Unsent messages to ETHAN

english class; freshman year, we locked eyes for the first time and i instantly had this feeling, i know in my heart you did too. i remember catching you staring at me, just know my heart was pounding. i know how badly we wanted to talk but our fear got in the way, i regret that every time i hear your name. fast forward junior year i see you with your girlfriend, you guys seem happy so i try and let you go. but you had the nerve to gaze at me; thinking what we could’ve been, i could see the regret in your eyes. we’re 19 now, i think about you now and then. all i want to know is if what we had was real?

Im always going to love you, you saved me. Thank you for being my best friend, I cherished the every other day we spent together for months. Hopefully we reunite one day

You make me feel like coke. You make my mouth numb and my body shake. I wish we could go back to that first day in the summer when we snuck around and things were okay.

I’m not the one you’ll wake up to in the morning; one day you’ll find her and she’ll love you like you deserve.

i wanted to ask you out so bad the first time i saw you, but i was too scared and i’ll never get that chance ever again.

I miss talking to you till the sun came up when neither of us could fall asleep and I miss being able to just talk and laugh with you. I remember the first time you kissed me I could feel/hear your heart beat and falling asleep with you was one of the nicest feelings in the world. I miss being your friend. I miss you. I don’t have that special someone who somehow makes me magically feel okay anymore, just seeing your name pop up on my phone made me smile. I can’t do, watch or listen to certain things without thinking about you now. I wish things didn’t change between us because I really liked the way things were. I think the saddest part is that I was genuinely falling for you but you were still thinking about her....I’ve been learning how to be better. I’m (trying) to learn how to find happiness and worth within myself, without the constant validation of others. I’m not there yet but when I am it’ll be nice. I wish you didn’t change, you used to be a sweet and genuine person who was too afraid to kiss a girl but then you changed into something different... I know this “letter” is all over the place but I think that’s fitting

We fell in love in 6 grade, and out of it a year later, I am certain even all of these years later that if our lives intertwined, we would be in love once again

We fell in love in sixth grade and out of love a year later, I am certain if our lives intertwined, we would be in love again.

i have liked u since the moment i met you, for 4 years. i try to tell myself i don't, but its a lie. we talk like once a year, and every time i fall for you. the truth is if you gave me a chance, i would give you my everything, and i have no idea why. it makes sense to me.

Well Ethan everything hasn't been great lately, I've been really missing you but haven't been able to speak since we broke up.
I just miss you so much and regret trying to force you to be something you weren't.
But apparently you're happy now and I don't want to stop you from being that way so I'll leave you to it.
I love you

it has been well over a year and i still don't understand why you left. yes, we were young and had no idea what we were doing but i loved you with everything in me. you were my best friend. i will never forget the pain you caused me, the aching in my chest every time i woke up in the morning and realised you were no longer in my life, the hysterical crying every night until i became exhausted and fell asleep and the
heartache when i found out you had moved on. but i forgive you. i am better now even though i will always love you with my whole heart :(

no matter how hard i try to convince myself that i no longer love you, i don't think i will ever stop.

Hi, Idk if you still remember me , but I wish you happiness and success. Even though we were 6th graders at that time , I thought you were the man of my dreams. I once in a while look at your ig to see how your doing , if something new is going on in your life etc. I wish we could’ve talked or something at least in high school . I know there’s a possibility I won’t see you again since we all have our own lives. But it was nice getting to know you and well if you see this, I wish you the best .

Hi, Idk if you still remember me , but I wish you happiness and success. Even though we were 6th graders at that time , I thought you were the man of my dreams. I once in a while look at your ig to see how your doing , if something new is going on in your life etc. I wish we could’ve talked or something at least in high school . I know there’s a possibility I won’t see you again since we all have our own lives. But it was nice getting to know you and well if you see this, I wish you the best .

hey, im really glad we met and idk if you ever had feelings for me back but you made me so so so happy every time i saw you and i wish i didnt have to move away and never find out if you felt the same way but you made me happy like no one else could and your smile and laugh made me warm inside when all i wanted to do was kill myself, i miss you. i miss seeing you in your yellow sweatshirt and i wish i had the courage to have told you how i felt

Things can't go back to how they were. I will always love you. I just have to love you from a distance.

Stop giving me mixed signs. Tell me how you feel about me. Stop acting like you care one day then not caring the next.

I still love you why did you left am I not enough or pretty? Yes you came back and we're good now but the pain is still here.

you were the only one i could trust and you ruined that or more we did i lost a best friend and not long after you took her too and left me.

i miss you everyday and i can’t move on i still love you and always will just know i’m always here for you

I've been in love with you for 4 years. you knew then but probably not now. I need to move on but I don't know how to move on from someone like you. sorry

You acted like you hated me I know you secretly had feelings for me and was scared to confess to me it to late to tell me how you feel Bc Im done waiting for you to confess how you feel about me sorry

I can’t believe we talked for that long and we planned our future together for nothing. You texted me everyday about how you wanted to be with me forever, and how I was yours. My heart dropped when you sent that message, I was in the middle of a parking lot. How could you?

technically not my first love, but the first time i felt what real love was like. i’ll forever love u, thank you for being such a big part in my life and making me feel wanted, i’m sorry i wasn’t enough rn but i don’t think this is really the end for us.

i know i never met you but ur special. i thought you was the one or something like that, as if we where ment to be.

I love you more than anyone in this world and couldn’t have asked for a more of an amazing boyfriend. you make me the happiest girl in the world, you really are my angel. I hope we stay together forever and always like we promised. thank you for protecting me at all costs and making me feel special every single day we have been together. i love you xx

It really sucks that I was everything but you still didn’t like me back and I always wish nothing but the best for you regardless.

The 33 year old man at the bar that i told our story to told me you're scared because you know i'm the one. I hope to god he's right. I still pray for you bubbs

haha fuck I'm still in love w u. It sucks to still love u even tho u hurt me so fucking badly. we say we at least don't hate each other but I want to be friends at least again. I thought u actually cared when u asked how I was but ik u didn't. u literally have a gf and it sucks. it hurts so much god damn. but still u treated me horrible whatever tho. i will always love u just know that:)

You are my soulmate and I wish I told you when I had the chance. I hope your new girl gives u endless happiness.

I hate you. I regret everything that involves you, & us. I wish we never talked, or reconnected, but we never will again. You're nothing. Good luck in life, you need it.

hi my favorite tall blonde bitch, u will never see this but i just wanted to say i kinda have a crush on you...

i know it's really over for good this time but i'll love you f&a, e. maybe in some other lifetime or somewhere down the road we might meet up at the right time.

i’m struggling really bad rn and i don’t know what to do, all i want to do is talk to u but i can’t. i’m lost. i swuv you

i hate you so much for how you treated me and continue to treat me even after you broke up with me. i gave you everything i could give and i wasn't enough. you couldn't be loyal adn you couldn't be honest ever. the only thing i hate more is that i still miss you and a part of me is waiting for you to come back.

E I still pray for you every night that your safe and healthy. even though you broke me I still love you

was i just not good enough? what was it that you had to pick her and not me? why did you even have to make a choice?

this was the color of the hoodie you gave me. its been four months yet i still talk, and think about you everyday. please be okay with coming back to me eventually. there's so much i need to explain but just know i still and will always love you. please.

I loved you so much I loved when you sang me to sleep and how you made me feel special and I still love you

I’m sorry I feel the way I feel. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me though, you’ve made me into the person i’ve always dreamed of being.

you are truly one of the most intelligent people I have met. I remembered the best parts of myself by loving you. thank you for believing in me, now it’s my turn to believe in you. you can get through this.

There’s so much I didn’t tell you. There’s so much I want to say. I wonder if you think of me sometimes, I wonder if we were real to you. Cause it was real to me.

we were never together, yet you were my most important. thank you for showing me that I’m beautiful and capable.

You saved my life now its my turn to do something for you. My love for you runs deep but im letting go now, its what you deserve. Our souls might be the same but its just not our time. Thank you my love, you changed my whole outlook on life.

you didn’t have to lie to me about not being aNywhEre clOse tO anYthing with her, dude :/
i thought you were better than that. n i thought you didn’t lie

I fucking love you, you made me realize my true self and i let you go im so sorry. i fucking hate myself for that im so sorry. im so fucking sorry. i love you. you are my soulmate my twin flame and i let you go. im so fucking dumb im so fucking sorry ethan. j

I miss you. You occupy my every thought. I know it sounds crazy, especially considering that we're just 'friends', but I'm so in love with you. Your eyes when you glance at me, the aroma of your hoodies, your precious smile. I love you so much Ethan. I hope you'll realize one day how much you mean to me. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS.

Hi. I can never tell if i miss you, or the feeling you gave me. You don't deserve me but I always feel like it's the other way around.

No one can hold a conversation with me like you can. You were right no one will care like you did. My favorite thing about you was how intrigued you were about every little detail of my life no matter how silly. Miss you always. Forever wish it could be different.

although we never dated, you will always be my first love. My standards are high because of you. Thank you