Unsent messages to LUCAS

Every time I see u my heart races, I want to spend my future with u and do all those things that lovers do...but Ik u don’t like me back and that’s okay I wish u the best. I love u Lucas

thanks for making me lose my self and sadly if i don’t have you here i can’t find my self. you caused me so much thank you:(

lucas i love you and i can’t see myself living without you but sometimes it feels like you take advantage of my love for you and i don’t know if it is a problem but i really hope not because i’m so in love with you

We weren’t even together when i fell in love w/ u. But some how u made me feel like the only girl in the world without even trying. i’m hoping i’m good enough for u & get to spend the rest of my life w/ u

I dont even know how I feel about u anymore. it's a mixture between loving u, missing u, hating myself and being angry at u. I think about u all the time. I'm trying so hard to move on but u were just so perfect to forget about, even if u left and broke ur promise. u probably dont care but it's okay. im not surprised, just disappointed. I still have feelings for u. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough.

hi lucas. i’m at a party rn. i’m locked in the bathroom.
can’t stop thinking about u being here with me.
i will love u forever. i hope you’re doing well

hi lucas. i’m at a party rn. i’m locked in the bathroom.
can’t stop thinking about u being here with me.
i will love u forever

you’re perfect. i love you so much. i just don’t know how to tell you, or if i should. you mean the world to me.

i miss you. you hurt me so much, and i hurt you too, but i cant stop myself from feeling like this. were both doing better, but imagine if we were doing better together.

it’s not like we don’t talk but today we didn’t and i would’ve done anything to hear your voice today or just watch you play video games and see you smile while you talk to your friends and give me a glance to know i’m still here. just today was so awful and i’d do anything literally anything to even get a text because i’m just so in love with you lucas

you were my first love. i will never forget about all of the moments that we shared. you mean so much to me and have such a large impact on my life. i love you deep down, and i know that you feel the same about me. our timing was just off but i am so hopeful that we don't miss each other again. :-)

Sometimes you made it hard for me to be me. You made me feel so little and weak. I'm glad we ended but doesn't mean I still don't miss you

i think after all this time i can’t lead myself to believe that you feel the same about me when it’s so blatantly obvious that you don’t. i don’t know what it is with hope . it seems to be something positive but for me it just seems to hurt more and more you know? you see i know you’ll never look at this and i do know that but that little piece of hope it’s so overwhelming and i still think that fate would just mean you will. even if you do , you won’t know it’s from me. every notification. every time someone (who would have no reason to) says my name with exitedly .... i just hope it’s about you . it never is . you’ve never texted me before so why would you now . so stupid . i’m so stupid . how can i care about someone that i know so little about ? have i just filled in the blanks ?ive seen someone funny and decided they’re the only person who gets my humour . seen someone slightly shy and reflected my self onto them . i just feel like you notice things i notice too. i see so much and it’s so blatant - things people do or say ,i see straight through it all and understand their thought processes (or at least think i do) . apart from you - only you . i just don’t get you at all and that’s part of why i’ve liked you so long . i can’t figure you out lucas and i just want to . so bad . i don’t know why .
i’m in a bad place - really deep shit . i keep hoping you’ll notice , not that it would make a difference as you would never reach out to me. but i was talking to my friend about it sort of (writing in notes ,main points i didn’t want you do know in case you over heard . not about you btw as that would be too sus) and then she would sort of reassure me out loud and we’d talk about it . that was a bad day anyway . but then you turned around , just for a second and looked at me . dumb shit like that i just hold onto for hope lucas. not me changing the topic for hope again ffs . i think i just need something in my life to change for the better and some of it just can’t ya know . some of its inevitable but if there’s the slightest bit of hope in you ever liking me back i will latch onto that .i’m sorry ? apologising for that seems wrong but also it’s a lot of pressure i guess . no pressure seriously, one day i’ll be ok - i know it, with or without someone else (preferably with , of course) but until then . ahhh you aren’t gonna read it i’m just gonna say it ; the night we hung out was such a good time and i know you were ‘drunk’ (mmm questionable whether you were really as drunk as you made out to be) but i don’t know it hurts me to think if you’ve even thought about it since it happened and it was just like nothing to you and hurts me more to think you might think back and regret it (nothing happened so i don’t know what you’d regret besides spending time with me ... ffs if you regret spending time with me that’s shitty) but yeh it just seemed like you didn’t want to leave i mean your friend was practically begging and if i know you even slightly i just feel like ur the sort of person to call it a night and go home but you didn’t ... you just stayed with me ?probably because it was only you and me talking and the other two were off somewhere else and maybe you just stayed because you felt bad , either way i was glad you did . was being the main word because SHIT the amount of debating and overthinking i’ve done based off of that night hurts . 5months later still just fucking hurt over it cause after that night you never really spoke to me again and it’s not as though i didn’t reach out. i mean now i think about it it’s obvious - you realised i liked you and felt bad leading me on anymore so you just pissed off and you haven’t had the opportunity to turn me down properly as i refuse to say anything about my feelings and you can’t just assume i like you . wow uhhh. and when i was upset you probably turned round and felt bad as you know that it’s partially about you but again, you can’t assume . jesus christ i’m either a genius or overthinking (or both ) and with that fucking revelation of sorts i’m done writing this .... bye lmao

i should’ve just stayed at home . you treat me like that night didn’t happen anyway. i can’t look at the stars the same.

hey lol me again, i miss you. you’ll always have a special place in my heart but you broke me and it’s best we say goodbye

i remember the night we met you told me my eyes were ugly, but later you texted me they were beautiful

I really loved you and I wish I could explain to u everything. You were really my best friend and I really hope we cross paths in the future. I should have tried to get to know u better and Ik u we’re going threw a hard time I should have been there for u more. You’re still the first person I think to tell when something good happens to me but ur not there to listen anymore. I love you more then anything and no one will ever understand what we had.

it’s so hard knowing i deserve better. if it’s between you and better we know i’ll choose u every time

despite the distance, i still felt like you were here all the time. i love you more than you’ll ever know.

I made a promise to myself that I’d never forget how special it was; it hurts to know that with every month that passes, clusters of our past slips further and further away from me. To move forward to a future without you in it is painful but I know it’s what you want. I pray for your happiness even if that means I don’t get to be a part of it. I wish you the best, always. I’ll see you in another life twatbag

i look through the ones with your name and i’d bet everything i own that she’s writing these to you as well.

i know u hate me, and that ur angry. i would never hurt u on purpose. all the times me and layla talked about u she brought u up first, i simply added my side. that doesn't make what i said about u right and i know that and im sorry. but u hold grudges and i dont know why. u stay angry for no reason. i know our friendship is over, even though i wish is wasn't. but when u said it didn't matter if we were friends or not i knew u had stopped fighting for us a long time ago, i wasn't ready to accept that. ur different now, idk why or who changed u but u arent who u were a couple months ago. whatever happened to change u is none of my business. we probably wont ever be as close as we were in august or september, and i get that. but just know after everything, i will never love someone the way i loved u, i will never care for someone the way i care for u. ill miss u, for as long as i can. u will always mean a lot to me, even in a couple years when u can barely remember my name, i will always know yours. it hurts me to accept that we no longer have anything and i wish i could go back and change things, but whats done is done. life happens, people drift, and i guess for a while i hoped we would be those friends in our 30's talking about when we were young but its fine. i get it. i love u forever, lucas.

You always thought you were a little too good for me. You’re the reason why I don’t invite anyone over anymore. Not because I want you, but because you made me ashamed of who I am and what i grew up with.

if i had asked you if we could be friends right after our break up, everything would be so different and i wouldn´t feeling all the pain i feel now

You were the one who begged me to try again. Why would you do that and then cheat on me the whole time

i don’t understand. I thought we where gonna be friends. But now your playing games and I don’t even know what team your on or that I’m playing. Fuck I miss you.

does your sister still love cinderella? does your brother still love the marvel movies? does your mom hug her the way she used to hug me? i’m happy you’re happy

thank you for teaching me what i deserve by showing me what that isn't. i learned a very tough lesson and i hope you learned from it too. i hope one day that you get better, but in the meantime i will heal myself. i won't let myself be afraid of the hallway.

this color was your favourite ledcolor. it matches with your computersetup. i hate you, but the love i still have for you is ualmost overwelming the hate.

you arent my first love, but you were the person who treated me the best out of everyone. i miss you. i wish things worked out between us. i never got to tell you i love you.

u have a habit to comment on others' weight. if u had met me u wouldnt like me as much as i love you

Sometimes I wish things didn't end the way they did. Sometimes I miss you. Then I realize, I just miss who you used to be. I miss how you used to make me feel, how you used to treat me. Why did you have to change Lucas? You changed then we changed, and neither of us wanted to admit it. You were the first to finally let go, for which I'm thankful because I never had the strength to give up and let go.
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i knew you'd break my heart but you did it in the worst way that I cant even fall for anyone anymore..

i’ve felt more joy in the 1 month we’ve been broken up than our entire relationship. i cant even cry over you anymore because i don’t care about you anymore. you cheated, manipulated me, and gaslit me. you’re a toxic person and i’ve never been so happy to have someone out of my life.

hi lucas it’s been awhile. I still think about you and hope you are happy. You were my first love and part of me will always love you. Thank you for being so amazing to me. I know our paths will cross again, but in the meantime i hope you are doing well. you deserve so much and you’re gonna do incredible things in the world

Je crois vraiment que tu es mon premier amour, celui qui me fait tout découvrir, je te laisse mon coeur, alors prends en soin s'il te plait.

i would have loved you even though i know you lied to me. it wasn’t the lie that hurt, it was you leaving.

Everyone tells me to move on but you were and will always be the love of my life no matter how much time goes by.

My heart aches knowing the promise ring you gave me will never be my wedding ring. i still love you lucas

the rain is my favorite and you know that, but only because i think of you while hoping it’s raining where you are and somehow that will make us just a bit closer

Did you know that I pined for you for years. People laughed at me but I did it because I loved you. Even after all these years, why do you still have a piece of my heart, please give it back. I don't want you to have it anymore.

uh well I honestly wonder if you miss me do you miss talking to me or have you completely forgotten abt me it’s been a month I don’t know when we’ll talk again but I just wanna hear your voice again I’ve started to think abt you less and stuff but I still miss our late night convos you were a dick but also really nice it was complicated anyways like I was saying do you even think abt talking to me or do you ignore the things I say I know we don’t live near each other so it’s not like it’s that deep but still you probably already replaced me. nice.

i like to lay in bed and look out the window and hope that one day you'll come back and we'll have our happy ending.

if harry styles didn’t tell us to treat people with kindness... man would you have seen my true colours

Remember when I promised to never stop loving you?. That wasn’t a lie I still love you with all my heart..

it’s been 11 months and 10 days since you left. you treated me like shit but i would do anything to have you back.

You fucking traumatized me three times over and I still feel this way. I'm ashamed that I ever was with you. Yet sometimes I wonder how things would've went if everything was a little bit different.

you've changed a lot. when we're alone, it's u but i can see it. i dont like it, maybe this'll help me move on finally.

you're the one who taught me what love was, how amazing it can be but also how it can kill you slowly. After everything we've been through, i never thought i could love you as much as i do right now. you're the person i've cried the most for, i gave you all i was and you just broke my soul into millions of pieces and the worst is that you didn't even seem to care about it. am i stupid for trusting you one more time? maybe i am, i dont really know. all my friends said that this was not a good idea, that i was going to end heartbroken one more time. and that could happen, but if it does i already know how to get over you and believe me when i say that if you hurt me one more time i'll completly forget about you, you will just be a part of my past that i have to learn from and a mistake i cannot repeat again. call me crazy but i still believe in us, i believe in a future together and doing all the things one day we said we would do. tell me you belive in it too, promise me to fight for us one more time. you are a good boy who has done bad choices. i'm not gonna just forgive you like nothing, i'm gonna help you learn from your mistakes so you won't make them again. and if finally this doesn't work out, i just wish happiness for you, you are such a wonderful boy and i know you'll find that person that makes you happy, the one you can be just yourself and forget about all the worries. I hope you find the crazyness i have and you need, i'll find the calm i'm missing. but not gonna lie i hope the person who makes you feel like that is me.

green was your favourite colour amongst other things. I can still remember you telling me that your favourite facial feature about me was my nose. I never understood it. I wish I took more time into understanding our love instead of fighting it.