Unsent messages to L

I knew I loved you when you kissed the plaster you’d just put on my burnt finger. I knew it hadn’t gone away when we kissed naked on the street in the pitch black night.

we fought so much that we were addicted to it, because we couldn’t imagine a life without it. At least not together.

I hate how I can't even say your name. I hate that the reason why I don't talk to you is so I don't fall back in love. I hate that I don't hate you.

I feel like everything is changing and now I can't even speak to you at all. You once told me I could always message you when things were hard but I don't know if that still stands. I wish we could just talk

I can’t remember anything about you, how you looked like, how you sounded like, how tall you were, what made you you. But I still remember how much I loved you and how easy it was to forget you scares me.

it’s hard for me to forget the pain you put me through. why did you do it? what did i do? i will never understand why you would stab me in the back like you did. i’ve forgiven you, but i will never forget what you put me through.

I miss when i wasn’t just a toy to you.. the times you actually cared about me...why can’t you just be the same boy i met again..

it wasn’t like i was still sad over you, but i’m completely over you now. i don’t think of you at all. still, you did suck. sadly, i’ve realized i’m a lot like you now in that way. but i don’t care who i hurt

I knew you didnt care about me when you weren't willing to fight through our problems. You were just looking for an excuse to leave me

I actually really like you if you didn’t know. i hope your doing well and i hope you find someone who loves you as much as i do (blue was his favorite color)

As for you, some days I wish I never met you. But you gave me the best summer I’ve ever had. But seriously what the fuck. How could you not see my love for you. How could you use me like that. We are too old for this.

i hate that i care about you so much. i hate that your behaviors are so toxic but you won’t do anything about it. i hate that you told me that i was helping you get clean, and now i can’t do that anymore. i hate that every day that we don’t talk i still worry about you and wonder how your day went. i hate that i can’t look you in the eyes and tell you that i love you, it’s been so long and i don’t even know if i’ll ever get the opportunity to again. i hate that we don’t trust each other anymore. i hate that when i look at the left side of my bed, sometimes i can see you there like you were in february. i hate that we can’t communicate and that things are so complicated. i hate that i still look at your socials. i hate that you’ve moved on but i keep giving myself hope.

my soul wants to be with yours. you feel like home to me, i know it’s selfish but i hope you haven’t found home in someone else. i love you.

i fucking hate you but need male attention and validation bc im deprived so i selfishly let u back into my life just as i was getting comfortable living a day without u crossing my mind when i know i haven't crossed yours.

If only you had loved me the way I loved you... our happiness together would have never been questioned

if you think this is meant for you please text me you don’t know how much I miss you I love you so much even though I ended it I’m sorry I took us for granted