Unsent Messages

I don’t deserve to be sad but I am sad and that makes me hate every inch of myself. I don’t deserve to feel like this cause nothing has made me feel like this except myself. Would you be mad if I left. Would u be even sad. Cause I can’t keep this act up. I can’t pretend to be happy and cheerful when I know what everyone thinks of me. I can’t pretend to be this person and change myself everyday so that maybe I’ll be happy for real for once. I can’t pretend anymore for the sake of selfishness and I can’t ignore what you’ve said to me. I can’t ignore thinking about never being enough whenever I see you. I think it would be best to disappear. I want to disappear somewhere quiet and beautiful but I don’t wanna trouble anyone. So I don’t prove you right and draw attention to myself. I don’t wanna make you sad or mad. I just want to fade and stop. But I don’t know why I feel like this. There’s no reason. I just feel tired I guess. I think I was happy once. But I think I know what would make you happy. It’s so obvious you hate me and that’s ok. I understand why. I know you’d be a bit more relieved if I left. So I will. I’ll pull a disappearing act and you won’t know why but you’ll be happy and maybe I’ll be happy too somewhere else. You win. You got your wish and I’ll just cease.