youre so perfect ellian, i don’t know why u never believed me. i hope whoever has u next, tells u everyday that ur perfect and amazing because u really are and i’m so sorry i never showed that. i love you.

I love talking to you but at the same time, you make me feel like I am little by your side, like you can't see me completely and you underestimate me.

You still fucking piss me off. Abandoning your friends for a boy when he was teh cause of most of your problems. I tried being a good friend to you but all you did was lie and ignore us, and for what?

Um ur a fucking control freak point blank learn to deal with your own emotions rather than using people simple buddie have a nice life for the last time lol asshole

You sucked every inch of kindness from my soul now I’m mad that I allowed you to have an impact on myself. But I’m also mad at you because you pull the sneakiest shit you will never change.

i hate that i miss you. i hate that i can’t stop thinking about you. i hate that i might not ever be fully over you. i hate how i overlook the bad. i hate how i get attached so easily. i hate how i secretly hope that you still reach out even though i said i needed time.

why did you have to try to reach out to me again? now i can’t stop thinking about you. i can’t sleep. i just want to turn off my mind.

I maybe sometimes want you to fuck my throat but that’s only because I am toxic leave me alone I’ll bite ur dick off xx

you aren't my first love, you're one of my first best friends. you only come back when I want to leave. Once I come back you leave and move on. I want out of this friendship because this isn't healthy for me and I need to move on. But I still care about you and don't want to hurt you but it can't go on like this. You hurt me without noticing and you're shredding me apart.

i hate you, youre a bitch can believe I'm your bff go die i literally hate you. no wonder everyone left you, you did nothing wrong you're just ugly and a BITCH

we are a love that will never happen. a love that could happen, but that is a possibility that scares us both.
so we'll forever be not friends, but not lovers. the uncomfortable place in between.

i miss the old you. our friendship is falling apart. honestly you are being toxic towards me and getting so obsessed with your own world of money and self absorption you have no time to listen to me. it’s like you just don’t care. i want us both to be happy again. if anyone who even sees this can relate, i hope u feel better soon. x

today i have decided to let you go. i know that you will remember our memories for the both of us. thank you.

You are the most incredibly person I’ve ever met
and all this time apart it’ve been something I don’t want ever to be in again
Don’t let me go never

sometimes your love felt draining because it never really felt like love. but sometimes, your love was all that could make me feel something. but now that i've stopped worrying, i feel so free and realized that it almost wasn't like we had a relationship, but merely just a close friendship.. i wish it wasn't like that.

I should’ve known that you and her were together while you and i were. i wonder if you two sit in the bed the same way we did.

I would’ve done anything for u. Sadly, u wouldn’t have done the same. Hope ur happy with her now, i miss u more than u know. pls come back.

we talked for the first time in three months. i wanted to say so much more but i was scared. i still care. i know you do too. i thought i was over you. but i cried myself to sleep the night we talked. gosh i miss you. i miss how you would move me to the inside so i wasnt by the road when we went for walks. i miss your hugs. gosh you made me feel like no one could ever hurt me when i hugged you. i miss your voice. i miss your laugh. i miss everything about you. i just dont miss the lying. and the arguing.

i still love you and i think you will always be in the back of my mind. i wonder if i’m somewhere in yours, too

I’m going to mess it up some day i just know it. Maybe it’s the overthinking getting to me but. Sometimes i feel that my feelings are stronger than yours and it hurts me

she asked me what i thought of your halloween costume. i said you and chief looked cute. if only she knew

when i first read my story i thought you were my max because you were kind like him just like in the book but really you were my aspen

to tell you i love you would be a lie but to tell you i stopped feels like a lie too.


i don't know if old love ever stops and if it does do i really want it to?

i would have happily fallen in love with you. i think it was one of the only things i've ever been ready to do

i used to fantasize about sneaking over to your house and sleeping with you while it snowed outside
your dad would be in mexico, your mom at work. and we'd just lay in the guest bed all day laughing about how we came to be after all these years

your friends used to laugh at how much you cared about me. even though you never said it i knew you loved me.
i loved you too

i used to be scared your parents secretly hated me because i wanted them to love me when we fell in love but that never happened

i remember calling your mom and asking her if you could meet me at the park to talk. i wanted to tell you how i felt. instead she said it was weird i called and you never came and met me and i spent the whole morning hoping you'd call back while i stood in the cold. i think she knew but she knew you didn't and you never fought for me so i didn't seem to matter. even aspen fought for mer when he was loosing

You were the first person I really fell for. I didn't know I was even capable of feeling so much love towards one person until I met you. I wish thing's had turned out better but regardless, I hope you're doing well wherever you are now. I miss you lots, maybe we'll talk again in future but I'm not counting on it. Thank you for everything, and I'm sorry I couldn't be better

I think were so scared to become strangers that the day were not happy anymore, our fear will be the only thing holding on. I want there to be more between us than fear. We deserve so much more.

I'm sorry if I had a terrible attitude, probably I have lost you and you found a best friend way better than me

It ovbi wasn’t us, god would of pushed me towards you if that had been the case.
Can’t keep holding onto something that is already gone.

You killed me on multiple occasions and honestly it was for the best. I have no aspect of a soul left which is nice. White because I’m uncreative with no words of love to give. I hope you are well (seems like the right thing to say)

You're the worst thing that ever happened to me. That wasn't love, it was torture and I wasn't aware until too late

I'm sorry that I left. Just because I was going through something mentally doesn't mean you deserved to be treated like shit. You will always have a place in my heart, please forgive me.

s been like.. four months now? i regret every single thing i did with you. but i would never go back and change it. i learned alot. that summer was one of the best and worst things to happen to me. i’m glad we’re done with now. the first month i was so distraught. i puked in class because what you wrote hurt me so much. i couldnt leave my bed for days and missed so much school. but honestly? i deserved it. i went too far, i put too much on the line, i let down my walls. i showed you parts of me not even sophia had seen. i was a wreck without you. i blamed myself and hated myself for your shitty actions. fast forward to the present. my hair is grown out a bit more, me and sophia see eachother every weekend. we watch movies and visit Lila. i love her so much. i never won’t. shes the best thing ive had in my life. i text caroline every day. we went after Kaylee for being horrible. me and goob dont talk as often because theyre very busy with life but whenever we message its as though no time has passed. i can wholeheartedly say im happy. im content. school is hard but im learning so much and im alot better in math. me and my parents relationship has never been better. i can listen to Jazmin Bean and Lana Del Rey without thinking of you. youve never realized your impact on others. you said losing one friend doesnt make my life bad. you made fun of me for my looks, my home life, anything you knew would hurt me you said. you said similar things to Lillie. you’re cruel. i can whole-heartedly say youre not a good person in my eyes. your words haunt me everyday. goob would always point out how rude you were to me when we were friends. you were never nice. i felt like i owed you obedience because you drove me an hour and back to see you. i felt as though i took up so much space. i felt like a disturbance. i would never have stood up for myself despite what my friends were telling me. im unlearning all these things. im learning that i dont take up space, im not a burden, and people do care about me. im not ugly. im not selfish. youre not any of those things either. youre just hurt. youre hurt because i replied to a comment about a wig. i cant blame you. i wasnt the kindest either. i thought you were so cool, i bullied people the way you did because i thought it would win me brownie points. i put up with you bullying me and my little sister for brownie points. alot of the things i did i did to make myself look redeemable in your eyes. you know whats so weird? i didnt even love you. i mean, to some degree i definitley did. but i was struggling with sophia and you were available. you were a distraction. about halfway through our friendship i realized that maybe some part of me could love you the way i love sophia. so i let myself. i let myself cuddle and hug and kiss and at first it was all a joke to us. but everytime i did anything the back of my mind knew what i really wanted. maybe im a bad person for that. if youre reading this youre probably saying “yeah, you are a bad person. fuck you.” OR youre pretending to be unbothered. youre probably wondering why im writing this. to be honest, i dont even know why. its just nice to get these things out i suppose. to see the ugly truth laid out in this is so fucking long why do you botherahhah cute

i always thought u would find somebody closer, i guess it came true. I still sit at my phone hoping u message me.

i gave up everything for you and this is the night i can finally accept it didn’t matter and you weren’t worth it.

You told me you weren’t ready for a relationship because of your ex but all I could think was “she doesn’t want me”

i’ve known you for years and we always end up talking again, but you completely broke me and used me so why do i still think of you?

Why does it still hurt so much. Why do I still think about u all the time. Why does nobody compare to u? :/

u know i really loved you like so much it really hurt when u left i acted like i didn't care but i did i cried myself to sleep every night i miss you so much and i with you would come back.

I know you're the love of my life. I pray every-night you come back to me when you're ready. I love you bub. please come back

I love you with my entire heart and I know you love me. But I’m scared if you find out who I really am, that love won’t be enough...

Desearía nunca haberte conocido. Fuimos muy tóxicos el uno para el otro, sobretodo vos conmigo o eso supongo.

Sad to say I miss you, I hoped we would've lasted but we both know that wouldn't have happened. It sucks when we make random eye contact, I wish we could just be friends but you obviously didn't want that or else we'd be friends right now. Purple was both of our favorite color and now when I see it I always think of you. I really do wish we could genuinely be back in each other lives because no matter how crappy you treated me I still really do care about you. I'd never admit that to you though because I know you would manipulate me and make me feel like crap all over again. Part of me still has love for you but the other part of me hates that the love for you is still there. You used me but since you never got what you wanted you just left. I do know that you lost a bad b ;)

Hey it’s me, I’ve lost all feelings towards you and I don’t consider you as a friend.
You guys are made for each other; both lunatics.
Despite the multiple occasions I’ve tried to tell you that my mindset has changed - I do not have the capability to be a psychopathic push over at all hours of the day. I’ve tried to say that I haven’t been writing these but we both know you knew that already.
This isn’t my fault. You made the decision to be with a undeveloped human brain. I let this situation slide for years but I’ve made it clear that I am uncomfortable with the way she’s quite literally obsessed with me. From taking my hair colour, using my words, praying to god, right down to watching me in my backyard. I’ve made it clear that I am uncomfortable with this yet it still continues to happen. I think that is because ether you allow it or encourage it.
I don’t have much else to say really. I guess the final thing would be to suggest Is to get your mental health at least in a normal thinking pattern. I know focusing more on the negatives than the positives, but there wasn’t any to begin with.
I don’t intend to compete with anyone. I know that’s what you wanted and you are right, I gave up a long time ago. Have a nice life.
- M
/I’d put something that only we know about but once again, there really isn’t anything.

I did write the one addressed to your initial though and the one to her and now cya you both got what you wanted stop the craziness ?

I’m nothing to you, you’ve taken your time to show me that after all. three years is a long time bro. You knew how much my twenty first meant to me and you couldn’t even fucking respond after I watched my grandfather take his last breath. You had her there.

Conditioned, moulded by you to be your perfect girl. Behaviours stamped out of me. Now I am this way, I don’t remember what I was before.
but it was never enough for you to stay