Unsent messages to MYSELF

i used to hate you, try to change you, try to ignore you, but now i could not love you or appreciate you more

ik this isn't what im supposed to do but i dont have anyone to talk to rn.., everythings gone wrong and im so fucking lost, i hate my body i hate my anxiety i hate my adhd i hate myself i hate my parents i hate how i have no friends i hate my personality i just hate everything and i cant do this anymore lol. idk but my disc is pluto#3357 if anyone wants to talk :,)

Please take care of yourself. Dream and archieve your goals but please be gentle to yourself. Everything is going to be alright

I used to love you. Then you became associated with all these other things and people that made you go for the worst. You always say your fine but when you really aren't you know it but never say anything. If you loved yourself as much as you told her then why do you wish for your life to end? I know you're only living for her smile and his hugs but you should not think that those are the only reasons. You should think about you're future... If you're even going to make it that far.

I hope that you are healthy and hopefully found some happiness after all you have been through. :) i just want to rest easy

i miss the old you, the you that wouldn't let anyone get to her and would blast music and just be happy. now you blast music to get rid of the world and you never smile, the sparkle in your eyes left, yet your parents still haven't noticed. i'm sorry. things will get better, you always say and act as if you weren't in pain. you make sure everyone is good before you let it out, but no one cares. i miss the you that cared about school and if they were late or missed class, the one that would laugh at everything and would smile everyday. i miss the you that would answer his call in a heartbeat, but there was always something unhappy about you, you just finally started to show it. even during your worst times you kept a smile on your face, but now even at your best times there are no smiles just staring into the distance. you have a couple of friends that kind of care but at the end of the day its just you... they do care but no one knows how to help people they just try to distract you from your thoughts but they never ask why or what the thoughts are. it's okay, they broke you, you didn't know that you couldn't take hurt. physical pain doesn't fuck with you anymore its all emotional now. i'm sorry i let you get to this i hope one day you'll remember this and be happy that you grew. i really hope you find someone who will listen to you bc no one knows the whole story. i need someone to understand you and just listen from your birth till now. even your best friend doesn't know you. failure, i'm sorry. please smile again. youre alive but youre not living.

Fuck you. You were the one to ruin everything I hate you. No one cares about you unless they wanna use you. Face it you have nothing. No friends. No family. No body. No love. But I hope you find someone one day, someone to bring a glimmer to your eye and make your cheeks blush the most elegant shade of red. I hope they will hold you to make you feel secure and never let go. They will help you through the hard times. not everything leads to darkness.

I hate everyone someone who I love always ends up hurting me and i always love the wrong people. I love him so much and he just faked all of it how could he do something like that. I told him everything i went through and he still ends up hurting me. what did i do to deserve this. I never thought much that you were gonna do that wait no honestly I knew. I overthink everything so I kinda saw it coming. You knew how much I tried I opened myself to you and you hurt me. I should have know as soon as you started distanceing yourself from me. You made up lies and yet you have time to text other people, post,like, my posts. What the hell is your deal. There are times i just wanna kill myslef because i dont wanna feel any pain anymore. I lost my best friend i wish i could have him back but its to late for that. i just hate myself so much

um. My friend told me to do one of these so here i am yay. i guess this is a message to myself since i’m not doing so good with my mental health. I don’t know why i get lonely or i don’t feel like enough. I try my best to not let those thoughts get the best of me, but just about the whole day i feel like a horrible person. I feel like my words hurt people, especially my friends and family. Im also a only child so i tend to get very lonely at times and i can’t talk to anyone about my personal problems such as being transgendered. i would love to have an older sibling that would support me and love me for who i am. I don’t wanna write a whole story lolol so i’ll just leave it here. writing this made me feel a lot better thank you

you have to stop trying to fit in and look like everyone else it is ok to be different it is ok to not look like other people. You are trying and people might doubt you and try to get you to your lowest point of your levels but, just know your worthy even if you don't feel worthy, I don't need to keep doubting myself to try and beat other peoples confidence standard lines. Yes, your parents are divorced, Yes online school is hard but have you ever though of it like this? What would you get out of killing yourself? nothing you will make everybody sad as usual. im really trying my hardest with this life thing and im sorry if i am not "good" enough or don't have the perfect body for the public to judge but, it really hurts , I just wish that someone would really sit down and ask me what's wrong and bring me for a walk with snowballs or ice cream like my uncle said before he died... I miss them sometimes but it's ok. One day or maybe today , I would finally not be a mistake to this world.

girl, i am my own first love. i didn't love you enough. i didn't give you the love you deserved. i'm so sorry.

what’s been up with u? why are u so afraid of change? i promise things will get better. please just stop being sad. i promise all those nights u cry alone thinking about the things u could’ve done different will get better. be patient and stop over analyzing everything please just live ur life before it’s too late!! everything will be okay. remember to love yourself please.

Why didn't you love yourself when everyone else told you to. You get the constant reminder on social media that you must love yourself and be confident, yet you continue your self-conscious ways. Although you may deny it, deep down inside I know you want to love yourself. I know you always feel that you're not good enough, but you are. Please keep pushing through... I'm rooting for you!

you're so unstable. you can't get your shit together. you're so unmotivated to do anything and spend all day doing bullshit. even when you feel so worthless your friends are always there to cheer you up. they mean so much to you. you hide your feelings by being that one funny classmate to forget about how much hate you have for yourself. i wish i could learn how to love myself more.

i know i haven’t loved you like i should and i treat you badly sometimes but i’m falling more and more in love with you everyday. i promise to treat you better.

i don't know why i feel so insecure when i preach to be confident. i blame my insecurity on my body and fashion sense, but i know it's deeper than that.

what happened to you? what happened to the cheery girl who spent time with her family and got good grades? the one who never cried, never thought ab other people, never picked herself apart to the littlest things? the one who didnt starve herself to be skinny even though people say you are but you dont see that? the one who got sleep? the one who could focus on everything? the one who wanted to stay alive past 12? the one who wanted to be popular? the one who wasnt a disappointment? the one who didnt think ab killing herself every day? the one who loved school? the one who didnt have anxiety? the one who was secure with her self? i lost that. i miss you. please come back.

Sometimes I wish I loved myself because no matter how many times I cry about having nothing but myself and how every guy I liked or dated always had me at second choice or not a choice are all I still know it’s me. Just me. And it stings because all of my friends have that someone and mine just never comes out.I love both love people all of them but no one wants me

i know that sometimes it doesn't feel like it, but you were my first love, and you still are. and i know at times its hard to see how much i really do love you, but i do, more than anyone else. im so proud of you - im proud of everything you've accomplished and everything that you've ever put effort into. im proud of you, most of all for being here, for staying despite the constant pull to leave. you are so strong. you are so amazing. i will love you forever

you are worth it. you attract everything you deserve. he's coming back, and if he doesnt, it will still all be ok. ily.

it's no love letter but i really hope you found a friend, not saying my friends right now are fake or anything but like an actual friend that you can tell everything to and u just know they won't judge. I really wish i had that rn

Yes, I'm writing an unsent message to myself. But, that's because how do you expect to find love when you can't even love yourself. Anyways, bye.

it's so hard, remembering back to so many moments where you felt the world wasn't on your side. i love you so much, you are drained by each day and I appreciate you so fucking much. you held back so many words, so many emotions. I know you're tired, but keep on going, its gonna be worth it. look at what you are given, and the food you love, fun things you loved to do as a child. you forget so much of what you used to like doing due to the suppression of everything in your childhood to pursue what "makes an adult." you constantly want someone to talk to, and hope someone will listen. listen to yourself. be there for yourself. give yourself a fucking break, its the fucking pandemic. you got this, take a nap or something. drink lots of water, and eat. eat. eat. stretch and maybe take a walk. you got it beautiful

this isn't for my first love but more for my self I feel so alone right I just need close my mouth and tell nobody how I feel but at the same time I want to but everyone is like wtf. I'm trying to work on myself I hate myself right now this is the worse I ever felt but I just don't know what to tell people I don't even think im worth of love anymore I dont understand im tired I just want to be over with all this bullshit I just want be happy for once I feel so trapped I don't know what I doing wrong I just want to be alone

You dont have to label yourself if you like girls and boys its okay be with someone who is good to you and someone who loves you it doesnt matter what gender they are

Hey me. I know you're going through quite a bit right now, but you should just power through it. No matter how many times you cry yourself to sleep at night, or have mental breakdowns, you got this.

I miss the old me. I miss being happy and not caring about what others thought of me, just living for myself. I miss the real me, the real Ciara. I just wanna find you again but how? Where do I even start to look, it’s a lot to unfold after holding so much issues to myself after all these years.

Hi, lately life has been hard and I just want to tell you that you'll make it you're a good person. don't ever lose yourself again.

you need to get help. You are more beautiful then what your mind tells you. I love you so much even if it doesnt feel like it,

I'm sorry for everything, you had so much potential and i stripped it away from you every smile replaced by tears. i wish i could tell you how beutiful you are evn though you dont see it, and i know its scary but you get through that night you know the one. you never really get over him you just distract yourself long enough. your starting to love yourself only because if you dont start now youll never get out of your own head. i want you to know your not alone and how strong you are and how much i love you. keep going

i wish you loved me, trusted me, and had confidence in me. why does everyone else want me to stay and you can't even think of one reason i should?

you deserve to be happy. even though i know you don't deserve it, you do. stop comparing yourself to others. you're enough

stop wasting ur life being worried about someone who isn't worrying about you, he's gone and you have to realize he never cared about you ad never will care about you, so go look and feel the best that you can and turn into the baddest bitch

I know you are suppose to send this to a first love or something like that but I just need to talk about my feelings because there are so many things on my mind and I have no one to really talk to because if I tell people i am not ok they wont believe me so here we go. First of all i just want to say is that i love you dad i know you dont want to be apart in my life you kicked me out the house a young age for the stupidest reason but i still love you and miss you but you dont the reason i know this is that you cant even respond to one of my messages. Secondly i have been thinking why do people hate me i try my hardest to do what people tell me so i can fit in but whatever i do because just become my enemies so that is why i currently only have one friend and i also used to have fake friends that spread rumors about me so that is other reason but im fine with that because i am been lonely for a very long time so i am used to it. if you are someone reading this i dont want to bored you with my whole story so this is the last part. You know when i said im not ok well im really not its just i have to pretend that im ok but all i do is put a smile on 24/7 it gets easier the longer you fake smile so thats the good part but if i tell people no one would believe me not even my own/only friend would believe me they would just say your fine you are being to dramatic which makes me mad a bit but thats ok because i cant lose her like how i have lot a lot of people already so thats the end of this if you have read all of this i just want you to know if you dont feel loved just know i love you, i know i dont know you but i still love you :)

breathe. let your lungs fill and empty. slower now. its going to be okay; its okay not to have everything figured out. it will end up how it is supposed to. fate will lead you- even though you are blind.

you need to follow your path do what your heart desires, listen to your mind and gut... you only have one life to live.

hi. you deserve so much better than you've received in the past. it doesn't define you. never let anybody treat you like that again.

energy cant die. we will go on. we will be more. its okay to let go. we held on for so long and we were so strong, but our time is up.

we are starting to give up, but its okay. we lived longer than the doctors expected, i think it gave everyone too much hope. its getting bad again and i cant hold on through this again.

i’m sorry i wasn’t enough for you. you deserved so much more than i could give. i’m so sorry. i wish we were enough.

why can’t you just love yourself? you always preach kindness but can’t be any worse to yourself than you already are.

stop living for everyone else and find yourself. youre so selfless that it physically hurts. stay alive.
I love you

why did you lose interest in things that you used to get so excited to do.. why cant those things be fun again? and youre so tired but theres so much you have to do. but you cant tell anyone because theyll either think youre joking and that youre really fine or theyll take it too seriously and its not that big of a deal right? youre the funny friend so you dont have any actual problems.

I've got this, everyday is a battle that I've fought nearly my whole life. I'm mentally drained and I've had enough but the thing is i want kids, i want to grow old but at the same time all i can think about is death. It feels like i'm drowning in my own thoughts like they've taken over and i cant keep up with them but you know what as much as i hate what i go through i never wish it upon anyone else.

i hope u finally live with ur bff, i hope u have finally met the love of ur life N kissed her. please dont hurt her more than u already have, she loves u. i hope ur happy.

my voice wasn’t loud enough to stop you. Why didn’t you? My face expressions screamed for help but you put your needs in front of permission

you’re such a two faced bitch. i know you’re sad stop acting like you haven’t gone through years of trauma.

I'm really proud of you. Over three months clean. That's really good. Keep it up kiddo. I believe in you!

kate, i know your trying and you can do this ok? we can get through this it will get better i promise you

You’re doing great now, you no longer think of her. I hope something good comes out of that boy you’re talking to. You can live your life now (: