Unsent Messages

The moment I knew it was the "day" I had to text you, I really didn't want to think of you until I actually reached out. I realized how much better you were doing with girls, school, and your "friends". I knew you were forgetting me and I know it was probably for the best. I think to myself, like thank god I never actually got to spend one on one time with you because I would have been way too attached. But I really am learning to let go, even though that is not what I want, I mean I thought I wanted that, until you weren't a part of my week anymore. Sometimes, I think that if I never told you my feelings, I would not be in this much of a heart ache. I'm glad I did though, I just wish I was never lied to. One time, I realized that I cared about you way more than you cared about me. It was when we were texting, and you wanted clarification and I tried my best to give you that. You thanked me for the reassurance but you see, you never gave me that or even asked. So I still have questions but with time, I am slowly forgetting why I cared in the first place. Of course, there are things I wish I had done things differently, but at this point, I do not think you deserved a better ending. I meant everything I ever said as confusing as it probably was for you, but I always had a hard time believing you anyway. I know for certain if I texted you right now, you would either ignore me or tell your "friends" like you usually do and I do know about that. I really wish you were the same guy I fell for. The one who made me smile, the one I trusted, the one who made me feel like I was never alone, and the one who made me feel good about myself. I will never know the truth about you, like why you lied to me, or why you said you "cared" about me, or why I wasn't good enough to make you feel what I once felt. I wish I could receive a text or a call addressing it all but I wont, simply because you do not care and because this sad situation has not affected you. I will always wonder about you, and do not get me wrong because I will always care about you and I always wish the best for you but I wish if this was suppose to actually end that it could have been different.