Unsent messages to ETHAN

“I wish you wore your glasses more” buddy I don’t have glasses...I don’t even think I wore them when I knew you in person lol. I hope you’re the one that’s writing to me. We need to go have a coffee together sometime.

I haven’t thought about you in months, but my roomates and I watched Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs today and it brought back so many happy mems;) I hope you’re doing well

Even though I know it wasn't my fault, I just keep thinking back to what I should've done to keep you. Maybe if I said something during that call. Maybe if I texted you earlier. I thought you needed time, so I gave you that. Maybe too much.

it was about c, wasn’t it? keep trying to imagine that you felt that way about me, but i know you never have.

you got me out of the hole i dug myself, then left. it's a good thing i made sure you weren't the only thing holding me from falling this time.

why don’t you ever notice me?we have been good friends for 2 years and you still complain to me that you don’t have a girlfriend BUT IM RIGHT HERE

i really miss you, but i think it’s time to move on. wish it wasn’t so complicated and i wish we could still be friends, because i just miss talking to you. timing was never really our thing though was it? miss u

you never cared did you i was always just the second choice because you knew i’d come back and fucking hell that hurts mate

You were my first obsession. Thank you for making me understand what its like to truly care for somebody

sometimes i come on here and read the posts under my names and pretend that you wrote them for me. i miss you. come back.

you were the first person to teach me what true love was, you were the first one to not hurt me. it saddens me that we were never meant to last.

fuck i miss summer, and i miss being close with you :/ thank you for all the memories i’ll never forget. even though we didn’t work out i wish you the best in life

i wanted to held u close to me. i wanted to be committed to you, but you didn’t feel the same the whole time.

you’re very wonderful and important to me as well. I apologize if it looks like I don’t care, I do, but I’m going to prioritize myself at all costs. There’s boundaries. I hope you understand that; I have faith that you will.

i really really loved you. but you wouldn’t shut up about her, and you told me i was annoying. hate you now

I opened my heart to you and all you did was use me. I hope you’re happy knowing how bad you hurt me.

And now I know that you feel the same. You love me more than you know how to deal with. Maybe someday we can be together. Or maybe you’ll be the one i want for the rest of my life.

You shattered me. You broke up with me to be with another girl and I will never feel like enough again

I'm sorry if I hurt you, I really was just trying to figure out what I wanted, sorry that it wasn't you

you were my first love. I will love you forever, through everything. so bittersweet. I wish you knew I miss you.

You were using me the whole time, you never liked me, you were just bored and I was your second choice

389 days ago i submit one of these for you. I can now say I forgot your touch, smell and voice. I'm doing a lot better FYI. Got into the med school you said I wouldn't get into.

I thought I was over you but it’s in the small moments I realize I’m not. I came in from smoking with riah and caught a whiff of the scent on my clothes and it made me think of you. I can’t drink beer anymore, or listen to blind pilot. I tried to go on a date with someone else, but when he suggested we go to the cross I ghosted him. I wish I could erase you from my mind.

I feel like i loved you.I really did. Little did i know it was just an obsession,A toxicity thing.You would know.

Yep fuck you. I was so good to you. I let you meet my friends and wtf you just blocked me out of nowhere on the day we were supposed to hang out. Your last words to me were kill yourself, I don't think you understand what effect that had on me. So fuck you.

You helped me learn that I can have love and that i do deserve it. I’ll always be grateful for you. thankyou for setting the bar so high x

Hey, I still miss you. We're talking even more and getting close again... at least I think we are but I don't know. I hope you're doing well and tech school is going well for you too. I hope that you know that I am way more than happy to be playing games with you again and that we goof off most of the time that when we talk. But I feel like you're uninterested in me. Like even as friends but I don't know. I just want US to be a thing again... I don't even know why though that's the thing. I wanted it so bad for so long and it was great but I miss the idea that I had you as more than a friend than anything. That you helped me whenever I didn't want to eat or sleep. And you made me feel happy with the life I had. All the stupid bets and dares we would give each other live rent free in my mind. The late night phone calls we had where we would just talk and fall asleep on the phone together, I miss that. I miss hearing your voice every morning when I would walk into the school and you would make some kind of joke or comment on something, or you stealing my phone after band. High school has been an adventure with you, I just wish I wouldn't of took the time we spent together for granted. I didn't get to see you when we were dating and I wish I would've. I wish I would've went to the mall with you and Jeff on your birthday and just hang out with you. Goof off and make you blush or make you have to act cool in public. But I didn't ask, I was nervous to ask my own father if I could see you so instead I made up an excuse on why I stayed home. I should've went to bed after asking dad and get up in time to go outside and ride with you... but I didn't. I think that even seeing you for a few seconds would've made a difference. But who knows? I mean, personal family things happen to everyone and I've got a gut feeling that if we stay close that I'll be able to learn how happy I am being this close with you without being in a relationship.

I loved you and I think you loved me but we never talked about so I'll always just wonder what could have been if we had.

I want u to know that every love poem I write is still for you; even if you aren’t here. I’m embarrassed about it. I have so many options but they haven’t interested me like you have...you were so different. you were more myself than I was.

Hey, I know we haven’t talked in a while and I have come to realize that I have feelings for you and absolutely no body else I wish you’d just give me a chance to prove that we would work but you just shut me down and now you have a girlfriend but in my opinion she is nothing compared to what we shared together and I’m jealous that we weren’t more then that but as I can clearly see as now you obviously don’t care about the fact that you just dropped me and went from someone else “Prettier” then me but I understand and I can maybe expect it but I just want you to know that I still think of you and care about you and I just want you back because you were the only real one who actually got me and understood. I just miss you that’s all.

I feel like I have fallen out of love with you. I don't know when it happened or how but I feel like I can't let you go. So I'm stuck. Do I stay with you because I'm afraid of being alone and missing the familiarity or do I break up with you and find someone new who may be all I've ever wanted? It's just so hard.

I don’t owe you a relationship. I don’t even want a fucking friendship + that bitch is dumb for analyzing the shit I sent to you
You could have done so much more then repeat after I

i want to be your best friend, to be each other's other half, but its hard when you dont tell me how you feel, when im fucking terrified of you hurting me. I want to see inside your brain and know exactly what ur thinking and feeling all the time but you wont let me in. I know we cant do things the normal way- meet ur family spend a ton of time together, actually be able to kiss each other, but i feel like the little we have is not good enough for you. you say i dont know you and that scares me, what if i am falling for someone i dont really know and doesnt really know me. I get why ur not all in, i get its too soon probably, but if you told me you loved me i would say it back.

I feel such a huge connection to you. You always make me laugh even when i dont think its possible to feel better at all. Even the soulmate tarot readings i do describe you perfectly. If it's meant to be, im so excited for our future & i love you so much.

i’d give anything to rest my head on your shoulder while watching shitty movies again. i won’t even talk this time, i promise. anything just to have you by my side for one moment longer.

i find you in those special crackers that sound like your name, and those brownie things we ate together before. And you would never will think of me in that way, I wish you would just like me. By the slim chances you see this, which is never. I want you to know, I wish you were my first kiss. I’m happiest with you, I’m myself with you. I would never trade our relationship for the world, I’m happy as friends, but a part of me wants to wake up with you. I wish I could heal your mental situation, I really do.

I wish I was your person like how you are mine. I miss you so much and I wish you could’ve loved me how you said you did.

I fought for you so hard, I was terrified trying to defend you to everyone. I never got mad at you and you were the only one who just wanted me to be happy and live my best self. It didn’t feel the greatest when you ignored me for almost a year, you said were still friends, but it’s not the same. I’m afraid it’ll never be the same again

i remember in class one day you told me to listen to a song. i think it was called buttercup. i cant find the song :(

we've been together for like almost 2 years but I am terrified that you'll leave, how do u put up with me? I get upset over you jokingly saying "f*uck you" idk I want to talk to u about so many things that are bothering me but I'm scared that you'll get mad

I honestly don’t know if you’ll ever see this. Or if you’ll even care, but there’s so much unsaid things between us. I sometimes wish we still talked, especially now that we live in the same city; but then I remember your reputation for using girls. I really loved you man, like actually, and not even just in the romantic sense- I actually considered you a FRIEND, I tried to look past the exterior in hopes you did the same for me, and it just feels like you took complete advantage of that because you didn’t give a fuck about me at the time. All you cared about was what you wanted, and if you had just been honest about your feelings in the first place you wouldn’t have caused as much trouble as you have. It sucks to miss someone that you know isn’t good for you, which is ironic because you told me not to trust you when I told you how I felt (in response to your drunken 3am “I’m in love with you” message). I was so honest with you. I let you in. When you and her started dating I didn’t even care because I already knew about her and I genuinely just want you to have what makes you happy, whether that be myself or not. I miss you. But I can’t deal with the dishonesty, lying, and putting up fronts. If you ever see this, and you think it’s about you, message me. Because I want to talk, but I don’t want to put in effort into something that I’ve already put tons of effort in before and had it backfire in my face. Trust can’t be rebuilt overnight and even with my feelings for you I need to put myself first, so if that means keeping you at arms-length or not in my life, then okay. But I would never willingly want it that way.

i think im toxic 'cause i never want you to forget about me. i dont want you to move on. thinking about you telling another girl "you make me happier than anybody else ever has" makes me sick to my stomach. i know our story is over but i dont want you to start another one without me.

I have always been in love with our fairytale story. I want it to be real. No relationship has been enough to get you off my mind. I love you and always will. If you see this, we’ve got 19 years alive together and I’ll love you the rest of mine.
L

youre the man i'd want to raise my son to be like and it sucks because you see me nothing more but as a headache

Part of me knows we won't be together again, but the little part that is still holding on to your smile, still has hope

Not my first love, but you’re my first meaningful love. You’re like fireworks that never end, and every moment with you is magical. I truly hope you live the fullest, longest life anyone could ever ask for. You deserve the world, king. I love you.

I wish I could just tell you how I feel. But I can't. Because you're my best friend, and just friends aren't supposed to do that.

I think I will always have feelings for you. I wished I had done something when I had the chance. I look back at that time in our lives and I can't believe how dumb I was. you were the perfect person for me. I hope you are happy though.

hey, i dont know if what i read on here was from you, but im sorry for the past. i wont forget about you i really wont. i miss having fun together before bad things happened. im glad were okay again. if you need anything at all just text me, if you want to hang out ill already be out the door ready to go.

i’m still going to build that lighthouse, but it’s for me now. at least it’ll mean one part of us was real. i’ll name a brick after u.