Unsent messages to CONNOR

hi,
i really regret liking you but you were my first real crush. at the time it felt like you were trying to hurt me, but now i realize dating you would have painted an ugly mark on my spotless, cringe-less(and also non-existent) dating history. nevertheless, i'm glad were friends now. bye

hey. I don't know if you still think about me but I still think about u. I don't understand what I did wrong. I thought u liked me back but I guess u didn't. I know u don't want anything to do with me but I can't move on. please lets try to work this out

im sorry if this message is jumbled up or a bit squashed together. i just wanted to express how ive been feeling since we last spoke.
i finally think i am over you. i have spent four years trying to get over something that was never even an actual relationship.
you have probably scarred me from any type of relationship for the rest of my life without even knowing.
youre still living happily, talking to girls and getting into new relationships and friendships without even thinking about me.
you have made me put up a huge fucking wall around myself that i dont let anyone break down.
all my trust issues stem from you.
i couldnt even talk to another boy without you poisoning my mind and making me feel GUILT. what tf did i have to be guilty for?
youre the biggest manipulator i have ever met; your solution to stop me from s'lf h'rm'ng was by threatening that you would do it too if you found out i had!! what kind of sick minded person does that to somebody? you would say that you would k'll yours'lf if i ever committed su'c'de myself or if i ever left you, thats fucked up. when i finally grew some balls and told you i couldnt be friends with you anymore cause youre toxic, you said you would k'll yours'lf and that i couldnt leave.
i hope you know the huge impact youve left on my life that will stay with me forever but i am now ready to let other people in.
i feel happier that ive finally let you go and i hope you live a happy life, even though you caused pain in mine for four long years.
goodbye, connor.

i wish i could tell you how special i think you are. maybe one day you’ll feel the same. you bring so much light to the world.

I don’t respect you. I just see you as a joke, a little spineless bitch to play around with while I’m with my friends. Sucks you didn’t answer so I couldn’t laugh in your face and tell you how much of a pussy you are. Nobody takes you seriously. You are my biggest regret to this day. I know a lot more than you think I do.

i really tried to make you happy and i thought i did. but it wasn’t good enough. what does she have that i don’t

It was always you. You're giving me the hope to see a future for us, even if I can't for me. I love you.

you changed the person i am. i still dont know if i should thank you or hate you. why did you hurt me

i know when you’ve been unfaithful. i’m not stupid. please stop. i don’t want to leave you, please think about me for once. i love you man, don’t fucking do that to me man i don’t deserve that. why lily dude, i cry about that shit every night, i dissociate from my own personality and feelings because feeling numb is the only thing that makes me feel okay. please think about me for once, fucking please man. i don’t want to stop loving you, so please love me again

I love you but i can never tell you because you have a girlfriend and she's the prettiest woman i've seen, plus you're straight lol

I can’t imagine loving anybody else the way that I love you. I see you in my dreams and I know we’re only just beginning, but I hope this dream never ends. You filled a whole in my soul that I didn’t even know existed, and I trust that me and you are forever.

I won’t ever regret a thing, whatever happens.

I’ll always miss you. There’s so many songs that I cant listen to anymore because they bring me right back to staring at your brown eyes and wishing I hadnt left town. I wish I hated you sometimes, i wouldnt still be thinking about you after all these years. I’ll meet you in another lifetime connor, maybe even in this one. If it was as simple as texting you and telling you all of this, i would, but it’s not. I always wonder if you think about me like I think about you, or if you could imagine how much it sucks to see you in my dreams all the time. This all just sucks. I love And miss you.

I have never had a love like you before, you brought more light to my life than ever before. I’m sorry my head got too much. You were my everything even when I didn’t show it. I wish things could be different but I know it’s time for me to grow now. Although you’re no longer the person I knew you to be, I’ll never think you’re a bad person deep down. Thank you for making me happy. It was short; but it was sweet.

I wish our relationship was something real and we did actual things together not the same repeat schedule everyday. it makes me feel like im just your friend. we are together so why don't we actually act like it

I trust you its just that you've played my trust multiple times and I still give you chances because I love you.

IM LITERALLY SO FUCKING SCARED TO TELL YOU I LOVE YOU SO IG I WILL JUST TELL YOU ON THIS WEBSITE! UH YEAH I LOVE U SM I WOULD FUCKING KILL MYSELF FOR YOU, I WISH I HAD THE CONFIDENCE TO SAY THIS IN REAL LIFE BUT I DONT LMFDJHUBFYGQKFWUG

i know you’re not going to see this, but i would give everything just to go back to summer. it’s all different now. i miss the old you, i miss the old us. i feel like you’re nothing but a shadow anymore i just want to re connect i guess. i’m sorry if it’s my fault.

lmaoo why did i even try with you... you gave me so many headaches... thanks for teaching me that i don’t need to change for anyone ig...

I hope you eventually realize what you lost. You left me to suffer by myself when you knew you were the only person I had. Not only did you just leave me, but you left me for someone else. I hope it was worth it because you are out living happily while I sit and drown in my pain that you caused. We were so good together we built so much together and you threw it all away for someone new. I don’t hate you I just regret ever letting you into my life. If I could take it all back I would

I would give anything to go back and feel the way I did when we first met, even if it lead to the same heartbreak

why did you ever call me your baby? you know i overthink things, and you knew i would fall...you knew especially that my parents were strict.

how long are we gonna drag whatever this is between us out i hate having to wait 2-3 days even a week sometimes for a response.

conner, my love, you were the only thing binding me to this world. you're always just out of my reach, a step forward from where i can get too. i miss you every single day and it hurts to breathe knowing you'll never be in my arms like we thought back in march. you are so strong and im still so in love with you. you look so happy with them, and i couldn't do that too you. im so sorry for not being a better girlfriend, for not loving you enough. im sorry for all the times i missed your texts or calls. i could never repent enough to forgive myself for letting you slip through my fingers. when i heard your voice for the first time, it was like i had a new light in my dull life. when you left, my world shattered. but it would never be your fault, not in a million years. i wasn't good enough for you. but i wont ever stop watching after you, keeping you safe, even from my limited distance. i hope they take care of you like i never could.

all my love,
tori.

it’s best that we didn’t stay together but i’m glad you’re happy and she makes you happier than i did

i’ll love you forever but i now realise i can’t be happy with you when you don’t love me. you’ll always have a place in my heart even though you hurt me more than anyone. fuck you for losing the girl who loved you more than anyone.

why wasn’t i good enough for you? what did she have that i didn’t? i would’ve given you the world but you decided your world was her.

i'm sorry, i think i caught feelings for you again. i know you just want to stay friends but i miss you a lot and i know things can never go back to the way they were before but i still think of you a lot.

I rly like you but I feel like if I tell you you won’t feel the same and and molly and I won’t be friends anymore.

i can’t describe the way i felt for you, and i think the fact i had to fight for your attention made me want you more. when you did what you did you changed me but...we’re re both different now and i hope we can reconnect once we stop being stubborn. Maybe in another life...

you’re my first love fr, i thought it was the person before you because he took my virginity, but that wasn’t love i was craving attention i thought i needed to be important to someone and that’s not what love is, connor you’re my first love and i’m still so in love with you 5 months later. yes we may not be together but you could talk down on me and i’d still fall head over heels all over again. i wish i really got to tell you how much i loved you bc i don’t think you truely understood i’m here snotting and bawling in the middle of a thunder and lightning storm just thinking about you and how happy you seem with your new girl. i’m glad youre happy i just wish we could have solved our problems but this is the third time you’ve dipped out on me so what should i expect. forever my first love you will be maybe we’ll cross paths again but for now i hope you’re doing well baby

Why did you have to be that way? I thought it was just you and I against the world, until it was us against each other.

we most probably won’t last, but you were the best friend i could’ve had while i was going through so many things. and the best boyfriend that made me believe love was real. i love you endlessly. i hope you find your person

you only said 'i love you' when you were intoxicated and i know i wasn't much better but it still hurt sometimes

Even after all this time, I still love you. I wanted so badly for you to love me too, but it was clear you didn't anymore. For me, it'll always be you.

if you really did love me, we would still be together, and part of me wishes you did love me in the first place.

i still get butterflies when you text me, just like i used to. please stay forever. you never cease to make me smile, and you become more handsome every time i see you

I still carry so much pain. I don't even understand why. It has been three years now, but somehow it still manages to break my heart not being able to talk to you and see all the wonderful things you have accomplished. I wish I did something differently and you were still here. I don't think ill ever stop blaming myself just a little bit

I thought we were so in love. How could you leave me so easily? How did I become so unimportant to you in just a month. I would have fought for us because I thought we had something so special. It breaks my heart knowing you wouldn’t do the same. I keep telling myself you’ll come back. But I’ve come to the realization your not. You were my best friend and not being able to talk to you is so hard. The amount of times I’ve wanted to reach out is unbelievable. But I can’t because your the one who left me. Left me with no closure. And yes “ not wanting to put the time in” wasn’t closure for me. Sometimes I wonder if you were just using me and I pray to god that wasn’t the case. You always jokingly accused me of cheating but I never even once thought of it. Connor you meant so much to me and I loved you with all of my heart. I would have done anything for you and our relationship. I will forever miss our late night FaceTimes and the way things were in the beginning. It sucks that u were the person i was closest to and now we are complete strangers. If I could choose to do it all over again I wouldn’t, because the way you abandoned me when I need you the most has caused me a terrible amount of pain.

I still feel confused some nights about how I feel, if how we started and ended was the right way to go?

you make me happy without ever realizing, you make me feel special and loved like I have never before.

i miss you before you hurt me. i cant help but look back at us then and cry. you know I'm better without you, and i know you're nothing without me.

I will never ever forget you. Thank you for being my best friend and my twin flame. I’m sorry it ended the way that it did.

i can’t believe i trusted when you told me you would always be honest with me. you would always communicate.

I'm sorry I hurt you but I hope one day you'll understand I did it for your benefit and because I love you x

I really loved you.I resented you for doing what you did when I now realize I was in the wrong. I confused you. I'm sorry. You didn't have to go behind my back and start talking to my sister though. I will always resent but love you.

You knew I loved you and you loved me back so why did you choose the girl that ended up hurting you so much to the point where you felt like you couldn't take it anymore and ended it all? Why man, I loved you and I always will. I miss everyday and wish you were here.

i think about you far more than i want to, it's always painful when you cross my mind. i was so in love with you and i wish you could've loved me kindly. you always said you'd change and i kept believing you because you were all i wanted. but you didn't change. and i'm still stuck trying to put myself back together 6 months later. i can't hate you, i really tried for a while. but i hate what you did to me and i don't forgive you. i fell for you and still haven't gotten up and i have to carry that pain with me everyday. why do i still want the best for you

u are the best brother i could ever ask for even tho urr pissing me off rn i love u endlessly or whatever

i hope you see me in little parts of her. i hope the words i said to you haunt you. i hope you regret hurting me.

imagine ending things bc u cant do long distance and then still doing it. "it wasn't you" ok fuck off