Unsent Messages

im sorry if this message is jumbled up or a bit squashed together. i just wanted to express how ive been feeling since we last spoke.
i finally think i am over you. i have spent four years trying to get over something that was never even an actual relationship.
you have probably scarred me from any type of relationship for the rest of my life without even knowing.
youre still living happily, talking to girls and getting into new relationships and friendships without even thinking about me.
you have made me put up a huge fucking wall around myself that i dont let anyone break down.
all my trust issues stem from you.
i couldnt even talk to another boy without you poisoning my mind and making me feel GUILT. what tf did i have to be guilty for?
youre the biggest manipulator i have ever met; your solution to stop me from s'lf h'rm'ng was by threatening that you would do it too if you found out i had!! what kind of sick minded person does that to somebody? you would say that you would k'll yours'lf if i ever committed su'c'de myself or if i ever left you, thats fucked up. when i finally grew some balls and told you i couldnt be friends with you anymore cause youre toxic, you said you would k'll yours'lf and that i couldnt leave.
i hope you know the huge impact youve left on my life that will stay with me forever but i am now ready to let other people in.
i feel happier that ive finally let you go and i hope you live a happy life, even though you caused pain in mine for four long years.
goodbye, connor.