Unsent messages to LOGAN

you didn't really treat me right when we were dating but I still miss you. You say you care but you don't act like it. You say you miss me too and stuff but I don't believe it. If you still care, show me please.

You know when I was with you I didn’t question it, I mean I questioned where we stood and our status but I never questioned MY feelings. I pushed the feelings away and I made myself distant but I know the exact reason why I did that. You see, when I’m with other guys I question everything so I know, you’re the one that got away. I knew this was bound to happen sooner or later which is why I did what I did but I don’t regret it because if you still wanted me to talk to me and look at me again, you would.

This is as simple as I can put it. I’m lost in thoughts but I have figured most of it out. You were my person. I don’t think I told you that because I knew I wasn’t yours. I was in love with you. I still love you but I’m not in love. You have lost me. I keep looking through these stupid fucking messages because I want to hear from. I keep looking for stupid bullshit signs that you are the one for me. I know that ship has sailed but I just hate that I can’t tell you anything anymore. I will always have so much love for you but I don’t want anything from you anymore. I don’t want the time you gave me because you thought it made me happy. I don’t want the conversations because one of us always gets upset. I don’t want to be in contact because I’m so scared that I still have no idea how to live without you. I don’t want to face you because I know I wouldn’t look away from you. The challenging thing is actually looking into your eyes and saying “hey! I’m totally over this guy.” Because I know I am not capable of that right now.

I fell in love with you stupid and everything you ever said to me. It wasn’t just what you said but how it made me feel. So yeah you already know this but this isn’t what you want, idk what to tell you.

Just the way we looked at each other. When I looked into your eyes, I can’t remember not smiling after. This all meant nothing to u, thanks!

The funny thing is you went on and on about how much you like talking to me and then u told me u thought about hu, so all of a sudden the relationship was platonic? Tell me honestly, how that makes any sense.

How about you text me tonight, I know what I feel and you know what I do feel. So you talk to me because even if it isn’t what I want to hear, I still want to hear it. I’ll answer you and anyways I’ll be up.

You meant the world to me and I hate that you are no longer in my life. Our past was rocky and rough and I wish that I was able to change all of that again but I know that will never happen. You will always be my angel I still love you forever and always.

I wake up every morning with a broken heart but you only lost a friend. I don’t understand your regrets, your sadness, and I don’t understand you. I look down because that’s the only way I see myself. I poured my heart out to you, so of course I still cry over you. You told me that I was too confusing and that you don’t understand me, how am I suppose to explain my pain, my sadness, or anything to you if I can’t put it into words for you to comprehend. Trust me, there is no need for you to remind me that I fucked up. I probably said things to you that I shouldn’t have and I was too invested in our relationship to consider reality. But I just wanted you to understand me, to hear me. I still consider you to be someone who broke me but I like to remember you as the guy who made me feel like I wasn’t alone. I don’t like to fall asleep because everyday that goes by is another day that we are not talking. I do miss you and I miss the late night conversations about stupid shit but I also miss the very real conversations we would have about life. I’m not upset that you didn’t want me but I’m upset that you lied about it. I never wanted the long version, the short version, the version that would make me feel better, I wanted the version that was right for you. I bailed, I ignored you, I removed you, I did anything to avoid you. This was because the things you said were always changing so I knew none of it was true. You adjusted what you said so often because you noticed something different, like my attitude, my responses, my quietness, it was obvious that the things you said were based on how it made me feel not how you actually felt. Just like you, I don’t know why I am writing this, I don’t know why I care anymore, I know I want you to be here for me but not because I said so but because you want to be. I don’t think our time has been wasted, in-fact I think about the times we were together because I envy those moments. I just wish I knew where you stood at the time because you never had to fake feelings for me. Even though we stopped talking and a part of me feels lost, to me, your the guy that no matter what happens, I would run back to. I realized that the right person will help you love yourself and that’s what happened to me, but the unfortunate thing is that I wasn’t the right person for you. I don’t think you ever realized how happy and sad you made me but that’s my fault because the tiniest things either make me happy or it can break my heart. I’m glad I taught you a lesson but the only thing I learned was to use my mind before my heart.

You were always so insensitive to people and their feelings. I think thats way I had a hard time trusting you because I care too much about other people and their feelings. You were also too quick to judge people like I know its normal but I have never been like that. You never know what someone is going through and even if you do, people handle situations differently. Even if you have been in a similar situation your mind is different than everyone else. Sorry Im just saying these things about you but I need to get over you :)

I wish you weren't so far, I don't think you would ever feel the same way back if you were closer but I care about you and I want you to be happy.

After 3 years I have finally let go of all the hurt and pain, you will always have a special place in my heart x

someone told me "you look like you are mentally doing better." I replied "yeah." But that isn't the truth. I just got better at hiding it.

I think of you coming back to me too much. I wish you could make me feel the way you did when we met. Why do you make things so hard? If you don't want me, leave me alone. please.

I actually love you much u don’t even know even know you are so important to me but please message me back I miss talking to you, I miss when we would call and say goodnight and I love you

Dude I cannot tell you the amount of smiles you gave me. I also cannot tell you the amount of times I have cried over you. We are not the type to say it's "the right person, wrong time." But I think we can agree that our egos were too loud for our feelings. Yes, I am crying. I tried Logan, I tried to explain, I tried to make you understand, I tried to let you in. But I'm just not that strong yet. Like many people do, I come from a broken family, emotions are never expressed, conversations are short and mean, just a toxic unhealthy relationship that no decent human should ever have to experience. So yeah, I'm a little broken, messed up, sad, and I can't seem to handle certain feelings. And this is the craziest part, no one really knows this about me because I smile or go quiet. I like it this way because it makes people less curious and the less curious people are, the less they ask questions. You see, I couldn't fool you. You really acted like you cared. You were so genuine. So I trusted you. You were the first person I talked to about my family and why I couldn't sleep, why I worked so much, why I was nice to everyone, why I did not like people caring about me. Then you told me about your fears and your family. I don't even know where to start about when I liked you because it wasn't at once and it wasn't because of the things you said or did, it was everything that you made me feel. I once told you my biggest fear. But somehow, you made me change my perspective on it. I will never find someone like you and trust me I have been trying. You are certainly one of a kind. Sometimes, I wake up in the morning and check to see your notification but it hasn't been there for the past five months. I know, it's on me that I fucked it up with ignorance and the “i love you still.” I know I can be a bitch and I know I am confusing. Just know it wasn't you I was confused about.

currently crying...I told you so much about me and I really care so much about you that I felt I could trust you and care for you almost as much as you did for me. Every fucking day, I think about you. Im reading the texts and god we were so fucking confusing for no reason. Its so sad especially because I fell for you so unintentionally. I never believed in the right person wrong time or

i saw “forever and always” in you. my hearts yours, you’ll always have it in your sleeve even though you don’t deserve it

sorry for leaving you on read when i reached out to you, i liked you but that was before our writing class. i was going to tell you but you were too occupied. i hope your classes go well and you become a great teacher

Why wasn't I ever good enough for you? I gave you everything I had in me, and somehow it still wasn't enough. I'd cry, I'd scream, but it was like you couldn't hear me. All I wanted was for you to hear me and understand the pain I was in

I just know by next year, I won’t even be getting a birthday text from you. Or a FaceTime call ever again. That breaks my heart more than you’ll ever know. I miss you too damn much and I called it, I knew you weren’t going to miss me. I wish you could be as honest with yourself like you are with everyone else.

So that’s it? We are over. You forgot me and that’s not even the saddest part. You like someone I used to call my best friend. What happened to you?

i saw you around school and wanted to scream at you for what you did to me but i never had the courage too.....

When I looked at you, the only thing I saw was forever. I was too much of a bitch to admit it but imagine me actually saying that. You would have never spoken to me again.

With or without you, im learning that i will be okay. I do think about what we could have been. Because you honestly complete me :). I know that sounds crazy but honestly we had a lot of things in common. Like our stubbornness, our weird humor, our relationships, and the things we keep to ourselves.

I accept the fact you have a girlfriend. Like I’ve told you before, do not mess it up because the girlfriends you had after me did not make you happy but now clearly this one does. I can not deny the fact though that I still wish to text you because you knew a lot of the khaos that happened in my life that still hurt me to this day and for you helping me is the reason why I’ll always love and care for you.

you took something from me that day. everytime i look at someone like u i cant breathe. i said no. you may not have penetrated me but you did assault me.

you took advantage of me. i was 14. you were 18. you never made time for me. no, i don’t want to be friends now and i definitely don’t want you to “model for you.” stop messaging me.

If you think I’m actually selfish than that is the problem. I was protecting myself from this exact situation. I could honestly never look at you the same again. Do you know how many times you took back or revised what you said. Do you know how many times you changed the story and the reasons why we couldn’t be together. First it was bc u didn’t want to ruin our friendship then it was because u liked someone else and that everything you said was wrong and the other bullshit excuses. You should have told me the truth THAT u didn’t like me because that wasn’t going to break me. Of course I would be sad but not nearly as sad as I am right now thinking about u. If u want to call me selfish fine, just know that you meant more to me than anyone else in my entire life. I don’t lie, I hide things but those things are for ME to know and I think that’s fair to say. So if u want to forget me or pretend it never happened thats fine, I’m okay with that. But I’ll never forget any of it or pretend it never happened. I did love you and I still do which is the shitty part because I don’t think I ever got to really know you. I fell for the way u made me feel and it wasn’t all good. Sometimes u made me feel like such a bitch and other times you made me feel like I could say anything to you and not be judged or made fun of. I trusted you too, which is something I never do. If I had the guts to text you right now I would. But I wouldn’t explain anything to you because you don’t deserve it. I would just want to listen to you because everything you ever said made me feel like you could actually like me too. I was wrong about everything and you hurt me Logan. You told people things that I told you and I really believed I could trust u. I don’t want you to wish that none of this ever happened, infact I want you to text me and tell me you remember it all. but you’ll never do that because you aren’t that kind of person. You act tough but I do know you have a big heart, you don’t physically show it. And I think that’s where the mix signals were coming from. Because I was hearing everything over text but never anything to my face. I miss you constantly and it’s the kind of missing that I’ll play a sad song to and just cry thinking about your lame jokes and your smile. I never want to embarrass you or make you feel obligated to say something you never meant. I just wanted the truth and I never got that and I probably never will. I’m learning to accept that but it doesn’t make anything about you easy to understand. You do have a place in my heart but I wish you we could be close again and I could give u updates on how I’m doing and I want to hear everything about you that I’ve missed. I can’t really come to terms with never actually getting to talk to you again and it makes me sad. I know your mind isn’t always in a good place but I felt like when we talked our minds were ok. I do want the best for u, I always have since the moment we started talking. I don’t wish anything could go back to the way it was because I don’t think I would have realized the kind of person you are. But I do wish, I could hear your voice and see your face and just listen to you again.

I hate you for cheating on me and treating me horrible but for some reason I can’t stop thinking about you.

i am sick. i’m not crazy. i was there for you at your lowest. you just left me and called me crazy. i’m not crazy i’m sick.

u were the first person who was ever actually there for me. all the late night talks meant so much to me and i don’t think u understand that. but something happened, idk if it was me or u but something happened. nothing is the same anymore and i don’t think it ever will be. ofc you’ll never see this but u meant the world to me and i always envisioned u to be someone u weren’t. u aren't a good person at heart. u try to be but u are just so manipulative and self centered. i know you’re a bad person but u will always be somewhere in my heart. as u said “if this is over, u will always have a place in my heart.” but i really doubt that. still i’m in love with u? why? i don’t ever wanna love someone like u but when i think of u i think of all the times u said u cared. but u didn’t. u only care about yourself. u will always only care about yourself, logan.

Its funny because as much as I never want to see you again, your the only one I want to see. Now you use the word "platonic" so that has me questioning everything you have ever done. If its platonic, why did u talk to me like that, why did u look at me like that, why did u tell me what you were "feeling"? You had me looking like a fool this entire time because of the things you told your "friends" as if I was obsessed with you. But they never heard the things you told me in private and I would never share that with anyone but it seemed mutual. I honestly do not know if your an asshole or if your just embarrassed but sharing the things I once told you is pretty fucked up. I would obviously never actually say this to your face because you still have a place in my heart but New Years was the last time you will ever hear from me, I promise :). Some days I miss your laugh and the stupid things you would say but than I remember how it all went down. I never had the chance to let you hear it from me first, someone else always had something to say. But the worse part is that you shared what I was telling you so many times so the trust is forever gone. I do constantly miss you and I like to remember our jokes. I just never realized the kind of guy you were until I was away but Im glad it did happen because now I know.

I know that you’ll probably never see this, but there’s something I need to tell you. I’m too much of a coward to actually text you this myself, so this is the only place I could think of.
Even though I know that you’ll never feel the same, I just want to say that I like you, a lot. You’re funny, kind, and I really enjoy spending time with you.
Happy new year! I hope we can make new memories together, even if it’s just as friends.

Fuck u for what u did the other night, she is my best friend and you knew how much I used to like you. Your an asshole

Why can’t you just love me back !! Why did you lead me on if you didn’t want anything more than my body !! Why couldn’t you just leave me alone !!!

i'm sorry it wasn't meant to be but you didn't have to 1.do it over text
2. say that you have 5 side hoes

you hurt me multiple times but i still love you and i cant live without you. you kept me alive please come back again

hey. i miss you. you were the one i wanted. You may not feel the same way about me but please come back...

One day I hope you realize that I truly cared about you. One day you are going to realize that I did love you. One day you are going to realize what you lost...

do you remember when we would stare at the stars for hours on end and forget about everything in life except each other?

I keep coming on here hoping i'll have one written about me but I never do. I miss you and the way you bullied me so much. I know you don't feel the same and i am so sorry for hurting you in anyways that i did, but i know if yu knew this was about you, you would just make fun of it and tell everyone how obsessed i am, but i'm not obsessed logan, I'm in love with you, everytime i think or touch anyone else my mind still thinks of you, it's been about 7 months since we last talked and i don't know why you stopped texting me..i really hope you do soon, i miss us

I know you might not see this, and I suck at explaining my feelings, but I fucking love you. So much. I daydream everyday thinking about the day we’ll get married as you always say, and instead of rolling over to check your message, i hope for the day i get to roll over and see you. I know we’re young, but I want to stay with you for the rest of my life, please. Your such a amazing person i’ve met, and your texts make me happy everytime I see the notif. I love you Logie

i hate you. i hate the control you have over me. all you have to do is not reply to my text and i go fucking crazy. then all these thoughts enter my head. and i fucking hate you for it. ive never cried so many times over just one fucking person. why is it so fucking hard for you to talk to me? in the beginning you would always answer my texts if you werent busy. and now? and fucking now? holy shit dude its like my entire mental state rests on your hands. and you dont even know it! thats the fucking funny part. maybe you see my name pop up on your screen and just think "here comes this annoying bitch again" when really the only reason i text you so much is because i miss you. i fucking hate you you fucking piece of ever living shit. you tell me you like me and that you want me but how can i believe that when this is the kind of shit you pull. maybe you're just busy i tell myself. yeah fuck that. it dosent take that long for you to text me back dipshit. why cant you see how much you mean to me? why cant you see how much power you have over me? maybe im just overreacting but i think that shows i care.

am i the problem? please tell me the reason we are the way we are is not because of me. please tell me i did not fuck this whole thing up. please. maybe im just overreacting but i think that shows how much i care.

i really wish you could give me reassurance on the fact that your not in love with her well
at least i hope your not but i do t want to mention it because your allowed to have female friends but i just overthink

i think im in love with you. im not to sure since ive never been in love before but i think i do. and i hate it. because i asked you if you still liked me and you said kinda we just need to work on it and im trying but fuck it feels like im talking to a wall. i want to be your girlfriend but i dont know if i should. everyday it feels like you're just pushing yourself away from piece by piece. and that hurts. i miss our talks. i miss our facetime calls. i miss how we used to be. do you miss us? me? maybe im just overreacting but i think that shows that i care.

you were the first guy i ever liked and who had liked me back. In the beginning we used to talk all the time and call each other cute pet names. And now? now you leave me on read and i don't know what to do anymore. You told me that we needed to talk more but whenever i try to talk to you, you never answer. But i still want us to work out. I still think about you. I still dream about you. i still think about all the cute dates we said we'd go on. we never did. maybe im just overreacting but i think that shows how much i care. i want us to work but if i continue to feel like im the only one trying then ill let you go. because obviously you dont like me enough to give a shit. but i secretly hope deep down that you do.

Hey logie. I miss you. Maybe this was right person, wrong time. Idk but something tells me not to let go yet

You broke me in a way I didn’t know I could be broken, why do I still love you? Do you still love me?