Unsent messages to ETHAN

You broke me. You asked for my heart back after you damaged it, and I fell for it. You were manipulating me and made me seem like I was an awful person when i finally ended things and moved on. I hope your new girlfriend is happy with you, I just hope you are pulling the same bullshit you did with me.

Your my best friends brother, but I cant help but fall for you when I see you. Your taller than me and have a slim frame. But your face, its the kindest face I've ever seen. Your eyes keep my attention at all times their hazel color makes my legs go weak. And your freckles on your face, its like they were put in the perfect place by an artist. Your hair is messy, but looks so perfect every time I see you. Of course I can never say any of this to you, I will always be seen as your sisters friend. But you are so much more than just her brother to me.

I hope one day you wake up and realize how much some people really did love you, and how you pushed everyone away and treated them like shit

its cynthia :). i always randomly think about you.. its not like i love you tho.. i LIKE you.. a little.. missing 3rd grade memories

I miss u. I wish it was as easy to get over u as it was for u. i’m always gonna love you and it hurts

I hope you grow into the person I always thought you were. Time has healed, but i never want you back in my life..

i feel like i ruined everything. i miss talking to you everyday and getting to see you. i know you didn’t want anything serious, but i really wanted you to be my person. i still do. but there is so much working against it. you’re still not healed and go to school out of state. this would’ve happened eventually. just know i respect you and your decision. maybe in another lifetime, nerd. (also, notice the color i chose? i miss you and our purple hearts.)

you only wrote these and showed me when you were begging me not to leave. i see you never loved me now

I loved you, which is why you got away with taking so much of me. Even now I give it to you, I hate myself for it

The future is scary and uncertain, but I am certain that I want you in it. I just hope you want the same.

You hate me for reading your messages but you dont understand how long i waited for you only for you to tell her those things.

You are all I think about. You are my first thought when I open my eyes, and my last as I go to sleep. I only wish I were yours.

I really loved you. You were the first person who made me feel love and brought the closest feeling of happiness to my life when i was at a dark place . But then you caused it when you decided to leave. What happened? I really thought you cared about me, just one bit. was i wrong? i tried to help you. i even prayed for you. i put you before me. I need you.

you treated me like i was a whore. you cared so badly about being my first that you stopped caring about me.

you were my first love, yet i certainly wasn’t yours. you were so unkind, you made me feel not good enough. there was so much uncertainty

i rly liked u, but it never seemed as if u liked me back u were jus “shy” tho right? It almost always felt like i was a bother but u were there in my life when i was going through one of the worse times in my life. When ur ex was still trying to text u and texting me that i was a tearable person for dating her ex when her and i weren't friends n we maybe had two convos. i remember u where so angry at the fact she was mad at me, but that’s what u said to me... then i find out u made up with her??? made me look like the bad guy. It was wtv tho cause i like you sm i would make up any excuse for u.

I think you were the first person I really wanted to have in my life. That got ruined lol. still would do anything for you

Its not fair of me to not want you to move on. I regret not being there more. Please just be happy with her.

i love you more than anything in the world and i don’t think that will ever change. i have real love for you that you never did for me.

I miss you little bro. I can’t wait to meet you one day! I wonder if you look like me. Tell Jesus I say hi.

you’re a piece of shit. you were never in love with me. you’re an awful person. you’re rude. two faced. manipulative. i feel bad for the next girl you fucking prey on. fuck you, piece of fucking shit.

I love you more than I have ever loved anyone even if it’s literally the stupidest thing I could do because you only see me as your best friend

I can't explain why I loved you as much as I did, especially when you never loved me back. Every day I see you with someone else and my heart breaks again. I know we were never meant to be, but I think in another life it would've worked out. I know you never will, but every minute of every day I hope for just a little bit that one day you'll come back to me.

i loved you and you loved me. but somehow you fell out of love quicker than u fell in love w/ me. it took a year to be with you and you left me so quickly. you used me for my heart. but now i let you go. i hope your sister sticks w/ soccer too. (your mom told me she’s never stuck with a sport) take care of your new girl. you’ll never find someone like me but i hope you can find something similar to what we had❤️

to this day you are still the only person i’ve ever truly loved with all my heart, but you broke me. i’ve never felt so much love and pain in my life all from the same person but you somehow managed to do it. i would’ve done anything for you, not even mountains could’ve stood in my way of loving you but i guess she could. i hate you so much for hurting me. it’s been almost 2 years yet i still hurt of the thought about everything we’ve been through. i hate you because i don’t think i’ll ever stop caring about you and deep down i know that if you texted me i’d be there in a heartbeat because i will always love you even if i don’t want to. our love was magical but we were so bad for each other and i’m sorry for hurting you too. when i think of our relationship i see blue. i’m not sure why but overall blue is the color that comes to mind. it reminds me of how pure and innocent life was before you broke me. i’ll never feel the happiness i felt before you because i will always now know how painful the world can be. before you i had so much hope for life and now after you i’ve lost that innocent feeling of being naïve cause now i truly know how sad life can get. so overall the color i best relate you with is blue.

I’ve had a crush on you since 3rd grade. And i’ve never had the guts to tell you. Last year we got really close but then corona came. I wish we could have that same bond we did now. Hopefully school goes back to normal because i really miss our laughs and getting in trouble together. Back then I wasn’t confident. But now that I am i really hope we can get close again and even closer than last time. I always wonder if you think about me. If you care. And i really hope you do. You probably forgot about that class we had together and you probably don’t even care. It was probably nothing to you, and didn’t mean anything. But it sure did to me and i hope you feel the same. Your different Ethan. I’ve never met someone like you. Anything you say makes me laugh. Your smile, and your hair, but damn your personality. When we got in trouble for laughing and it was my fault, you told the teacher it was you. And got me out of trouble. You blamed it on yourself. And you probably think nothing of it that you were just being nice. But to me that meant the world. You didn’t have to do that, but you did. And that shows how truly good of a person you are. Your like perfect Ethan. And i’m not, which hurts me because your too good for me. But i really hope we can be that close once again. :)

When I told you if i could i wouldn’t take my time with you back, i lied. If i could i would, because now i can’t stop loving toxic men because of you.

you were cruel to me. for 7 years of my life. i thought i loved you- instead i realised that you were trapping me for who i really awas....a lesbian.

you were my first love in grade 4, then grade 5, and then again in grade 6. until u liked me and my bsf at the same time. u chose her. and I still think about that

i was just a kid when i fell for you, but you meant the world to me & more. i kept going for you, and now we're nothing more than strangers to each other.

i haven’t been hugged liked that in a very long time. i hope you continue to grow and do things that make you happy. you're not half bad dear.

although you were who i believe was my first love, thank you for everything you’ve done for me. you were the guy i dreamt of when we were the age we met.

you were the worst thing that ever happened to me, but i will never be able to get you out of my mind

you were the worst thing that ever happened to me, but i will never be able to get you out of my mind

We could have worked, I always thought we were meant to be since we were kids. You had other priorities... that being videos games.

i don’t feel bad for you. you left a girl who would give you the world for a girl who didn’t give a fuck about you.

you deserve so much better than what i could’ve given you. i don’t blame you for wanting better. i hope the next time we speak, if we ever do, we will both be in a better place. i’m so sorry for being so selfish and expecting so much of you. i hope you never settle

y couldnt u b a dick that would make loosing feelies so much easier, but instead im lovely lavendar.,, but im glad u rnt one cuz i need u:p

i honestly miss you. but I can’t trust you. i don’t know if anything you’ve said was true, I don’t even know if it would be true if you came back. how do I know? how can I know?

i don’t regret what happened but i hate that it’s your name i’ll tell my kids when they ask who my first kiss was. well... my first everything really.

our favorite color was blue:) no bad blood anymore. i’m over you now but you were my first heartbreak. thank you for everything even if all it was, was a childish relationship. you were one of my best friends and that i’ll never forget :)

i know you’re surprised i’m handling this well, i am too. it looks like i never liked you, buts thats 100% not true.

today i talked to you for the first time in months. when i saw your name pop up i felt my stomach squeeze and my heart skyrocketed. yet when we talked i didn’t feel any of that at all. by the end of the conversation i felt so dull. i expected to be happy, to feel excited, but i felt nothing at all. our short conversation made me not want to talk to you ever again, it made me realize how truly over everything was. our short conversation made me understand why we stopped talking in the beginning. it’s finally over, i don’t miss you anymore. thank you for texting me, i wouldn’t have realized it if you never said anything. thank you for being my first love and thank you for being my lesson.

i still play “you and me” by life house and think of the days my mom would drive u to ur house while i would lay in your lap and just admire how beautiful you were while that song would play. a smile never left my face. i never wanted those moments to end. i wish i could go back, even just for a second.

hi e, it’s been almost a year and i still can’t find the strength to get over you. you’ll probably never see this but i love you. you were my real first love. you made me feel whole when i had been broken for so long. you saved me. tell your dad hi for me :,)

i thought you would understand
i told you i wasn’t ready for anything serious but you couldn’t take the hint
it’s not fair

gosh, um where do i begin... never did i think i'd have these feelings for you. i never thought that one night talking at a party for an underclassman would lead to this. our conversations are so deep and i catch myself smiling every time i look at you. i know we agreed to do this fwb thing and im cool with it but holy shit ethan, i have these feelings for you and i just dont understand them.....

I am convinced there’s a hole in my heart that only you can fill. Do you miss me? I miss you everyday.

here's the thing, I am completely and utterly in love with you. I can't say it and you won't say it. Why did we have to meet now? Why did we have to unpack this burden on ourselves?

i miss being best friends
i miss you so fucking much
i have so much to tell you. i wish we never became more than friends and stayed best friends. you were always there for me when i needed it the most. i hope ur doing okay. i will forever have a special place in my heart for u. thank you for once being my best friend. you're going to do such great things.