rest of our time, I'll always love you.

it was my birthday. I was over you. Then you acted so kindly and made me feel so special that I fell under your spell once again. You carried my bag. I wore your jumper. You met my family and we laughed at everything. You messed with my bracelets and held my hands whilst we sung. At the end of the night you hugged me. Kissed my cheek and thanked me. You called me your soulmate, you hugged me like you would never see me again. Yet here we are, 3 months later and you have a girlfriend. Someone else who isn't me. Yet you still call me randomly, say you miss me, want to meet me. Where do I stand? What do I do? You're breaking my heart and you don't even know it. How long will I last? I know that i'll break at some point.

Hi, well i really like you but its more fun to you to be a player and chose other girls before me so you can fuck off

i loved you the moment i saw you, thank you for making me feel things i never felt before, now, i moved on and took care of myself all cause of you

No matter how long it's been, I know deep down I will never have as intimate of a relationship as I did with you..

I know I said I hated you, and part of me still does. But Jesus...I love you. I still do. Trying to convince myself I’m not somewhat in love doesn’t work. All I could do was cry and cry. I’m sorry I had to be cold towards you, I’m sorry I had to lie to you and say I’m not gonna be there for you anymore and that people change. Just like you weren’t for me. You unfollowed off everything even though I did it first. God I’m sorry. Even for all the shit things you have done, I was angry and I wanted you to hate me. I don’t doubt you hate me now. Maybe it’s for the best. All I wanted to do was love you, and I loved you unconditionally. I still do..I miss the old you. Funny how things change a year later. All I could do after using your present was cry. Cry and cry. It hurts me to even think about you in this way now knowing you’re with someone else...although you probably don’t care. How I wish you cared. However, it’s over. This is what needs to be done. This has to happen. I cant trust you..I would rather your loyalty than your love. You can’t give me either. I wish you didn’t say I love you. I know you don’t mean it. If you did, this wouldn’t be happening. You wouldn’t be interested in someone else. The least I can do is forgive..but not forget. I forgive you. For hurting me, so much. I forgive you for myself. To move on. I hope I can. Part of me wants you to come back. I need to be strong. God I miss you. I miss the old you.

I am biting my fingernails to nubs with the thought of not having you in my life anymore
A