Unsent messages to LUCAS

do u even think of me still? Do u remember me? Because i still remember you and i think of u occasionally. I always wonder what it couldve been. but it never was. you chose her. you loved her. not me. even though im sure you liked me like i liked you. but hey, we were just kids. wasnt love but u were the first guy i actually liked. i think i was the first too. welp, hope i see you one day again.

we met when we were 15, and now were about to be 19. isnt that crazy? living seperate lives, who wouldve thought.

it’s weird that we’re talking to again but i do know that i’m keeping my distance since i can never trust you again

i am always wondering what you are up to and how your life is going, but i refuse to ask because i dont want you to know that i still care

i never noticed or recognized it until now but you sexualized me so much like we still aren’t kids or something

i could just be having a good day and i think of your smile and the way you would look at me during ft that would make me blush, and my stomach drops and i’m hurt all over again

hi, today i thought about you only because i’m talking to a new guy that i want to feel something for you, but he’s not you and so i can’t

i'm so selfish but all i ever wanted was you to love me. not like that, but we could run around and fuck around. but you have better friends now, so i'll leave you be.

What we had was so easy. I miss the old us, our old us. Each day with you gave me something to look forward to. That absence of you makes me feel lonely.

I hate that I still love you. I hate that I miss you. Theres nothing I wouldn't do, to have you again. forever yours

Every time I listen to that blue swede song, I think about the time we listened to it together on the train. I keep going back to the first time and probably last time we hugged, and I just wish I held on a little longer.

Lucas. I love your name. I love the colour of your eyes. I love it when you look at me. I love your smile. I love your humour. I wish you would text me, I miss you so much. You give me mixed signals al the time and I can't tell whether you actually still like me or not.

ur so incredible. i overreacted a lot. i’m so sorry. i wish distance didn’t matter as much to you. i love you. i’ve changed so much since we last spoke but my love for you hasn’t.

we haven’t talked in so long yet i still have hope one day we’ll find our way back to each other. i love you

I loved you with my whole heart despite the hurt you put me through. After everything i still wish you the best.

i loved you but then we stopped talking and it hurts everyday more and more but you taught me not to hurt xx

i think i loved you. i don’t know if it was true but i felt so strongly for you and you still choose her. After our such close friendship you choose her. i hope to finally finish your execution one day as i was supposed to 3 years ago;) don’t worry i have moved on.

i miss the fact that you were my reason to stay up late at night. now i stay up staring at the ceiling, waiting for you.

i know why you lost interest in me, you were talking to another girl and now, once again, you’ve made me question my self-worth and that i’m not good enough and i hate that i miss you and that i know you probably don’t care about me at all anymore

i’m sorry i disappeared on you, but my commitment issues and the fact that you remind me of my ex really didn’t help, i said i loved you and i meant it. i really hope you’re okay and getting some sleep, i miss you sometimes

I wish you understood that once I told you I had feelings for you ignoring me for a few weeks then acting the same wouldn’t make my feelings go away

Thanks for being such an asshole-piece of shit. It really helped me get over you. I can finally confidently say I no longer love you. you were an important part of my life for those 18 months, but I'm so glad you're not part anymore.

i’m so sorry i couldn’t be enough for you, i really tried i promise it’s crazy to wonder that you may feel relief now that we don’t talk anymore and that hurts so bad

u told me not to wait for u but here i am still waiting, comparing every person i meet to the person i thought you were..

i didn’t think about you at really today except for the past 30 minutes where i’ve been contemplating on texting you, but i won’t

i miss u sm i thought about u at the store and froze. it numbs my whole body and i have to wait a little while to start up again. my little heart will always have a lucas shaped hole in it.

Sometimes I think I'm doing good but then I think about how much better I could be doing with you. You left me with no warning, no explanation, leaving me to wonder and beat myself over the fact I will never know why I lost you, my best friend. How could you be so okay without me?

i dont understand what happened, all of you just left me right in 6th grade. everyone did, i had no friends and had to make new ones. i wished we wouldve stayed friends but that didn't happen i miss elementary school when we all used to hang out, what happened? why?

bruh i could pull up all this old stuff you’ve said to me and embarrass you in the worst way possible that you won’t recover from. but i won’t :)

i wish you didnt move. i wish i told you how much i like you before you left. you made me so happy, it wont be the same without you :(

god do i wish you never hurt me and just told me what i was doing wrong in the first place. i obviously won’t show that you’ve hurt me because i won’t allow you that satisfaction but maybe if i did you would realize

yesterday was a good day since we’ve stopped or let alone started talking months ago. i barely thought about you except for when it came night time and the memories came like a wave.

something about you just is so genuine and u just feel safe and i feel really comfortable around u i genuinely trust you which is weird bc i dont trust alot of people but you are someone that i just love to be around like yeah ur cringy but it’s adorable and i mean i do make fun of u alot but thats just how i am its like my way of complimenting you? idk but um u just are so swag and i think its freaking stoopid that u make me smile at ur dumb texts like an idiot but i know u just like my body at least the parts of my body i allow you to see u ignore me for days on end and only text me back when its convenient for you and its almost always “ok” or “lol” and im not sure if u actually like me for me or my “sexy ass body” im really fucked bc ur my favorite person right now and u won’t answer me or talk to me and it’s driving me
crazy

Uma vez eu ouvi que pessoas confusas machucam pessoas boas. Eu não queria. Mas me desculpa por ser a pessoa confusa.

why did you wish me a good christmas? and a happy new year? i know we both made mistakes but in the end youre the one who left me. do you know that when you reach out it hurts me?

I am glad you are happy and moving on. I hope you see this though, I can't wait to show my kids your birthday present for me. I won't forget it. thanks lucas

I cant keep pretending i dont miss you. All though, I am much happier without you. I have found this most amazing relationship, and I wont let thoughts of you ruin that for me. I could go on forever about how badly you shattered my heart and left me with so much pain and trauma, but I wont waste it because I know you will never see this. As for now, I am moving on. I don't love you and I hope 2021 is the worst fucking year for you. Please get out of my head and out of my dreams.. I hate you lucas.. I hate you.

You were not only my boyfriend, but you were also my teacher, my confidant and my true love.
be happy w her

When I think of unrequited love I think of you. I think I poured so much energy into worrying about whether you liked me back I didn’t have any left over to realize you probably didnt. I loved you. And eventually I tried to turn that into hate because it’s easier. Then I tried to push you away like I do with everyone else I have feelings for. I’m sorry and I know that I’m finally I’m getting over you. I spent so long thinking about you and wondering about you and I can’t do it anymore. This is me letting you go and getting over it.

I'm still constantly chasing those jitters I got when we pretended to be ghosts and blindly hugged under thrifted sheets

how did i let myself succumb to you, i’m glad that i allowed myself to let someone in, but at the the same time i wish i never did and i don’t want to again

you were so boring and i tried hard to create and hold the conversation. i started to question if i was the problem and i told you that time and time again and why i felt like that, it was from your actions. then, you told me i wasn’t the problem and that you would change. in the end, it was my fault for “being insecure” maybe if you didn’t act like such a dick then i wouldn’t have, you gave me reasons to be insecure and that, that is not my fault.

it’s hard right now for me. i wanna talk to you so bad even though you hurt me but i suppose that’s my fault. it’s so weird that all you know is this insecure side of me that i trusted only you with because i’ve always shown everyone else this false confidence and that i’m self-assured but i showed you my insecure side and in the end, you used that to hurt me. for me, showing someone my insecurities is a love language since i never do that, it was my feminine side that you crushed. so now i know, i can’t show that to anyone again and i’ll learn to accept that. however i am fully sure that you did not deserve me because you made me question my worth with you treating me good for a few days then being distant for the next few days. you can’t have me for my good days and not my bad too. you didn’t deserve me at all

I’m sorry how things turned out, you were my best friend. I still love you dude. I just wish we could start over :(

EU DEVIA ESTAR APAIXONADA POR VOCÊ MAS NÃO ESTOU. SINTO MUITO! GOSTARIA QUE SOUBESSE DISSO. ESPERO NÃO PARTIR SEU CORAÇÃO!

i knew i shouldn’t have fallen for you again because i knew your love for me is only temporary until you feel like i’m too much, and it’s been a cycle for months. but you’ve hurt for the last time and now i won’t allow myself to shed another tear for you because you don’t deserve that tear nor did you deserve me

i really miss you a lot i really wish we could have been more before you blocked me i still have your phone number but i’m too scared to text you ik you’ll probably never see this but i did like you back but ima leave it at this now...

i wish you wouldve told me earlier. i really loved you, and i thought after five months you loved me too. i thought i deserved better then to get broken up with at a bus stop, 2 minutes before it left.

you hurt me more than either of us thought was possible. you were my love, my best friend, but deep down you were a malicious boy who never cared for me. I miss you despite the fact that you tore my heart into pieces, but that just goes to show how much I loved you and how little you did.

you were my first love i'm sorry i hurt you i'd do anything just to have you back i'm sorry i love you