Unsent messages to LOGAN

I love you so much more than I show, you’re the only one I want

What was going through your head?? Do you even feel bad?

i love u more than i can ever explain it.

I miss you even though I made you up in my head.

I wish I was her.

I love you. I wish you knew that.

you dont realize how much you mean to me

I want you to know that I want you you are rlly cute

i love you

I could fill oceans with what I feel for you.

i know you love me

You make me feel so special :)

All I wanted was your love but you were not able to give me that

i love you so much and you mean the entire world to me <33

i still think about you even tho youre not good for me :(

I love you more than anything in the world

i hate what you did but i still love you

i’ve thought about you everyday since then.

I still dream about you

Ik this isn’t fair but for all the times I said I was “fine” “whatever” “ok” “forget it”, you should have known not to stop. I wanted you to prove to me that you cared about me and by dismissing me, you showed me that you aren’t the person I wanted you to be. You can look at literally most of our conversations and you’ll see that every damn time you responded like that, I wouldn’t settle for it, I would question you, and I was there for you because I knew there was more to you than those few words. I thought liking you was good but I never realized how hard it was for YOU to let me in. I blame myself because I keep thinking that I was never entirely honest or maybe I was hiding something but I never was, I was so vulnerable to you. It shouldn’t have been hard especially if you felt the same way which now I know the truth, a little too late. I shouldn’t be up late crying almost every other night because I wasn’t good enough and because I miss you. Liking you should have been joyful but it wasn’t, I was stressed, upset, and overthinking all the time. I fell in love with the wrong person and I know this now because all we did was argue and I questioned if I was even good enough for you. I had to wonder if you actually gave the slightest fuck about me. You fooled me.

I don't do relationships or feelings, so when I tried with you...it was real. I knew it was real because when I let you go, my heart hurt a little. Most of my life has been me trying to recover from things that I keep to myself. I silence thoughts because I am too nervous to talk about them. I'm trying to release pain and sadness that I hide with a smile. I'm trying to heal. If I was never the perfect girl, you should have left me alone like I asked. My friend asked if I still liked you. I said of course but I will never be able to look at you the same again. He said, if I still liked you, I would be able to look past everything. I figured out that I don't like you...not anymore but I will never be able to like someone else like you. He finally asked the big question...will I ever talk to you again? No, the last time I would text you would be on your birthday and for an amazing New Year! That is the last time you would hear from me. Some say it's painful to wait for someone but I think the most painful thing is to move on when you have so much love for that person. I had so much love for you. I would love to say maybe one day, we will meet again but I know that should not happen, but one day I hope we can explain to each other what really happened. Now, live your best life and I hope you do all the things you wanted to do.

i want to move on from you so bad. but i cant give up on you and i never will. no matter what you put me through or how you treat me in the end i would choose your happiness over mine anyday bb. Even if it meant i had to help you or leave you to find and create your own happiness i hope in some way i’d be able to help. i’ve never had any bad intentions towards you since the day we met, i’m sorry that i come across clingy and can’t seem to leave you alone it’s just that for once i felt something ? i felt cared and loved about by you , it felt good so i wanted to cling on that little while longer . you gave me so many reasons to live and i hope you could say the same . keep our promises even if we can’t keep eachother . i’m proud of you so so proud of you always forever ugly

i thought i've felt this pain before, i thought that i felt heartbreak before. but never this... this is different. it feels like you were my first love.

I know this isn’t something you want to hear because you literally haven’t spoken to me. I have learned that sometimes I have the inability to love the “right” way but I did love you. Sometimes people self sabotage good things, like I did in regards to our relationship because I never thought I was worth of any of your time. But I just want you to understand, I never intentionally meant to offend, embarrass, or hurt you in anyway. It had nothing to do with you, I told you I loved you and I meant it but most of the time the thoughts in my head kinda take over. I can’t define the type of love I felt for you but it was love. I didn’t understand myself and therefore, I didn’t know what to do so I ruined it :( I definitely still have a lot to learn about relationships. I don’t say this to justify any of the things I did that may of affected you but I just wanted to offer a different perspective. I want to let you know that I’m still hurting and I think a part of me will always old onto that pain. For now, I can’t see anything good about the situation but I wish that one day I could careless like you but I don’t see that happening because that isn’t me. I would love to say let’s catch up sometime or let’s hope overtime time we can meet again but I don’t think I could actually say that. The truth is I liked you like I have never liked someone before and to be honest I wish the way this relationship ended didn’t affect me like you. But it did, and I have accepted that and I hope one day to believe that this was for the better. I’m glad we got to wish each other a happy new year but I wish it was an actual conversation but I feel so strange about all of this. I’ve been hurt before but it was never by someone I loved and cared for, so it’s a different kind of pain that I wasn’t ready for. I appreciate all the kind things you have said about me but I don’t respect the lies that were told to me by you. I am just so confused why you felt the need to lie to me when I could have understood you like I did in the beginning.

If you really loved me, a small mistake like that shouldn’t of mattered to you. I care so much to the point that I look dumb.

The moment I knew it was the "day" I had to text you, I really didn't want to think of you until I actually reached out. I realized how much better you were doing with girls, school, and your "friends". I knew you were forgetting me and I know it was probably for the best. I think to myself, like thank god I never actually got to spend one on one time with you because I would have been way too attached. But I really am learning to let go, even though that is not what I want, I mean I thought I wanted that, until you weren't a part of my week anymore. Sometimes, I think that if I never told you my feelings, I would not be in this much of a heart ache. I'm glad I did though, I just wish I was never lied to. One time, I realized that I cared about you way more than you cared about me. It was when we were texting, and you wanted clarification and I tried my best to give you that. You thanked me for the reassurance but you see, you never gave me that or even asked. So I still have questions but with time, I am slowly forgetting why I cared in the first place. Of course, there are things I wish I had done things differently, but at this point, I do not think you deserved a better ending. I meant everything I ever said as confusing as it probably was for you, but I always had a hard time believing you anyway. I know for certain if I texted you right now, you would either ignore me or tell your "friends" like you usually do and I do know about that. I really wish you were the same guy I fell for. The one who made me smile, the one I trusted, the one who made me feel like I was never alone, and the one who made me feel good about myself. I will never know the truth about you, like why you lied to me, or why you said you "cared" about me, or why I wasn't good enough to make you feel what I once felt. I wish I could receive a text or a call addressing it all but I wont, simply because you do not care and because this sad situation has not affected you. I will always wonder about you, and do not get me wrong because I will always care about you and I always wish the best for you but I wish if this was suppose to actually end that it could have been different.

i hated you. for the longest time i wasted my time chasing after you. i dont care now. glad we still talk ig

I won’t always remember what you said or what you did but I will always remember how u made me feel :( - “p”

I will always have so much love for you Logan. My heart is broken not because I am in love (even though I know I am) but because I thought you would be in my life forever, we even talked about staying in contact but we have done nothing. I mean I tried but it was too damn hard and I never got to explain this but I didn't want to hear about the perfect girl you met and I didn't want to know that the only reason you kept talking to make me was so I wasn't sad. I never intended to stop any of it but I feel like if you didn't want it to stop, you would have continued to care about me. I know, I am not alone but that doesn't distract me from the fact that I never want anyone to know me like you do. You cannot keep saying for the time apart we can grow stronger and maybe one day meet again, you cannot keep saying things like that because I never want to feel pain like this again. I would drop everyone and everything to see you become the greatest version of yourself but I honestly think it would break me even more to see those chapters of your life because I wouldn't be in it. I did let you go for little because I was distracted by all the new things in my life. But now every moment I spend either doing nothing or something, I am reminded of you. I am so sorry, I couldn't be the easy simple girl you needed or wanted. I am so sorry if I embarrassed you or made you feel like you weren't good enough. But the truth is, I am a mess, and I was never good enough for you. I am so glad you have the reassurance you wanted, but I don't. I want to text you and I want you to want to hear from me but that doesn't seem like it will ever happen again. I still just really want to know why you lied and why you felt you had to lie to me, I knew you didn't have feelings for me the way I had feelings for you, so why make them up?

It’s been a few years now since we were together, yet I still think of us everyday. I wish more than anything that our timing could have been right again. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you still, I miss you so much it hurts. I hope she makes you as happy as you made me.

I will never have the capability to text you ever again. The text was the last text, I realized you do not care anymore and you have every right not to. Im just sad, that's all.

I miss you so much. Im broken but I have been broken, way before you came into my life. I think I was just looking for help and when you helped me, I didn't like the change. I hated talking to you about myself, I just wanted to listen to everything you said though because I could tell you were real.

I am always told I need to let people in. But I did that with you and look where that got me. I was wrong to say that I love you. I was wrong for putting myself in a situation that made me so vulnerable to you. It honestly not your fault, I have had this problem since forever. For the two years that we have known each other, I thought you would have been one of the few people that would never hurt me. You moved on so damn fast and that made me realize the problem. I expect to damn much and I cant give anyone all of me without being fucked over.

Do you ever feel so fucking alone. I could honestly be in a room with some of my dearest friends but it wouldn't be enough because I would be waiting for you. I try to play it cool but I miss you more than anyone. I am so sorry. I wish you came to that party so I could have shown you what I meant.

All my friends tell me to stop. To stop wanting you, to stop feeling sorry for myself that I lost you. But the truth is, I think most people will never know you, the way I knew you. Logan, did you ever mean anything? I do not know how you are okay, if you meant what you said. I really want to tell you I do not care anymore and that you never meant anything. But I have accepted the fact that I will never feel this way with anyone.

You have to understand when I love which is often, I am serious and dedicated to the relationship. This may be selfish to say but I long for someone who has patience and for someone who makes me feel worth it, or special because I lack that kind of confidence in myself, even though I may not show it. Logan, I know we did not embrace each other publicly because even though I love, I just have a difficult time showing it but I hope you know how much you made me feel. I hope the conversations we often shared in private weren't bullshit. I think we could have been perfect and as I mentioned in the beginning, I didn't see the conflict like you did which is why I liked you because you were practical. I have realized that I bore very easily but with you I really didn't know what to expect. I know, I can get annoyed very easily, become overly sensitive, and I make irrational mean dumb decisions, but it’s because of all the things I tend to be insecure about. Honestly, I didn't want to talk in person because I knew exactly how I felt, I was scared to hear everything you had to say because it probably wasn't what I wanted to hear at the time. I really wanted to take things page by page with you. I feel like on my part, even though I did not tell you what I felt first, I was pretty open about how I felt, I just wasn't receiving anything back. I always become distant when I tell someone something personal such as my feelings and I guess that's because most of the time, I fear rejection which is why I look for acceptance in almost anything. Even when I became distant with you, you seemed to notice minute details about me and you really tried to understand me more than most people. I admired that you “cared” so much but I do not like when people try to understand me and that is mainly because I don’t understand myself and therefore, I have a terrible way with words. One thing I did realize that we had in common was that we can be honest, and although we shared parts of our lives with one another, we tend to keep “secrets” or just things to ourselves in order to not “upset” or “hurt” that person. I also felt like everything was just too easy with you, especially talking to you and to me being too perfect is not good which is how I was seeing you. So I found faults for no good reason and I will agree that I started the conflict and the confusion. I can for sure tell that we have emotional issues, but not the same kind which is why I think we tried to understand each other. I still cry and I do not like hearing your name because I think about the moments and the conversations that I took for granted with you. At this point, I accepted how everything ended but that is because I feel like if it was supposed to be different, it would be right? I guess life does go on and so we have but I will never forget you dude.

why do you hurt me so much all i wanna do is love you and i get hurt. im sorry for everything ive done i just want to love.

I’m tired of everyone saying that you aren’t worth my tears. You are because if u weren’t worth it, I wouldn’t feel this lost without you. :(

I wasn’t mad that you didn’t want me. I was mad that you said you did and no actions followed what you supposedly “felt”.

I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much I don’t want to loose you. I don’t think you understand how important you are to me. - ☆ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ

We clicked. I was comfortable with you. I still cannot say your name without crying, at least a little dude. When I remember you, I try not to think about the tears but I think about your smile, your laugh, your eyes, and the way you looked at me. I know you looked at me lol. I didn't have to pretend to be anything when I was with you. I would do anything to have you back again, but I realized if that's what you wanted, you would have done it. Till this today, when I think about you, it hurts my heart. I keep saying this is going to be my last stupid sappy message, but I can't stop. I feel like I am waiting for you. I know I told you this a thousand times, but I have never felt this way before, I know I am not your first anything but if the friendship was real, what happened? Anyway, I hope you are enjoying your New Year, even if you decide to never text or ft me again lol :(

Sorry I had to copy this because I submitted it to Lohan (I lil high).
If you have nothing to say fine. I feel like I have said everything. Plz tell me what I’m missing or what I said wrong. I’m high can u just text me, I miss you. All you ever had to do was tell me the truth, not what I wanted to hear.

i’m still hurt by the words you said that day. i’m still hurt by the fact you think i’m nothing. i hate that no matter what i will always take you back no matter how bad you treated me. i hate that you are a part of me. i hate that every time i drive past a certain place or go to a certain park bench that all our memories flash back. i hate that i’m still in love with you. and lastly i hate that you will never know how i really feel.

we've been together for months now but am i really your first priority? i feel like this love is one-sided. but i love you too much to leave. maybe it'll work out in the end.

You are a fool for thinking that I would want you in my life again after telling me you found someone so perfect for you.

It's like I have all of this love for life, people, and the world but I have no idea what to do with it. I think you know, I'm not good with words, affection, attention, or any of my feelings. I could swear, the words you said to me made me believe that I possibly found someone to share my life with but you never saw me for who I was. I think that hurt both of us. I never lied about anything, I just kept things from you that I know would hurt me if I told you. I don't know how you're doing because I stopped asking for your time and I don't regret it. You were only there for me because it made ME feel better not you. None of this ever made me feel wanted, you just made me feel heard. It's been months, and we haven't had any interaction and it's crazy because I feel like you're still here for me. But like I said before, I don't want to feel that. I cry all the time haha because I picture all the moments we were together that I took for granted. I like to think that we were good friends, in fact, I did tell you things that I have never told anyone but being friends was not enough for me. I knew sooner or later you were going to leave me. If I could talk to you right now, I would. It wouldn't be to change anything because I know nothing was there. I would thank you, thank you for all the feelings and for being my outlet. I would thank you for being one of hell of a heartbreak. Not the kind of heartbreak where I was in love but the kind of heartbreak you have when you lose someone who you thought would be in your life forever. Yes, this is me. I always wanted the best for you and I know that wasn't me.
When I had sad teary eyes in front of a friend and he asked why I was crying. He didnt need to ask because he knew, but he wanted to hear from me. We just went silent. He said "I know you love him, its okay..., you will find another."
I realized I lost someone so great. But with all great losses, there is something to gain, I just haven't figured out what I gained yet.

I feel like you lost me and I think that’s because you were meant to find someone or something better. :)

I feel like you lost me and I think that’s because you were meant to find someone or something better. :)

You once told me you believe life is worth living because of the people you have in it. When I really think about it, I think about all the people who came and went. At the end of the day, I’m all I have left. Life doesn’t stop for anybody so why should I? One day, you will meet somebody and they are going to make you realize that there isn’t anything wrong with you, it was me that was wrong for you. I wish I could go back in time, to change what happened, to keep my feelings inside so I didn’t have to explain them to anyone. I love you but I couldn’t stand you. I miss you but I think this time apart is better for me, I need to learn to love myself before anyone else again. I’ll never want to let you go but I probably should. Sometimes it’s tough but I like to look at how far I’ve come.

You once told me you believe life is worth living because of the people you have in it. When I really think about it, I think about all the people who came and went. At the end of the day, I’m all I have left. Life doesn’t stop for anybody so why should I? One day, you will meet somebody and they are going to make you realize that there isn’t anything wrong with you, it was me that was wrong for you. I wish I could go back in time, to change what happened, to keep my feelings inside so I didn’t have to explain them to anyone. I love you but I couldn’t stand you. I miss you but I think this time apart is better for me, I need to learn to love myself before anyone else again. I’ll never want to let you go but I probably should. Sometimes it’s tough but I like to look at how far I’ve come.