Unsent Messages

I know I said I hated you, and part of me still does. But Jesus...I love you. I still do. Trying to convince myself I’m not somewhat in love doesn’t work. All I could do was cry and cry. I’m sorry I had to be cold towards you, I’m sorry I had to lie to you and say I’m not gonna be there for you anymore and that people change. Just like you weren’t for me. You unfollowed off everything even though I did it first. God I’m sorry. Even for all the shit things you have done, I was angry and I wanted you to hate me. I don’t doubt you hate me now. Maybe it’s for the best. All I wanted to do was love you, and I loved you unconditionally. I still do..I miss the old you. Funny how things change a year later. All I could do after using your present was cry. Cry and cry. It hurts me to even think about you in this way now knowing you’re with someone else...although you probably don’t care. How I wish you cared. However, it’s over. This is what needs to be done. This has to happen. I cant trust you..I would rather your loyalty than your love. You can’t give me either. I wish you didn’t say I love you. I know you don’t mean it. If you did, this wouldn’t be happening. You wouldn’t be interested in someone else. The least I can do is forgive..but not forget. I forgive you. For hurting me, so much. I forgive you for myself. To move on. I hope I can. Part of me wants you to come back. I need to be strong. God I miss you. I miss the old you.