Unsent messages to JAKE

i wish you knew what you mean to me, and how your name plays on repeat in my head. i think about you all the time, and when you don’t answer it changes my whole mood. i never thought i’d ever fall for you again but here we are. idk how you feel. it confuses me. i just want you to know i love you and i think i always will.

i just wanted to make you happy and you went for my best friend. who you knew would make you sad. why did you chose that?

there is a certain beauty that comes from setting the world on fire and watching from the center of the flames.

I know you hate me, but five years down the line I hope we reconnect. Hopefully you still don’t hate me then

I can feel you drifting and honestly I hope you come back. I've never felt like that ab someone so just please come back.

I gave you my flower and I can't get it back, and it hurt to know you didn't take it out of love, but purely LUST. I had you locked into the back of my mind, but still, you found a way to crawl back and pollute my thoughts. i just want you back!!!

I can’t bring myself to accept things are over. I still fantasize of bringing you home to my family. I beat myself up everyday trying to find where things went wrong. I just want you back.

i’m home and i miss you and i know you won’t be back but that still doesn’t stop me from wishing it was different

Sometimes I miss you, but luckily you take every chance to remind me how much of an asshole you are. The universe did me good in separating us. I’ve never seen you choose peace but I’d pick it every time.

I should have listened to what people said about you. Every single person told me you would screw me over. I should've just ignored you like you were just another guy who called me hot. but for whatever reason you listened to me and called me gorgeous and snuck out to see me and FaceTimed me every night and let me rest my drunk head on you and made me feel safe. But you also made me feel like I was in a constant competition with other girls, like I was stupid, like you were too busy for me, like you couldn't trust me, like I was nothing more than my body to you. Why I stuck with you for so long I'll never know. I tried so hard with you, to change you, to give you chances and you fucked it up every single time. I was so easy to please and you always missed. I miss the little things you did. The fact we went from what we were to this is fucking sad. That safe feeling you gave me before has gone to shit. My stomach drops when I see your name, I look down when I walk past you, when you talk to me I stutter. I fucking hate you so much for killing me a little everyday.

You were my best friend. You made me laugh, made me cry (the good way), and made me feel like I was the only girl that ever existed. Yet I ruined it. Don't lie and say I didnt. I was dealing with my own family problems and ruined us. I became so toxic. I lost myself, and hurt you. You risked everything for me, twice. Twice. I loved you, i'll admit, but.. I dont know. I dont want to say right person wrong time because I dont believe in that shit. When I broke your heart like it was nothing, I didnt feel remorse at the time. What the fuck. I dont know. I was so out of it, but you saved me so many times. I'm sorry for all the times I made you cry, im sorry im so so so sorry, im sorry. Im so sorry Jake. Im sorry for everything i've put you through and you still stayed. I still havent even said sorry to your face yet, how fucking pathetic of me, im so sorry. Im glad we dont talk anymore, so I can never hurt you again. Im glad you are safe from me. I realize, that I learned this too late, when I didnt have you anymore, and Im glad I did. I deserve everything I feel about this. I also cared about what people thought of us, my best friend, literally didnt like you being with me, and made me second guess myself, but if I ever loved you i wouldnt have cared. im sorry. Im so sorry. Im greatful for the memories you gave me. The lesson you taught me. You saved me, and I am so greatful. Its 1am right now. I shouldnt be up, Im sorry. Its fine if you never forgive me. I wouldnt forgive myself tbh. Im sorry

i’m so sorry i ghosted you... a few times. u didn’t deserve that, i was just never ready for a relationship

Fuck you. The amount of times you have cheated on me is too many to count, and that's only the ones I know of. Whenever I try to confront you about them you get pissed at me so genuinely fuck you.

I’m leaving another one cause you have too common of a name and mine got moved far down. On the off chance you see this I wanna let you know something. I wish you would talk to me again... not just swiping up on my story every couple weeks... actually speak to me because my heart flutters everytime I see your name pop up on my phone. To quote my favorite harry styles song (lol) “even my phone misses your call”... that’s all, miss u

i wanna go back to those summer nights when we laughed and you told me you weren’t joking when you said you liked me.

i've never felt the feeling i had towards you with another person. I'm terrified i'll never have that feeling again. You were my drug.

i really wish you treated me differently, i had so much hope for us and our future they’ll always be some of me that is sad because how it ended, but i’ve learn to get over it, i loved you i still care for you an unexplainable amount

I don't know why I'm not good enough. You get my hopes up and make me happy, then you destroy my world with a single word.

You’re never gonna see this and that’s okay, I’m gonna say it anyways. I really liked you and I still do, I’m just not sure if I could like you again in the way I used too. You’re smart and cute and funny but you made me cry so many times. When we hang out I try to forget about all the times I cried over you but sometimes I can’t. Then other times I think the good out weighs the bad. Some days I just can’t shake the feelings I had, I wonder if you feel the same. I don’t think you do and that’s okay but if you did I’d really like to know :) we were gonna try and fix things over summer but you didn’t want to, if that’s changed let me know...

im sorry that i left u so suddenly.u deserved so much better and im sorry for leading u on, i hope u are well

i don't know what love is. how could i even like you if we barely even talked? i kept thinking i saw signs too. but now it's over, i'll never see you again.

I think about you a lot, and I wish I had it in me to tell you how much I admire you. Hope to get to know you better someday

love is a...confusing term to say the least. the meaning of it has been twisted way too many times for it to even mean anything anymore. Yet when someone puts the words "first" and "love" together, my mind always jumps to you. Every song that is slightly nostalgic forces me down a path of instant regret as I attempt to steer my mind away from the thought of you. Certain smells take me back to two years ago, and much simpler times. Its really hard to let go, and it has only gotten worse as the years have passed. as ive grown older and matured ive realized that its not our relationship i miss, it was our friendship. who do i tell my secerets to now? who do i talk to when no one else is willing to listen? who do i call at 2am sobbing because my parents are fighting again. i miss you everyday. i miss the thought of you. i miss knowing that no matter what happened, however bad i fucked up, you would always be there with me. sleepless nights that are the result of me staring into the details of my ceiling, analyzing every aspect of my life, questioning all of it. ive questioned the term "love" for as long as i can remember, and i never grasped the concept of it. i do now, and its the worst realization of my life.

U were my first real crush. It was fun liking you. You never hurt me at all and all though u rejected me cause at the time you liked someone else, you were super nice lmao and i like that about you. You with chloe now I think, how yall doing? Ur an okay person and honestly i respect you

Um.. hi I guess we just weren't meant to be. But I'm assuming you knew that the whole time. I really wish we could have lasted longer and we both know I am still caught up on you even though you have moved on and got a girlfriend. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you and I'm sorry that people made fun of you for going after someone two years younger than you. But I feel like I should have known that you didn't really feel the same about me when you wouldn't defend me or at least try and stay with me. But it's ok, now you are happy with her while I am still trying to find my happiness but I will hopefully find it soon. Bye for now Jake.

hi jake I like/ liked you so much we had the same birthday your so good at hockey and I loved coming to your games I just wished that we both knew that we liked each other and didn't take it as a joke because I really really really like you and I want you to be my bf i just don't know how to tell you or the next time ill see you.

i know this isnt gonna work, but you changed my life. you made me wanna be alive again. i love you so much. but I know you dont.

I still cry and have nightmares from what you did to me. I can’t forget. I hate you so much and yet I can’t do anything.

I doubt you’ll see this. I’m dying without you. It’s been over a year since I’ve heard your heavenly voice. I forgive you. I want to start fresh. We needed to grow, I needed to. I’m ready. Please come back. Call me.

I love you always. Chips and salsa.

I really miss you. even tho you might hate me, I want you back. you were so nice and loving, I miss the old you. please.

you made me the happiest girl ever. please cherish the love I gave you... even though you still hate me. I love and miss you deeply

missed my chance. idk if we could've been something but u made me feel something and its been a while since thats happened

we never really talked but when we would it would make my day and i would never forget about it. even now i still think about what mightve happened if i just talked to you without overthinking it 1000 times in my head to the point where i just wouldnt say it. We had something it was just wrong timing. i dont know if i love you but u made me feel butterflies when i hadnt felt anything in a while. We didnt text and we only talked in class and maybe factimed 3 times bc of group facetimes. But we were nothing without somebody there around us so yeah, wrong timing. but if i could go back to last year and relive it all i wouldnt change anything but i would cherish the moments. I dont know if i loved you but i sure as hell liked you.

i miss it. you know that. everyday i think about how i couldve been better. so that maybe you would have chosen me. im sorry i was what you wanted. you were what i wanted. and it sucks that i cant have you. it pains me to see you. that one day when i saw you driving. my heart stopped. i didnt know what to do. i felt something and i know you felt nothing. the air was sharp and i couldnt breathe but it was okay bc at least i got to see you one last time. you didnt want me. it still hurts. but i am too good for you anyways. im better than her and you know it

we are so on and off this is really toxic but i still wanna be with you bc i love you but at the same time when i feel like i’m being to flirty with someone i’m gonna tell you bc it’s easier than trying to keep it a secret i mean i’m you’ll break up with me but idrc at this point ik we’ll get back together anyways it always happenes but i love you forever and always

Fuck you. I don't care that ur w her. I'm fucking angry at the fact that I let u play me so many times. I just don't get u.

bro u rly suck. u rly rly suck. i deserved so much better than what you did to me. i wish i could hate you, but even after two years i don’t.

i like you a lot. i could never tell you but if you’re somehow seeing this, i hope u know. i miss u a lot. wish we could talk and hangout more. talk to u soon

i like you so much and it scares me because i fucked up my last relationship. as much as i like to blame it on him it was me, and i don’t want to hurt you

i loved you, i know i never said it, but i did. i wish i could relive summer with you and just feel a couple things twice. Sometimes i type your name into my phone and just stare, i know you miss me and i miss you but we both know we cant go back. sometimes i wonder why we continue to torture ourselves, why do we always find our way back? i think we both knew we were never just friends, no matter how many times we said it. im sorry i laughed when you said i love you, i didnt know what to say. i did love you at the time, but i dont anymore. i cant love someone like you anymore. i cant keep giving my everything to you just to get nothing back, it killed me for 3 years. i wonder if im in your dreams like youre in mine, i wonder if you think of me when you hear that one weeknd song, i wonder if you type my name and erase it, i wonder if you type out texts to me and beg yourself not to send them like i do. i wonder a lot about you. i wonder a lot what wouldve happened if i wouldve stayed back on that july sunday, do you think we would still be here?

Knew I’d love you the first time we met. Was excited to tell people that one day. Wish you’d been ready for me.

I have scars from you. It’s taken me some time to heal; I realized they won’t ever really be gone, but I have learned to live with them.

Sometimes I miss the attention you gave me, almost like a craving that you have for a week and then you just don't want it anymore. But then I remember how much I hate you and how controlling you are. You made me so uncomfortable to even walk past you and your friends. You make me sick.

i still think about you, even though i know i shouldn’t. and i still want to wait for you, even though i know i shouldn’t.

Thank you for teaching me so many things about life that changed me for the better. But honestly, fuck you.

I loved you.
I was in love with you.
You made it seem like you felt the same way.
You didn't.
My friends said that I was happier when we were "talking" or whatever you wanna call it.
Now I try to do things that I never thought I would want to do to myself.

I have never felt uglier in my own skin until you broke up with me after calling me too fat. I haven't eaten since. Fuck you.

This was the color of the shirt you were wearing when you broke my heart. I wish you know how badly you hurt me. I miss you.

we are soulmates. we always were. but not in this life. i hope i find you again and feel the love i felt for all those years.

we are soulmates. we always were. but not in this life. i hope i find you again and feel the love i felt for all those years.