Unsent Messages

I wish we never met. Why can’t I get rid of you out of my head? I keep seeing things that remind me of you. Your name follows me everywhere. Sometimes I feel such an ache for you. I feel like you took a part of me and now I’m not whole anymore. I hope it goes well for you with her. She is nothing like me. She never will be. I’m one of a kind. And you lost out on me big time. Maybe I can’t remember, but maybe we didn’t even get on that well? My memory is so foggy. Days just form into one. An endless cycle. Why do I do these things to myself? Will you come back? Part of me wants you too, I hate myself for that. I just want to tell you what you’ve done. It’s Christmas...I’m meant to be happy. However I’m not. It’s been a week. It’s a little easier. I thought of you today. I remembered the moment I saw you for the first time. How you hugged me. I cant explain that feeling. It was like a blow to my stomach. I choked up but kept it together. I felt so lonely, missing you more than ever. God, I wish I hugged you tighter the last time I saw you. When I told you that before we stopped talking, you didn’t even care. You just stopped caring. I miss the old you. I loved you. I don’t know how I feel now. It’s hard to stay mad at you. It hurts me to think about what you’re doing with her...are you looking into her eyes the same way you looked into mine? Does she make you laugh more than I did? Do you talk better/ more easily with her? Does she keep you interested? Do you spend all night calling on the phone for hours and watching movies together? Do you text her goodmorning? Do you tell her how pretty she is? Does she kiss you like I never got the chance to do? You said I did all these things...and then you became uninterested. Why would you toy with me like this? What did I do to deserve this? And you were selfish enough to ask me why I wasn’t going to be there for you anymore? Haven’t you done enough? I cant keep going like this. I miss you so much. It hurts my heart. I think I still love you. Here’s to hoping I can move on with my life. Without you