Unsent Messages

love is a...confusing term to say the least. the meaning of it has been twisted way too many times for it to even mean anything anymore. Yet when someone puts the words "first" and "love" together, my mind always jumps to you. Every song that is slightly nostalgic forces me down a path of instant regret as I attempt to steer my mind away from the thought of you. Certain smells take me back to two years ago, and much simpler times. Its really hard to let go, and it has only gotten worse as the years have passed. as ive grown older and matured ive realized that its not our relationship i miss, it was our friendship. who do i tell my secerets to now? who do i talk to when no one else is willing to listen? who do i call at 2am sobbing because my parents are fighting again. i miss you everyday. i miss the thought of you. i miss knowing that no matter what happened, however bad i fucked up, you would always be there with me. sleepless nights that are the result of me staring into the details of my ceiling, analyzing every aspect of my life, questioning all of it. ive questioned the term "love" for as long as i can remember, and i never grasped the concept of it. i do now, and its the worst realization of my life.