Unsent messages to MYSELF

you dont deserve what they have done

get better please

I hope I can one day open up to others

You deserve a home that feels like home.

i am so sorry beautiful

I wish you would give yourself the credit you deserve.

I’m sorry I didn’t treat you better.

I miss the old you :/

you’ll get through this eventually. you deserve to be happy.

I hope you feel better one day

Keep on going :)

You deserve better, don’t settle for the sake of settling.

I am proud of all the progress you've made so far :)

I don't believe in love anymore.

never loved anybody gg

I just don't want to be alone anymore

hey fuck im scared to ask for help. my friends hate me and i feel annoying too much, im not lovable im too complicated. i give my heart and receive nothing in return, fuck, i just want a hug yknow? like a hug not a touch from my mom or a side hug from my brother. i want a hug where you'll let me cry into your shoulder. anyway

i want to fall in love with living. i don’t want to just exist in my story. i want to be alive, every single day.

i'm sorry that you ever hurt yourself. i'm sorry that you relapsed. you deserve so much better. i'm proud of us- happy six weeks.

I hate how you look,I don’t like the fact that I don’t eat I skip 3 meals a day,I cry a lot, I take alot of naps and drink a lot of water I need to be fixed nobody left or came it’s the people who’ve always been there that are ruining me.

I hate you so much. Your body makes me so sad it has so many imperfections and flaws. Youre not skinny enough but youre not fat either. You make me cry so much of all the overthinking and i just want to be okay but you’re what’s holding me back from being who i rly want to be.

You remind me every day why I'm still here. I've loved you more than I'll ever love anybody else. Thank you.

Why aren’t you ever good enough? You’re good at everything but never good enough for anything. You can sing, play the piano, cook, look pretty but never well enough. You attract guys but never the ones you want and never can make them stay. Youre not even smart anymore. You’re not doing well enough in school. You’re useless. And you’re miserable. Why do you bother.

i am completely and utterly lost. i don’t know who you are or who your going to be. my only wish is that you’re all of the things i wish to be.

you've worked hard, you did a great job, you held on! PLEASE be proud of yourself! you deserve more, you deserve love, even if you aren't getting any at the moment, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel! just keep breathing, you've done well!

you’ll be okay, i promise. shits hit the fan for now but, it will be over before you know it. get some sleep please :)

hey bad bittchhh,
how u doin'...
why weren't you nicer to yourself back then? it was rough but you shouldn't have given up, we both know that.
you should've hanged in there longer babe

please treat yourself kindly, make yourself feel pretty, buy yourself gifts, learn to love yourself.

and don't forget that living doesn't mean huge goals. did you ever learn how to skate? ever learnt a new song on your piano? if not, that's okay. get up and do it now.

as for school, i hope you didn't forget that popularity will never be important. please tell me you actually paid attention during those awful
history lectures with mrs m.

your future doesn't need to be a huge one. just LIVE baby. live.

live in the fucking moment. live like you won't live again, because at one point, you really won't. and you'll regret it.

do what makes YOU happy, and if you don't know what that is, then try out different things until you find your true happiness.

i love you bitch.
and forever will

Am i really who people think i am? I don’t want to be a girl. I want to be a pretty skinny boy that’s feminine in a boy way. I want to be a boy.

Stop being scared of coming out just do it, my parents have already said they thought I was a lesbian just say I’m bi or pan. I dont even know what I am bi or pan

i realize that most of my problems and issues are created by you and that you should forget these stupid ideas and feel good again

please get yourself 2gether plxplz, u dont love them urworthless worthless, unworthy of love, forgetten not welcome replaced....u dont stand out in a crowd and ifu do its becauseyour fatfatfatfat

I miss the old you, the less sad you the more motivated you. You were always happy and interacted with others. You now get mad at everything and lock yourlself in your room, and you cry in pain every night. I miss the old you.
I want the old you back xxx

I wish we could get rid of the pain that keeps us chained to our bed and forces us to do nothing but think of everything we could have done differently.

I’m sorry I turned out the way that I have. I’m sorry for disappointing my younger self. I’m sorry for not being the person I wanted to be. I am sorry for being sad and lonely. truly I have become everything I had hoped I would not

You have to love yourself bc at the end of the day you are the only one that actually knows what your going through.

I'm proud of you. You've been through so much. You are so incredibly strong. It is only up from here. I love you

i will live a happy life and my future will be full of love and happiness. i will get through this and become stronger. i will receive reciprocated love very soon and i will get better.

i don’t know if i can keep doing this, we’re falling apart and a part of me wants to break us even more. i don’t want to leave but i also do. the times we have together are amazing but the more memories we make the more distant we become. everything about us screams pain and insecurity. this whole message could be to myself or to you. it’s so similar which is what drives us apart and spending time alone makes me want to not go on any longer. there’s no escape.

i know you’ve done things you aren’t proud of. i know you know you shouldn’t have done them nor do you know the reason why you did it. maybe because you craved attention and validation that you never got when you were younger. maybe it was a way to feel ‘useful’ or ‘needed’ but now i realise that it gave me no purpose either way. i know that nobody will ever let go of this one and ppl will still use it against me although i’ve changed and never wanted to do it in the start. they don’t know how many times i cried bcs of it or felt sick or pity for myself bcs i knew it was my fault at the end of the day. no matter how much time passes, people always hold onto the past so there is no escaping this.

i’m so proud that you are now happy and in the place you wanted to be. i know the struggle you dealt with coming to terms with yourself and your insecurities and how what you saw of your appearance caused you pain. i love how you now love yourself and don’t desire anybody’s validation or acceptance like you needed before. your own happiness is what makes you whilst relying on everybody else for happiness through validation breaks you. ily.

I’ve never truly been nice to you until now, and I apologize for that. I love you. We need each other to survive, and I will do better with the negativity. That’s the least I can do with everything we’ve been though. I’m proud of you.

I’m sorry for everything I’ve said to u and that I can’t treat u better ur a child and deserve better than me:(

Why? Why isn’t easy like everyone else? Because whoever sent all this knew you could beat it and do great things.

i hate that i dont believe in you. I doubt everything that you do, and I dont think you have much talent. I cant stand the fact that i talk to myself or that im black sometimes. I hate that i try so hard.

youre a bad person. but i didnt have to tell you that. you already knew, perhaps always. its almost like you know you could be better, yet you don't care enough to try. why wont you try? you're hurting people who cared about you. you cant blame everything on someone. sometimes things happen, and no one is at fault. i know you are angry and i know youre holding that in. honestly, i think you are the one who hates yourself the most. i know you better than anyone. i remember the nights when you couldn't breathe, praying for death in your sleep. i know how much pressure you feel to be perfect. i know you. just fucking forget it. youre already hating this anyways.

My heart was trying to figure out who i needed to write about but the longer i thought the more i realized i dont have that person anymore, But the weird thing is im still hurt as if it were a person who hurt me but i just cant figure out who. I have the words i need to say to explain how this person hurt me but even typing the words doesnt help me because i cant think of the person who made me think of those words so it just feels empty. useless i guess. I felt so empty not knowing who i always wrote about but in the end i realized who i was writing about was myself. i hurt myself more than anyone could. All those sleepless nights werent caused by the people i blamed them for. I just found it easier to blame other people for my problems because i didnt wanna be thee person i was scared of but in the end it was me, it will always be me. im scared of myself. when i blamed it on other people it was easy to escape them. it was easier to run but now im unable to do that i became the personn i promised myself i would never be and now im stuck and i cant ask for help. please help me

thank you for staying alive and not ending it a few months ago... I’m so proud of you and how far you’ve come. keep pushing. you deserve the world?

You need to realize that you'll never have what you want, and you're destined to be alone. She didn't love you, she just wanted sex. She married your friend, you need to man up, let her go, and kill yourself like you tried to do so many times before. You never mattered and you never will. You're nothing.

Your failing yourself and anyone else. Tell me the last time you did something right. YOU CANT! Why cant you maybe because you cant do anything right your failing school your gonna get held back Robyn and all your friends are going to go to the tenth grade cuz you cant do your school work. stop blaming everything else this is your own fault. You put all this on yourself. wake the fuck up and Do BETTER. You cant keep living life like this your have to move on. Get your life together. Ask for help if you need it. STOP TRYING TO DO THIS ALONE. In the end its not gonna work out for you. Then your gonna end up doing what you said you wouldn't. I'm sure that would kill your momma and your brothers. You cant keep letting your depression win. you need to get back to your old self. Your family needs you back. They need you here on this earth and alive. Mental illness does not define who you are as a person. LET GO! It's gonna be hard but it will help.

i think i have always wanted to take part in being wanted and cared for by another person, i've heard the saying you can't expect someone to love you if you don't love yourself, cliche i know but its bullsh*t. why do i feel the validation of wanting to be needed by someone else to feel good about myself?