Unsent messages to DYLAN

SHe probably messaged you because I was talking to maddie and maddie wanted me to use her phone to text you but I didn't. I said things when I was mad and I have gone back and talked to those people and explained how I was wrong. Idk why she messaged you, I didn't even know she did. so I am sorry. Idk how to send them tho because I am already putting so much trust in you from these so idk where but yeah lmk.

Yes I would. And the thing is I don’t even want anything with anyone at all not anymore. I’m too worried about hurting everyone and I’m just gonna wait until College to even look for anything because I’m over it right now. I also have a lot of other stuff to deal with. Also I’m just gonna say this for my own sanity but I feel like you’re mad at me like obviously you have reasons to be but like I feel like the way you were typing changed or something and I’m doing is trying to be honest with you if you’re mad that’s fine I don’t even know why it shouldn’t matter if you’re mad now I’m crying so now I’m done typing

I copied the conversation onto there yes I still have the conversation. And I am being serious and honest but you’re right doesn’t do anything anyway that was another question I was asked. What comes from you talking to him what do you want it? And my answer was I don’t know but I want it more than anything in this world soooo I don’t know either I guess nothing comes from it I don’t know why I did this or keep doing this trying to talk to you I mean there’s just so much that I need to tell you so much I want you to no one to talk to you about and some of that I can’t put on here and so I guess you’ll never know I don’t know I’m sorry I’m really sorry. Also about the ice cream thing it’s just because we all work together been going sledding together also it’s the same thing as when are you want you and Cory to go on walks with me before we were ever a thing. We all work together so I just kind of happens. So if you can think of what comes from all of this or anything like that please let me know but I think you’re right absolutely nothing out of us being hurt or upset and I’m sorry if this is really off I did talk to text because I’m driving to the bank right now

He started talking to me again every so often after he started working with us but I wasn't answering very often or fast. He then one day out of the blue said
"can I ask you something that has been on my mine"
"Yeah whats up"
" I know you don't want a bf so I was wondering if you wanted to be friends with benefits"
"I am sorry, You're right I don't want a boyfriend, but I am talking to someone. I am really sorry."
Then after that, I became a super dry texter and was barely answering him until it turned into leaving him on read. He didn't ask about a thing with anyone or anything. It was an out of the blue kinda thing. He started talking to me more when him and abby were a thing and we became good friends which is why I have been talking to him about you. He told me that I must be in love with you because the way that I feel and think about everything has no other explanation. I told him all I wanted to do was talk to you and that I always want to see you drive by even tho it breaks my heart a little bit more. I made him cry because of how much I was crying. Idk what it is about you boy. IDK anymore. IDK what to do, IDK what to say, IDK how to think. I wish that I could control my feelings and just turn them off sometimes. I am sorry this one kinda went everywhere, that's also how my brain is rn haha everywhere.

I am being 100% truthful with you. I’m sorry that you have a weird feeling about it. I hope that you are having a good day tho! Seriously if you have any more questions about anything please ask I am being 100% with you

Ironically his name is also Dylan and he was my link leader freshman year. I have talked to Skylar and aya and Michael Kniesel while I have been in the shower when they call me but no one else. And I’m sorry that you feel that way. I am telling you the truth

I am not hiding anything at all I promise. You also have believed that I don't block people unless its necessary and I did that too because this guy kept asking me for nudes and I was not sending I kept saying no and I was over being asked all of the time so I unadded and blocked him. And I actually have proof for all of this as well. But I do understand why you feel this way. I actually do. Michael isn't going for me tho and I know this because he is heartbroken over Abby. It also doesn't matter what he is doing tho because I don't want anything with him other than to be friends like we already are. I wish that there was a way to help show you all of this. I want to be a better person in these senses and I really am trying. I am sorry that I can't prove it to you and that you can't believe me

I pinky promise kiss on it and swear that I am being 100% honest. No I did not see you and we do close at 9, well the kitchen does so because I was serving I still had a table and sidework after 9 and then I talked to michael because I needed someone to talk to and we talked about you and how much I miss you and how idk what to do and how I love you. I sat in the back of his car and he sat in the drivers seat. I sat there so that I could cry and he wouldn’t try to comfort me because you know how I get. I am telling the truth and I am being 100% honest. There’s really no way for me to prove it to you so now it’s just a matter of if you want to trust me or not but it is the truth

You cheated on me and though I never truly loved you its still wrong and your cousin took my side for a reason.

when we were a thing it was probably October and I said no I am talking to someone. And I wanted you to respond fast because I have school in the morning and I didn't want to go to sleep without hearing back from you. That's 100 % honesty

I never smoked with Michael and I will probably never smoke again. Michael asked when we were together and I told him no. Him and Abby were a weird what-if kinda thing that happened. I've been friends with him since freshman year and he can always tell when something is off so we have been talking about you a lot recently. Well mainly I talk and cry and he listens. I'm sorry about the shift, I have a lot on my mind right now and I am not dealing with it well so I do apologize

eric sent them unsolicited. Michael from work. and if there ends up being a comment, just ignore it, Doesn't matter.

If you see this, please respond fast haha. Zach was my bf on snap and I did shower with him on facetime back in march while I was drunk. It was a long time ago but I never wanted to again and I do not like him. I need to tell you something and whether you believe it or not, its 100% the truth. I talked with someone after work today and it was about you. I cried the whole time haha but we talked about how I am dying to talk to you like the want and need to talk to you feels like an addiction. ( not in a bad way, that's just the only way that I can describe it). We also talked about how I love you and I was scared of that while we were together but now that we aren't I am so broken. It's true tho, I love you. and I am sorry. Also look at the comment on this too please.

i really thought it was different this time. but then you did it. the same things he did. i cant do it. the lies. it terrifies me that you're becoming more and more like him.

We’ve been together for awhile but it doesn’t feel like you’re here anymore. You’re not the same just tell me the truth even if it hurts me..

I wish things were different and I could tell you it all but things changed and you found ur happiness with someone else. its been almost 4 years and I still see you the way I did when I met you in sixth grade. I still see you as the one who got away. I'm glad you are happy now but I always thought she was gonna be me.

I wish you could see what you mean to me, I wish I knew how to tell you...when your past breaks you, your future never quite heals your confidence and I know I'm silent proof of that...

I have not sent a picture and I have not talked to anyone like we did I don’t like anyone else if I’m being completely honest given I did try I tried so hard to like someone or even take interest in someone else like there was in you I tried so hard but you know, it didn’t work. I haven’t showered on FaceTime with anyone. people have got pictures of my hair in a spike in the shower but nothing else. I have received a dick pic I didn’t send anything tho and I have been called pretty I told Zach(friend from school) he was hot. But everything I’m saying to you is only to you and I mean what I say but at some point I guess I’m just gonna have to stop because it doesn’t matter what I say or i do at this point. It’s a bad idea and I’ve been full of those lately Hahahha but I’m sorry that I messed you up that bad I’m sorry. For what it’s worth though I am working on my honesty and I haven’t lied to you on here. I feel very lonely and I don’t talk to anyone about anything important that’s why I come on here because I want to talk to you about it but I know it would be better if I just stop so I’m not gonna quit writing this but I’ll quit writing them to your name or anything that you can find it under.

Yeah, the other day I tried to wave because I thought that that would help me from crying right next to you haha. Luckily you missed me wiping out in the persons driveway tho. And yeah I don’t want to get in trouble I just can’t seem to let you go or anything and idk what’s wrong with me. I miss you so much like more than you probably think. I would give anything for one last phone call or one last hug. I’m hurting so badly. I’m sorry that you are hurting too

i wish you loved me like i loved you. it hurts that you dont but hurts more that you made me belive you did. fuck you, but i miss u.

I don’t know why I still think about you. You were one of my closest friends at the time and I feel like I ruined what could’ve been a longtime friendship. I hope and wish you all the best. Maybe we’ll meet again, maybe in another lifetime or soon. I’m happy for you and I hope the universe treats you well.
Love,
Angela

I know it was my fault too. Im sorry for letting my insecurities get in the way of us. I know I was toxic too. But you’ve left me so insecure, so broken . I don’t know if I can ever fix myself. But everyday Im trying and everyday im scared to lose myself to another man. Im sorry for what I did and I hope you find happiness.

Yeah I wanted to stop and figure out how to say hi but I didn’t. And not that it matters anyway but I’m not hanging out with anyone like we used to or even talking like that. Tbh I don’t want to haha. That’s also added to the list of reasons I cried today. I got it into my head that you were talking to and hanging out with someone new and if you are... I’m happy for you. You deserve it. There’s so many things that I wish I could talk to you about: to name a few: having a seizure, my parents, possibly getting concussed, delivery experiences. Also this is so I don’t do it and make it worse because now you’ll know but I’ve wanted so badly to “mistakenly” google duo you and say it was meant for someone else just to hear your voice and see your face. See if you’d even answer haha but I know, bad idea

I didn't say it before because I didn't know if you wanted me to again so I haven't in awhile. I am sorry. I am also going to say why this time too. I am sorry that I lied to you throughout everything and that I made your trust issues worse. The lying made me very suspicious and I understand now. I am sorry that I was texting him and I didn't tell you. I am sorry that you found out by taking care of me. I am sorry that I hung out with him. All we did was talk. I am sorry that your mom got brought into all of this and I am sorry that I didn't try harder to stop that. I am sorry that I didn't realize what I had when I had it. You were pretty much everything that I wanted and I wish that we could have just taken a small break. I am sorry that I didn't show you how much love and appreciation I had for you. Still have actually. I am sorry that I don't know how to be loved. I wish that I could have just one more chance to do it right and grow with you as people. I am sorry that I hurt you so much. I had a dream last night about you and there are so many memories that I miss so much. I miss you tho the most. I am sorry Dylan. I am so so sorry.

I really liked you. I liked you the most I’ve ever liked anyone I think I might have loved you. I miss our friendship I miss getting so nervous to say something to you. We don’t talk but I miss you

I wish I could carry on being your favourite person every day. I wish I could be the one to make you smile. I wish I could give you heartwarming kisses on sad days and make you laugh on happy days. I wish I could hold you so tightly in my arms again. I dream about you every night. I love you. Only you.

Probably will never see this but I like you a lot. We have only been talking for a bit but you're really fucking cool. I'll miss ya when you're gone on the "trip" but look forward to hopefully spending time together when you get back. Can't wait to get extra goofy ☺️?

We were young and small and we took a chance and it failed. It failed because I was scared, confused, not ready. We were gifted another chance and again I fell hard. Then,
maybe then I was ready for something but even among the whispers of our friends saying we’d be cute together (you know, how they did) I was certain you wouldn’t feel the same. I let you slip between my fingers like grains of sand and I’ll regret that forever. I know you won’t see this but if you do, at any time and theres even a chance you feel the same, please text me?

I used to think about you everyday, It made me hurt so badly. I really loved you you know? But now I barely think about you at all, it's nice. Maybe I'm just notalgic today but I'd relive it all again, I wonder what its like to still be by your side.

it was really my happiest moment when i was with you but we were young back then. everything was just a “puppy love” thank you for coming into my life. i hope we will be able to talk again.

in another life, it’ll be us. you and me against the world. and until then, i wish you nothing but the best

I miss you. The time I spent close to you was the best time of my life. I wish I told you how I felt. I loved you.

I wish I could understand what goes through your head. I miss you more than I’ve ever missed anyone else.. I just want you back, to wake up to a text from you.

i wish you wouldn’t have fucked me over as much as you did i’m so exhausted from how much you manipulated me thanks

I'm sorry we never got to meet. I still think of you and hope you're okay... and I just wish things had been easier for us to be together. I miss watching stuff together and all that. I'll always look back and wonder. But no matter what, I am grateful for what we had. In another life, perhaps we will be luckier. But in this one, I hope you find the greatest love to fill your life and be happy.

your a bitch and rlly cant keep a friendship going on your end even tho i always try, and bc of u we aint bsf anymore bc i was tired of it? and u also can never take a hint??

your a bitch and rlly cant keep a friendship going on your end even tho i always try, and bc of u we aint bsf anymore bc i was tired of it? and u also can never take a hint??

i should have realized i liked you sooner. now you are with her. i will always love you so much, we never got our chance to see what we could be, it’s all my fault. just want you to be happy .

i miss how i felt about you. i haven’t felt that way about anyone since. i just wish u had cared as much as i did.

I am slowly starting to realize that in a way, you kept me safe. idk what's going to happen now. I just wish that I could talk to you.

it’s like the more of me you know, the less of me you love. and the more of u i know, the more of u i want. please stay.

You know, if Covid-19 didn't happen, we could've been in a relationship and you wouldn't have lost feelings for me.

u won’t see this but i just want to thank u, i now have a reason to live, but i feel like i’m loosing u, and idk if i can deal with that... i love you.

I know what’s done is done but I woke up today feeling this need to tell you that if I could just know what went wrong, then maybe it could’ve worked out. there was so much left still to be said.

agradezco mucho tu amistad y lo bacán que eri, gracias por estar ahí para cuando necesitaba hablar, gracias por los memes y por todo en realidad, por cierto intenta no tomar tanto kdkdk eso,tkm

I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I just needed room to grow. I hope we'll find our way back to each other.

I don't know how to say this but we are getting distant... I can feel us slowly drifting apart and its making me wanna vomit , when we met i felt this electric unexplainable feeling . I thought we were soulmates Dylan . Am I just not enough? Am I getting annoying ? God tell me what I am doing wrong ...

I regret 99% of the things I said to you. They were weird and rude, but my fav memories were when I made you laugh and I miss that

imy and i miss what we used to have tbh. i didn’t luv u but u meant so much that ppl thought i did. don’t deny it, ik something was there. what changed tho? why did we become distant. sry i’m not her, i’m not one of the other girls. i just want my friend back :(

Please please drive safe if you are out today. The roads are really bad and I’m nervous and I’m going to keep checking the lake and mchenry county scanner to make sure nothing happens to you. Thank you!