Unsent Messages

I will always have so much love for you Logan. My heart is broken not because I am in love (even though I know I am) but because I thought you would be in my life forever, we even talked about staying in contact but we have done nothing. I mean I tried but it was too damn hard and I never got to explain this but I didn't want to hear about the perfect girl you met and I didn't want to know that the only reason you kept talking to make me was so I wasn't sad. I never intended to stop any of it but I feel like if you didn't want it to stop, you would have continued to care about me. I know, I am not alone but that doesn't distract me from the fact that I never want anyone to know me like you do. You cannot keep saying for the time apart we can grow stronger and maybe one day meet again, you cannot keep saying things like that because I never want to feel pain like this again. I would drop everyone and everything to see you become the greatest version of yourself but I honestly think it would break me even more to see those chapters of your life because I wouldn't be in it. I did let you go for little because I was distracted by all the new things in my life. But now every moment I spend either doing nothing or something, I am reminded of you. I am so sorry, I couldn't be the easy simple girl you needed or wanted. I am so sorry if I embarrassed you or made you feel like you weren't good enough. But the truth is, I am a mess, and I was never good enough for you. I am so glad you have the reassurance you wanted, but I don't. I want to text you and I want you to want to hear from me but that doesn't seem like it will ever happen again. I still just really want to know why you lied and why you felt you had to lie to me, I knew you didn't have feelings for me the way I had feelings for you, so why make them up?