Unsent messages to WILL

yes we loved eachother, but why did you make me so anxious and sad sometimes. i like learning about myself & loving myself now. i don't get anxious as much anymore.

i speak to the moon and the stars about you, i made peace with the thought of you not being around. but i still ponder on what we could be here and there

Sometimes I don't see a future for our friendship. Things have changed so much and I feel as if we've grown apart.

I know it’s been years, I don’t feel anything for you anymore. I just still to this day, wanted to tell you I had loved you, just because I was scared and still wonder how you would have reacted.

it’s been 5 months, and your face is still the last thing i think off as I fall asleep, but I think it’s her face in ur head

You did things to me that I can't never forgive you for. I went through so much pain in order for you to get your pleasure. I thought you loved me, but I was wrong.

I wish I could’ve appreciated you enough back then to know how good I had it. I’m sorry.
I hope she’s everything you wanted and needed.

I lied before when I wished that our souls were not made of the same stuff. You are the only one I could ever crave.

Thank you for shattering me into millions of pieces. I grew new flowers through the ashes, but you never changed.

I liked you. I liked the way your voice broke when you laughed. I liked the way you tried to act tougher than you are. I liked that you made me feel cared for. I didn't want to catch feelings, I refused to let myself fall for you. but something about you made me feel comfortable, made me seek the very thing I fear most. vulnerability. I never let anyone close to me. ever. but I thought this time would be different. and I let myself fall, because I thought you were falling with me. then you told me im hot and that you'd fuck me, but you'd never date me. and that hurt a lot. am I really nothing more than how I look? I tried my best to make you feel the way you made me feel. loved, cared for, special. but I wasn't enough. it destroys me to know we could never be anything more than friends with benefits. so I have to push you away. for my own sanity. I just wish you could see me as something other than an object. if you need me ill be sitting on the hill, drinking pesticide

pink was the color you said i looked good in. lol. we first met from our friends dating, u were such a hoe and literally such a player to the whole friend group. i liked u since the moment i met u. u always flirted with me and played with my feelings all the time. u were so toxic, yet i still stayed there for you when you had no friends and even when u were in the wrong. i stayed for you, stayed there when you were crying at night about ur breakups, ur parents' divorce, ur grades, when u lost all ur friends, when u missed ur ex, everything that happened, i was there for you. you never helped me like i helped you, you never did anything for me. u didnt loose friends for me like i did for you. i left my best friend I've known since kinder for you and to be your friend. fuck u will. i was in love with you and guess what you didnt care u decided to play me. i actually tried. i tried staying. i tried being loyal. i did everything i could do for you to like me. even if it wasn't that kind of like, i just wanted u to love me back. care for me, want me, ask about my day; to do everything i did for you. yeah. you stopped being my friend after you met better people who treat u like shit. you rather have a popular friendgroup who goes to a diff school for clout. you don't care about me or any of ur real friends. all u care about is clout. that's exactly why u chose her. u chose them. everyone over me. after u left me i bet you had no care about me. i on the other hand was crying almost every night, i asked people about you, read our old texts, told people, asked people for advice, told my sister. u broke me. whenever someone mentions my name around u you prob laugh and think I'm the crazy girl who liked u while when someone mentions ur name around me, i try to smile it off and to not cry. lol I'm trying my best to get over u but i will always love u at the bottom of my heart. love u loser maybe in another lifetime

I hate that I miss you. Why do I care about you so much? you led me on, you talked to me only when you were bored..only when the other pretty girls didn't give you attention...you only flirted for reassurance from me and to build up your ego, and for that you're fucked up. I hate you more that...but I like you..liked I guess idk. I'm trying to do better without you and watch me. You're gonna regret it just watch.

i regret it, I'm sorry. I'll keep waiting for you but please come back soon, I miss you.
i love you forever loser
Kenz x

I know you think I like your friend but, I really like you. I don’t think you like me back but I just wish you knew...

i don't know if you were my first love. but somehow, someway, i always came back to you. it always felt like it was you, will. i miss you, our friendship, our dynamic. my yearbook is waiting for you to finish what you started.

I’ve liked you since March. we both told each other and we have admitted we liked each other but I want to be more then friends without ruining our bond and it’s eats at me everyday how bad I want to look at you and say I love you

it hurts because i care for you so much im not sure if i love you im not sure of anything, but i know that my heart longs for you when your not here. Theres a lot i havent told you, theres a lot i need to work out. i dont know what im doing i am so close to letting go and i cant put you through that but im holding onto anything that makes me feel loved,, anything that gives me a reason to live but i dont think its working. if only you could feel the trapped emotions in my chest i want to express to you. im confused as to what i want to do right now i hope you will come to understand that im sorry im trying

i miss you everyday will. if I could go back to your last day I would hug you and say a proper goodbye. going back to scotts valley without you feels so different now nothing’s the same. I think about you often and I think you’re watching over me and all of us. I always and forever will pour one out for you. LLWB I miss you

I love you so much I wish you knew and I wish I knew how to show it better. I hope you never actually will leave this world, my life wouldn't be mine without you in it.

I like you so much, and I hope you find happiness with me, or I hope I'm enough for you to live. Please, you mean so much to me.

I keep hoping that there is a little piece of you that still cares for me. It's so hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that you could just drop me like I was nothing. Maybe I was nothing to you, but it still hurts. Honestly, I just want to be able to scream "Fuck you!" at the top of my lungs. You deny that you feel anything for me, yet you always come crawling back and breaking me more. I think that I live in your head rent-free, and I'm ready to move the fuck out.

Why didn’t you come get me on my 18th birthday? You promised. I waited by the window every night for three months. It’s been a year. I still love you.

Why didn’t you come get me on my 18th birthday? You promised. I waited by the window every night for three months. It’s been a year. I still love you.

You asked me to go roller skating with you because you knew I enjoyed it. I desperately wanted to go with you, I was so happy that you asked me out, even as friends. Yet, all I could think about was everything that could go wrong and then I stopped talking to you for months. That was my fault. I’m sorry. I called you many times and every time you picked up the phone, I freaked out. I miss you. You were so sweet to me.

hey will ik you won’t see this so that’s why i’m writing this. i hate you so much. you made me feel so uncomfortable and i’m really upset that i was forced into kissing you. i hope you know that i never wanted to do that. i hate how you wouldn’t let me hangout with my best friend just because they are a boy. i hate how right when i broke up with you, you called me a slut and a whore,but ik damn well that if you broke up with me you would have never said that. i hate how you said that i didn’t like you only because i said that i didn’t want to hookup with you. i’m sick of you. i’m so happy i left you. and i hope you know, i never want to see you or your stupid face ever again. -your sarah cameron

i wish we were different. if i had met you later, i would’ve married you. i would’ve married you, i promise. but you’ll never know that. i love you.

I hope you’re doing well. I could tell you weren’t yourself last year, I’m not sure why and I’m not sure if I should but I hope you’re doing better.

I wish we still talked. I know your couldnt tell but really liked you and every time your name would come onto my phone I would smile a little inside. but when you told me about her my heart sank . I miss you so much and I would drop everything for you. I hope when we see each other you might talk to me again and at the least be friends. the other day after I thought I had gotten over you completely I had a dream about you and all these feelings were brought back you that's why I'm writing this so well thanks for everything I miss you a lot. love, me :)

i hope this works out. you treat me so well, but i'm scared i’m not enough. i hope this one doesn’t hurt too bad.

I wanna ask you out so bad bro but you're so intimidating man. You're smart and funny and the rants you go on are so cute and the way we always yearn about living in cottages is so fun and I love it when you send me videos of literally anything, even if it's just something weird you noticed in the background of a show. I really like you but I'm scared to reach out

i just blocked you on everything. im tired of feeling like an inconvenience to you. doesnt mean this doesnt hurt like hell.

hey this is random but if you're in lanc we should catch up sometime. i know this is kinda weird since we haven't talked in a long time but yeah just lmk what you think no pressure lol

i can't listen to 505 without thinking of you. i've loved you since the 4th grade. we're what, sophomores now? its crazy how fast time flies. i loved watching you grow up into the amazing, kind, funny boy you are now. i don't know what i would do without you. i know you don't like me in the way i used to but i think i'm finally getting over it. i don't want my feelings to ruin our friendship. i love you bro.

I thought you really cared, but the pain you put me through out weighs the connection I thought we had

i rewrote this a thousand times because i just have so much to confess and tell u. i miss u. i know youre never ever gonna forgive me for this, but im truly sorry. i fantasize about running away with you to another country

hey. i miss you. i wish we didn’t end so suddenly. i also lied to you that i wasn’t a virgin but i was. i thought you’d like me more if i wasn’t. i feel like things would’ve went really well if we met during another time in our lives. i loved you a lot

aw. i miss my friend. do you read these?hmm. i hope u are taking care of yourself. i feel like we grew out of eachother and that’s fine! my life went down a whole different path when we stopped talking and it’s been really beautiful and crazy, i hope you don’t have any hatred towards me. i have a lot of funny stories I wish I could tell u. do u still have tht key chain??? thank you for being there for me this summer. stay in school. id text you this but my egos a little too big and I figure you won’t answer anyway bahaha. maybe when we’re older we will see eachother at the grocery store and say hey lol

I'm scared of everything all the time because ever since you left I feel like I have nothing to depend on it's like I'm walking on a tight rope and I can't see the ground because I'm too far up.

It's the end of this year tomorrow and even though you ended things with me a long time ago and have moved on already I still struggled a lot with letting you go this year. I think 2021 is exactly what I need because it'll be the first year where there's no sight of you in my life at all. Clean slate. I'm giving this up because holding onto it is making me really unhappy and I think that even though I made a lot of mistakes I deserve a second chance at being happy with someone else.

I'm officially letting go of you. I know we'll both find happiness without each other and eventually with other people, and I'm truly excited for both of our futures. Thank you for the memories that we'll both have forever. I'll see you in another lifetime sweet boy ;)

I spent so much time feeling so guilty about everything that happened between us but I don't really anymore. Everything you ever told me was a lie anyway so I really didn't ruin anything that wasn't completely worthless in the first place.

In 8 months I'm never going to see you again and that makes me so fucking happy. Enjoy whatever mediocre state school you managed to get into. Settling is kind of your thing.

I’m attracted to you too, even though we are both in relationships and your gf is my friend, I feel it too. We both love our partners so we will always push it to the side, but I just want you to know I feel it to

im slowly falling in love with you and I'm so so scared. but its happening. and i can't seem to do anything about it.

I wish I could have made you happy. I wish I could have been for you what you were for me. As badly as it ended, you made me feel more loved than anyone ever could, but more than that, I felt safe with you. For the first time in a long time I felt like I had a home somewhere. I'll always be grateful to you for that. I feel like for the longest time I was running from a lot and it was mostly of my own doing, I just had a lot of baggage and dark thoughts circling all the time. I thought meeting you and being close to you made them disappear but that wasn't it. They never went away you just lit them up. You were a light for me. There's that saying "people are meant to radiate or drain" all that you gave me I never had anything to give you back. and it was selfish of me to think that that could last. I should have walked away sooner but I was scared that losing you meant that I would never be happy again. And that I would have to face everything you protected me from feeling. You are the human form of everything good in this world. And I hurt you. And that's the one thing that I think is always going to follow me wherever I go. You seem happy now though, so maybe it was all for the best and it happened for a reason. I would take it back if I could though. You didn't deserve to be dragged down by me and the weight of everything I was too scared to figure out on my own. I wish I could be a light, loving, sweet, good person. Because maybe then we could have been something more than what we were. Or maybe I could just see it as something short that we had that's over now. Rather than me living in your world without you. I'm happy you're happy, Will. If I thought I'm sorry was enough to make up for that lost time where you were stuck with me, I'd say it a thousand times a day.

you told me purple was your favorite color. that night you only talked about yourself. you never asked any questions. i fooled myself into believing you liked me. i could count on one hand, how many questions you’ve asked.

I love you but not in the way you want me to and I'm so dreadfully sorry for that because I care about you so much and I don't ever want to see you upset so seeing that I'm causing your pain is killing me.

Thankyou for always holding me together when I needed you, and I’m sorry things didn’t work out the way we wanted. You see, I really did hope it would work, and I’m so sorry that I let you down. I’ll always be here for you, and I’m glad you’re happy with her. Thankyou for everything, until we meet again

thank you for making me realise my life is worth living , and thank you for making me believe i’m worth it.

I think it's just crazy because we never know what's going to happen to us or where we're going to end up. There's not that much time before both of us are going in different directions forever and life will be open for any possibility to come our way. You would tell me to be excited about it and not to be afraid of it, I know you would, but I can't help but wonder where you and I are going to be as soon as we leave here and if we'll be okay. We could be anyone we wanted to be. I hope you end up exactly where you've always wanted. I hope I do too. We've had so much time to adjust and accept that we're both leaving and yet I don't think it would ever be enough. I'm never going to be ready to completely leave you behind but I think I'm only going to happy if I do. It's hard. I think it's that way because I can't remember the last time I saw you. What we said. I think it's because I never thought that would be the last time. I always was so selfish with my time with you. I always thought there would be more than that. Anyway, hope you're doing well. I know you'll be amazing wherever you do and whatever you do.