Unsent messages to HIM

i can openly say it wasn’t love because we don’t/didn’t know what that was but i love the way you’re there right when i need you to listen to my useless stories and help me get over my random. now despite us being completely different we were the same in so many ways. i honestly wish you were more content and confident with in yourself because honestly your beautiful. i love you

I can't handle the pain that you cause, when I am with you, but when I am alone I wish you were here to get me through this pain.

i wish you knew your impact on the way I see other guys and always compare them to the way you made me feel

i don't get how we can be so good one day and so bad the next? i just want to go back to october and relive all those memories if i knew it was going to end so soon. just know that i want u back.

i loved you and you took that and didn’t stop even after i said no. you completely broke me. and i loved you

you changed me. good and bad. I now know how i should never be treated. I also now know how to love enough for 2 people

Sometimes I think of what we had, and my heart breaks. Sometimes I think of what we had, and I want to vomit.

i am scared to believe that you are actually a hypocrite who forgot about me and still wouldn't apologise. please prove me otherwise

Hi. I hope you don’t see this & if you do I’m sorry I had to go away. Life was making me insane and needed some space to breath. But now I think you hate me and don’t want anything to do with me. You thought I just wanted to play games, but whole time I’ve been going to therapy, seeking help, and working on myself. And I don’t want to die anymore, which is a plus.
I don’t know if we will ever speak again and that isn’t up to me. My love for you was so fucking pure. I thought you were the one. Even after you cheated on me. How fucking silly of me. And I can’t decide if I would still think of you today had we been in different circumstances currently. I miss calling you baby, and sleeping in your arms. The thing is I can’t have you and lose you again, that hurt too much the first time. This is getting long yikes I haven’t written you in awhile. I’m proud of you. So fucking proud of you. And I miss you more than you will ever know. Goodbye my love

I knew you were always going to leave in one way or another, I just wished I salvaged the time we had.

All I have ever wanted was physical affection, touch is my love language. Because of you, I always flinch.

i wish i would’ve told you how i felt when you talked to me. i wish i would’ve told you how much the little moments meant to me. i wish i would’ve told you how i could tell what mood you were in just by a picture. i miss your voice.. you don’t send videos to me anymore. i wish i could forget everything we did. i wish i would’ve told you sooner. i hate you. i want you to be mine again and forget about her. i should’ve told you.

what did she have that i didn’t? why did you have to cheat...again? why couldn’t you just love me how i loved you? i have so many questions i’ll never get answers to.

fuck you. i trusted you enough to open up and you still left me. i got no explanation, it’s been 5 months.

I'm scared...I'm scared we have gone too far for true feelings to ever be developed into something....I gave you the world but you keep hurting me and somehow i cant get you out of my head...even though im starting to think that leaving you and everything we had may be the best option for me...for my mental health....maybe ill give it a bit longer and then we can come back in a year or so and catch up.... :)) :/

You are exactly like him, the man i forever have hatred for. How could you do this knowing you’d hurt me, especially you knowing the things he did.

Every time I listen to 'Your Graduation' I think about you and wonder how you interpret those lyrics...

Every time I listen to 'Your Graduation' I think about you and wonder how you interpret those lyrics...

I’m sorry I was so horrible to you. I did not realize that I didn’t love you, I didn’t realize I was gay.

I can’t figure out how you got me to act so evil. I’ve never treated anyone the way I treated you. I’m sorry I really am. At least now I know I can never have you in my life. You are beyond bad for me.

i want to change bodies with you, only so you could feel the pain that you are making me go through rn

Am i really that bad? I know you hate me, even when you say you don’t. But tell me, what was it? You were so in love with me i saw it in your eyes but then you just stopped talking to me. I told you at the beginning that you will hate me at the end, but this time i thought it was different, i thought i did everything right you still left. I always wanted nothing more than for you to be happy but i still had a little bit of hope that it could’ve been with me. So tell me what was it this time?

I care about you so much but I can't seem to feel the butterflies anymore. Sometimes I wish we stayed friends and nothing more. You mean everything to me and I don't want to repeat the same mistake I made when I was younger, but it's so hard for my feelings to stay. I don't know what to do anymore.

i just want to be yours already. weve said i love you and we say we are each others (your my boy and im yours) but we havent made it "official" yet. tbh it might to b the right timing and thats why but either way you know i love you

It hurts to see you don’t care about me as much as you did. It hurts to know you will never love me. It hurts to see you talking with other girls. It hurts to see you without me.

You are the best and the worst thing that has happened to me.Shouldn’t love u but i couldn’t help it. You bring out the best in me. The worst thing is that i will never be more than just a friend to you.

i miss you. there’s never a day that passes where you aren’t the first thing i think about when i wake up and last thing i think about before i go bed, you
made me so happy and what makes things even worse is i’ll never know if you fully meant as much to me as i did to you. you become so toxic and manipulative which is why i know it’s time to fully let go of you because you make me feel worse everyday knowing that you will move on to someone new and i won’t even cross your mind anymore. although i hate the things you did to hurt me i’m still happy to have met you and learn from you

you were my first love and you taught me what love is. but you also taught me how a person can leave so quickly

time slows when im with him, but with you a minute feels like a second, thats all i've wanted for us, more time, i wish we had more time.

i'm glad we didn't date, otherwise i might be caught up in all your lies and manipulation even more than i am now, still.

I had a dream about you last night, I woke up in tears. Why couldn’t you just try, why did you give up on me?

Life goes around separating people with different paths and I don't regret coming across u, I have learn that if it is meant to be it will if not, hope u realize that someone did really loved u, I did.

After you ended the call l waited all night long crying and waiting for a text back saying u loved me no matter what ...it never came

i don’t know why but there is something about you i can’t get over. it kills me everytime someone says your name or i see your notification, it’s automatic butterflies. but it kills me even more knowing that i can’t get over that feeling and i can’t have you

you are my first true love, i thought were were great together...i just want to know what i did wrong. i love you, always.

i never felt this way about anyone. i love him but.. he doesn’t :( how do you erase someone out of your life?

i never felt this way about anyone. i love him but.. he doesn’t :( how do you erase someone out of your life?

you said you loved me but you left. i could tell you hated that i stopped trying to win you. you loved the way i gave u attention but as soon as i stopped you were upset with me

We used to talk all the time and it made me so happy seeing your name pop up on my screen, you stopped texting me all the time and quit having real conversations with me. I want to know what I did wrong. You started ignoring me and talking to everyone else but me. I find myself wondering what would have happened if I told you I like you, would you have stopped talking to all those girls or would you have stopped talking to me. I wish I never got involved with you that way I did because everything I did with you made me more attached and I didn’t want to be. I hope your happy with her while I break down more and more each day asking myself what if.....

i finally let you go and i’m glad i did. i did like u , u felt different idk wtf it was abt u that i liked so much but at the end u were jus like everyone else ??‍♀️? i let u go cuz i know my worth nd i wasn’t gonna continue to allow u to treat me like a fucking option. some days i do think about u but the spark isn’t there. it’s more so the memories i think about but u i don’t miss even the sad playlist i have when i play it i dont feel a overwhelming heavy feeling in my chest while i think about u anymore. the spark is gone but i have learned to rlly love myself and not be so clingy when i like someone.

come to me. because every sad song i listen to, reminds me of you. because i cry myself to sleep. because i don't wanna go to heaven if this life is without you. because nothing will heal me if you never come say to me you still love me. because i won't be able to forgive myself, love. because i am blue without you, sad blue. but if you like blue, i'll paint myself forever like this. anything it takes to make you stay... because you are my destiny, you are my one and only. please, love me again. come love me now or just die. i cant take it anymore. i just wanna die.

and i've only allowed you to touch me, i remember your skin burning, i remember you wouldn't speak a word and you'd usually be breathing hard.. was it bad or you really loved me?
i will never forget that night we made love in the shower. when i was pushing myself almost into you, you said: "ufff i just wanna go into you sometimes so much". thanks for waiting for me to be ready. but in that moment, not only i wanted you so much, but i truly felt like a woman. you are not a very dominant nature and i am too much, yet i wanted to be weaker than you so much. i hated my strength of character and my charisma, because i just wanted to feel you were more powerful than me. is this just toxic love? or do i love u so much i wish to burden myself to feel you higher than anyone. idiolize you.
you could not stand for me, but i still wanted to show you and clap for you. i loved you and it hurts to know none will ever be able to love you half as much as i did. you might never realise that, but i hope you will. because i am willing to go to hell and back for you.

none will know this is me, none will know this is for you.
every time i fall asleep i imagine you next to me like before. you small ugly place could have not been great, but we were together in it. this is how i understand how much i loved you. i went through shit to be with you, i risked my life, my relationship with my family, my going to school on time, the sights of the people in the neighbourhood, i stepped over my principles and expectations to be with you, just being with you was enough for me, it was even too much, i couldn't ask more. i was grateful to whatever God there is but it seems this was no good. i miss you. i miss hugging you from behind when i was cold, and you'd forget i was there and turn your back grabbing most of the blanket... i miss you, with your early soft lips kissing me, with your warm hands and feet, warming up mine. i love you still and i don't know when i will finally forget you. i hope you are fine even though i attempt to hate you for not even giving me a simple why and sorry. i guess it hurts more if you come just for that, i want you to come to stay. because i want to hold your hands again, i want to rest my head on your chest and feel your scent. i miss your scent, you know my perfume and told me you'd remember me like that. how stupid i did not realise that was a goodbye... how stupid i did not believe you were capable of that. you think you were being romantic, love? it hurts even more. how do i remember your smell? i miss your skin's scent, not the perfume i bought you. i want to run my hands through your hair because i just want. i just want to dive in you once again. i don't wanna do anything useful in this goddamn world, but just touch you, just dive in you love. be able to see you, to watch you, stare at you, at your big black eyes that sometimes show me emptiness, that sometimes make me question if you actually love me or even anyone else in this world. because you are so warm but i'm afraid you are very cold inside. i miss you and i love you, with all your demons and wrongs. because i simply love you, do i need to give one more excuse for still wishing to be next to you, when i should wish you death? no no please don't die, never die. my heart cannot handle losing you. breathe somewhere. i wish you could simply breathe pressed to my lips. i don't wanna do anything but be able to kiss you, just enjoy your taste once more. please be here again, come to me. i won't push you if you tell me you've kept loving me all this time. i miss you, i'll say it loud. please be my destiny even though you did the worst thing to me. i'm ashamed, yet not all, to have been loving you so strongly no matter what... i did never know i was capable of a love of this size... i love you.

I really wish you knew how much I want you to be mine, but just like what they said, I'm pretty enough to fuck but not to date.

boy just lemme love you fuck. pls just communicate with me. if u don't like me anymore just lemme down easy so I can finally move on.

I can't get you out of my head. I'm trying to be happy but it's so hard when I keep thinking about you

I miss the way you would smile after I caught you staring at me. But I miss the way you kept staring even after I caught you

it hurts so bad that you can easily forget abt me yet im still here after a year after a whole diff relationship still craving you, someone i never had

ill never be able to arrange letters on a page to describe how far ive fell in love with you. you found my last chance at smiling again. you stuck by me on the nights i felt like no one cared. you moved boulders to get me to find my own happiness again. i can see the sun. and feel the beauty in the moon. you made me realise the important things in life. im in love with you. forever and always bub. never change. you are perfect. you are my soulmate. you changed my life. you are the torch when i was lost and in the darkness. thank you.

i miss you. yellow was our colour. i hope you've found happiness again. wish you were still mine 'frank'.