Unsent messages to DYLAN

I’m so fucking pissed off. I found texts from the first year we were together. you said you couldn’t imagine yourself ever breaking up with me for any reason. you told me that I was stuck with you for the rest of my life. I’m drunk and I’m fucking pissed off because that wasn’t true. here we are, not together and I’m so fucking angry. I’m so mad. I was never supposed to have to feel like this. I picked out bridesmaid colors and we chose our kids names together and we chose where we were going to move as soon as you graduated from college. I’m so fucking pissed off because that future isn’t going to happen and I’m going to have to miss you for the rest of my life. I miss you so much I would give anything to get a hug from you right now. I miss you making some stupid fucking joke that would make me crack a smile. I miss how much you loved me at the beginning. I can’t breathe. I don’t know how to live without you. I loved you so much, with every single part of me and now I don’t know who I am. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t want to hurt you but I wish you were here more than anything. I want you to hug me and kiss me even though I’ve been crying and there’s snot coming out of my nose and tell me you don’t care because you love me. I’m so mad. I’m so fucking angry. this was never supposed to happen. everyone always said wow it’s so crazy that you guys will never have to go through a heartbreak again. here we fucking are. here I am. I’m so fucking mad. this wasn’t supposed to happen, we were supposed to move to portland and have baby rosaline and wyatt. we were supposed to be happy and we were suppose to grow old together and we were suppose to die at exactly the same time because I never wanted to live a second of my life without you and I never wanted you to have to mourn me. I miss you. I’m not okay.

I hope this will be the last message that I'll "send", I'm not fully over you but I know I'll never see you again

its so hard to look you in the face on our good days and pretend things are how they were because i know you dont love me anymore but i have to keep telling myself i do because i cant lose you ever

i'm not sure if i love you. either way, i will never forget you. you make me so happy. i'm so sorry that it can never work out. to more facetimes and minecraft

i still think about you and wonder where i went wrong..i wish i couldve realized how much you meant to me when you were still here

hey it's been awhile but i'm sorry i cut it off so quickly, i was young and scared but i hope you know i really did like you

You wronged me in so many ways and yet I stuck around because I thought I had to. I'm sorry I broke you but I can't take it back now and I never would.

you once asked me when i knew I loved you, i knew i loved you when i started making excuses for the way you hurt me

our relationship went wrong in so many ways but you stuck by my side which made me to believe you would be here for a long time. Now that your gone it feels empty. Your not part of my daily life anymore. I miss it and I miss you. The universe is saying no right now but maybe it will say yes in the future. I just wonder what made your feelings change for me. Was all the things you told me a lie? did u tell me what i wanted to hear? was it fake love?

sometimes I like to remember the days where you used to say bye to me after school and I'd catch you staring at me from across the class, ig that's why they call them the good old days

You really messed me up. Don't ever make a girl think she will have a chance when she doesn't. And while it hurts, I'm happy you did it before I really fell for you.

I don't want to keep living my life like this but I don't know how to actually live and be happy when I'm totally numb and nothing I do feels real.

im so sorry that im not good enough for you. I'm so sorry i made you worry, you should be with him not with me i know I'm toxic and it kills me to think about you feeling the pain that i do. i cut everyone out for you, i travelled to you when you couldn't come to me, i was there when your mam was shouting at you, i listen to our song "this is home" on repeat everyday but knowing that he's better than me in every way hurts so bad i feel worthless whenever i talk no one seems to care, no one listens to me anymore I'm so sorry I'm not the person you deserve. i hope u know how much i love you

You are one of the biggest assholes I’ve ever met. Yet I’m still inlove with u 5 years later and we haven’t even dated

You know, this whole time, I have loved you. From your jokes, to you singing and ability to do so well in everything, you made me happy. You pulled me out of a very dark place and I'll forever be grateful. You make me feel warm. This might be one sided for as long as this can be. I don't know if I will be able to confess. Maybe you know... Who knows? In the end, I just want the best for you. I love you.

I wonder if we would still be together if you never moved schools. I wonder if you think about me from time to time and if you are good.

i can feel us coming to an end and it scares me, she will always be so much better than me you being with her not me even though i love you so much and i cant sleep without your voice and everytime i hear or see you i feel butterflies filling my stomach, i listen to your music on replay every time i feel upset or I'm trying to sleep. But she will always be your yellow and i wont and i guess its okay but i just hope that somehow you are reading this i love you so freaking much ~^~

im going to meet you for the first time in a few days. Please don't stand me up i have to catch three trains and yeah i know that I'm not that pretty and im fat but please don't leave i don't know how i will be able to cope if you left me

i know that you love her more I'm sorry that I'm not good enough its okay you can go with her i don't mind id rather see you happy than see you stuck with me

please dont leave, i dont know what i would do without you. Youre the only person helping me right now

must've been something in the sea that day. its been 3 years and i still cant get your smile out of my head.

remember those instant noodles you made with me at 5am? i wanted the spicy ones. can you make those again?

you ruined so much shit for me. im sorry i said what i said though, it was a bit harsh. i wish things wouldve ended differently. the only goos thing that ever came from you was the fact that im now pan sooo. fucking get a grip and stop being so bitchy.

I would be so pissed off if you die. I miss you and I wish I could tell you. this show is making me emotional.

i cant believe i let you into my life twice when you went and played me again like you said you wouldnt. youre not getting your hoodie back.

If you ever see this you know who it is.. nvm idk. I do love and care about you even tho I don’t really show it. Text me:)

do you still play the guitar? i hope life is treating you well, as long as you're happy, i'll live with it.

i didn’t even have you to lose you. but i still somehow lost you. it hurts every day. we went from talking every day to never talking. it happened so fast. and it hurts. i just want you to love me. like you used to. i want your energy to be the same when we first started talking. i just miss you. please talk to me.

why the fuck did you have to come into my life?? why did I feel the need to look at you you smiled at me and ruined my life!

I remember the night we found out ur middle name is pronounced the same as my name, you said it must mean we're meant to be together, where did that boy go?

I don't even know who you are anymore. I miss him, I wish he could've come back so I could atleast say goodbye.

im sorry it was just a cute picture. i was showing you off bc i liked you. it was my fault. im sorry. the things i would do to have you back. anything.

i am not in love with you, but this seems like a good way to get things out. i just feel like things could be so easy if you had any feelings for me back. i think we'd be good together. but maybe i'm wrong and this is just me being into toxic guys again. i guess we'll never know.

i am one of the only girls to never admit to liking you, and yet i have always thought it would be you and me in the end.

You’ve treated me the best any guy has ever treated me but there are so many odds against us. I want to be with you so bad and just escape everything else but I know it’s never going to work out. In another universe, we are together forever. I envy myself in that universe.

hey you're probably never going to see this. I just wanted you to know i love you. i know we weren't anything really, but i'd give up so much for another shot. i made this purple bc i know it's your favorite color. please be mine again

i said i didnt want to date anyone but something ab you is different. my life is falling apart rn and i dont think you know that. i want to hang w you and at least be friends but i dont think you want to. i want to be with you and i think you do want to be with me sometimes but idk. i miss you dylan. ask me to hang or at least maybe text me. ik you prob wont read this but i read some under my name and think it could be you. i hope it is. please just tell me how you feel. ok bye miss you. (making it pink bc thats my fav color:))

I know you hate yourself for what you did. I want to grow with you. I never take off the necklace you gave me. I love you.

I hope she was worth it. I really really hope she was worth it, D. Then I wouldn't be going thru this pain for nothing.

I actually really like u but we're such good friends that i'm never gonna tell u that. To whoever u date i'm happy for the both of u

i thought you were my forever dude. i wish i could've known, maybe we could have fixed it. i hate you, i hate you because i still love you. part of me hopes you'll change your mind, but it's been five months and i think it's over, for good. and that hurts like hell.

No sabes cuánto extraño tus besos y abrazos, pero estando lejos es mejor para cada uno.
Perdón por dejarte de hablar, no quería hacerlo, pero era lo correcto, solo no quiero que cambies por una persona. Eres tan inteligente y buena persona, pero estás cegado por todo lo que te rodea, espero un día verte y no tener sentimientos por ti, pero aún están ahí y duelen.

Little boy, extraño que estemos juntos, jugar y ser mejores amigos, por el momento es mejor que nos mantengamos a la distancia, pero sinceramente siempre estarás en mi corazón. I miss u and I love u.
Que te vaya bien en la vida, no cambies.

when i think of you it hurts and I hate to see you with someone else, all in all you weren't good for me, I just wish I could stop loving you.

my favourite googly-eyed person. heaven took you to soon my dear. we were supposed to do so much together. i guess that’ll have to wait. until we meet again dill pickle.

thank you. thank you a lot. thank you for being one of the first people i really thought i could spill my whole heart into. i miss you a lot, you know. i miss your laugh and i miss your smile. i miss how you would send me videos of you when you were excited about something. seeing you made me so happy. i just really wish i didn't mess up. i really wish we were still on good terms with eachother. we're not on bad terms, just neutral. just back to strangers. i really hope we become as close as we were again.

you were toxic too me, yet i loved you through it all

thank you for being there in your own way i guess

It hurts when u ignore me make me feel like I'm not good enough for you but I love you with all my heart bubs

so I've been wanting to talk to you about this for a while, I was going to talk to you about it if i came over tonight cause i wanted to do it in person but i'll just tell you now. Last weekend once you guys all left, I was talking to Cody and we somehow go on the topic of you, he was telling me about you and stuff cause I told him I still don't really know that much about you. He told me that you are quite shy and you take time to open up to people so I just have to be patient and take it slow. Cause I like you, I'm just getting some mixed signal from you and I can't tell if it's cause you don't feel the same way or? (I'm the typa person to just ask shit straight up instead of just sitting there wondering what the answer is) Idk I just feel like i'm not getting the same effort you know. I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad , I just wanna tell you how I feel. I just wanted you to know that If you do feel the same way about me you are just taking a while to open up, that'll I'll be patient and I'll wait for you.

hey, how are you?
uh i dont really know if we're on good terms or not but i hope you're doing well and that you're happy.
to be honest, i dont even know if what we had was love i really hope it wasn't because our "relationship" was very embarrassing but then again we were very young and we didn't know what we were doing and we didn't even really know what love was. anyways you probably don't care but i'm doing way better now, i'm just so much happier than i used to be and i hope you are too.
uh i dont know what else to say so i hope you have a nice life lol. byee